1. Be honest with yourself.
Self-awareness is key in the dating world. If you think you may not be able to give anything emotionally, that’s ok! If you are ready to settle down and get serious (no matter what the age) that is okay too! There is no right or wrong answer here. This is all about knowing yourself and what it is you are looking for.
2. Never put them on a pedestal.
Occasionally you come across someone so perfect and so amazing, it feels like a dream. How could you meet someone so perfect for you?! That’s great and all but keep your head out of the clouds. Give that person a chance to prove themselves to you, things may not always be what they appear. And even if (after a few weeks) they are just as impressive as they were on day one, they shit just like you do. Never forget that.
3. Make sure you have led a life worth sharing.
If you want to be successful with Mr. Perfect or Amazing Anna, remember that you should be great too. Doesn’t mean you will have everything together - it just means that you need to have a full life. Have friends, passions, a hobby. Find things and people you enjoy because that’s what makes you interesting. If you are using a person to fill a void, you’re playing yourself. Your relationship will never be true love, only dependency.
4. Never be afraid to walk away.
I don’t care how good she looks or how smart he is. If they start sending red flags, then get out of there! Sometimes you may not recognize a problematic person for what they are until weeks in....I don’t care! Get out get out get out. No they won’t change and no you don’t need to wait it out.
5. Trust your instincts.
Unless you are super paranoid you have to learn that your gut won’t lead you wrong. This is related to number 4 but it deserves its own point. If you think something is off, TRUST YOUR GUT.
6. Your friends matter, more than this person.
Your friends will tell you if the person you like isn’t all that. I’m assuming that you are living your best life and have at least one close friend you trust. Get your friends to check this person out - if they can’t fit in with your friend group, your CLOSEST friends....this may be a problem. Oh and never abandon your friends for a significant other. Bros before hoes and sistahs before misters. Ya heard?
7. Everyone has love advice and everyone is usually wrong.
Stop googling love advice and asking GAG what you should do. Trust your gut. A ton of people will try and make it seem like they have life figured out - they don’t. Love is confusing and sometimes it hurts. But if you trust what feels right, you should be okay.
8. SEX IS IMPORTANT but it’s not the only thing.
Establish early on what you may want and need. If she doesn’t wanna have sex before marriage, figure that out early. If you are super liberal and love sex, try and get an idea of this before a relationship? It will be much easier on you.
9. Don’t expect everyone to play fair.
Love isn’t shit but sometimes it’s the best. But before you get to that point, you gotta get through some people who may not have your best interest at heart. Some people play MASSIVE games and some people are straightforward. And I can write a whole post on this alone. But just know that you can never hate the player, because you usually allow yourself to get played. Don’t assume everyone will be nice and don’t give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. People will try and take advantage. They will try and use you for sex or money. And they will lie. But you have to be better and smarter than them.
10. You will fail more than you will succeed.
Seriously. Love sucks because we all want it and we try so hard to get it right. We usually fail and end up getting our heart broken. But take every rejection and failure as a lesson. Life is about evolution and change - if you stay the same, you stay a loser. Change and grow and watch how much you learn. Eventually you will find the right one and win. But you gotta try first.
These are general viewpoints and considerations. But if you read nothing else, read this: if you love yourself more than you love THEM, you will be okay. The second you put them over YOU, you’re screwed. You aren’t married and you owe them nothing. Nothing. Self-love is the key to getting someone else to love you. It starts with YOU, not them.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
I came here to shit on what you had to say lol... I don't know why. Im a cynic. and i don't believe women can give good dating tips (most just know how to destroy it)... but... fuck.. this is one short and very informative article... it doesn't encompass everything, not even close... but yea, i can see it improving chances.
Im a fan of 2, 4 , and 9... very very nice commentary on those. i preach those.
But let me say something about 6... especially when it comes to females.. that is not necessary. because in many cases, when one female see's her "friend" very happy with someone, the jealousy makes em give her bad advice. she amps the friend up and brings the guy down and plants that seed of discord. which brings me to 7. Everyone is usually wrong...
I consider myself pretty adept at relationships, not because i read books or went to school for it.. i lived everything i tell people. but just because it worked (or didn't work) for me, doesn't mean it will work or won't work for others.
When you ask for advice.. in most cases... its just as a guideline.. to see it from another persons perspective that you were missing... you don't necessarily have to do it down to the letter.
Though i have a few qualms.. this Article is fucking Great... good Job. Hell, im taking a few notes myself lol... bout to hop back in the game after 4-5 years of going single by choice... why not take notes. Thumbs up.
6 is very complicated lol. I kinda disagree with your take on it, mainly because women disregard their friends who KNOW the man ain’t shit. And women are more likely to ignore their friends for their new man. Men, in contrast, are more likely to get with women that could never fit in their friend group. How y’all date but your friends hate her? If your friends (who know you better than most) can’t vibe with this girl or understand your attraction to her RED FUCKING flag bro
Thats true... thats true. but thats on the male side. i was talking about the female side... you are right, it IS complicated... cuz one fight and the girl friend is going "just leave him girl, you can do better" and if the guy actually gets along with the female friends, the girlfriend starts to either get jealous and starts fights or start to move him away from the friends cuz she thinks they might "snatch" him.
I've been in both situations. I watched the shit happen.
Valid points here. I tried to write something for both men and women to take stuff from? I’ve noticed a lot of men are hapless when it comes to relationships because all the advice is targeted to women. So I tried to be fair, general and all encompassing to see if both genders responded well. You’re a guru so I take your word to have some weight around here ;)
oh pbbt... fuck that label that GaG gives you. Make enough postings and get enough Xper points and you are considered a "guru"... fuck that shit.
Im a guru because i LIVED what i talk about. as a former player, i used to insert myself into relationships and act a certain way to get a certain reaction or to see what reaction i got back.
You say most men are hapless? try "helpless", because women dictate all relationship shit and men can't get a word in edgewise.
The thing is, in my experience... women have a very very disturbing habit of destroying their relationships... dont even know they are doing it too... sadly
and I've noticed its due to the fact that Most don't give a fuck what the man wants... just what they can get OUT of the man. so when guys like me come along and says "i want something too"... im fucking hated lol.
Read my takes... most get hella female down votes... like i give a shit... i lived it lol
Um I disagree with this. Women (especially young women) are still held captive to the idea that they are nothing without men. If they don’t have a man or someone to love them, they are no one. Around the world this holds true- without a husband, women have very little social currency. Men are not “helpless” - a lot of the techniques these “Love gurus” spit are about mind control and manipulation. I’m not a fan of existing literature for that reason.
A lot of the young men on this site, Reddit, and others are lowkey suicide because they don’t know how to navigate the world around them in the same way so called “alpha males” do. They dont realize these trends are harmful or toxic - they just want to duplicate them because it’s what gets them results. Women ruin relationships bc of their self esteem - they want to prove they are worthy partners and worthy of love. Men ruin relationships because of control - they lose control via loss of a job or monetary contribution. It’s a thing
you have GOT to be on a different planet. i don't agree with majority of that comment but i definitely agree with the ruining reasons... i can even expand on that.
I've just always been curious... the relationships I've ruined i KNEW i was ruining it, when women do or maybe even some men, do they know what they are doing?
Then again, i have access to all my 3 levels of consciousness (not necessarily a good thing).. so i tend to be able to read between lines clearer.
What planet are you on? Most patriarchal societies operate similarly. Women are getting equal (well more equal) pay in the US and have access to higher paying jobs. And despite all of the gains women in the first world make, we still don’t think we have shit unless we have a man on our arm. Any woman can tell you that.
But then again, men are from mars women are from Venus I guess?
i don't know who came up with that saying... its funny but i'd still smack em right on the forehead.
I think for the "equal" thing... women gotta think... do they really want equality or "selective" equality? just like with the whole "honesty" thing... women claim they want it... but when told, they hate it. I know... im widely hated because i say shit as it is.
I always refer to the "do i look fat in this" question... there's no winning in that as a guy..."no" and she thinks you are lying, "yes" and she thinks you are being deliberately hurtful.
On equality: I can agree that women may not want equality. Maybe in certain things but there are some serious side effects that we would have to consider. But that’s complicated.
On your opinions: you tell your truth and I can respect that. Doesn’t mean I’m going to agree
don't want you to agree lol... how else do i get the argument im seeking... i came here to shit on this remember... then you schooled me by being on absolute point.
You said women may not want equality... they may want to check that dictionary definition again... you don't see guys fighting for equality with women... we know that women have it hard... we have it hard enough... we don't want more. but women (universe bless their skewered thinking) say they want equality... but they just want the good parts... better pay.. confidence.. etc... but what about the bad part?
In all honesty, women have it way better and men still don't want it. Im going to use the Maternal Leave thing as an example here... how many Paternal Leave's have you heard of?
Its not fair... but thats the way it is...
Um... I think you are going way off in a different direction. I’m not willing to play the oppression olympics with you so I’ll end it here. Lol good conversation though
oppression olympics lol. Love it.
I guess... either way.. good talk... GREAT Take.
Now im gonna go get a bottle and work on my next one that spins off of my "Studs Vs Sluts" Take.
Actually... ima make it big and add a HUGELY controversial topic to it. OMG... i might need more bottles than i thought
Point 6 is very wrong, you even contradict it RIGHT in the next point.
Lol, and I see you also contradict it in the point right before it as well.
we are debating the point right now.
Not exactly. Love advice, where someone explicitly tries to tell you what works as if everyone operates the same, is usually trash. Your friends, however, are a reflection of you. The point for #6 was that your friends matter. It’s a very brief point, but the main point i was trying to make was that THEY MATTER. If they get bad vibes from someone, believe them. If you’re ditching your friends for a girl/guy, don’t do that. That was the point. It’s much more complex than what I presented here though, I’ll give you that
As a 20 year old you might still think that.
Once you become 25 and older you will realize that friends don't really matter and that your life should be your priority.
There will soon become time when your friends will stop being a part of your life because they will all get a life of their own.
Friends are very temporary, don't make mistake because of them.
But wouldn’t your friends be apart of your life? I am not naive as to suggest the people I’m friends with now are the same ones I’ll be close to in 10 years (although it might be the case for a few). But i would assume a grown person with a fulfilling life would have close friends and confidantes. That’s why my advice seems contradictory - partly because it’s a delicate balance.
They may be, but certainly a comparatively smaller part of your life than your significant other.
I don't know, I simply wouldn't be comfortable basing some of the most important decisions in my life on what other people think.
My friends don't even know who my partners are and I don't know theirs, it's not really their business as far as I'm concerned.
Also lol, "bros before hoes" is kind of a ghetto parody of the "male code" popularized by the fuckboy subculture. (particularly by the character of Barney from HIMYM)
It's a joke, not a thing reasonable men adhere to.
The male code (from Seinfeld) is actually much closer to reality-
"All plans between men are tentative. If one man should suddenly have an opportunity to pursue a woman, it's like these two guys never met each other ever in life. This is the male code. And it doesn't matter how important the arrangements are."
Interesting. Women are different in this regard in the sense that it is looked down upon to just cancel plans for a guy you’re seeing. I happen to agree with this sentiment. Men will always be around, and I refuse to lose part of myself to a man I’m not even married to. I suppose we could stratify these arguments by age, seeing as you are almost 30 and your reality is much different than mine.
I guess it also depends on what you and your friends are like and what they are doing with their life.
And I imagine women are also much closer to their friends than men are.
My friends and I we are pretty busy people so our social interaction is limited to sitting at some place once or twice a month. (or less)
Been my experience that it's a very, very bad sign if your partner has no gender peer friends, or worse if they have nothing nice to say about your partner. If she/he can't keep friends of the same sex, how can they keep friends with a lover?
And how's your dating life?
I’m not dating anyone. Just got out of a relationship and I want to focus on me for a while.