Why I Disagree With Online Dating

[Anonymous]

Well,hello everyone.

It's me again.

😈

Today's Mytake was insipired by G@G and I'm pretty sure it will take a lot of negative comments because people on this site most of the time ONLY date online....Because of reasons.

However I don't really care if I get negativity 🤗 , so if you want to try to attack me on the comment section...

Be my guest, I do not change my beliefs for anyone.

Dis-fucking-claimer :

Of course there are success stories of online dating,I know that so don't try to bring it up in comments.

Why You Should Never Date Online

1)You Don't Know To Whom You Are Really Talking To.

Many people are sick and twisted.

I'm not saying that every person online is Fake or Dangerous BUT..

Because you talked to them a few times ONLINE or even on the phone and they seem cool it does not mean that they are an angel on earth or/and the perfect man/woman.

There are so many people online that make fake dating profile (Catfishes) in order to make them feel better about themselves and use other individuals to 'heal' their insecurities that there is even a tv show about it.

But there are even worst thing like murderers,rapists,sadists, that use dating apps to find victims,and believe me there isn't easy at all to spot them because they blend too well in the crowd.

This article talks about a murderer that found his victims on online dating sites,read for yourself if you don't believe me :

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/07/29/us/danueal-drayton-dating-websites-new-york-california/index.html

2)Nothing Is Real About it.

WAKE UP.

Like seriously it's just you and the screen.

Not a person.

Not your crush/boyfriend-girlfriend.

It's you and the phone/computer or whatever else you have.

There isn't a real connection,real intimacy,there is nothing real about it.

Your whole relationship was built by messages,most of the times,and it will probably continue that way.

Yes at some point you may meet each other and blah blah blah, but let's be honest for a second here, most internet relationships are either long distance forever or take a hell of a time to delevlop into meeting each other from up close and actually become something real.

3)It Makes You Seem Pretty Desperate.

Exactly.

Whenever I learn that someone I know is on a dating site,I instantly stop hanging out with them.

Call that an over-reaction I don't really care for your opinion.

It's just such a desperate action to do and I'm not interested in people that are desperate and clearly showing it to everyone.

If you start online dating it seems like you are saying 'I decided that I'm not good enough for anyone in real world so I'll log in in an app and try to find people to be in relationship with behind the screen that maybe be fake...But I don't really care'

What makes you believe that an online dating app has your 'soulmate' and real world hasn't?

Exactly.

No logic.

4)You Lose Real Chances.

For once in your life,do it.

So let me get this straight...

You use your precious time running behind your possible internet boyfriend or girlfriend that you believe is your 'soulmate' or in general ideal for you only by knowing them through messages without even talking to them in real life...

You check your tinder account or any other dating profile app that you possibly have once in every 5 minutes to see how many 'likes' or matches or comments you got,getting obsessed with people that are miles away from you and lose your chances with REAL people that may actually like you if you give a chance to them and yourself.

Yeah...That sounds logical 🙃

-.-

-END.

AngelicSin

#StopOnlineDating

[Knighted2170]

I give you credit, you make a few valid points. I don't agree them, but you have some valid points.

I meet people in real life all the time. I'll walk up to them and talk, maybe ask them out if they seem to be my type. At the same time I use dating apps. Why? because there are only so many hours in a day. I don't travel to every city around me on a regular basis. So, by using the app, I meet people I may never have met, simply because I don't have any reason to go that way. To travel over there in hopes of maybe meeting someone, that's not only desperate, it's creepy.

But, hey. You're entitled to your opinion. I just don't agree with every point made.

[myTake Owner]

No problem with not agreeing I actually enjoy it a lot when people have different opinion from me and explain it.
Good comment

[Knighted2170]

Not a problem.
We can agree to disagree without flaming.

[myTake Owner]

Exactly, it's called 'being mature'.
It's sad though that so many people here don't follow that.

[Knighted2170]

Thank you for the MHO. Much appreciated.

[Logorithim]

I certainly agree that online dating sucks, but what do you do if you want to meet someone in a different country?

[myTake Owner]

Go to the country

[Logorithim]

In my case, it was Vietnam, and that isn't a place where some Western guy can just hit on girls like he would in Europe. I also communicated with women from China and the Philippines, so instead of going to all three, I narrowed it down to Vietnam because that is where the two women I was interested in live.

[myTake Owner]

Oh wait wait, let's make something clear.
I talk about relationships that are made online, not when you meet the person and have a long distance relationship with messages and phone calls

[Logorithim]

Oh no, that wouldn't be something for me.

[Logorithim]

Thanks for MHO

[simplyaramdomgirl]

I agree. Not only is it all that you mentioned but also nothing real/enduring comes out of it. You have a greater chance of being in a lasting relationship with someone you meet in real life rather than through your screen. Usually dating apps are mostly for hookups, rather than "soulmate finding". I would definetly prefer being single rather than online dating someone.

[myTake Owner]

Exactly.

[Penelope_]

Omg someone said it! Great take!

[myTake Owner]

Thank youu

[Penelope_]

Welcome :)

[Anonymous]

Let’s see here. I’m a single man in my mid 30s. I work a corporate job, do consulting, practice jiu jitsu, do CrossFit and sometimes do improv.

There are no attractive single woman at my work. There was one who got fired a few months ago. But when she was there I approached her, got her number and asked her to meet up for a drink. She seemed cheerful and enthusiastic about meeting me up. She fucking stands me up.

There are no single attractive women in at my jiu jitsu school albeit a very cute 19 yr old who comes in with her dad. I kept it very professional with her because I thought she was younger. But now she is out of the country. She laughed and made eye contact but I’m not even sure if I should pursue that. But she’s gone anyway.

My CrossFit gym is full of pregnant, married women and a few jacked guys (I’m cut myself). Yet to see a woman who really caught my eye.

My improv school is a bunch of light hearted nerds. They are also loud mouthed about politics I don’t agree with. But overall I like the people there, but the entire time there I only met one attractive girl. She’s not showing up anymore.

The bars and clubs. Hmm. I feel too old for this but some of my friends push me to go anyway. I do. Since I’ve gotten older I can at best get a fake polite smile from a girl and some nervous conversation. But often I get the “please get away from me you creep” look. I had one girl flat out say “get the fuck away from me” when I politely introduced myself. 9 times out 10 I’m in a worse mood after going out.

So... where the fuck do I go to meet more available women? Seriously. I already have a jam packed lifestyle so I use tinder and bumble. I have gotten a few dates on them. In fact I have one tonight. I also met my ex girlfriend on it 2 years ago (we dated for 9 months).

To sum it up you are a judgmental bitch with your number #3 point. Yes there are creeps, weirdos and “desperate” people on dating apps. But there are also decent people with few options. Quit looking at the world from your limited viewpoint.

[myTake Owner]

I genuinely feel sorry for you mate

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t need pity. I just don’t like being judged so harshly.

Sorry about the bitch comment. But you need to listen to why some guys and girls look at different avenues for dating.

[myTake Owner]

I do listen that doesn't mean though that I agree with it, and I do not appreciate at all that you chose to add the little 'judgmental bitch' remark on the end.
Just an advice, when you do something like that don't expect for people to even try to listen at you.

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said I apologize for that comment.

My frustration stems from the fact that women assume dating is the same way for guys that it is for them. So if they see a guy who lonely or struggling they assume he’s just a “weirdo” or desperate or whatever. Reality is it’s much, much harder for us.

There are grown ass women my age who still think this naive way.

[Anonymous]

Ummmm... agree and disagree from my own experiences.
I am not ashamed to say that Im an expert using "dating apps", and I used them for years. But, I really hate the name they give the apps, I would like to call it "social apps" than just dating.
I met one of my best friend from an app, we knew each other for 5 years now and we never hooked up. Plantonic friend and we are soooo good that he actually helped me to do the work in the house when I bought my own house, he is a contractor.
And, my name fiance, and we are getting married a few months later. I met him through an app as well.
I understand where you coming from and your points are valid. However to me, as someone had been using those apps for more than 7-8 years. Its way more than what they are as to other people.
It expands my social networks and let me to meet different cool people with different hobbies, cultures etc.
Even in the real world, you wouldn't know what their actual color is until later on. So I will say experiences are very important as to identify who they are for real.
Desperate or not, sometimes its all about the mindset.
I appreciate your mytake ;)

[myTake Owner]

Interesting

[Callum1999]

I have gone through all your points and told you from someone else prospective why they are wrong. You seemed to have not thought this post through at all.

1. You don't know who you are talking too.
This can be said about everything, meeting new people at bars or clubs, you don't know them or there intentions. With online dating you know there intentions... to find dates. You can also get to know someone through talking before having to meet them, perhaps voice or video chatting. It's not always so back and white.

2. Nothing is real about it
This one I dont understand at all, whats not real about talking to someone online? You said it's "not a person"... but it is. I also don't understand how you can't have a crush on someone online, that makes no sense at all. People have crushes on actors and celebs but never see them in person.

3. You stop hanging out with people if you find out they are on a dating site... Guess people who are looking for love are just not good enough for you? What does it matter how they meet there love, why does that matter to you in anyway.. If it's not you.

4. People take to online dating to find people who are like them, maybe because they can't find people like this without using online dating. I myself have thought if trying it out because I don't like a lot of the girls age and how they behave.

[myTake Owner]

Oh, I did read your comment on my question... I just chose to ignore it because I don't agree with it

[Callum1999]

What don't you agree with?

[myTake Owner]

Everything you said basically

[Callum1999]

So.. You don't think someone can have a crush over someones pictures, videos or post online?

You don't think you can get to know someone online by using voice chat, video chat and all other kinds of communication?

[myTake Owner]

No I don't believe it.

[Callum1999]

Then you are actually deluded because millions of people have crushes on people online, actors, Instagram models, youtubers, forum posters. Also the fact that you say you can't know someone from meeting them online is just false, because I have and I met them. And we were more then comfortable and used to eachother from talking online so much. We both acted the same and knew eachothers traits. What is your response to this? Anything within reason or just straight up denial?

[myTake Owner]

Are you done?

[Callum1999]

I knew you'd do this, that's right move away from the question I asked because you can't answer it lmao

[myTake Owner]

No, I actually wanted to make sure you are finished so I wouldn't interrupt you.
1) People aren't attracted/in love with actors because of who they are, but because of what THEY THINK they are, they idalize people based on how they look and how they believe they would act if they knew them
It's basic psychology.
2) Like I wrote in the take but you obviously were too busy judging me to see, is that there are indeed success stories about dating.
And that everything in life has both positive and negatives.

Now, my advice to you would be not judge people too quickly, it won't get you anywhere.

[Callum1999]

Thank you an open discussion is what I wanted xD, good point about the actors. I'm going to tell you my experience real quick. I met a girl on the xbox when I was in school, we played every day we had eachother on facebook and everything. She is very pretty and I loved her personality. We knew eachother for about 2 years before we had a meet up with some other friends and we were 100% comforatble like I said. It's like we already knew eachother, we were never in a relationship or anything, she was way out of my league i felt. But I was deffo attracted to her and liked her personality. You don't think this can happen in online dating or meeting somone online?

[Anonymous]

"You Don't Know To Whom You Are Really Talking To."
I completely agree with this there are many times that people lie about who they are

"there are even worst thing like murderers, rapists, sadists" that can happen when people meet someone in person also if some of them are just as good hiding it.

'Like seriously it's just you and the screen.
Not a person.'
There is a person at the other end, there is the option to search for people who live closer so you would be able to see them, when you feel the time is right.

'It Makes You Seem Pretty Desperate.'
Not everyone thinks this way, I have never thought someone was desperate just because they are on a dating site...

'What makes you believe that an online dating app has your 'soulmate' and real world hasn't?
'You Lose Real Chances.''
Or you find chances... Some of these people you would have never been able to meet without going online.

Online dating isn't something for me, but I don't think it's a bad thing or look down on someone if they use one.

[Levin]

When you get a bit older, you realise not everything is black and white. Yes, online dating is a load of shit. I put in about the amount of time that it deserves, which is very little. It's really neither here nor there, it is what it is. It's really nothing to get upset over either way. I have a busy enough life.

People are definitely flaky and most people don't have a real intents. But theoretically, I like the concept of it. It just widens the net of potential interesting people you might meet.

[myTake Owner]

Nice comment

[Levin]

Cheers lass. See, you ain't so bad :)

[myTake Owner]

I know, who said I was?

[Levin]

I did.

[myTake Owner]

That's not nice

[Levin]

You're not nice, sometimes. But I'm sure you're alright.

[myTake Owner]

When am I not nice?

[Levin]

I just saw some comments.

[myTake Owner]

And I wasn't nice at these comments?

[Levin]

as far as I remember. But I don't know. I don't pay much attention :)

[That_Indian_Girl]

Okay, some of the points you made do seem fair, like the security and legitimacy thing. That can be resolve by measures such as meeting in a public place for the first time.
But you do realize that not a lot of people are confident enough to actually go out and just talk to random people, if they're not in school or college that is. Online dating gives them a chance to remove that 'awkward' phase before they meet, so they actually have a chance. As for the relationship with phone, don't long distance work? Phones are literally present in every aspect and thus online dating is not that weird or 'inhuman' or devoid of emotions that you might think!

[myTake Owner]

I believe that people who actually are confident enough to post picture of themselves online and get rejected and liked by others can do exactly the same in reality.

[That_Indian_Girl]

Putting pictures is a totally different thing. Are you an introvert/do you know one? Then you'd probably know it's not so much the fear of rejection as the tiredness of any kind of small/social talk.

[ATuairiscean]

I agree with most of what you are saying to a point but point 3 might be a bit harsh - My BUT is that as a fairly shy quiet person online dating has given me an arena to increase my confidence and really anyone with an ounce of sense would have a red flag list and a certain degree of wariness that would protect them. Also I have found that my inceased confidence in the online world has transferred to real life - My whole point is someone could just as easily write a critique of RL dating who knows where the best answer is - I just say "Do whatever works for you"

[myTake Owner]

Interesting opinion, I like that you didn't offend me so I'll accept that there are indeed cases like yours that go against the rule

[DaliaHeartsJapan]

I agree with everything thing you said. As a girl who’s in love with someone I’ve been friends with for 13 years, I believe it’s a waste of many things. Yeah, I’ve had my first love from Nov. 2013 to March 2016 (first time) and October to November 2016 (second time, been out ideas in my head, fuck it). Between November 2016 and February 2018 (when I started falling in love with my second love), I didn’t feel hopeless or anything. I kept on moving forward. I didn’t tell myself I’m worthless or anything, nor did I search for love. It happened naturally, even if I knew him for a very long time. Don’t feel bad because you don’t have someone, don’t look for someone. It happens naturally!

[myTake Owner]

*Slow Applause*

[AbdKilani]

good one
I honestly can say many things about LDR
I stopped believing that it could work in any ways, thing would be perfect one day, and the next one you might find out that she was lying all the time, and it meant nothing for her.
As for the point of messing real chance , I don't have any real chances TBH , I tried, sadly Arabic girls don't want me as it seems , they only give me hints then stop when thing get Serious !
I think I have a special case , and online dating would never work, not real life dating, no matter how great I am , girls that I know, would never step it up to dating.
Good take :)
Keep on the good work angel

[myTake Owner]

Thank youu

[AbdKilani]

You are welcome :)

[dr1fter]

Inspired by G@G huh😏

I don't entirely agree with points 2-4 because of the generalizations and assumptions since it's impossible to know each person's life, intentions, and personality--but I respect your perspective. The MyTake was well organized and grammatically well written.

Cheers

[myTake Owner]

Yeap by G@G😏
Thank youu

[ABoyNamedSue]

I agree with you. I could write something here and you’ll call me out on it. When it comes to online dating, we are more willing to let the bs take over. It’s a fake connection, a superficial confidence boost. The lip curl of a smile, the glint in the eyes, the smell of her perfume. First impressions shouldn’t be via a text stream. Personally, I look far better in person (haha, I think) than I do in pictures. Voice is also important to me so I can’t tell if there is kindness in the voice if I’m reading a carefully constructed and edited paragraph.

[ABoyNamedSue]

I gave up on grammar and, sentence structure towards the end it seems.

[Anonymous]

I agree in many ways, however, I do believe online relationships have intimacy... I’m a shy introverted person, but I can actually open up to friends when I write to them... you see more of me when you become my online friend than most people see irl... plus, your writing is a window to your soul...

[myTake Owner]

Interesting

[ENTP_EMO]

Um... There's nothing wrong with it. You are supposed to meet up and stuff. Yes, there are psycho-dudes and psycho girls. But you smarten up right? What's the difference from going home with a stranger at a club and meeting someone online lol?
If you're scared of getting killed normally the killer asks you if you told anyone and you just say yes.
I never dated anyone from those apps before... but some of my matches are hot af

[myTake Owner]

We clearly disagree

[zagor]

This is BS. Yeah, if you're in HS or college you have lots of chances to meet single people. Most all adults are past that phase. Depending on where you live, there may be very limited opportunities to meet people in person. The number of people online who are murderers, rapists, sadists or scam artists is pretty small; you can meet all those in real life as well, and at least the internet leaves a trace of your communications with them, which may not be the case in RL.

Furthermore, people can lie and be fake in RL as well. Maybe he's not really a doctor and that Porsche he borrowed from his uncle because he promised to wash it for him.

And WTF is up with #3. No, it's not desperate, it's using a resource that is there, expanding the number of potential matches you can meet.

And again, for #4, to reiterate, most of us are NOT in school meeting dozens of peers every day.

Your take sounds pretty much like a HS view of things.

[myTake Owner]

You shouldn't start your argument eith the expeession 'This is BS' and actually expect people to hear you out and repsect your opinion.

[zagor]

OK, I apologize. Replace "This is BS" above with: Your take does not take into account the reality that the majority of people face when trying to meet someone, and the reasons they try online dating in the first place.

[ElvenMr]

Yea, this happens when a 16 year old "editor" tries to write some smart stuff and ends up with a load of bullshit. This take is passive-agressive as hell too by the way.
The number of people agreeing with it is astonishing, and the comments too.

Online dating (not for hookups) is pretty shit yes, but that depends on where you live, in some countries online dating is vastly different, there are places where most poeple actually want to find a mate.

[myTake Owner]

@ElvenMr The 16 year old editor doesn't appriciate your vocabulary neither your offensive tone.
If you want to state your opinion, you are free to do so no need to be that aggressive.

[ManOnFire]

I've pretty much given up on online dating. I still have my Tinder profile but lately I'm getting close to deleting it.

As a man I feel like online dating is really just supposed to be an advantage for women. It mainly consists of wealthy or overweight types who can't be content with men in real life so they go online looking for superstar men who don't want them back. For me I've been disappointed to see very, very few real, down-to-earth women on these sites. I've gotten Likes, but they're not the types I'd be into.

And you're right, none of it is actually real unless you physically interact with that person regularly like an acquaintance, co-worker, friend, etc. You don't really know who you're getting involved with.

[somewheresomeway]

It’s a big sess pool with an occasional oasis. I have met decent girls online but their rare.

[ManOnFire]

@somewheresomeway I'll toast to that.

[myTake Owner]

That's an unusual opinion

[ManOnFire]

@AngelicSin Actually many guys feel the same, if you're willing to listen. I even wrote my own Take about it some time back All the Wrong Women: My Online Dating Experience ↗

[JudgmentDay]

It's a waste of time and in the case of those that require a monthly subscription fee of any kind, waste of money, and you better hope your ass get a date soon or meet up with somebody soon if you're paying a monthly fee, because the longer you don't, then the better it is for the website, because to them it's all business transactions, and if you keep having to come back and pay them again and again, that's easy profits for them. The free ones are still a waste of time, it's one of those things where "your mileage may vary", it's a hit or miss.

@AngelicSin Have you tried something else instead? Such as MeetUp. com and join clubs and activities? You're more likely to make at least some progress and get somewhere with that than any online dating website or app. And most apps these days are just meant for hookups and not the serious long term committed stuff.

[myTake Owner]

No, and I'm not planning to

[JudgmentDay]

Other than that, you might as well join clubs and activities at school and hope for the best.

[Lance1965]

Dating sites are money-making scams if you actually pay for it which is what they want you to do. That is why most of the features on dating sites are locked till you fork out some big $$$$. At least half of the profiles are fake and some are obviously so. If you see a hot looking woman on a dating site you can almost be certain it is a fake account. At least 90% of the women on dating sites have zero intention of meeting anyone, they are just there for validation and to kill time when they are bored which one of the reasons why most messages sent go unanswered.

The ones that are seriously there to meet someone are either losers, time-wasters or they carry so much emotional baggage they are not worth the trouble. Dating sites are just hunting grounds for the extremely desperate.

[Heythere2013]

I met my boyfriend online and I know other people in happy relationships who also met online. Meeting any stranger (whether online or not), is dangerous. Despite going on many online dates, I never had issues because I was very cautious. Always meet in a public place, let family/friends know where you are going, do not agree to get a ride to or from meeting place and do not give out personal info (home address, work etc). I have met quite a few creepers through regular life interactions, weirdos are everywhere.
I'm not advocating being inside all day scouring the internet and not having real interactions. Supplement online dating w/real life activities.

[slatyb]

Dating someone you met online is just like dating someone you met in a bar. You agree to meet, you sit down and talk, repeat and find out who the guy is, what he does, maybe you meet some of his friends. If you are sensible there's no reason it should be scary.

And sure, it could be anyone behind a profile. That's why you don't waste time chatting and E-mailing. You set up a meeting and see who you are talking to. I had a lot of online dates and yes, some of them lied about their appearance. A wasted hour, no big deal. Online dating is the only way I would have ever met my wife.

[Bananna]

I agree HOWEVER s ok me people like mysf work more than 1 job & it's very hard to not date someone within work. I dont date people at my job because 1. It's a hospital and I personally feel like its unprofessional (obviously others can disagree)

So I have online dated and you did point out some good points but if you're smart you'll know or should research safe techniques before meeting the person and how to be safe when you meet them. We all know the risk and the possibility but that can happen even if I did date someone at work.

But its whatever. I dont mind it. My boyfriend I lucky met through friends but if it wasn't for them I don't know how I would have opened dating again. This generation is all about work and surviving cuz it's so damn expensive and we are all so picky. So I do agree and disagree