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Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating (Page 2)
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Nice take! If I were single, I would never choose online dating for myself. Too much risky, there are tons of creeps, stalkers, catfishes and on and on.
Also, you can not find "chemistry" in an online dating, how would you know if the other person was just pretending to be lovable and hiding too much turn-off flaws? Only when you meet him or her, and the chance of feeling disappointed is huge. The analogy the title said it all.
Thank you!
but how would you know that about anyone? they say you don't REALLY get to know a person until after the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over, and I agree with that. when you are dating someone, for the first few months most people are putting their best foot forward generally all the time.
Yes, some people only show their true colors after they are sure that they are in control, that's a bad thing. But we have to agree that in an online dating everything's harder.
thats true, and I will totally agree with that, why? because its like a double edged sword. While you definitely have more options available and nearly a "limitless" pool to date from, you also have more options available and nearly a "limitless pool to date from lol. People like to say women are just too picky and don't ever respond but I feel like BOTH men and women just have so many options that they are holding out for the one that checks ALL the boxes... which will be almost darn near impossible to find. Not saying to lower yourself or standards but maybe be okay with having a few of those boxes not checked off, ya know? :P (err not you, just speaking in general).
I agree with the whole chemistry thing. I felt it with the first guy, but he turned out to be a dud. I felt a different kind with the second guy after we met than before, and I never felt it at all with the third. I know I had chemistry with my ex the first time we looked into each other's eyes. I'm going to wait until I medtg another guy with that kind of chemistry in person
Going for a big meal in an expensive restaurant as a first date is a bad idea. Much better meeting for a snack or drink or something, where you can minimize your time and $ commitment. After all, the chances of hitting on the first try are just not that great.
Actually drinking on the first date has been shown to cause people to regret their relationships twice as much as those who didn't. I would still be hungry with a snack and prefer to take my time eating. I don't regret the food
You don't have to drink heavily...
Haha... I'm a super lightweight... I tend to black out at 3 drinks, so it doesn't take a lot for me to drink "heavily"
OK, you may want to stick to tea...
Well written! I’ve met some really great women on Tinder & Bumble that I’m still friends with.
Not a big fan of POF.
A friend of mine got scammed. He was talking with a girl who’s profile said 18. She sent him explicit pics, then said she is only 17 and if he doesn’t pay her, he is going to jail.
Scared the sh*t out of him, but in the end it was just a bluff.
That's great you found some decent friends, but it's kind of awkward for me to backtrack if I give any hint of romantic intentions
As for your friend, that sounds downright terrible and is something I'm glad didn't happen to me. There are some real psychos out there
You had way better luck than 99% of online daters, so I'd say it's not so bad for you. I'd consider going on dates to be progress, there has to be a process of elimination.
By the way my luck sucks mainly because I don't wish to date anyone in my area, and the guys who respond would lose interest after realizing I was in another country.
Well if that's good luck, I'm truly glad I didn't encounter anybody truly horrible
One of my friends has a similar problem as you
Online dating seems to be something socially awkward people do. Since you have a pleasant persona, and generally speaking sound confident about what you like, you should just look for social groups, sporting clubs. Meet girls and guys and expand your network of friends till you find a guy that you genuinely like.
One of my friends told me something similar, so I think I will. She recommended I go on a yoga retreat for my next vacation
Sounds good to me.
Your experience is quite good compared to mine. Maybe I was on the wrong site but to me it seemed more like walking into a brothel and choosing one of the girls , because the only thing I saw was sex for sale. Dont get me wrong I had a great time on there but trying to find a girl I wanted to date it was never mentioned...
One of the guys I was talking to mentioned something similar (actually I think it was the first guy). He said a bunch of the girls had that trashy dog Snapchat filter on. I can agree that is highly unattractive for someone looking for a serious relationship
I guess it’s my age group but I haven’t had any luck with it either since there is way more men than women on there as with most sites, I only met one and had a good time that day, we spent hours together and after that I never heard back from her and messaged her one more time but nothing so I’m still confused
Maybe she had a similar experience as I did with the second guy. I really liked his personality online and did enjoy his company. We (I) spent about an hour and a half eating, so I wasn't in a rush to get away from him. There wasn't anything to send me running away from him, I just forgot about him because he wasn't terribly interesting or rememberable. Maybe she did genuinely like you, but couldn't see a future with you
Yeah I guess , seems like something I’m not noticing
I was OK Cupid for a while and my experience was most people have no real intention of meeting anyone in person. They are there to flirt or to see how many 'likes' they can get. Either that or they are way too picky. Nobody seems to want to make the first move so it ends up being an expensive waste of time.
I would agree most people weren't looking for something serious, especially in my age group. The most compatible guys who messaged me were generally in their thirties, but that's too old
I don't know many guys under 26 who are looking for a LTR...
@zagor yup... that's my problem... I'm not even interested in guys my age. My ex was 30, but that didn't work out either. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo waiting for a guy my age to be mature enough to want to settle down. The only guy I know my age who is ready for that is happily married and we're not compatible anyway. I do like older guys, but no more than 10 years because I look half my age and don't need "those" comments
1. Into someone else is a problem
2. Trying to lose weight isn't a big problem but, nothing in common or no social skills is a problem
3. Overweight and lying about it is a problem, and physical attraction is necessary
4. Laziness, lack of ambition, and anger are problems
One thing I must say here.
1. Your standards were WAY too high. If anything the second guy might have had a chance, but the third guy you dismissed offhand. People lie on the internet, so that's something you have to consider. Those that don't lie, are the ones you should pay attention to.
2. (A side note) The guys you encountered, at least most of them, were either unmotivated or just nervous. Most likely the latter.
I personally don't think I'd date you even if you begged me to.
My standards are exceptionally high, but not too high for someone like me. I refuse to settle and do not believe in divorce. I will only date or marry someone I see lifelong potential with
The third guy deserves to be dismissed. I wrote in my profile that lying is my biggest turnoff. He claimed he worked out and then showed up overweight, so he is a dishonest liar and deserved to be dismissed
Well then you're lucky that I'm not the begging type
You still aren't my type, but here I go. I personally have no interest in you. I also will not forgive him for lying about his weight.
You are missing my main point. The only men you'll find in your search are false. Muscles without purpose.
I'll also tell you this. You aren't ALL THAT. You're average. You will end up alone if you keep this up. Take it from the 30 year old virgin. I'm as picky as can be. I even asked my mentally adopted brother's wife for this answer.
I'm not asking you to be my type and you are far from it. Whether you would date me or not is none of my concern
I find many real men, but they need to be the right men for me to be interested. I'm not interested in muscles, so your point is moot
I am the furthest thing from average you will meet. Everybody says I'm unique, different, special, and creative. People tell me I'm beautiful all the time. No matter what you say, you are wrong about me and you will not change my views. You are an insignificant troll
Just because you're lonely doesn't make me so. I know I will find the right man for me because I am a genuine person and can take care of him like nobody else and love him with the utmost respect and admiration
Mentally adopted? That's not a real thing. I feel bad for the poor girl
The girl isn't the one I adopted. I was an only child and still am. He was as close as a brother, and both our families accepted it. He had other brothers but I was closer to him than even them. The comments on whether or not I'd date you were completely disclaimers. They are there to ensure my neutral standpoint.
It’s funny you say this because POF was the first site I ever used before online dating became popular but now I hate it the most.
Usually there’s 3 types of women every time I look in my search/matches. It’s either basic/boring women who might be cute but I don’t click with, single moms, or just really ugly/obese women.
Every time I check it periodically, I think why am I on here again?
Haha if I ever meet anyone looking for an ugly, obese single mom, I guess I know where to look
Great My Take.
I have Had many Dates and Mates, Online and Offline, Each One, hun, With a Different experience. I even Have Had the Pleasure at One point of Going to Egypt to marry a Muslim Man.
We all have out Glory and or Gory.
"What will be Will be."xx
Wow. How is anybody supposed to take you seriously? I mean, I understand the misrepresentation part on the weight, but come on. You nit-pick on someone because they DIDN'T eat? Just wow. And I could almost guarantee that the first guy who confessed he was in love with his best friend was just trying to get a reaction. But still. You only went through 4 guys with how many messages a day? How can you possibly say online dating is a fail with so much selectiveness on your part. I've tried online dating and guess what, I met a bunch of very nice, attractive, successful guys right off the bat. One that I would even get back together with eight years later. I've never learned so much or got to meet so many fun and interesting guys as when I online dated. You must be putting out the completely wrong vibe or look in the wrong community.
Also, filling out your profile like you did. Major turn-off. Most guys couldn't care less how you eat your eggs for breakfast, whether you wear socks to bed or where you did your internship. You really need to let go off that fastidious vibe you are giving off. Be fun and open and not too quick to give away information, especially if you're making lists of do's and don'ts. It's all about the vibe and not the credentials.
Most people take me seriously because I am an honest person. Plenty of guys are interested in me and you can't stop that with your negativity. I send out friendly vibes and can't control my community. Selectiveness is better than settling with the wrong person. I don't believe in divorce, so I'll hold out for the perfect man. I'm only 23, so I have plenty of time to wait
Keep qualifying yourself. The only one who's sending out negative vibes is you. Your take is full of nothing but examples of things you consider unacceptable. It's not that you consider certain things off limits, but the way you described them and made the other parties look. I agreed with you on the point that you shouldn't misrepresent your looks. But from what I'm reading, you are not trying hard enough and expect a great guy to fall into your lap without any effort. You went out with four guys. That's nothing. You need to weed through a lot more people to find what you are looking for. This expectation and the way you're describing these people makes you come off as picky, spoilt and somehow delusional. Dating is a work. The way you're presenting yourself if typical of most modern women who are so convinced they're great catches just because they went to college and can hold down a job. You are not special. You need to take a good look at yourself and examine where you can do
better.
Yeah, I thought that rejecting someone because they don't eat much was a bit silly. I think that with these sites to some people the number of responses they get can get to their heads and so they start to nit-pick like this when they probably wouldn't otherwise.
@englisc Thanks!
People tell me I'm special all the time and I do have guys falling into my lap. I'm picky because I want to marry a man and stay with him for the rest of my life. I'm not going to settle for some loser you think I should be dating. Lol it's not entitlement, it's about love and respect. I need mutual love and respect on a relationship, and these guys lost respect by nor being what they represented themselves to be. If you learn how to read, you'll see I only went out with 2 and only agreed to go out with 3, but one blew me off. Your point is as moot as your ability to count
@englisc If you actually read it, you would see I didn't reject him for not eating much, it just made me uncomfortable. He didn't text me back for another month, so he basically rejected himself. I was the last to text, so it's kind of his fault
You're offended because I called you out. How many guys you went out with is a matter of detail. The way you speak is one of entitlement and spoiltness: "People tell me I'm special all the time and I do have guys falling into my lap." Your words not mine. I never said you should date a loser. But -- the fact that you term these guys losers shows exactly what kind of an attitude you have. You need to have several seats, eat some humble pie and do some actual work before you come on the internet and bitch about people you don't consider good enough. That's the reason you DON'T have a relationship.
You're too insignificant or me to take offense. I was correcting you, not bragging. I wrote this as an informational resource for people interested in online dating, not to "bitch about people"
Please learn to read before posting a response
Lmao... the proof is in the pudding.
Interesting take. While reading, I couldn't help but wonder whether Guy 1 was even real (in the sense that those pics were his) if you've never skyped or real, but like Guy 3, the pics don't match current looks.
That's a good point. We did talk in the phone, but he possibly could've looked completely different in person
If I'm right, Guy 1 is worse than Guy 3 in my opinion.
Well that's dating in general whether you meet online or IRL. Most people go on countless dates and stuff like you said from people they meet in person or from a friends setting them up, etc.
Maybe I just don't date enough then. My ex is the only guy I've really dated. I don't really count the ones here because it was a first meet up and not really romantic
I tried Plenty of Fish and at least you got much further than I did lol
Most times it was some awkward messaging back and forth.
On that note though, you didn't try guy number 4:
Me B)
I agree most of it was awkward and there's no way to use body language to hint, so you have to either be direct or just ignore them. I much prefer interpersonal flirting
Haha no chance!
Exactly. It's hard to interpret people's feelings/thoughts over text as it is, so even more so when you haven't met them in person.
They don't have a smiling sunglasses emoji with a teardrop, but that's me right now lmao.
Hahaha. What a tool. Hits on a girl who complains that she can't find a quality man on POF. Gets shot down.
@samhayne lmao If you can't tell that I'm obviously joking around with her, then you need to get off the internet for your own sake.
Nahh. I think you were at least half serious. I think she thought so too. I think you're trying to save face now. Bummer :(
@samhayne Literally put this face B) to show it was a joke. If you can't accept that, then oh well to this lol
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men"
Choice of site matters immensely.
If you are serious, you need to be on a site that requires you or the other person to pay in order to have contact.
I could see that, but I'm saving up money to put a downpayment on a house right now, so I'm pinching every penny I can. Maybe I'll try one once I get settled
It isn't generally wise to buy a house until you are ready to have a family.
A house is an expense, not an investment unless someone else is living in it.
I pay more in rent than I would if I bought a house, so yes it would be an investment for me. I know I can afford it, and I want to have a house paid off in my 50s so I can retire in my 60s
I'm going to set myself up for success whether I find a husband or not. If I do find a husband and we decide a larger house is better for our needs, we will rent out the house I am going to buy next year
I don't live my life by doing what other people think is wise--I do what I need to survive, prosper, and bring happiness
You'll see.
Good take - you seem like a smart, mature woman and different from a lot of younger people these days who are looking for temporary pleasure.
Oh thank you so much! I am definitely looking for as opposite of "temporary" as I can get
Not many people have a mindset like you so really hope you find the right person. I'm the same :-)
Plenty of Fish is generally seen as a cesspool. Try OkCupid or something if you want a higher quality of men for free.
Thanks for the recommendation. I may try them as well and write another Take if my experience is any different
I hope it works out for you <3 I met my boyfriend of a year on OkCupid and found a lot of other guys to talk to who genuinely wanted a relationship and wanted to meet up/didn't flake.
Well, yeah, what'd you expect? Plenty of Fish is kind of notorious for being more of a hookup and prostitution site. If you wanna use a legit dating site, you gotta use one of the paid ones, like Match.
Lol I did kind of expect a similar outcome. There was a tiny hint of hope, but I mostly expected it to turn outf like this
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least I can say I tried it
True, can't fault ya there.