To cover both Flirting and Approaching, it has to be a pretty detailed article. It's not enough to just say "walk up to him." So as far as the length - Bare with me... ( it took longer to write than to read btw ;)
With the coming of the new age, we have reached a time in which the male dominated aspect of courtship, is becoming settled on more equal grounds. Well - that's the goal we are shooting for at least. In my observations, I've noticed more girls than not, wondering how on earth they can have a shot at any stud that happens to be nearby; that's right, we're going to explore the idea of - dare I say it - the female approach.
Contrary to what we'd like to idealize for this - a female approach is going to be a bit different than a male approach. The pressing desire in men is to present himself as being as valuable to the girl - whilst the female desire is to make herself as available as possible to the man.
"We are inherently in the control seat here - NOT the men."
Well, women subconsciously desire a male she feels is worth her time according to our oh so picky standards - whereas a man wants the chance at a potential mate (a guy wanting a chance at breeding? Who would've imagined that?) I bring up this point because being a woman, we already have 60% of the guy's attention simply being female; and if he mutually finds you attractive - well now you're at about 85%.
Hmm.. why has nature set this in favor for women this way?
Simple - we are the initiators. Ever wonder why women have "veto power" and government with sex? We are inherently in the control seat here - not the men.
Surprising huh? All these years we've been told it's the man's job to both initiate and approach - for all you hard core feminist out there - that idea of the man taking all the initiative actually pushed women out of that power.
I know huh?
We'll save gender struggles over power for another article - as for now ladies, I'm going to give you some tips on how to go from making googly eyes across the room - to having a steamy make out session when class is over ;D ( Yep, this is a real life account for me tee hee...)
Female flirting/approaching is NOT the same as male flirting/approaching.
They aren't severely different - but female flirting is more prolonged than male flirting. Usually men will step up and say " I want to date you be mine now." Where as women will keep wading his waters -it's our little way of deciphering a man through and through. Darn female brains - so detail oriented.
Lets get to it shall we?
1. Make sure he likes you
There is nothing more awkward than laying on the moves to someone who'd rather be watching tv then trying to court with you.
Signs he likes / is interested you:
- He stares
- He greets you with an overly happy smile consistently
- He notices you often
- His eyes will give it away ( they become really tender and psuedo - sexual)
- He'll groom himself ( fix his clothes, his hair around you or when he knows you'll be around)
- Psuedo - sexual conversation (He'll say things like, "You'd look good in my t - shirt," or turn an innocent statement into a playfully sexual one)
- He gets more physical / touchy ( men are physically oriented, his knee against yours, his hands keep "accidentally" touching your neck, arms, or legs)
I've interacted with over 10 guys at a party and they all demonstrated a lot of these things. Also, you can "feel" a certain vibe from guys who really like you. I've heard it's your female brain picking up on his release of testosterone/pheromones that happens when he's face to face with a desirable woman - it's in his sweat and well nerves make you sweat.
2. Embracing your inner vixen
- Have some self-esteem
As with anything, confidence is key. Actually it's crucial here. You have to be able to look in the mirror and see how beautiful you really are. You have to believe enough that you're attractive so you can have the guts to carry out the spicy flirting techniques we'll be getting into soon.
- He thinks you're hot - so you're hot
Believe me, this is loads easier when you know or feel he likes you back - because it's already guaranteed he thinks you're attractive. Men don't bend their rules of attraction - if you're attractive to him, you are attractive to him. Plain and simple. No second guessing ladies.
- Be a little...sexy
There is nothing like embracing your lovely curves, luscious lips, whatever makes you stunning - slipping into a classy but sexy outfit, doing your hair up really well, maybe a bit of make up, and then watching him wipe the drool of his face when you walk by.
As stated before - men are physically oriented and quite visual compared to women, enticing his primitive desire to pounce on you will only make him want you more.
So don't fear the sexy, and don't look like you got beat with a wet chain when you talk to him. ( save that for when you're married :P )
3. Provoke his desires - How to flirt his briefs off - literally
In all honesty, you simply acknowledging him could be all it takes to get the message across. Of all the things men don't pay attention to, they sure are keen on waiting for that one little minuscule sign that she does indeed want him.
But if you're feeling a tad sexy and creative, or he's just not quite sure yet - lets get to the fun stuff!
He won't ever reject your presence
Unless you like walk in on him in the bathroom - well hey, maybe not even then either... Case in point - men don't mind the company of the pretty face he's been dying to get close to anyway. This means the options of approaching a guy for chit chat are near infinite.
One of my favorite ways to get within talking distance of the guy I like is to sit by him in class. If you're not in a school like environment or have his class, where ever it is that you see him - find a way to get beside him. Lets say he's waiting for an elevator - pretend you conveniently have to take the elevator too. If he's hovering by a bookshelf or standing in line at a coffee shop - stand beside him but act like you just casually walked over there.
Omg he's right there, what do I do?!...
Remember your basic greetings. It's always a good start - simply saying "hi and how are you today?" is the easiest way to get the conversation going. Now you simply talking to him first will suddenly thrust the idea into his head that this smokin' hot girl is right here and he should get your number. So his 85% interest just shot up to 95% interest. Even with a mere 5% left - it's still enough to hold even the bravest stud back. Didn't know women were so scary, ha ha. So now you feel like the conversation is dying. Well, for all the socially unaware...
Use the ENVIRONMENT to your advantage. You're at a coffee shop - just say "Mmm, the frapucchinos are so good -" let him respond and then ask him what his favorite coffee drink is. Let some of your background knowledge come into play - like " Oh did you know some people were saying Starbucks was using drugs to get people addicted to their coffee? How crazy is that right?" Let whatever thoughts about the subject that come to mind flow out respectively, and feed off of what he says.
There are an infinite amount of things to derive from the environment to keep the conversation going - eventually what happens is he'll start talking about all sorts of this's and that's and you'll start talking about all sort's of this's and that's. Not only have you bravely initiated the guy you like, but now you two are learning about the other and becoming more comfortable with the other.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his ego
So women like compliments but men LOOOOVE compliments. In fact, a study was done on a speed dating scenario, in which the woman was asked to compliment all the guys on the second round. In the first round, only 4 or so guys said they'd date her again - on the third round 9 of the men said they'd date her - even one of the guys who wasn't extremely attracted to her at first had a change of heart.
There are two things that men have that are really sensitive - the one you want to go after upon first meeting him and getting to know him, ain't the one in between his legs. Do you see him in the gym sometimes? Tell him and then say he's looking good from it. Does he tutor some subject at school you know he does? Tell him he's really intelligent. It helps a ton when you start to take in his interest and the things he does to define himself, and then sincerely compliment him on his efforts.
Oh and men love the phrase "I'm impressed" from a gorgeous girl. Makes them feel all fuzzy and manly inside. His ego and his masculinity are prized within him, even in the least egotistical guys. Use that idea to your advantage ladies...
Flirting Techniques That Haven't Failed Me Yet
Just for credentials, I'm no whore or skank, but I am a natural flirt when it comes down to it. I've had more often than not, guys express their " fondness " of me when I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Majority of my friends are guys, so I spend much of my day fraternizing with the male species. You realize a few things when you're seemingly friendly guy friends start trying to make moves on you out of the blue?
Act overall happy to see him - Light up a bit when your crush comes around you - he'll notice. If you see him walk into class, or bump into him consistently, smile every time, even say a quick " hi " and " how are you today?" Make sweet chit chat when there's time.
Hug...Often - Men are warm and snuggly - enjoy his snuggliness as much as you can. Hugs are also the one thing that is kind of intimate and can be sexual, but still wholesomely accepted as being friendly. With your crush - Wrap your arms around his neck, give him a bit of a squeeze, pull back but while you're still hanging onto his neck, (so he can get a mini - fantasy of kissing those soft yummy lips only inches from his) and then say something like, "How are you?" and then let go. It seems like such a small gesture, but dangling there is what girlfriends typically do - and that's what you're hinting at.
"Hugs are the one thing that is kind of intimate, & can be sexual, but still wholesomely accepted as being friendly."
Physical Play - Men are physical, and they love when a girl thinks she can 'beat him up,' they enjoy the little patters of your fist and using it as an excuse to grapple your waist and man handle you. Its a bit raw and primitive - like sex.
Let him "accidentally" touch you - So you're talking to him and he over acts some gesture, "accidentally," touching your boob. What do you do? No don't slap him - say "ha ha you touched my boob -" He'll laugh or be like " Oh did I?" Guys I've said that too have been like, "Oh it was soft - didn't mean to ( with obvious sarcasm.)
If the guy you like gets comfortable enough to touch / smack your bum - let him do it but playfully act like you're offended - this face :O with a bit of a smirk is always cute. Then smack his tushy back.
Psuedo - sexual chat - is just as I mentioned before in the section of him being interested; turn the occasional innocent phrase into something a bit sexual that involves you and him. Sexual innuendos mixed with the context of a fantasy between the two of you. Example:
Girl: "Man - all my homework is due tomorrow, I have like 3 essays to write."
Guy: "Dang that's rough."
Girl: (smirks) "I like it rough..."
Guy: "Ha ha - good then I won't hurt you..."
Yea they are a bit corny and cheesy, but they make for a good laugh and conveys a sexual message in a subtle and witty way to your crush.
SPICE IT UP Techniques
Smile then Bite Lip - This is a pretty blunt message to any guy, I don't recommend doing it unless you're enticing him for make out, or sex. Ha ha it's funny because sometimes the guy will do it back and then you know things are getting kinda warm...
Fidget with Clothing in Sexy areas - Wait till he's in mid sentence and has your attention and then mess with your cleavage line for no reason. I pretend a piece of hair got on top of them. One guy literally stopped mid word and was like, " mmm need help?" It's a clever little way of giving him excuse to look because the sudden movement distracts the eye there. Plus he thinks you think he's not looking so it's a quick free pass for him to.
Sit on his lap - If you get the chance in which all the seats happen to be full - casually sit down on his lap. Guys won't be able to help putting hand on your hip or thigh, or doing that hovering thing about your neck and shoulders. You can " fidget" with your clothes here too. He'll like that.
Touchy..Touchy - Men have really sensitive nipples, in fact, they are more sensitive than a woman's nipples. " Admire " his amazing man chest and brush your hand or better yet, rest your hand on top of them. If you're feeling that zealous, mess with his nipples playfully. It's not taboo at all for a girl to touch on a guy's chest. ( One of my friends was laying on her crush's chest and was just fondling his nipples like it was just normal behavior. In front of everyone. At practice.) Rub his shoulders, talk about his physique - rest your head on him somewhere. My favorite? Play with his hair - not yours. Men melt when you get a nice scalp rub going.
I am Your Pillow - if the two of you happen to be relaxing and he lays down - lay on his chest but with your face looking at the sky - or if you lay down, he may lay his head on top of your chest or stomach. Let him - heck, mess with his hair while he's relaxing there.
Don't Keep Your Hands to Yourself - Sometimes guys will be like, "I could go for a message," if you two have been hanging out enough - give him a message then ask for one in return. At this point, unwarranted touching will be quite warranted - if you're feeling bold enough, let your hand rest really close to his happy spot - don't touch him fully, but move your hand slowly around the area. He'll do one of two things; rest his hand close to, or just touch your breast or mess with your thighs - or he'll go for a kiss. Either way you'll end up making out. Woot Woot!
I'm YOUR stripper - We have nice hips, they look great when they are shaking all around. If the two of you are alone, or at a party and there happens to be an option for music. Casually turn the music on and let some racy grind song conveniently play. Just start dancing on him. If he's sitting down, do a playful little strip dance (don't take your clothes off - well unless you really want I suppose) give him a little lap dance or make him stand up and get a little grind session going on. He'll get touchy and if you turn your head around, he'll probably kiss you. Woot Woot!
Taste as Good as You Look - Biting is a lot more sexual / affectionate - mess around and chomp down playfully on him every now and then. Some people really get turned on by that so it can be quite effective for flirting if you two are that deep into flirting. If you have foods like whip cream, chocolate you're casually eating, put a little on them and lap it up or if he gets a bit on him somewhere other than his mouth - swipe it with your finger (or tongue) and make it a little sexual as you lick it off. If you're in a setting with drinks and someone recommends a body shot - make him lay down and take a body shot off of him. He he - put the lime in his mouth...Woot Woot!
I always wanted to tell you this - There comes a point when you're so incredibly sure this guy is feeling you, that you end up in his arms or near enough to blurt out how sexy he is, and how much you like him. Don't be afraid to just throw it out on the table. This technique also ends with a kiss - or making out. Woot Woot!
As of now, these are all the major one's I can identify that get a guy's blood racing and your interest undeniable. Try out some of them - hopefully they'll work for you as well as they do for me.
Happy flirting ladies!