Thoughts on How Not To Scare Off Girls

A lot of guys scratch their heads when good flirtatious vibes with a girl suddenly come to a screeching halt and we are left clueless as to why she went from really feeling our vibe to being completely repulsed.

Thoughts on How Not To Scare Off Girls

We often think that we must have done something like come off as too needy or desperate or, perhaps worse, boring. In a way, I think this is usually true, but the thought detracts from the real reason I believe so many girls just abruptly end flirting with a guy in addition to a generally flighty girl culture that embraces that kind of behavior.

Thoughts on How Not To Scare Off Girls

The reason for ghosting is not disgust so much as fear. In some way, the guy has triggered a fear response otherwise known as "fight or flight" and obviously most girls choose flight.

Thoughts on How Not To Scare Off Girls

This brings us to a whole new philosophy when it comes to flirting with girls which is to say -- don't scare them! But most guys aren't cat calling women or sexually harassing them so we can conclude that most girls scare easily when it comes to being hit on. And we should also specify by scare away we simply mean to get uncomfortable. They aren't actually afraid you're going to hurt them most of the time. It's just a general discomfort that's hard to explain. So, to get around it a guy needs to simply be aware of it and proceed with caution. This does not mean be weak, but it does mean that being indirect is far more effective in all areas that aren't exclusive visited with the express intention of meeting the opposite gender.

Thoughts on How Not To Scare Off Girls

And what exactly about guys trying to hit on them makes a girl so uncomfortable? The fact that she's not as interested in hooking up at this very moment in time. If she were, it would be as simple as being attractive enough but it's not. So, if we assume that during the day the majority of women aren't trolling for dick then we can assume nothing about the way you flirt with a woman should convey you are trying to have sex with her. Doing so will send her heading for the hills. She won't be able to explain it, but she'll just be over talking to you. Further on this point, you want to convey that you aren't intentionally hitting on her and, if you can, you want to convey that you don't do this all the time. And most importantly you want to convey that you mean no harm. It's as simple as that. If you're average in looks then that will be enough to get you a number with 30% of the conversations you start with attractive women. Cockiness and nervousness are two sides of the same coin that convey that you are trying to hit on her and it's actually best to err on the side of being boring and flat.

Thoughts on How Not To Scare Off Girls

So don't sweat if you get a lot of flakes. Don't beat yourself up if you flirt with girls often and it always goes nowhere. Consider it from her perspective and be honest about yourself as you review. Are you pushy? Do you make it really obvious that you like her? And also consider the fact that her default is that guys are trying to have sex with her so you're always working against that assumption. The reality is that guys who are very funny, very good looking, and even very rich struggle with approaching strange women and getting numbers that turn into sex and relationships--that's why they feel like they have to use their talents as crutches. But a man needs none of these things. He just needs to know what scares girls off and how not to do them anymore.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's intentions, it has nothing to do with fear. WHY are you approaching her? That's the question. Women are intuitive mostly. We can sense when somebody wants more than what they are displaying unless they hold those same intentions.

    Secondly. You're a complete stranger. She doesn't KNOW you. Your unfamiliar territory. Men who want's to date especially approach women because they want sex or some type of sexual relationship. This is the issue here. The girl may not WANT sex. Or be considered for sex just because she looks pretty or interesting. It becomes insulting. Girls who want's sex, doesn't care about flirting or who speaks to them. They know guys are lusting after them for sex. Whether for a relationship or one night stand. Some just don't want to be bothered.

    "The reality is that guys who are very funny, very good looking, and even very rich struggle with approaching strange women and getting numbers that turn into sex and relationships--that's why they feel like they have to use their talents as crutches." You want to get numbers. Why should a girl give you her number? We want to know WHY because women are getting tired as being looked at for that when they just want something so simple from men: RESPECT.

    Some of those girls have also been damaged and used by guys. We want honesty from men. And men aren't being honest about their intentions. Instead, you do exactly what you describe about what you want and it's offputting. You want sex? Be honest. You want to date for sex in it? Be honest. Do say you just want companionship, love, etc, and your ready to get the girl to bed because you THOUGHT that's what she really wanted. Again, girls who doesn't care about that and wants sex with the same mindset would enjoy that. Other girls who doesn't share those views or agree with being courted in that way, won't. I turned down any guy who I see is flattering and untrustworthy. I wanted to take things slow, they don't. My criteria is being friends first before seeing if dating is possible, they didn't want that. Most girls now wants to take that route. Because its safer. But many guys, again don't care about what the girl want or needs. It's selfishness in men in this area is why girls are getting 'scared off'.

    He just needs to know what scares girls off and how not to do them anymore. - How about, don't be lustful, be a gentleman? Be honest with what you're after. Don't charm us. Because at some point we will know. And then it's 'game' over.

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    • don't say*

      Girls are 'scared' of opening up to men who they sense and know aren't good for her. Period.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Something along the lines should work aswell.

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    • Lol that too

    • LMBO. True. No woman will be scared of a man if he is driving a car like that.

    • @Hispanic-Cool-Guy well, but think about it from her pov--he's probably a player, he probably will pump and dump, he probably has tons of girls willing to let him pump and dump--so in that way he's a lot scarier and has to work a lot harder to be nice/come off as genuine

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What Girls Said 12

  • Let's see... Last guy that came up to me was at the laundromat in the middle of the night, he didn't have any laundry just sat next to me sighed deeply then asked me a question, I knew he was scared so I talked along, he didn't speak English very well so when he asked me if I like violent movies and said he wanted to cut out my eyes and keep them I attributed it to his nervousness. He followed me to my car and asked for a number so I gave him one. Now I'm in a serious relationship so why not just tell him I have a boyfriend. Because I've tried that countless times and it almost always leads to them assulting you in similar situations. What was it? It wasn't the words it was his nervousness, men who are emotionally unstable enough that you can feel it coming off of them are also the ones that can't accept rejection. And even if you are a girl that is a good fighter and know you could survive and fight them off you also know that it is a lot of effort and you always come away worse for wear. The broken bones aren't worth the moral upper hand of not ghosting someone.

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    • how to deal with people (101):
      if a guy tell you he will cut your eyes out you simply stand up and do one of a three things
      1-shoot him
      2-use a piper spray
      3- run like hell

      you dear have failed the class and risked your life by tolerating his "small talk"

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    • lol wow because all fucking men will attack you if you say no sorry you had that happen to you but there are also men like me where it would hurt but it is what it is and i would still put my life on the line to protect yours and alll i do is get ghosted if you dont want to talk to me over the net or after the 5th date say so in a public place I assure you there is a man there like me that won't allow you to be attacked in the situation you described you should report that to the cops cause thats straight psycho and not many men i know would ever act like or say those things history tells u a lot you might want to pay attention to it

    • act like your giving him a hug and punch him as hard as you can in his Adams apple or carry a knife and do the same but with that if you are in danger do what you must no matter man or woman to protect what is yours

  • Stop purposely being an asshole and thinking too hard about everything. I've never met a guy who scared me off and didn't know what he did, it is always on purpose.

    The better looking a man thinks you are, the more stupid shit he says and more hr hurts you. The better you treat him the more he takes you for granted, and make the relationship about him, so he tries to find a way to break you and play games.

    I do not believe that a man genuinely doesn't know what he does wrong. The fact that a man is naturally predatory, he thinks about his needs and it makes him manipulative, thus becoming naturally untrustworthy.
    Stop thinking so hard and take what you can get, trust me there are girls literally running into your arms.

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    • No one likes you lol

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    • @RussianTiger6879 You're still growing up, and I hope that's not a made up story because lies come back to bite.

  • Most girls like when boys are polite, yet easygoing.

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  • Don't wanna scare off girls, don't be a fucking perv/creep, it's that simple dudes.

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  • So men ghost more then women! How about not ghosting! đź‘» because that shit is scary!

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  • Honestly, a lot of guys get really predatory and creepy when they flirt and they tower over people so...

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  • Your pie charts are killing me!

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  • very nice

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  • omg i love that meme cause its so true

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  • If guys don't want to scare off girls then they shouldn't be ugly creeps.

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    • His take was on how all men (non-creepy/ugly men, and creepy/ugly men) "scare" girls so easily for no reason.

  • Good stuff

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  • Use your manners

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What Guys Said 16

  • I like it. Girls do spook easily, especially if you catch them off guard and make them feel uneasy. You put a frog in boiling water and its gonna hop out instantly, but if you put it in at room temperature and gradually turn up the heat, it's gonna stay in there a lot longer. Where'd you get that graph though? That doesn't look right at all.

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    • yea it seemed off to me too i basically just wanted something that showed that a lot of girls ghost guys but that doesn't really show that well

  • That is entirely too much effort over trying to get women. The reality is that good looks help the most, so improving your look, if you can, should be the logical first priority if your goal is getting women. The rest is fairly distant.

    And notice I said "getting". The first attraction is where it all starts, or doesn't. There is no "getting to know the real you" if you never see each other again.

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  • Solid take. I do agree they change their interest due to a change in their comfort level. I'd say for more various reasons than just the thought of sex too soon. I'd also throw in a sudden click of disinterest or scatterbrain.

    But I'm curious where that graph gets its data from? I have a hard time believing that only 47% of dudes have been ghosted. Unless they just don't care to realize they've been ghosted or I just get ghosted a shit ton and assume other guys do as well lol.

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  • I see what you are saying, but from my experience being yourself works wonders.

    If a woman likes you, you can be cool or nervous and she will won't give a rip.

    I approach woman how I am feeling, is she is cool with it she will go along if not I just leave.

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  • I think it's worth mentioning that EVERY time I successfully chatted up a girl, I was effectively dumbing myself down.

    Don't get me wrong, I wasn't faking who I was or anything. But I also didn't really think about what I was saying or doing.. or even the POSSIBILITY that I would scare her off.

    Just took the raw "essence" of who I am, rolled it up into a nice little ball, and chucked it at her face.

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  • girls are never scared off, you are either ugly to them, not rich enough or they are playing games , if the guy is being nice and respectful and not needy or an ass its rarely his fault to begin with.

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  • Don't approach them from behind, it's a sure fire way to scare them. Although I do it anyway because fuck convention!

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  • Just being a strange guy who she doesn't find to be instantly attracted to is enough to scare off most women. Just being an average guy makes your intentions suspect. That's a tough place to start from.

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    • i mean the average guy can hide behind general friendliness as a precursor and then if she's seeming really interested in the conversation and the vibe is good he can shift it to them getting together sometime

  • Self awareness is definitely a skill that needs to be practiced. Can't tell you how many of my friends didn't realize they were being weird until I pointed it out to them.

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  • How not to scare off a girl?

    1) Don't act like a creep
    2) Treat them with respect
    3) If they say NO they mean NO, so don't push it.

    I know Trump and many Republicans think that women are inferior to men and that you can force yourself on them whenever you want, but for those who have BRAINS, this is obviously incorrect.
    Just treat girls with respect and be polite and just be yourself. Eventually, you'll find someone who shares your quirks. Don't rush things and don't get obsessed with someone before you get to REALLY know them, too.

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  • How do I not scare off a girl who I work with, our main form of communication is texting because we go to different schools.

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    • Don’t double text, don’t text about sex unless she does, talk about how you like the connection etc but don’t push to meet up that kind of thing

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    • @QCpress in a sense yes a lot of times really hot girls don't scare but then you do get hot girls who are snobby but generally its always the same girls dont want to talk to guys who only want to fuck them but they do really want to talk to guys who could be boyfriend potential. and of coure if its a nightclub chances are she's open to going home with an attractive guy but this take is dedicated more to girls youd see in a coffeshop for instance

    • She isn’t snobby

  • Just kidnap her, so she can't run off even if you are scary. Problem solved, next question.

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  • huh? most people I know that ghost someone is because they are lazy xD

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    • wait.. is ghosting really a thing O_O?

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    • when does it happen to you O_o?

    • It's a thing yeah, I've had it happen three times now. A girl I know says that it's because if you're nice and respectful and all that to them, but they're not interested, they don't want to hurt your feelings so they ghost you instead. Honestly I would prefer they hurt my feelings.

  • show them my face and no girl will ever go around you XD, ya its bad but its also sad

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  • You see, it would be better to read this great piece to educate you on the subject at hand.

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  • Good advice, thanks for sharing.

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