Everyone seems to aspire to find someone and fall in love these days. I’ve wanted to at one point in my life too. Now, I don’t think I have the same aspiration/expectation anymore. Out of cynicism? Possibly. I don’t know if I can see myself falling in love with anyone.
To get a bit deeper, I don’t tell anyone I love them. I have a hard time expressing the emotion. I’m not the most affectionate individual. However, I was hoping I’d one day meet someone that would teach me to break out of that habit.
Years down the line, I enter a relationship with the expectation of falling in love. And I thought that was bound to happen if you experience a mutual physical and emotional attraction over time.
I did not fall in love. And let’s be blunt, I doubt meeting someone else will make that happen, considering it happened later in life for me compared to the time frame it happened for other people in my age group.
Is there something wrong with me for not being able to feel this or was it simply a bad match? Maybe both. Am I guaranteed to feel it after several other attempts? Sadly no. Do I think I will ever fall in love? No, because I don’t think I’m capable of loving anyone.
This question may pop in your mind after reading this far: do you love yourself? I’m getting there. It has taken years and I’m learning to overcome that prime obstacle. Weirdly enough, I am content with never having sex again.
You all must presume I’m either asexual or homosexual. Let’s hope that I’m neither, I’ve identified with heterosexual for all of these years. Let’s end this myTake with the possibility that I have not found the right person yet (had to make it cliche). I feel so alone in this lack of emotion.