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Catfish victims are people too: Why I distrust the online dating platform.

BJP21
Catfish victims are people too: Why I distrust the online dating platform.

Call the victims what you want. Stupid, naive, gullible. There I said it..... For what? Putting their heart in the right place with the right intentions? The level of online romance scams has been exponential since covid, people losing their homes, retirement, and life savings not to mention putting the victim into emotional trauma that will enable distrust of ever dating again even in person. I often wondered what emotional tolls the victims of the Tinder Swindler are still going through? To call them undatable? I find it hard to believe and highly unacceptable. This is all brought to you by, you guessed it....ONLINE DATING.

I myself am a victim of an online romance scam, I hated myself for enabling it to happen, I felt undatable when I tried letting people know of my story, only to be shut out as being "too stupid, naive and gullible for a relationship." It really hurt, the fact someone can be so senseless and heartless to any victim of Catfishing. Mine wasn't as significant as the Tinder Swindler as I never got to meet any person in person.

Mine was pretty much a text book example of the things you do not do.....Think of it, name it.....I did it. There...I said it...Leave it alone..... I learned a great deal from it.....The amount of financial fallout I had to recover from, the emotional toll Im still dealing with it. It created a huge mistrust of my own world view of online dating sites. Can people even be trusted at all anymore? Come to find I wasn't alone, many online sites have devoted Catfish scam organizations that have been a huge help in not just in emotional support, but also tracking down whether if the person is a fake. Facebook even has one.

These sites were very helpful in how spot it. Such as the language they use; for example, a real person will normally say "I am from", a scammer will say "Am from without using "I am". They are often scripted, and not very good with the English language, so don't even bother even having a conversation, they will ghost you for hours in the midst of small talk. They refuse to have any tactful means of meeting, and will always have an A-Z list of excuses for not meeting in person or online such as Skype. Another thing that gives it away the fact anything they state is riddled with English grammatical errors and it was interesting how I didn't pick up on this on my scammer.

What I kept on taking note of is, which sites victims were reporting from, sites that are deemed as "safe". I found non were. Match, Tinder, Eharmony, Facebook, Instagram, Plenty of Fish, Christian Singles....Just to name a few. What blew my mind, was the no accountability on these sites should a scam take place, no consumer protections, no financial protections against online romance scams, yet places such as PayPal, EBay, and Amazon has these protections even though its merchandise instead of service the concept is the same. With the level of exploitation of profits for dates and no guarantees of putting you in front of a living breathing person is absolutely gut wrenching and disgusting. I felt I didn't get what I paid for. Upgrade to premium and you can have a chat feature. To continue the "fake" conversation just enter card information for more chat tokens. "Id like to know you more." Sound familiar? Before you know it you're out of chat tokens....What kind of unethical shit is that? Most online platforms have free chat features. Like here on GAG.

You can't recover what is lost. All that can be done is reporting everything that took place but, the emotional toll? when you hit the emotional wall? It will stick with you. Its made me question if I am really dating material or just a simple swipe to the left on Match. It also makes me question those that have an established relationships if you really did really meet online, or if you are lying through your teeth? The number of Catfish victims that online dating claims every year doesn't lie. What even more disturbing a fake profile does not violate Facebooks or Instagrams community standards even if reported.....Figure that one out, I've even found fake sites for dates I've reported and Facebook nor Instagram do anything to stop it. Hiding behind Freedom of speech and Freedom of the Press isn't a constitutional right when there is extortion, exploiting and profiting taking place in the midst of scamming people. As for catching these people? Its something to celebrate when a scam call center is raided by the EFCC or the FTC and multiple people facing jail time.

So,

I leave you all with this....If that date ever does share their Catfish story with you that is not the time to shame, runaway from, or judge them. Or even say "that's not everyones experience." People are getting emotionally and financially hurt. Its ruined dating to its very foundation. What's sad to me is how easy it is to dismiss that message or simply scroll through the endless good looking girls and guys that potentially could be a good match. If online dating worked like its supposed to, I guarantee the posts I see on GAG on not being able to find a significant other would cease to exist, especially with Catfished victims. These are a human beings that has been put through an emotional hell, drumming back what is left of their courage, to be able to trust and love again by stepping back into the dating ring. Let them share their story no matter how stupid of things they did. A true person that loves one another can show compassion.

Catfish victims are people too: Why I distrust the online dating platform.
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Kayla45

    The most important part about dating someone in the modern era is to date someone you've personally met in real life. The internet is too much of a wild wasteland to be reliable for any sort of romantic relationship.

    I agree with your myTake. Besides, if you only seek out partners in real life it takes all the questioning as to who's really who out of the equation. 🙂

    Helpful 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • DaveJord

    All I can say is that I have used Match, Zoosk and eHarmony. Match actually have tutorial video's and free expert advise... free to the extend it comes with the membership fee.

    Bottom line is that if you have been taking to a person for more than three days and they are unwilling to commit to a first date or making hard plans to meet... or they bail on first date for any excuse... move on forget this person. Most real life women who have chatted you for more then a week will commit to a first date... most women know within the first three days if they would be willing to meet you and if they are not then move on.

    I have had 16 dates with 12 different women from online dating platforms. With that said I have had more than my share of run ins with scammers and they were pretty easy to spot. The first huge red flag is when their profile says they are from your home town or close by, but then they end out being out out of town or away visiting their sick mother but they will be back within a week or two... cut it there, its a scam. No women who is out of state visiting their sick mother will be on a dating app trying to pick up guys.

    Another huge Red Flag is when they delete or remove you from their profile within the hour of connecting with you on the platform.

    I have even played along with some of the scammers just to learn more about how to identify them. I had one even commit to a video chat, but once I dialed in she claimed her mic didn't work and there she was talking and moving on video with nothing but dead air... obviously it was prerecorded tape and she was faking the technical difficulties. Then I have some who wanted me to pay them to come visit me, and when I asked them how I would do that they wanted me to buy Google Play gift cards, and send them pictures of the cards with the codes, so they could cash them. Of course I did not do this, its still unclear to me how they would get hard cash out of a google play card... but it would be untraceable if they could.

    So never connect with some one out of state, with a sick mother, or improper grammar, full of excuse, who does not chat in a consistent manor. Or some that does not respond to direct questions and you feel like your having a one way conversation. One trick I learned is when they start sending you pictures that you ask them to send you a picture of them touching their nose or with their finger in the their ear. This type of photo people do not post to their Instagram or Facebook pages... so it can't be stolen so they have to actually take the photo in person.

    Other then that its all about the buyer beware.

    Reply
    • mickmrly

      Interesting reply. For the Google Play cards, I'm thinking what scammers do is they use the gift cards to buy microtransactions/purchase their own app and then cash in the money that way.

  • Guy13

    This plus the tendency of the individuals to mislead in appearance, searching for, and etc keeps me off those sites. There’s lots of bottom dwellers beside the catfish themselves. The 💩 was not worth the effort or time. I found www.meetup.com to be a better resource for REAL people…less games too. Good luck in your future‼️

    Reply
  • RolandCuthbert

    This is where many men fall victim and I am not here to make fun of men who have gotten scammed. But I was very interested in going into the matchmaking business about six or seven years ago. I really thought it would be a great way to make some recurring income. I had a lot of contacts all over the United States and overseas. I had some website developers who were willing to partner with me and we were all ready to go.

    But our biggest obstacle was the unreasonable expectation of men. Too many men had the belief that if they paid enough money, they could get the kind of woman they wanted. I literally had a guy think he could "order" a woman in her early 20s, brunette with blue eyes, model looks, etc.

    I mean I talked to this dude for hours. And he simply insisted that he was not going to spend the time at the site to talk to women and get to know them. The one that broke me was a young guy from Colorado. He had gotten scammed for tens of thousands of dollars. I thought this dude was a good person. So feeling sorry for him, I set him up on a date with a very beautiful lady almost his exact age. She was overjoyed, because I was advertising that I had a lot of good men who were looking for love.

    This dude went out to her city. Got a hotel room and met with her. Had sex with her almost nonstop for a week. Came back home, then dumped her.

    She was so humiliated, hurt, and angry. And I felt so responsible.

    Then he came to me with some bs story about her being too clingy and wanted me to find him a girl who was 18 or 19 years old.

    I couldn't believe it. And like an idiot, I talked to this guy for over a month thinking I could get him to be reasonable. Until I got fed up and cut all ties with him. Soon after that I gave up.

    I just think while there are some people out there who are honestly looking for love, too many have unreasonable expectations. And when you are a man with the expectation that you can buy love, then you are ripe for the scam.

    Reply
  • TroyDT

    Online dating is like a polluted ocean. Sure, there are some patches of clear water (decent people) but most of it might as well be a sewer drain.

    Like 1 Person
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  • slatyb

    I had a simple solution for that. I dated locally. If a woman wasn't available for a meeting I dropped them.

    Reply
  • coverboyoutlawbrady

    I LOVED MLB Hall Of Fame right-handed pitcher Jim "Catfish" Hunter in the 60's and 70's.

    Reply
  • TheSpaceGnome

    Online dating is all there is for people in their late 20s and up who hate the type of person who goes to bars, parties, clubs, etc.

    I'm not going to meet an artist who loves video games, model kits, computers, anime, sci-fi, fantasy, science, etc. anywhere but online.

    I also do not give money or account information to strangers.

    People keep bashing online dating, but the only reason it's so terrible right now is because most women who want real relationships won't use it. There is nothing wrong with online dating itself, and you can get catfish scammed in person, no internet required.


    Reply
  • jimmy2

    No shit on the Head God bless you

    Like 1 Person
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  • msc545

    Excellent mytake thanks!

    Like 1 Person
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  • BLP11520

    Stay away from Instagram then.

    Reply
  • Anonymous

    The best advice I can give guys. If it sounds to good to be true IT IS! I always operate from the assumption that it's probably a catfish until CONFIRMED otherwise. If it's truly a woman who is genuinely interested on the other end, she will understand your caution. If she doesn't? Well then she's not a decent woman she she just weeded herself out for you. ALWAYS protect yourself first fellas. Women should always have to prove they're to be trusted. It's just part of the vetting process. And again if that offends her, let her walk. Because I GUARANTEE you. She won't get BETTER over time.

    Like 2 People
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  • Anonymous

    Are you talking about someone embellishing their appearance or are you talking about completely fake accounts where someone's deliberately trying to steal from you? I didn't even know the latter was a thing

    Reply

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