I'm Not Superficial For Having a List...

Nowadays I see that guys call a girl who feels she wants certain things in a guy as some type of superficial bitch. I understand sometimes certain people's lists can be a little much. An example of too much in my opinion is when someone says they want their significant other to have a car when they themselves don't even know how to drive or own any mode of vehicle other than uber.

The way I see it is that if you have a requirement you want somebody to have then you should also have that quality in some way. So here's my list:

I'm Not Superficial For Having a List...

1. Personal hygiene

I seriously can't deal with a guy who doesn't brush his teeth, take regular showers and basically just lives like an 80's grunge rocker.

2. Educated

Here's the thing I'm a double major student, studying film and television production as well as investment analysis and portfolio management. So like I need someone who I can talk to who would be able to understand what I'm going through. Let me further explain why for me this is an actual thing NOW... I emphasise NOW because it was actually never a thing for me before but is now. I have a friend who dropped out of university in the first week to get married and she's now a housewife (admiration for housewives, those women are strong af) so whenever I see her nowadays we honestly have nothing to talk about because her priorities and interests are so different than mine. I remember just last week she decided to have an argument with me regarding what dish washing product I used.. I didn't see it as a huge deal but she did. Our mindsets are different and I've realised in university you gain a sort of different understanding of things than the one you left high school with. Life, in general, does that to people..university kinda just forces you to see them quicker unless you instantly start working after high school then life hits you hard because workplace people are assholes 90% of the time.

3. Fitness

I'm a fit person. I'm not gonna say I'm the healthiest person because I know I love my McDonalds and coke but everything in moderation, right? I exercise and keep fit as well as eat healthy most of the time so I need somebody who has that determination to look after their bodies and cares for their health.

4. Strong-willed

I'm strong willed and hard headed. I set goals and pursue them and to me people who have this trait are extremely attractive because it shows they know what they want and have a plan on how to get it. I'm not the type to just sit around and say I'll do something tomorrow where tomorrow never comes.

5. Must like books

So this isn't necessarily a THING THING, it's just preferable because I realised a lot of people who don't like to read often discourage you from reading as well.

6. Ambitious

He's gotta have a plan for what he wants his life to be like, what type of job he wants and that type of shit. Basically he has to have dreams that he plans on achieving.

So yeah that is pretty much my basic list, do with it what you will but that's my honest opinion on people I would date. Of course love comes in different forms and a lot of the time a list is never met but consideration, as a girl some might want someone tall, others like shorter guys, for guys same, some like chicks with great big tits, others like girls that dont have much or any at all etc..

At least that's my take.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sorry hun but you are not to dandy and to fathom that you can get a guy with those requirements you posted is ridiculous. Maybe we men should make a list with what we want in women: Not be overweight, be a 7 or 8 out of 10, be slim, not be naggy oh wait that person or ideal person can't exist. See how hypocritical it would be if guys made a list. The amount of insults you ladies would throw at a man would be big.

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    • You kind of proved your own argument is flawed. Finding a woman that is not overweight, not a bitch and is relatively pretty (or on the same attractiveness level as you) is not that hard. I don't really get why you think her requirements are ridiculous, being clean, not being overweight, having the same education level and having relatively similar life trajectory are not big demands. The latter two are actually pretty very important if you want to build a successful relationship.

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    • He’s a human lol but cute effort

  • Your list doesn't seem too bad. Hygiene is a basic one most if not everyone has on their list. Wanting someone a healthy weight also seems reasonable. Ambition and strong willed could go together but it's a trait I have as well. I want someone who's trying to do something with their life and not just leeching off me for stuff.

    As for educated it doesn't necessarily have to be through a degree in my opinion. Some people are smart and end up in the trades making more money than some people who go through university and have less debt too. I double majored in physics and computer science, I don't think I'd click well with someone who double majored in gender studies and human resources. So education isn't necessarily the largest thing. As long as they're following their ambition. Some people could have an education but I may not be able to stand them.

    As for books I don't read books much but wouldn't care if my partner read a lot. It depend son the person. Whenever I do read it's to more or less pick up or hone a skill.

    My list is:
    Loyal
    Trustworthy
    Honest
    Somewhat attractive (healthy wight and good Hygiene)
    Pleasant to be around (respectful, polite)
    Have some common interests
    Compatible life goals (for more long term and serious relationship)

    I think more people think a list is shallow when a list is 10/10 for look, lots of money, own an expensive house and car, is a hard worker, has a Ph. D or three, and doesn't find anyone else attractive. Especially when a girl doesn't have anything to return. If a girl does have those requirements her list annoys people when she complains she can't find guys who are the same or above. Then she might have to "date down" like a lot of guys tend to do with women.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I mean, the things on your list are pretty standard for any normal person who's looking for a healthy relationship. When I started reading this take, I made the automatic assumption that your headlines were going to be something more along the lines of "must be this tall, must have this much money, must have a strong jawline, must have a penis this size, must be perfect in every single way" etc, because that's usually why someone would get called superficial for having a "list". Your list is in no way superficial, considering that it's made up of positive traits that have more to do with personality/temper than excessively physical or monetary (i. e. shallow) aspects.

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  • You know it's funny how on this site, if I wrote something like that, I'd immediately be called bitchy, arrogant and a feminazi,, and you know what, they'd be right. What makes you think you bring that much to the table? It's like with most things nowadays, you look good on paper but are hell in reality. All you do is count up credentials. Is there a human being in there? And nice job with the backhanded compliment at housewives. I've been one for 16 years, and I'm everything you list. Stop acting like having a prestigious major somehow gives you some kind of prerogative as to what kind of mate you deserve. You are superficial, vain, and full of yourself. Next.

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    • its not a backhanded compliment i just know for a fact id never have the balls to do that. good on you for being strong enough to do that. respect

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    • "I'd immediately be called bitchy, arrogant and a feminazi,, and you know what, they'd be right." - Smug.

    • @ronaldo75 Apparently, you can't answer my question. There's nothing smug about stating the truth.

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What Guys Said 62

  • Lol this isn't even a list... this is shit your mothers taught you (wash, study, dont eat too much Mcdonalds), although clearly some guys didn't get that kind of upbringing.

    I hope you have a real list somewhere :P... it's not superficial at all. My list wouldn't even fit in the comment box.

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  • You're not superficial for having a list, but some people's lists are superficial. Your list is modest compared to most for sure! And I agree that you should generally have attained a certain degree of a quality before expecting it in a partner, ie the fitness thing.

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  • Your list is fine. Some women go overboard, like holy shit that guy doesn't even exist overboard.

    The reading one... meh. I read a lot, but that's never been a deal breaker for me. I'm terms of trying to gain knowledge books really aren't the most efficient medium like they used to be. If there's the desire for self improvement that's enough for me.

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  • Superficial people meeting their potential lifetime partner like:
    Person: "Wow. We get along so well in virtually every aspect."
    Potential partner: "Yes, we do. Let's go on a date."
    Person: "Wait... "
    [person pulls out clipboard and analyzes list]
    Person: "Do you have a college education?"
    Potential partner: "Huh? That was random. School isn't really my strong suit but we are really compatible personality-wise, which is all that mat-."
    Person (robot voice): "Sorry, your application was denied. You don't meet the requirements of dating me."
    [walks away]

    Now, hygiene and fitness are obvious. If your hygiene is deplorable, people will be complaining in class and at work. Decent hygiene is a must-have everywhere; it's not just limited to relationships.
    And obviously, your partner should also be physically attracted to you because physical attraction is the reason people have sexual/romantic relationships in the first place. These two are fine; it's like saying your romantic partner "must be a human". I won't judge you for not wanting to date a dog.

    Aside from the aforementioned physical things, your list will indisputably begin to qualify as superficial when it's entirely 'possible' for a person to be unable to satisfy one or multiple conditions from your list yet still get along with you as a PERSON. I believe it's possible for someone to not satisfy your 4 other conditions yet still get along very well with you on a personal level. But you would outright reject them due to 'perceived' ineligibility, I presume.

    If I got along (personality wise) with a girl that dropped out of highschool years ago because it wasn't her style, had significantly less income than me, couldn't drive, didn't have much ambition etc, I'd date her no problem. People have different backstories & shit, y'know. Maybe teach her how to drive, see if I can help her further her education (or motivate her to utilize her talents) if she wants to continue it. And if she doesn't wanna do any of that, that's fine as long as we get along as people. See, that's real love; you get with someone because you like them as a person, then you make it work.
    It doesn't start with consulting a checklist in order to admit them into being in a relationship with you in the first place. Such systematic procedures are best left for things like job admissions.
    Jeez. Some people have literally no sympathy, lol.

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  • Yo list is fine really.. Not too much at all. Although you and yo friend must have other things you can talk about other than... University.. Also y'all don't always have to agree just know how to disagree without gettin upset.. ( A word to yo friend at least.) But I like yo list.. It's reasonable, and pretty well thought out..

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  • Everyone has lists of preferences and must haves, deal breakers. I know I do.

    Don't feel ashamed for knowing what you want. And these are all understandable preferences. You like to read so you'd like that commonality in someone you date. You like people with good hygiene, who doesn't? Help him achieve his ambition if you can, you are a partnership after all.

    I don't see anything here that requires criticism.

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  • If you lower a human being's value to items on a checklist then yes you are superficial...
    You are in this manner not looking for a person but a set of criteria that fits your values and it is shallow
    But there are plenty men out there who do the same and maybe you will find someone with a matching list and you can have a pleasant superficial life till your lists do not match any longer...

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  • There is no problem with "the list" if YOU live up to "the list" to the same extent as you expect of others. The problem that I have is that the vast majority of women who use "the list" do not measure up AT ALL to the standards they demand of men. Instead, they think that they're such innate treasures that they don't have to bring anything to the table but the prospect of getting to their pussy.

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  • I think this is a really good thing to have as a guide to stick to what you know you are deserving of. And as long as it doesn't contain superficial or unrealistic things but sticks to a strong sense of self and reflects who you are and what you believe in its a positive and maybe a fun way of looking for a mate. Keep in mind you have to have an open mind to be flexible and be able to adapt your ideas I to growing the meaning of each tho g on the list.

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  • Your list is typical for any woman. Every woman wants those things or at least the core principals those bring. It really comes down to how much of these a guy has along with the material result of them as to who she'd chose.

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  • Good luck with that toots. Hope you like cats. :)

    You're strong willed and hard-headed? That's a giant red flag. No guy is gonna put up with that bullshit. So come down off your high horse and think about what YOU will bring to a relationship that would be considered high value. Cuz women are all about their list of requirements but never give a second thought about what THEY have to offer. And it's not your golden vagina.

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  • I think the issue with lists is what on them. I mean the list you have made is basically an unrealistic standard to hold any man to, Your type from your list is good looking, athletic, Intelligent, strong willed with good job prospects as far as i read it. So where is there room for any sort of down side since where all flawed in some way, the personality?

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  • There's nothing wrong with having preferences. What makes guys roll our eyes are these girls who 'require' guys to live up to standards the girl herself doesn't even approach. So you have girls who want an Olympic-level athlete with a PhD in electrical engineering who looks like Brad Pitt, yet the girl is average-looking with a muffin top and struggling through her 3rd year of college. Not realistic at all.

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  • Yeah, this list goes down with the flush when you meet someone special.

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  • I think everyone is entitled to have their own preferred "type" of person they would like to be romantically involved with. To me this is almost a basic human right. I think we still live in a mostly free society, and I hope that this freedom can be protected and encouraged. Honestly, you have this right, and your list can be 1000 items long, but realistically you may never find that person if you become too specific.

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  • I just want a cool chick who I can connect with mentally and emotionally. Once you have that everything else falls into place.

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  • Well, that's like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Don't expect the candidates on your list to reciprocate. They might have their own lists.. them shallow bastards.

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  • "I'm strong-willed and hard-headed." What does that really mean?

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    • it means when i think im right im willing to discuss the situation thoroughly until the right answer comes up.

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    • it means I'm a woman and even if you put forth a valid argument I will still find a way to argue you down into submission.

    • @ronaldo75 when I saw "strong-willed and hard-headed" all I could think about was how much her and this 'guy' are going to clash.

  • If you want a lot, you have to give a lot. Even then, if you get with someone just based on an evaluation of criteria, you're going to ultimately be disappointed, because love can't be arranged and organized like a business plan.

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  • Everyone has a list of the things they want but it is a matter of a couple adjusting to each other's wants and needs to find a compromise. It is superficial if one side far outweighs the other to the point of extreme.

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  • Crap I'm uneducated because I didn't go college. :(
    Never finish a book before in my life.
    Probably weak as shit too, so fitness ain't there.

    I have tinder girls at least lol. They don't care.

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  • every time you set a hard rule in dating, you'll be introduced to a reason to break that rule

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  • This is really nice and all but I would like to point out that your majors aren't connected to each other, meaning one of them will be rendered useless and a waste of time. They also sound like great majors to be unemployed after you graduate.

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    • Are you REALLY so stupid as to think that film and television production have NOTHING to do with investment management? REALLY? She is basically studying both sides of the business from the beginning. That means she won't have to have someone else do the money thinking for her if she's producing and she won't be easy to bullshit by some producer if she's managing.

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    • im not getting an MBA... im getting a degree and honours...

    • @HereIbe my experience in the field is that they're both closed circles.

  • Nothing whatsoever wrong with having standards, nothing at all.

    You also get to decide what your dealbreakers are, and shouldn't allow anybody to shame you for this. It's your life, your choice.

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  • That's a perfectly normal check-list, I'd say that's the bare minimum if you have any self-esteem.

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  • That's okay, by making a list and sticking with it you're saving men like me the agony of dating you. Keep it up!

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  • Good Guide, but should not lock in on this combo.. Nothing is black and white, life is made of grey areas./..

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  • He needs to be ambitious and have a life plan but you don't have a life plan. You're going to end up a fucking podcaster trying to pay rent with ad cents checks

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  • It's a good list, you basically want someone good physically and emotionally that reads books.

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  • Your list here isn't superficial, but everyone is superficial/shallow. We can't be attracted to someone we're not attracted to, even if they meet all the criteria of our lists.

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    • Not that being superficial is a bad thing. Unless you're too superficial, like a guy who is like "My girl has to weigh under 140 lbs, be at least 5'6" and have C-cup boobs." That would be a bit much.

    • And I think your criteria for what is/isn't superficial or shallow is good. Nothing you can't say about yourself.

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What Girls Said 28

  • because men can't handle when women have preferences or standards, they think the woman should just like and take them as is. But when it comes to their standards and preferences as men, well.. we're just shit out of luck and have to get the fuck over it.

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  • Your list seems very normal, and I think most of us naturally desire a partner with those traits.
    It becomes superficial when you start saying
    1.) looks
    2.) smart
    3.) bank $$$
    4.) what car he drives
    5.) how nice is his house
    6.) ewww, you use straighttalk?
    Etc... those are uptight superficial sad excuses for humans.

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    • What's wrong with being intelligent?

    • @Unit1 being smart is the only thing I listed that is a good thing. I meant it to be mocking what those people would say... they’re 9/10 always like “welll he’s gotta look goood, and be smart, duh! Then he’s gotta dress nice, and OMG WTF are you wearing? Are those supposed to be shoes? Ewww”
      You can picture a superficial girl saying that too

    • You are confusing.

  • I understand. I tried to be nice and date people regardless of their current situation, but then I realized not having standards didn't make me nice, it make me easy to use. So I made my own list. I have a fuck buddy, but when I'm ready for another relationship they need to have their finances in order, want kids and share parenting values, treat me with respect, always choose me over another woman, and we have to be great friends first.

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  • I don't really see anything wrong with this it's kind of basic. For all the men crying, so you're saying a well adjusted career focused woman should marry a smelly, uneducated, fat bum that works at the chicken shop? Cmon

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    • I agree. How she’s made it sound in the beginning I was expecting a bunch of near unrealistic standards, but this is easy. It’s just bathe, take care of your health, have a goal, and basically just be on her level. The guys here must be the ultimate losers if this tiny list is a problem.

  • There's nothing wrong with being "superficial" either. In the end, you are the one who needs to be happy with your boyfriend. It's better to be superficial than having your heart broken 1000 times because you give everyone a chance.

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  • Your list seems reasonable, I think people have a problem with lists when its must be 6ft plus, make six figures and has 6 mansions one of them by the beach. And the person making the list is a single mum (nothing against that) who looks like a potato.

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  • I wouldn't say you're superficial, but you're so picky, there is no way you will be dating any men under 40 years old (I like older men too, but that's pushing it).

    You do realize that virtually no 20/30-something men fall into ALL of these requirements, right? I've still never met a guy who falls into all 6 of these categories, except men over 40(and even that's rare).

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  • Good girl, add high self esteem and makes as much money as you do to the list. A woman who is as accomplished and self assured as you will meet problems of you're man isn't confident and successful.

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  • Your requirements are not to far out there. Rather reasonable in fact. Men and women have their own requirements for serious relationships, I know many women get butthurt at the list guys have. It's usually because they fall short.

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  • I think the list becomes the ideal partner sometimes. Like people make up an imaginary person and look for them... I don't think you find love that way but that's just me...

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  • a list can be superficial. but these things aren't superficial. if you wanted A hot guy a certain hair color and length, then it would have been superficial.

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  • You have a really good list. And that is how it must be. Everybody has their own list of SO and there is nothing wrong in it.

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  • Totally agree that it is a cheek to expect someone to offer qualities or strengths you do not offer too. Which is why I would never date someone uneducated, unskilled, not intelligent, not wordy, not in a very good job or own business - they would end up needing advice off of me all of the time, or asking for my money. No good to me at all, and a very boring person to boot. My partner is shorter than me - so what, it is far more important that he offers me all of those strengths and is not relying on me to make his decisions for him or give him money, or a job. It is far more important that he is loving, romantic, honest and caring with a great sense of humour.

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  • Nothin wrong with knowing what you want and not settling for less..

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  • I'm learning that I need to stick to my list & stop compromising.

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  • On my list there are these points;
    -Decent hygiene
    -Stable job with a good work ethic (not necessarily high paid but full time and secure)
    -Likes animals
    -No illegal drugs
    -Wants marriage
    -Doesn't have/or want children
    -A couple of things in common so we can talk.

    Appearance wise things are more give or take. I don't think my list is unfair or unreasonable. When it comes to stuff like the guy must be taller or have dark hair and be athletic then these are more shallow. I have a preference for long hair on guys but that doesn't mean I wouldn't date a guy with short hair.

    I'm thankful my boyfriend ticks off everything and more on my main list <3

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  • Anyone who says they aren't superficial in theory are liars. If anyone were to sit and make a list of their ideal partner we would all sound superficial. You can be superficial in theory just don't be in practice. I dated my ideal once he turned out be a nightmare and the man I fell in love with ultimately ended up being a pretty drastic contrast to my ideal. I wanted tall, dark, educated and worldly. I ended up with an average height blond from my home town. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have some shared interests but sometimes you have the most chemistry with someone who would never even register on your radar. By all means have your list but be open to people who break the list. Except hygiene that one can be permanent.

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  • You're not superficial. it's all about choices and how the other person fits in your life!

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  • It's not superficial to have a list, but in my opinion, you should be open to everyone.

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  • Nice take

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  • Nice take

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  • Her my list, WHITE, TALL, RICH, SMART, MANLY, lol

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  • I agree with ur list 100%

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  • Good take

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  • Yes. That is whatbmost of us want.

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  • Good take.

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  • Okay

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  • Everyone has a list whether they know it or not. Nobody is attracted to everyone. Nobody wants to be with everyone.

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