Why You're Still Single

You're single because you choose to be so. Whether consciously, subconsciously, directly or indirectly through your actions, you choose to be single for reasons only you know yourself. If you truly want to find someone, you first have to understand why you're choosing to be single and then correct your actions and mentality. (Yes I am choosing to be single too, so I'll use myself as an example throughout)

Why You're Still Single

Conscious reasons you're single

Many people actively choose to keep themselves single because they prefer it that way. Some people are happy being single and others are extremely unhappy, but both types prefer to be single for their own reasons. You can have more than one reason to consciously want to be single or just one; they're not limited to this list, but these are the main ones

Why You're Still Single

You want to be single

Obviously there are some people who consciously want to be alone and genuinely don't want companionship. "Hermit" or "Crazy Cat Lady" or "Old Maid" are terms used to describe these people and they are often misunderstood and ostracized by the rest of society. Those who fall into this category are perfectly happy being single, have no intentions of finding a partner, and often come to this state through having a spouse die, family issues growing up that lead to attachment issues, or living an overall life of isolation. In the past, they may or may not have been with someone, but tend to only have been with a few partners if at all. Dependency on others isn't something they think about, so their daily choices lead to lives that allow them to be content with their independent lives. Some people who want to be single are happy and others are not, but that depends on other life factors such as quality of life, mental illness, and family and friend support groups.

Why You're Still Single

Some people choose to be single because they're happy with their lives, but are open to finding love if the right person comes along. People in this category seem like normal people, have good jobs, are sociable, may or may not have a lot of family or friends, and generally fit into society. I fall into this category myself. While I would love to have a husband to love, share my life with, and start a family with, that goal doesn't consume me. For the most part, I am perfectly happy being single and am unafraid of being single for the rest of my life, but I will give someone a shot if I can see myself being in a serious relationship with him. This also means I can easily reject people and break things off with someone if I see a loss of respect, am uninterested in someone, or feel like things won't work out long-term because I would rather be alone than with the wrong person

Negative past experiences

Everybody experiences negative things in life, but some people choose to let those experiences control them. Negative past experiences can cause trauma, anxiety, stress, attachment issues, preconceived notions, and many more issues that lead people to think and act a certain way towards something in a negative way that others would deem an overreaction. Choosing to be single is a way that many people choose to deal with their fears of never feeling loved, not feeling worthy of love, feeling like they're incapable of giving love, being abandoned or mistreated or abused, because something similar in the past left them feeling so terribly they feel it's safer to avoid the risk of feeling that pain ever again at the cost of losing a potentially happy future. Basically they feel like it's better to be lonely forever than risk a bad relationship because the fear of a bad relationship is worse than the hope of a good one. Such events causing these feelings include, but are not limited to abandonment, neglect, verbal or physical or psychological or sexual abuse, exploitation, and ending a relationship in a catastrophic way.

Why You're Still Single

Personally I'm choosing to be single right now because of the negative feelings I've gone through from being cheated on. It's important to remind myself that not all men are cheaters (I know several men personally who are very faithful to their wives and girlfriends), so that's not an excuse I should use to avoid a relationship. When I'm ready to involve myself with someone again, I know I have to be open to trusting him and not accuse him of cheating just because I've been cheated on in the past. However, there are plenty of people who use this as an excuse to become crazy possessive or irrational in future relationships that leads to problems early on. People who have been through negative past experiences and relationships have to consciously address their fears and behaviors related to certain events, behaviors, and actions in order to avoid sabotaging new ones

Why You're Still Single

You're afraid

Some people are simply afraid of relationships. Generally this category consists of adolescents and young adults who have never been in a relationship before, so the mere thought of getting into one is too stressful for them. Insecurity is the main issue here and insecurity can manifest itself in many ways: not pretty/handsome enough, not rich or smart enough, don't know what you want to do in life, you have a weird mole on your face, think your boobs/penis aren't the right size... Often times they feel like they aren't good enough or that nobody would be interested in them due to some horrible blemish or problem in their lives or with their personalities. People who are too insecure about themselves to attempt a relationship often do a combination of things both consciously and subconsciously that keep them either directly or indirectly from entering into relationships with other people

Why You're Still Single

A lot of people here on GAG seem to fall into this category. Well whatever it is that you're so insecure about doesn't matter. If the right person comes into your life, he'll be attracted to your A-cup because he likes petite girls or she'll love how smart your physics lecture was so much that she won't mind that you vomited into a trash can before going on stage. Never let your insecurities get the best of you because they'll either be the thing someone loves you for or they'll love you so much whatever it is you're insecure about won't be something that even crosses their mind. And quit it with the being ugly crap--if Mama June found someone who thought she was attractive long enough to do the deed required to create Honey Boo-Boo, it doesn't matter what you look like because there will be someone who finds you attractive.

Why You're Still Single

Subconscious things you do to keep yourself single

Humans are flawed and we all do things that turn others off, but some people do things subconsciously to keep themselves single. Whether it's something that keeps you from entering relationships or keeps you from maintaining one, most single people (and people who go through many short relationships) do several things to chronically keep them in their recurrent situation

You're not relationship material

Encompassing a multitude of issues here, many people find it hard to find "the one" for themselves because they aren't "the one" for somebody else, many people aren't relationship material. Difficult for most people to accept, this one is something you'll have to figure out for yourself in order to pin down exactly what it is that keeps causing you this problem. Possibilities could be addiction, uncontrolled mental illness, misogynistic or misandristic beliefs and mentality, not responsible enough to care for a loved one or children or even yourself, infidelity, being too dependent or controlling inside a relationship, violent or inconsistent behavior, narcissism, incapable of providing for a loved one whether financially or emotionally or physically, and even reckless behavior such as being involved in a lot of one-night stands and quick relationships that someone who is interested in a serious relationship doesn't find you compatible with their values. Basically you're single because nobody wants to be involved with your for an extended length of time due to your personality, choices that you've made, or things you do to prevent long-term relationship satisfaction

Why You're Still Single

Many people get into relationships for the wrong reasons because they're selfish (sex, attention, money). If you want to be relationship material, you have to be relationship material first and be able to offer something to a relationship. I believe love should be 100/100, not 50/50. That way you nobody gets upset for having to pick up the slack and each side still feels loved, cared for, and respected when something bad happens such as losing a job, serious illness, catastrophic whether events destroy the house. In order to be relationship material, you have to be willing to love, care about, and provide for your SO in any way you can

Why You're Still Single

You're too picky/Not picky enough

Some people are too picky to find a relationship in the first place and some people are not picky enough, causing them to involve themselves too quickly with a lot of the wrong people and consistently go through short relationships that never amount to anything. Trying to find little things wrong with everyone you date can be a serious problem even if you're not intentionally doing it because that guy with beer gut or the girl who flosses her teeth in bed might be your perfect match when it comes to important things such as marriage and children or politics and philosophical beliefs. Likewise not being picky enough can lead you into the repeated problem of having guys beat you or girls use you for your money if you're so obsessed with finding love that you'll go for anyone who tells you they think you're cute at the expense of ignoring red flags or allowing maltreatment to skate by.

Why You're Still Single

When screening a new candidate for a relationship (dating), it's important to know your requirements and preferences in order to narrow down your search to people you're compatible with, but to also not weed out people you should give a chance to. Requirements are things you're not willing to settle on that will prevent you from entering a relationship with someone no matter how attractive they are and also cause you to break things off if not maintained. Fidelity is a requirement to me, so when I found out that my ex was cheating on me, I had to break things off with him despite the feelings I had because that turned everything he promised into a lie and voided our relationship.

Preferences are ideals you wish or fantasize for but that you can compromise on for the sake of companionship in the same way you'll give up chocolate fudge on a sundae because the ice cream is so delicious (and it's so hot outside you don't feel like driving over to the next McDonald's to see if they have fudge). Not smoking is a preference I have in a relationship because it's unhealthy, but I was willing to compromise on that with my ex as long as he only smoked outside (the brand he smoked didn't bother me much, but someone who smokes a brand that causes their smell to turn me off is someone I can't be with at all). Knowing what preferences you're capable of settling on and what requirements you're not are essential when it comes to finding a partner for someone who has a history of being too picky or not picky enough

Why You're Still Single

You're unavailable

Unavailable people make it difficult for other people to date them, so they're often single for long periods of time or have short and unsatisfactory relationships. Working so much on your career that you don't have enough time to date until your 30s can cause people to feel like they wasted their prime dating years, so it's important that you open up your schedule if you crave a meaningful relationship in your life. The same goes for people who overbook themselves for friends such as taking care of everyone's surprise party, over-involving themselves in the church youth group or neighborhood committee, agreeing to be the Maid Of Honor for three weddings in one summer, playing video games for five hours a day with your online friends. Yes it's important to give yourself meaning in life, find hobbies you enjoy, and live life to the fullest, but making yourself too busy for love will ensure that you won't be able to give anybody else the opportunity to help you out with your own wedding or children. The reverse of being so unavailable to family and friends that you never get out of the house/work long enough to meet someone new can also lead you to continue a lonely life because the person out there trying to find you can't find you anywhere. Finding a balance between being unavailable and over-committing can be difficult, so just remind yourself sometimes you need to relax and be open to something new

Why You're Still Single

Emotional unavailability can also be a huge romance-killer. Maybe you're not open to trusting someone due to issues with past negative experiences or you're still holding onto your late wife of 20 years. Many things can cause you to feel incapable of loving someone else (this one can be conscious or subconscious) but it's important to move on once you've gone through the grieving process. Time--the grieving process takes time, so you have to set a time limit on your grief and fear if your emotional unavailability lasts so long it prevents you from moving on with your life. Dwelling on the past is no way to change it for the future and you're still going to feel the same way in 10 years if you don't change something now. Professional counseling and therapy is a great way to help you with emotional unavailability in discovering what causes it and how to move on.

I'd be a liar if I denied my own issues with being emotionally unavailable, but I've made a lot of progress with it by intentionally addressing my fears, concerns, and anxieties related to opening up to others and developing emotional bonds; removing toxic people from my life and finding new friends have been the most helpful things in helping me become emotionally available. (I am once again emotionally unavailable for the time being, but I believe that is a necessary process for everyone who exits a relationship for a short period of time in order to reassess what they need from a relationship and how to prevent the same thing from happening again)

Why You're Still Single

Denying your sexual orientation

Unfortunately this can be one of the most difficult problems for people, especially adolescents and young adults. While I don't agree that you fully know what your orientation is until after puberty when your hormones are done raging and you've developed enough physically and mentally to understand outside stimulation from the world vs your own thoughts, I do believe there are people who intentionally and unintentionally deny their sexual orientation as adults (mostly due to religious, societal, and familial beliefs). For people who deny their sexual orientation, they can find it difficult entering into relationships with the gender they feel pressured to date because they aren't physically attracted, find sex unsatisfying, and are overall stressed and anxious from lying to themselves, others, and their SOs, but they do so anyway because they're too afraid to admit to others they're not straight. Coming out can be terrifying because it risks letting down your parents, causes others to see you in a different light, and is a major change in your own identity.

Why You're Still Single

Sabotaging your past relationships

Unlike the rest of this MyTake, this one is specifically for people who have had problems with past relationships not working out in the same way or those who have had a lot of bad past relationships. Two things that cause a repeat history are sabotaging your own relationships and picking the same kinds of people who are bad for you (sabotaging yourself). If you pick the wrong type of people, know that and you probably know why (generally because you either love the excitement or don't believe you deserve someone better), but knowing if you've been sabotaging your own relationships is more difficult to tell and more difficult to admit (at least you can blame those other guys for being heartless jerks).

Sometimes people get scared when they realize how much they love someone and pull back or get spooked from not being prepared for the commitment required to maintain the relationship while others cause rifts in the relationship by overreacting to innocuous problems in extreme ways. Love is easy in the beginning, but long-term relationships and commitment take work, so overcoming your own self-deprecating, knee-jerk reactions to sabotage your own relationship when you feel like you're in too deep or had a bad day is something that needs attention if you want to keep that person you feel so strongly about to keep feeling so strongly about you

Why You're Still Single

Well I'm sure I missed plenty of things and could continue you writing this for another couple of hours, but I feel like I hit on the most important things, so I'll leave it at that. Thank you for reading if anybody read this all the way through, and I hope I helped you understand what you're doing to keep yourself single


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with a lot in this post. Though I think some of it comes down to luck. Of course we can all improve out luck but conforming to pop culture and change our personality to what makes us attractive. Though some people are really unique and finding that special someone may take more time. Scientifically speaking similar people are better for long term relationships. I mean someitmes we can change our singleness by moving somewhere where people are more similar to us or starting groups/clubs that have common interests. Though some people may have trouble finding someone who's interested in the things they're also interested in.

    Of course I think people should take a bit of responsibility and continue working on themselves and being happy in life. This will help them be more attractive in general. Though all in all nobody owes anyone a date. So even after improvements they may just be unlucky and single. On the flip side they may just end up with a lot of friends (both male and female). Sometimes great people just end up single and it's just the way thing work out in the end.

    Overall, I think this is a great myTake though and think it could help a lot of people maybe realize some things about themselves that have been keeping them from having a serious relationship.

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    • Thanks for the positive feedback. I completely agree that luck is out of our hands and we never know when the right person will show up. I based this MyTake on things you can control so you're the right person for your right person whenever they decide to show up

      I like your point about having friends even if you don't meet the right person. That reminds me of one of my good friends who is a great guy, has a really good job, and treats women very respectfully. He's not very attractive, but he's dated some really hot girls. Unfortunately he hasn't found the right person yet, but he's happy with his friends and family

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know why I am single:

    -Meeting new people and putting effort into that is FRUSTRATING
    -Negative past experiences... Like I dated someone for 8 months after being single quite awhile due to breakup and need of grieving, put everything and every effort, only so that he can break up over a text and ignore meeting me face to face.
    -I am very picky yes. Because I have grad education, a good job, I am well-travelled, I can speak 3 languages other than my mother tongue, I am attractive, fit, fun, and energetic, outgoing person. I am honest and drama-free so I expect all those from a partner. Yet it is not possible to find one in the area I am currently living in. Yet hopefully I will move to a big city soon with a new and better job.
    -Yes I am afraid to open my heart up, share my body, bed, food, time only to be not respected and broken up or ghosted again by some coward.
    -I know I am a relationship type. I believe the love you get is equal to love you make. I am a very supportive giver. But guys I met see being attentive, giver, and listener as something to avoid. You have to play dating and mind games otherwise you're undesirable. And I refuse to be in a relationship by being someone else and playing games to get things or date people to get free drinks and food.
    -I know my sexual orientation is straight. I tried with a woman considering I am a lesbian back in the day it didn't work.

    FINALLY:
    I think I am single partly because of the environment. Not 100% because of me and myself.

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    • It's great that you've put so much thought into it and you do seem like someone who deserves a relationship (love you get is equal to love you make). Not being in a big city can be a huge problem because dating is a numbers game, so you probably will have much better luck if you move to one

      Yes we are all single partially due to things like number of singles in our area, putting our efforts into people who lie and lead us on, and the whole time factor of not knowing when Mr. Or Mrs. Right will walk into our lives, but it's important to address our own shortcomings. By focusing on the things we can control, we can open up many more options for ourselves

    • For what reason did you separate those thought from each other with a period? A comma would have fit the grammar structure much better.

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What Guys Said 83

  • This myTake is an excellent discussion of why people are single if they have always been single, if they have always ended their relationships, or if they have always sabotaged their relationships.

    I had been essentially happily married (or so I thought) for 4 years when my wife announced that she no longer wanted to be married. The divorce was her desire, not mine, and I would have stayed with her and worked on the problems but she had no interest in that. I did not want to be single again, but I was. Perhaps I was guilty of making a poor choice in marrying her but I very clearly did not want to be single.

    Now that I am divorced, I do not want to repeat my prior mistakes, I do not want to rush into another relationship that fails, and I will take my time to pick and choose wisely. . . but I do not want to be single.

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    • Thank you and yes those are the specific type of people I addressed this too

      Your situation is different and no you're not choosing to be single if the other person divorced you, but you personally are choosing to be single since you broke up with your girlfriend due to things not having good long term potential. That is a good thing since you can now move on and hopefully find the right woman for you. But I agree your situation is a bit different than what I'm talking about here since this was addressed to never-married people and not those separated, divorced, or widowed (I could probably write a different MyTake on that, but I've never been divorced so people might not take it very seriously)

      I believe all failed relationships should be learning experiences and I myself am trying to figure out what lesson I'm supposed to be learning from my own

    • Exactly! A relationship is not a TOTAL failure if you learn from the experience!

  • I would like to appreciate that it is one of the best my take which I have read.

    I am also one of the single who enjoy to be single. I would also enjoy when I will be in relationship. As I am still 19 and due to my career objective I am still single. Thanks for your advice. I would take it into consideration. :)

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    • Oh thank you so much!

      I chose to be single at 19 as well while I focused on my job and finding my own place. I recently started dating for the first time because I finally feel ready for it. Unfortunately that first try didn't work out, but I'm going to get back out there once I figure out what I'm supposed to learn from it is

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  • A great MyTake! Im definitely in the want to be category right now haha. That should change soon though as I do really enjoy dating. it's just not a good time in my life to be dating haha. I really think this explains everything really well and I appreciated reading it!

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    • Thank you so much! I'm choosing to be single myself again and I'm not sure how long that will last because I too genuinely enjoyed having a boyfriend (when I thought he cared about me) and would like to find someone better in the future

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    • Thank you, that's definitely appreciated with what I've been going through because of him

    • You're welcome :)

  • 👍 This is one of the greatest, most read-worthy myTakes I have ever read. I am saving this to read again someday. It can be tough to figure out the reason (s) one is still single. Thinking about this kind of stuff is a great way to figure out how you got into your current situation, what's preventing you from changing it, and what can be done to change it. Or maybe stay the same. Critical thinking.

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    • Oh thank you so much! I've been doing a lot of critical thinking since I had to dump my boyfriend for cheating on me. I miss him and he was trying to make me feel guilty for it, but I had to remind myself that I'm better off without him. Right now I'm single by choice, but he's single for sabotaging relationships and not being relationship material

  • Yeah I fall into the negative past experiences - I was broken by last relationship and it took me years to get back but I am still not over it - I don't want to be single but I just can't bring myself to go down that rabbit hole again.

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    • Ah that's unfortunate. Sometimes getting back up is harder than just sitting there on the ground and waiting for someone to come pick you up. Do you still want to be where you are right now if the right person comes into your life?

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    • im glad im not the only one who feels this way

    • I used to think I'd never have a relationship or be attracted to anybody, but I've had several "shake my world up" moments the past year to change all of that. Anything can happen but it's more likely to if you welcome it

  • I'm single because I'm a selfish, impatient smartass that doesn't that can't make plans for myself beyond next week, let alone long term plans including someone else.

    So, I've known for a long time I'm just not "relationship material" and that's fine by me.

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  • I'm in a complicated friends with benefits thing with this girl I've known for a year. I don't want to get into a relationship now because I don't see the point. Too many mistakes in the past. Failed relationships because of rushing. It's stupid to go through that again.

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    • It sounds like you're afraid of commitment. friends with benefits is a poor decision because someone always wants to turn it into a relationship and ends up getting crushed while neither person is in a position to seriously date someone else. friends with benefits is a relationship, just one you don't take seriously

    • Yeah so I've heard. I feel kinda shitty for getting involved with her but I like her too much to let her go. I just can't make that jump yet. Maybe she'll catch feelings but at least she knows where I stood all along, and she can't come back to me and say I never told her so.

    • It sounds like you two need to have a serious talk about what will happen if you do or don't get together and how you feel right now. If you like her too much to let her go, then you may need to face your fear of commitment

  • I am most likely too picky. If I am not attracted to average to beautiful looking women, then problems solved. I don't care what anyone says, women who are below average looking would be insanely happy if a guy hits on her in a polite manner.

    By the way, shout out to those ducks on the picture though.

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    • I'm a bit picky myself, so nothing wrong with that as long as you're willing to wait. It's true that most average and below average girls love getting hit on, especially if it's done politely. But even pretty girls like it, they just won't always admit it

    • I don't know, if pretty girls do like being approached, they will just admit it instead of always acting cold.

    • It's all in the way you approach them. If you come off desperate or creepy then no she won't like it. But if you can prove to her before you ask her why you're a catch, give her something to notice you before you put you eggs in her basket, she'll be much more likely to go out with you. There's also the social stigma that she can't let an unattractive guy hit on her in front of her friends, so if she's the kind to give into peer pressure, she won't admit she likes you because her friends would judge her for it

  • This was long but I read all of it, I'm not single again because I want to be, been trying for over a year since being divorced which she was the one that cheated on me. I know everyone is different so I'm not holding that against other women and would like to find someone to share moments with but so far nothing. Good mytake though

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    • Thank you and it's unfortunate that you've been cheated on in the past as well. One thing I didn't include here waiting time and luck because you can't control when the right person will come along, you can only make sure that you're the right person when they do. A year isn't very long in the grand scheme of things, so keep your chin up and you'll find someone, probably when you least expect it too

  • Why am I stil single:
    1 - I'm quite ugly
    2 - I don't know how to relate with people romantically
    3 - I don't get to have a first date
    4 - I have no economic stability
    Pretty safe thinking this apply to many people.

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    • Acknowledging the problem is the first step to fixing it. I myself have had my fair share of problems dealing with a lack of empathy. I've been working on it for a couple years now and I personally think I've progressed a decent amount, so anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I'd suggest writing your feelings down to start with. That's much easier than talking to someone about them and is a good first step

    • I wouldn't say I'm unemphatetic, quite the contrary actually. I only lack of the capability of sharing feelings that would give me something back.

  • You left off losing the gene lotto. But even that is minor compared to the fact there's 450M more men than women. If most believe in monogamy and considering the fact the vast majority of that surplus isn't gay that's 100's of millions that are single just because of bad luck, even when a sizable fraction of those settle for someone they are not even attracted to. Contrary to the meme there is NOT someone for everyone.

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    • You beat me to it , in fact it's around 600 million " surplus " males , and ever growing male heaviness , the cultures / regions that breed the most , tend to only value boys. This seems to be always overlooked. Well put !!

    • That falls under the "afraid because you're insecure" category. No not everyone gets married in life, but there's always something you could do differently if you really want to settle down

  • Nice question. I have a simple answer -> I have not fond that someone special, yet. I really respect the idea of a man-woman relation being very sacred so i don't believe in the concept of X. The day i find her i'll be ready for it.

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    • Well that's not something we can control and I focused this MyTake on things we can. Of course you won't ever know when the right person will walk into your life. All you can do is prepare for it

  • Wow how well written. Much of this might be true. But their are so many personality combinations in our 🌎 that their is definitely the right person for everyone. People are missing out due to little or no confidence and their insecurities.

    Some info here reminds me of the fact of "not only finding the right person, but being the right person".

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    • Thank you and I agree with that. I recently saw something that pointed out you probably have more than one match out there who you could marry if you were serious about marriage (concerning compatibility such as politics, number of children...) Now I view it not as finding the one right person for me, but as finding one of the people who are perfect for me. It's more positive

      I think having insecurities and no confidence is the biggest problem here on GAG

      Yeah I think about what would happen if a perfect man for me walked past me and I was openly bashing men--he would rightfully walk right on past me. And I also notice that people generally like me better as a person when I do things for myself and be the person I want to be

    • Almighty God only helps if we try with anything. But SO-wise – not enough confidence, not enough opportunities.

  • If I hadn't met my wife nearly 50 years ago I might still be single ( thinking about the women I met during that period )

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    • But I might have started looking around a lot more.

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    • There's no wrong way to fall in love as long as it's honest

    • We took our time to discover we're a good match.
      No bump & dump with her.

  • I'm not single right now but I have had a lot of girls in the past that have indeed self-sabotaged their relationships with me. I'm glad you recognized that this is a behavior

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    • Thank you. I learned this was a problem by paying attention to other people and how their relationships constantly failed for the same reasons. Sometimes it's easier to learn from other people's mistakes

    • YES! Exactly. Also I really like what you said about not being too picky but being picky to an extent

  • this whole article is such bogus. you realize their is an internet group that call themselves incels (involuntary celibates) which are usually men. they actively try to pursue relationships and romance but have had no takers regardless how low their standards are. They dont choose to be that way. saying they do is extremely derogatory

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    • I'm perfectly aware of it and that is a problem with their personalities, mentalities, and the way they approach women. They make women feel put off or uncomfortable by the way they approach them, never approach women themselves and blame being single on women rather than their own failure to take action, and/or have nothing to offer to a relationship. They dwell in self-pity all day on the internet which only further reenforces their negativity and causes them to become more desperate around women which releases a hormone that repels women. They're locked into a vicious cycle of self pity and blaming women for not being attracted to them that makes women less attracted to them and therefore more lonely and self-pitying. I do not subscribe to bogus ideologies such as those of incels and MGTOWS

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    • @razor97

      Don't mistake who has hurt you. I understand you're in pain, but you've been in pain for a long time, since before you first ca. e across my username. You have hurt yourself by treating me with disrespect

      Stopping is your choice and I gave you many outs, all of which you chose to refuse. I can help you if you wish, but you're only further hurting yourself by clinging onto the pain and suffering others endure you for through judgment you allow. I have told you since the start I will not allow you to bully me and I'm a person who actually makes good on my promises

      People often confuse me as not having a heart. I do have a heart, but it has been tortured enough that I learned how to stop using it for undeserving people such as yourself. I reserve love for people who treat me with respect. You have not treated me with respect, so you do not deserve my heart

    • Do you think that it is weird that I am a twin and that I like a twin?

  • I know that I don't ever want kids and I'd expect that the majority of girls and women do want family of their own and become a mother at some point and eventually some day. Thus it's a very big conflict of interest and very huge deal breaker, and for the childfree singles crowd our dating pool is overall much smaller compared to those that DO WANT kids. Then I just stopped trying altogether anyway. i mean what's the point? I don't want to disappoint and make the other person feel bad and feel unhappy about it altogether, and also make myself unhappy and feel let down later. I figured if it's unlikely to ever happen or work, then why even bother to try anymore? Even hooking up has no importance, meaning, worth, or value to me, thus I don't care about it nor will I ever to bother and try.

    I think that unless someone was really lucky if they are childfree, they're not gonna end up in any relationship and is more than likely gonna end up being single their entire lives. Maybe it's more easier for a childfree single lady to eventually find a childfree single guy and become a couple together eventually, but that's because I think that there are MORE guys that don't want kids compared to single ladies that don't want kids. And sometimes for ladies that don't want kids, they might be or could be afraid of the pressure and the judgments that they'll get if they ever admit it openly towards their friends, co-workers, family, relatives, etc., about never wanting kids. Unlike how guys are more likely not gonna give a fuck about admitting it openly. And so those ladies might not be available either, because of the reasons I mentioned, and sometimes they do end up spinsters and never marry their entire lives.

    A lot of it will have to be based upon luck.

    There are currently childfree dating online websites and shit but not so much for dating apps, etc. and it's very very small, not too many people are on them, maybe it's different for locations. Maybe one day it will all change, but by then it won't really matter anymore to me anyway.

    Besides, I figured that no relationship is ever absolutely guaranteed to last forever anyway. Thus I pretty much just didn't really care and gave it all up long ago. Been single for too long, what difference does it really make?

    What do you guys think?: @Unit1 @TheNotorious @ChromAzonyx108 @Bandit74 @Barrabus_the_Free Do relationships actually really even matter at all? or is it merely because people believe that it does?

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    • Well I'd say this probably falls into the "not relationship material" category which shouldn't be a problem since you don't really want one

      People have to believe in relationships for them to work. Otherwise they will explode or fall apart. A conscious effort on each part is necessary

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    • "One other thing, I figured that even if I were to find somebody that also didn't want kids, it still does not absolutely guarantee that things are going to work out either. We can still be completely different people with very little to nothing else in common, thus it still would not work. At worst it would be completely disastrous. " - So much of this man

    • My problem is finding a very sexual girlfriend, who is also childfree and doesn't smoke. Those are probably in bigger amounts in the western world, so my luck would be better there.

      I am involuntarily single and open for potential relationships - but never for marriage and kids as those conflict with my actual goals. Those 2 things are the opposite of what my path to happiness is.

      I have however convinced myself for some time, that there is much more in life than girls and relationships - maybe those things aren't even meant to happen to me - it's probably my fate and destiny. It matters as much as one perceives it. I perceive for myself, that relationships matter but it's not that important. There are many other things. Besides there is simply not someone for everyone. Otherwise I wouldn't have been without a girlfriend and single until now.

  • I'm single not because deep down I want to be, but because women today are crazy and untrustworthy and the family court and divorce laws tend to favor women.

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    • Your mentality makes you not Relationship material

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    • @razor97

      Practice what you preach. You're a terrible example of what you claim to believe in. If you want women to be tolerable of you, then you have to be tolerable of women first. Learn respect before you can earn respect. Start by stopping being a bully

    • There's a drought on the fountain of youth.

  • www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-crossed(c).gif

    Looking at the female comments, it seems that they are single by choice.

    You look across the Internet, most males who aren't getting laid or aren't in relationships is simply because they aren't good enough for either two.

    The "incel" phenomena is running rampant where less and less men in their later adolescence and early twenties are getting any sort of sexual attention from women.

    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-normal(c).gif

    And this where this myTake falls short. Not enough is being said about the gender dynamics as to why the situation is the way it is now.

    Your emphasis on relationships really shows that this is from a female POV. Many guys struggle to pass even the first hurdle of being attractive let alone being seen for relationship material. No girl wants a guy who is undesirable and low value.

    If a guy is still single and he doesn't want to be, then he is not attractive enough. Become attractive and approach women then he will have options to fuck which would lead to options for relationships.

    If a girl is still single and she doesn't want to be, then her standards are fucking too high (not high value enough to get a high quality guy to commit to her, only high enough for sex) and seriously needs to lower them.

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    • You've missed the whole point again unfortunately. This is a MyTake for people looking for serious, committed relationships, not those looking to sleep around (those people aren't relationship material even if they wanted one). Conventional attractiveness isn't as important in serious relationships, compatibility is the main concern. And if you blame your looks you fall into the "being afraid because you're insecure" category

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    • Black guys because it seems a lot of guys are slightly racist enough to feel like white women shouldn't date black guys. But blacks are the largest minority in America (with Latinos possibly edging them out by having such a large illegal population) making blacks much more familiar to white American woman than say Indians or Asian. These women don't view black as unknown anymore, so they don't view these men as incompatible purely based on skin color

      This is another one where men and women differ. It's scientifically been proven that men prefer foreign women or (specifically) "exotic" women while women do not have the same preferences. I've personally seen this as I have curly red hair that makes all the guys in s room give me their attention just because I don't look like any other girl in there (and I specifically get a lot of compliments on my hair and guys pull my hair all the time while flirting). This causes resentment in men when their exotic preferences are unrequited

    • Men having more of a preference for exotic women than women for men probably has to do with helping keep populations from getting too many birth defects due to do inbreeding. With men having more testosterone, they're biologically primed to take more risks than women (why there's more men in prison that women), so I'd say testosterone is probably what breaks down that fear of the unfamiliar in men and gives them the drive to risk mating outside their own race

      Personally I have a racial preference for white people myself, But I have seen attractive black guys and think many Middle Eastern guys are attractive but haven't met one with whom I share life goals and feel compatible with. I feel I'd be more compatible with Latinos (and like their accent better anyway)

      Americans have many more interracial couples than other countries because we have so many different races here making them more familiar. Asians are the most racist against each other and feel like it's a family dishonor

  • I'm single because I don't want to make the same mistake a third time. I'm going to wait for God to choose the right girl for me, although I'm getting tired of waiting!

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    • Waiting for the right person is the best reason to be single and that person always comes when you least expect it

  • Because I wasn't really looking when I was younger, and now I never meet any single women. And yes, I've tried online dating.

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    • Sounds like you made yourself unavailable

      Online dating is really a terrible place to look because most people there are only looking for attention or terrible at relationships. Not sure where 30+ year-olds meet though other than work or through kid's friend's parents

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    • @razor97

      As for what do I believe I am, that has a metaphysical answer we don't have enough characters for. No I don't have special powers. I am entirely human. But I'm unlike any other human in most ways humans are the same. I am human in flesh and blood, but not in philosophy and desire. I understand humans from both a subjective and objective standpoint, but prefer objectivity as it removes individual emotions and encourages rationality and logic. I have a purpose in this life to leave the world better than I found it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will be better for me. I understand what ways my presence affects others and choose to not abuse it. Everyone I meet in life remembers me even if I've long forgotten them

      I am one, but not all. All is me. I affect all. I am a bridge, a link, a communicator, a catalyst, and a beacon. I am the one who doesn't fit in, but the only one who belongs

      I'm not psychic, but know when things are going to happen, drastic changes

    • That was very mean. Why would you say that to me? I thought we were becoming friendly toward each other.

  • I'm single because I'm emotionally unavailable and too picky and I don't talk to new people much. And I agree that it's of my own choosing, mostly.

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    • I used to be that exact same person until about a year ago. Then I got cheated on by the first guy I gave a chance to. I wonder myself if I'm being too picky or not picky enough

    • I gave being less picky a chance and it didn't work out too well. I didn't end up in any relationships but I casually went on some dates and did some stuff, and it wasn't very satisfying at all. I decided it's not worth the effort unless I'm extremely into someone.

    • Well I believe you should only involve yourself with people who have long-term potential. Sometimes you have to decide what side of the picky line you want to be on and wait things out. You should definitely aim for satisfaction in a relationship, so just keep your chin up and you'll find it someday

  • Great my take! Insecurity/Lack of confidence is definitely why I've never been in a relationship. I don't know how to change that.

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    • Thanks. Most people aren't insecure at 17 and I didn't start dating until I was almost 22 myself, so you're not really behind on anything. Confidence comes from within. Focusing on things you're good at and not being afraid to try new things will make you more confident. That's something I've considered writing a MyTake on in the future because s lot of people on this site seem to have the same problem

  • I'm single because I'm trying to graduate from college first. I do want to eventually get a girlfriend, get married and start a family. I know I can get a girlfriend if I want to since a lot of women check me out when I'm in public but I think graduating from college and getting a career or at least getting a well paying job (highway patrol) should be my first priority.

    I do think another reason why I'm still single is because I'm afraid since I've only been in one relationship several years ago. So I think it's normal for a person to be scared of relationships if they have little experience with them.

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    • Putting off relationships until you get your life in order can be a great thing because it makes you better relationship material once you're done. I went through the same process myself and chose not to date until I had my own place, car, and a decent job. (Highway patrol sounds like a good option BTW)

      Being nervous is normal and healthy, but it's necessary to overcome that fear. I was extremely nervous on my first date (in April), but I'm glad I did it even though the relationship didn't work out because I know it will help better prepare me for my next one

  • I relate to more than a few (meaning 3+) of these. When I tell people that I really wasn't ready to date until the age of 33, they're shocked. I really wasn't and haven't had more than a first date. Yes, I am 37 and saying this. I was in a bad place, and while I still have insecurities, I'm working on them. I'm one for LTR and don't do ONS / hookups / etc., so infer from that what you will.

    I'm also more of an introvert than an extrovert (I have my moments), so this probably leads me into "hermit mode" at times.

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    • Well it does seem you're a bit of a late bloomer, but I believe it's never too late to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, only too late to have kids at a certain age. It's great that you're working on your insecurities and the more you work on yourself, the better type of person you're going to attract

      I don't think hookups or ONSs are beneficial to people and this MyTake was addressed to people like you who are interested in serious relationships

  • I'm single because none of the girls I like like me.

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    • You can't blame you being single on other people not liking you. Forcing them to be in a relationship with you would leave both parties unfulfilled. At 17, there's not a whole lot of serious relationships being made anyway, so you'll be better off waiting a couple of years before really considering one anyway

    • Yeah but it really sucks to be single.

  • I'm single because I choose to and that's not a bad thing. I'm perfectly happy this way. Let me get a damn degree first.

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    • Choosing to wait to date until you have your life together is one of the best reasons. I did it myself and am glad I did so because that has helped me be able to properly deal with my first relationship not working out in a mentally healthy way. Keep focused on that degree and you'll be in a good place

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    • Oh I see. You should see the girls here where I live. They expect everything from others and give nothing.

    • That might be a generational thing, I'm not really sure. Most people where I live don't have anything to offer to a relationship either. The only people I know who are happy in their marriages are 30+

  • I am single for a list of reasons, one of which is the way that divorce law and courts destroy men.
    When a man forms a relationship with a woman, he takes a 50 per cent risk that she will turn on him and use the apparatus of the state to steal everything for which he has worked and then transform him into her impoverished slave for the rest of his life, via spousal and child support.
    I have spent most of my adult life working in the media. Men in my field have a divorce rate that is close to 100 per cent. I have seen colleague after colleague destroyed by lying, vindictive and often adulterous women.
    Would I want to sign up to a deal that carried with it a 50 per cent probability that I would end up homeless and penniless? I think not.

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    • You fall into the "negative experiences" category even though they haven't directly affected you. You're scared of commitment and therefore not relationship material

      Divorce laws are not keeping you single. You're choosing to keep yourself single because you aren't confident and secure in yourself to believe you will treat a woman properly enough for her to want to stay married to you for life

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    • @razor97

      Now we're getting somewhere! I am human, but I do not feel like one, you cannot force me to feel like one, and you cannot force anyone to feel anything. You can encourage someone to feel a certain way, but you cannot force them. You can encourage a girl to appreciate you by bringing her flowers if she sees it as an undesirable advancement, she may view you negatively or be scared because she thinks you have an unhealthy obsession with her or are a stalker. (For the record, I thank everyone who gives me flowers because they make me feel appreciated). People make jokes about me being a robot all the time, but they know I'm real, just like you

    • No; I have reached my maximum patience with your tone. I believe if you talked to me without the bitterness, I could continue 'perserving'.

  • An unhealthy psychological adaptation is not an "orientation." It's time we stopped feeding that lie. And "denying" it is oddly enough a good thing. As for combating singleness, it doesn't count; categorically nor morally / ethically. It used to not count legally either; though judicial activists throughout the years have done their damndest to hijack that and make it so.

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  • Because I want to go out with a woman of specific race. Most women downtown is not black, which means I'll not date them.

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    • I see, well I don't think people should be forced to date outside what they're attracted to, but it does seem to me that you may be a bit too picky for your city's demographic

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    • I'm American. My family is almost entirely German, but enough Irish squeezed in there to give me red hair lol. I might have some Russian and Polish in me as well

      I've only dated one guy and he was a Slavic immigrant. In case you're wondering, i don't generally find myself attracted to guys with darker skin, but there are exceptions as is with all races (black, Mexican, Asian, Middle Eastern). I mainly look for personality in a guy (intelligence, good sense of humor, drawn to the macabre things in life, and confidence) and rarely find myself attracted to random strangers without getting to know them first. But I don't care what color a guy's skin is if I'm attracted to him

    • That's amazing. But, people are entitled to their own preferences.

  • Show more from Guys
    53

What Girls Said 39

  • What about just not having found the right person? You shouldn't feel pressured to settle for the wrong person for the sake of not being called "too picky".

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    • Yes , agreed , I even married a woman that proved unsuitable in the long term.

    • Well that's an obvious one, so I didn't feel it was necessary to put in here. Nobody knows when that person will come into their lives and it's not a specific amount of time. I wrote this for people who feel they need to pair up but aren't getting there. People who accept the right person hasn't come along yet don't really need any advice

  • I have a friend (who is a boy), who is actually single, and honestly I understand more boys than girls. There are lots of reasons why people are single. But for him, it was because he well 2 girls (including me) who are already in a relationship, and the others, that he can't trust. So I think trust issues are one of the main reasons. When somebody breaks your trust you're afraid that it will happen again. That was the case for me and my boyfriend, he had a hard time at the beginning to trust me (well we are in a particular situation but it's an example). Others are that they don't think they will be happy, that's what one of my BFF thinks ("No boyfriend, no problems"), and it's complicated to change that. Yes, having a boyfriend or girlfriend can hurt you a lot more than people may think, but they can also make you incredibly happy ! There are so much reasons ! Another one is because they are afraid to have a relationship, to have feelings that may change (I personnally never felt that but I know it's horrible), or to be afraid to lose the one you love (there are sicknesses with that). There surely are a million more, but I won't make the complete list !

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    • I tried to make this as comprehensive as I could without writing a novel. Trust issues come from negative past experiences and I've had my own issues with them as well, but I refuse to let them control me completely

    • Don't worry it's comprehensive. I agree with you and honestly, they don't control me anymore. I guess that's what happens when you meet the one you love and your friends support you. But my friend has a pretty difficult past and I'm helping him out. And it's good that they don't control you !

  • Possibly the best myTake I've read here. It's honest and engaged me through to the end. I am one who is single by choice and yes I believe we all know why we are single because everyone can find someone. I think I am picky from not being picky enough in the past. I do not keep choosing the same people to sabotage myself, but I am a great girl that gave discounts in the past because I am a lazy dater. I need to get out to find someone right for me. I do think I have become bitter and emotionally unavailable due to bad experiences with men, not just the ones I have dated. I think in general men have given me a hard time for no reason especially when I don't want to date them so it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I literally get bullied and hassled when I go out, sometimes it's so embarrassing because people wouldn't know that I am a stranger to these people. Maturity also has left me impatient and intolerant of a lot. I can also say there are many red flags in a lot of people, this led one girl to tell me she thinks I have a personality disorder if I see red flags in others. All I am saying is some of us due to our own uniqueness, will have a harder time finding the one, so we are conditioned to be content alone.

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    • Oh thank you so much for the positive feedback! I myself have similar issues with dating as you since my negative experiences with my parents prevented me from being emotionally available for romance and now having been cheated on putting a huge damper on my happily-ever-after fantasy. But I refuse to let my past negative experiences control me because I'm the only one who loses if I let that happen. Part of me wonders if I'm too picky, but then I couldn't possibly have been picky enough if I let a cheater into my life. I don't know what it is I need to learn about getting cheated on, but I'm determined to get back out there once I figure out what it is and not let him prevent me from finding someone else if there is a someone else for me. And I completely agree that some of us have been conditioned to be content with being alone as I have that conditioning as well

  • I am single and always had been single because I have never found that guy who really is compatible with me or that likes me enough to like to stay with me. . Also I had never had dated, or had a boyfriend before ever in my life so I haven't experienced that part of life, that is why Im single. Also is that at my age I dont tend to have kids cause my age is an age risky to have kids, but also beause financially I dont earn enough money to support a marriage much less have kids in this expensive and hard world we live in.

    I can't miss what I haven't had so far anyway. Guys dont approach me or ask me out never had in my life so is why im still single and always had remained single since I was born to put it in a way. I dont mind to hang out with a guy if the opportunity presents to me Im open to that to at least experience what it is the feeling of dating to the same guy for some time, like any regular average person who are couple but like to marry seriously I doubt I will much less have kids.

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    • Unfortunately some people do go throughout life without finding romantic companionship. For those people it is necessary to stay in touch with family and friends in order to satisfy that craving for love. But it's never too late to find love (even though it can be too late to have children yes). One of my most beautiful memories as a child was driving past a wedding for a very elderly couple who looked just as happy to be married as a young one

      Maybe you've been a combination of insecure, afraid, and too picky, but it's never too late to fix your problems if you do really want to find love

  • i choose to be single cause i'm insecure. i also like my alone time and i don't like feeling like i'm trapped (anxiety issues). i also don't like games and i need someone that understands me and respects me. i don't go out much and i am delayed in a lot of things especially for my age and it makes me feel dumb sometimes. but one day i know i'll find someone who loves me for who i am and one that i will feel comfortable around.

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    • That's great you understand what your main problems are and are also positive about finding someone in the future. Everyone needs someone who understands and respects them if they want a long-term relationship, I agree those are the most important things and everything else can be worked around

    • thank you <3 i agree with you too. that's what makes a good long term relationship if they aren't understanding and care about your needs/health then the relationship will be like hell. lol

  • I'm single by choice. I've been abused physically and mentally in the past and choose not to just jump into another relationship. I want someone who is real but also who excites me and I've just not met that person yet. So I stay single.

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    • Good luck :)

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    • @KenM9215 oh no of course not! :) but I think if it was me it would be coming from a hateful place and I'd rather just let go of those negative emotions. And okay is a relative term but thank you :)

    • I can only imagine. Also you are very welcome :)

  • Why am I single?

    I was really insecure and depressed growing up. I didn't trust people nor had anyone to talk to. I thought I was hideous, because I dressed as a tomboy and was't really girly. Recently, I started gaining confidence in my appearance and self-worth. I do things that make me happy. I'm happier person now. As of right now, I guess I'm single, because I've been too focused on college end bettering myself. I haven't really gave the dating scene any attention.

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    • That pretty much describes me too. I got bullied a lot in school and then spent a couple years finding myself a job and my own place before deciding to date. Unfortunately my first try didn't work out very well, but at least I'm in a good enough place now where I can handle that in a healthy way and hopefully get back out there

  • The reason I'm single is because I'm complicated. No matter how much I want someone to love me, I always push them away. I crave too much attention. I'm easily set off. I get too upset. I'm fragile. Nobody understands how to handle me, so they either leave or I chase them away.

    I do better on my own.

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    • It sounds like you sabotage your own relationships without meaning to. Finding a patient man who loves you enough to tell you to cut it out when you try to push him away is important for you

      Although if you're easily set off and temperamental in all aspects of your life, you may consider talking to a counselor or therapist. They might be able to help you understand why you act in such ways and give you exercises to help prevent negative behavior

  • Yep I choose to be single due to past bad experiences and the main one being that I was raped. Even though I went to therapy for years I have a decided to no longer chase romantic relationships and I am happy with myself. I would rather be single than in another shitty relationship.

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    • That's an unfortunate situation to be in, but I'm glad that you're at a point in your life where you can at least be happy being single

  • I stay single because I haven’t found the one to settle down with yet. I too like my alone time and I do like the independence to make my own decisions. Someday I'll find Mr. Right and settle down and who knows raise a family.

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    • Waiting for the right person is the best reason to stay single. I'm in the saw boat right now myself

  • Right now I'm unavailable and it's not practical to date while I'm on vacation. When I go back home I will wait and search for the right person. If it never happens, oh well. I'm perfectly fine with being single. I'd rather be single than be with the one I don't want. I will never ever lower my standards. Except for looks and personality, most of my other standards are already very low.

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    • Perfect. It sounds like you've got it all figured out

      Hah. Looks is my main thing I'm willing to settle on. As long as he isn't physically repulsive, I don't really care what he looks like

  • BECAUSE NO ONE LOVES ME AND I LOVE NO ONE.

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  • Good points. I think even for people in a relationship, it's important to know that being single is an option.

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    • Thank you. Agreed that being single should always be an option because people who don't keep it open often stay in bad relationships

  • I'm single because most dudes that I have met lately have less personality than an Adidas sandal and I just can't be bothered. Yawn.

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    • Sounds like your looking for someone to entertain you

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    • @Mandude we all are. Plus, being an engineer, most dudes aren't on my level or they believe that I should be vapid and treat me as such. Double yawn.

    • Truthfully, I didn't read it fully. In order for me to be too picky, I would have to be interested in picking one eventually. I'm not.

  • Great take.
    I had a choice between staying married and becoming single again after 14 years of being with the same man.
    I decided to stay.

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    • Thank you

      Staying is generally the easiest, least risky, and better option because divorce is generally irreversible and causes a lot of financial and emotional problems, especially for any children involved. Personally I believe marriage is forever and would do whatever it takes to remain married to someone if I felt like he was worth marrying in the first place

      I also read somewhere about how a significant number of people who divorced regretted it but that most people who stayed together were glad they did

  • 5d

    I like being single at times when i can be alone to reflect to think, learn and grow

    when in a relationship, i like to share that new me with my partner... and hope he will do the same

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  • This is so amazingly accurate. As much as I want a relationship, I'm afraid because I don't want to get hurt or disappointed. Love your stuff <3

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    • Thank you. I used to feel the same way but I tried to give it a shot. Unfortunately I ended up getting hurt and disappointed, but I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and this hasn't killed me yet. But I now know I liked being in a relationship very much when I thought he loved me, so I'd suggest it if it's something your curious and interested in, just make sure you choose wisely

    • Okay thanks for your advice. Will take into consideration haha <3

  • I'm single purely because I want to be... after be in a relationship for a period of time, I'm enjoying just worrying about me... there'll come a time when I'll be on the lookout again, but not now :)

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    • Taking some time off for yourself is important between relationships to reassess what you want and to take care of your own self. I'm on one of those right now myself

  • I have never dated because I have trust issues and don't know what I want.

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    • Exactly one year ago, I said the same exact thing. I've taken the last year to help fix my trust issues and figure out what I want from a relationship. I think that definitely helped me to leave my ex once I found out he cheated on me because I had already planned ahead what I would do in a situation like that

  • I'm single because I don't have the energy to focus on someone else right now.

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  • I'm single because I'm waiting for the right one at the right time. since I'm still in high school I find dating pointless since you're still focused on school and trying your way to get to college, and most likely you separate different ways after high school. I'm not seeking for a relationship any sooner. And because I have high standards for the person to be similar to me, sweet, understanding, loyal, a keeper, God first, determined, fit, good-looking, and down to earth personality. Maybe a little more humor and style then that's good. And I have met that person, but not at the right time. He's really similar to me we're like twins but he's the boy version of me. He doesn't intend on dating too because he's trying to make his career go up, he's a musician. He's 8 years older than me but age difference doesn't matter when you both like each other a lot but intend to wait for the right time. :)

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    • You sound like you're in a good place with your relationship expectations at this time. I completely agree that high school is too young to date because people change so much after graduation and when they first start working. Waiting for the right person at the right time is the best reason to choose to be single and I'm doing the same thing right now myself

      As much as I agree that age difference shouldn't be important (my ex is 9 years older than me), I do think it matters if you're underage and not settled in life. Age isn't important if you're both settled in your careers, mature enough to handle the complications that come with it, and have enough in common both in personality and what you want out of a relationship. It's a good thing you're waiting for that relationship and not rushing into things--it will be worth it in a couple of years

    • Wish it was how you said, but now he just wants to be friends. So yeah he friend zoned me he's looking for a girl with a career. Maybe age difference of a gap does play a role for him now.

    • That's unfortunate, but nobody gets it right on the first try

      Age gap plays a much larger role when you're young. As you get older it won't. Messing around with people underage isn't advisable and can be illegal. You'll find someone better at a better time

  • I'm picky haha
    and the guy I like doesn't like me back I think

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  • I'll admit that I can relate to; not all, but most of these. And yes, they are some of the reasons why I'm single.

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  • Amazing take! Love it. :)

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  • On some level, I agree with you

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    • Haha, well I'm not asking everyone to completely agree with me, only hoping that something I've said will resonate

  • I'm picky and hold on to past negative experiences

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  • Because I keep getting played..

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    • Unfortunately that means you're not picky enough. Regrettably my first boyfriend pulled that crap on me, so I know how you feel. But it's important to learn from these mistake and figure out what to do better next time

    • I'm VERY selective.. One in particular just found me and left without explanation or warning.

  • This is a well written Take. Thanks

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  • I keep picking the wrong people.

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  • A great take.

    Actually, I am a mixture of the conscious and the subconscious barriers. In my life I have been in very few relationships, and they were not successful, mostly. I want to date a guy and get married if things go well, but when I look around there are no guys I may like approaching me, though I am attractive. I still don't know why I am so unfortunate in dating, and people often get surprised I am single (of course it's not their business).

    I am an independent woman who got used to having a lot of freedom and space, but at the same time I need love. So I have no idea what's going on with me. I may be unconsciously sending guys away.

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    • I'm in a very similar spot myself right now. I've only dated one guy and we were talking about future and marriage, but then he cheated on me because he couldn't wait for sex. Mostly I choose to be single because I'm waiting for the right guy, but I know I unintentionally make myself unavailable because my default is to ignore guys who are into me LOL

      I completely identify with being independent but wanting love. I love being single and living on my own, but I really liked being in a relationship when I thought he loved me. That makes it harder for us to compromise or settle on a guy, so I'm sure part of that is subconscious

    • I am glad someone understands what's going on with me😁

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