Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Despite my natural aversion to online dating, I gave it a shot to either prove myself wrong or reaffirm my preconceived notions about it. I figured that if the worst came to worst, I could share my experience here and still come away with something gained albeit experience and knowledge. Since it was free, I used the platform Plenty Of Fish

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Profile

Same as everything else, I put my best effort into my POF profile. I used a decent headshot, full-body portrait, filled out the entirety of my profile, and answered all questions honestly; I selected "looking for someone to marry" because I don't want to waste my time with losers who don't believe in government or are afraid of commitment. My profile consisted of hobbies, what I looked for in a man, what I expected from a relationship, and how dishonesty is my biggest deal breaker; I even included humor in a joke about my short stature. Overall my profile presented a general picture of my personality and look

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Word of advice: do NOT do what this guy did

First impressions

My first impression of POF was there are a lot of guys named Josh or Joshua. I received 5-20 messages a day from other users, but most were obviously not going to work out (maybe there was a way to filter who can send you messages, but I never found it.) Lots of old guys (more than 10 years older) and guys looking for hookups. I refused to respond to guys with terrible grammar or clearly looking for a hookup as well as guys wearing sunglasses in their profile. The vast majority of men on that site were outside the realm of what I am interested in for a romantic relationships. I care a lot about health and taking care of your body, so overweight guys were automatically deleted, but I don't care how tall a guy is since I'm only 5 feet tall

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

After about a month of pilfering through profiles and messaging guys to see what we had in common... I agreed to meet with 3 guys

Guy 1

Out of the three guys I agreed to meet, the first one was the best candidate and his profile seemed like my ideal man. Lot in common and flirting came easily between us. He was definitely my type and had really nice green eyes. We messaged everyday for a couple weeks and even spoke on the phone--he said he was glad we talked because I have a cute voice and a cute laugh. I was excited to meet him, but...

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

He blew me off. Not once, not twice, but three times. First time due to bad weather, second due to work calling him in, and the third time because he confessed he was in love with his best friend. Snowstorms prevent driving and I admire men who work hard, so I was willing to give him another chance since he immediately apologized and begged me to give him another chance, but that last one--wtf? He told me to block him after that; needless to say, I did. I gave him some advice to get his life together and stop using the website to lead girls on when he's never going to be what they need, moved on, and agreed to meet with someone else the following week

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Guy 2

The second guy I agreed to meet was a true gentleman and I appreciated the way he treated and respected me. He had several pictures on his profile and I liked his baby blues even though he was physically a little heaver than I prefer. Since I love food and he is a chef, I figured we would get along well; we talked a lot about food and cooking. Neither one of us grew up with ideal childhoods, so we had very similar views on life and were in similar spots. He definitely seemed like a trustworthy guy, so we agreed to meet up

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

We ate dinner in a nice Italian restaurant with huge portions of delicious food. While he seemed much like my idea of him online, he spoke very little and ate even less. The only thing I really remember him saying was that he went to school with one of my best friends...and learned Russian to ask out her best friend at the time....but it didn't work because they had very little in common. Now I'm healthy and try to exercise regularly, but I eat massive amounts of food, especially when I'm nervous or upset, so I ate everything on my plate (and the waiter congratulated me on it because he'd never seen anybody finish a whole plate due to the massive portion sizes) while he ate very little of his own. Nothing is wrong with someone not being hungry, but he told me he rarely eats and generally only eats once every two or three days. Eating food is practically a ritual for me, so the whole thing felt pretty uncomfortable for me and isn't something I could easily familiarize myself with on a day-to-day basis. Once I finished eating, he told me he had to call an Uber because his car was broken down which isn't necessarily a problem, but he lives about 45 minutes away from me, so relying on Uber to meet up is less than ideal

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

I liked the guy, but felt lackluster after meeting him. We texted afterwards and I agreed to meet up again, but got extremely busy with work and kind of forgot about him. He texted me a month later, but things were just too awkward at that point. I figured he wasn't the right guy for me since I hadn't thought much about him in the meantime, so I didn't return his message. If he had texted me after our first meetup, something may have come of it since I did like the guy and he was such a gentleman, but I easily forgot about him and his bizarre way of not eating largely influenced my decision to not pursue him back. (I told my friend about him later and she had completely forgotten him since high school, so I guess he is just a forgettable dude in general)

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Guy 3

After my experience with the first two, I kind of lost hope for the third guy, but figured I'd give the website 3 shots before giving up on it. Out of the three, I probably had the most in common with the third guy when it comes to interests and hobbies, but I wasn't as romantically interested in him. In the one picture he had on his profile, he looked like an average guy, but I was a little tentative since he sort of reminded me of my brother (who I had a very bad relationship with growing up). A couple weeks after meeting the second guy, I agreed to meet with the third one to get things out of the way and be done with the site whether I liked him or not. We agreed on his favorite barbeque place

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Immediately upon seeing this guy, I wanted to turn around and leave. He was about 30 pounds heavier and 3 or 4 years older in person--the absolute worst way to present yourself online--and had a creepy mustache instead of the flattering facial hair in his profile picture. I reluctantly ordered a sandwich (it was cold and I prefer barbeque smoking hot) and carried on a pleasant conversation with him. My physical preference for men is skinny or average and toned, so his picture of average weight was at my limit, but showing up 30 pounds heavier after claiming he worked out is unacceptable. I consider misrepresenting yourself online as lying (and wrote that on my profile) so there was nothing further between us. I need a man who takes care of his health and can be a healthy role model for children

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Conclusion

2 out of 3 guys I met online were absolute no-goes and another just didn't work out. Pilfering through the completely wrong guys for me and risking what I dealt with 2 of them isn't worth it for me. I would rather be patient and wait for the right man to enter my life. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but sometimes that sea is a cesspool. Luckily I didn't encounter any truly terrible guys, stalkers, or anything life-threatening, so I guess I can recommend using online dating if you don't mind wading through the muck

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

Worst experience


Early on, a guy messaged me something lengthy and nice, so I responded even though I lacked interest. I tried to explain to him my concerns of why I thought we wouldn't be a good match, but he kept messaging me. He was a pizza delivery driver with no aspirations for a better career, something I find lazy and unattractive in a partner, especially since I work more hours than him (all three of the guys I agreed to meet work as much as I do and put the same effort towards work). Found out he also married a girl, but she divorced him after 3 months for reasons he didn't feel comfortable sharing online...he then grew upset when I failed to message him back (because I was busy with work), so I deleted him as anger over trivial things is something I avoid in a relationship and I was never interested in him to begin with. He was the worst guy I encountered on that site

Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah I'm not the biggest fan of those sites despite still (half-heartedly) trying. The biggest issue for me is you lose the spontaneous moment of meeting someone. You don't just look at someone and go "that's the one" when you're online. You look at their profile and those otherwise minor details stand out. Online dating almost advertises itself like "you tell us what you want and we'll give you exactly that". It's like getting a custom built boyfriend or girlfriend. When they're less than perfect, you wanna keep looking. But in person they can be less than perfect and still steal your heart.

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    • I get what you're saying here. I had a similar experience with the second guy because he seemed very gentlemanly online and we texted a lot, but he barely spoke in person. I guess I was expecting the dialogue to continue and felt like something was missing. In person, I love the stoicism of a man who holds his tongue, but it seemed odd after so much communication online

Most Helpful Girl

  • Very informative and interesting article, insightful, knows more about these things than most amateurs. But do remember that when you join dating sites a lot of the men on there are married or in a relationship and lying about it. They make up all sorts of excuses to avoid meeting you evenings and weekends or for cancelling at short notice. Others pretend they want a real relationship because it sounds better than saying they are just wanting to get an orgasm off you. Others are losers who go to free dating sites because they are unemployed or in a crappy job and cannot afford the professional sites. So professional people are far better off going to sites geared especially for them, which you pay for. But which sift out people you do not have enough in common with.

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    • Thank you. I kind of got that vibe from the site in general. I'm considering trying a site you have to pay for in the future

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    • As for the silly guy who boasted about being so desperate he sleeps with a psycho who is fat and wrinkly. You get plenty? Untrue. Men who get plenty are usually rich, good looking, charming and well educated. Know plenty of them. No man who gets plenty has to go to a dating agency, or make do with chubby wrinkly weirdos - which is what you said you did. You were too mean to pay and not good enough for a real sexy woman, so just admit it to yourself. The scraping of the barrel was done by one who is the scraping of the barrel. I know lots of women who are sexy and beautiful, none oif them would want a guy like you, nor make it that easy for him, nor on first meet. And I bet wrinkly psycho fatso gets more offers than you because she is a woman and because only men who would usually have to pay would be willing.

    • Haha I completely agree with you. Reading posts like his just remind me why I don't waste my time with losers. If he was happy with his relationships, he wouldn't be trying to shit on somebody else's... and admitting to lowering to wrinkly fatty's level only makes him look bad

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What Guys Said 55

  • Out of all the sites I recommend to clients.. . this is definitely not one of them. This site is now infested with left over escorts from craigslist and backpage. They are everywhere now infiltrating the online dating sites like cock roaches. On both sides of the fence I see way too many profiles that have photos that are ranging from "just taken" to 10 years old.. it's so obvious it's sickening. It appears you didn't do too bad but I always recommend Match... Yes it cost something but because of that more people are engaged in finding someone. Nice take!

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    • Lol I could see that since it is a free site. I've heard Match is better, so I might consider trying it another year or so from now

      Thanks

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    • @vishna OkCupid used to be great.. too many questions to answer that make no sense for a real connection.

    • passinby you obviously care about what I say here, it touched a raw nerve and annoys you because it is true, so you blocked me. You should consider yourself lucky that I bother when most people who want my opinion and knowledge have to come to me as paying clients. You say you get plenty yet you go on dating sites looking, and you end up with someone wrinkly fat who is a psycho! oh my. That does make you desperate. And lucky for you a wrinkly , fat psycho is desperate too. But people who are normal and good looking do not have to make do, and that is what annoys you and why you have to make do. You see when women look for a date they are usually looking for friendship, compatability and love. Not to be a blow up doll for a tosser. Surely it would be simpler to just buy a blow up doll if you a guy who struggles?

  • Met my current girlfriend online, but in general I find online dating to be a waste of time and would only do it to meet a woman in Asia. It's got to be really hard for a woman to sort through all the responses and find the diamond in the rough.

    To anyone, male or female, looking to meet someone online, I would stress that you usually have to be willing to accept someone with a big flaw or two, so be sure to dial back your expectations somewhat and focus on the important stuff. To put this in more concrete terms, I am willing to date an overweight woman who isn't particularly attractive but I won't date one who doesn't have a good personality and who isn't caring and doesn't treat other people well.

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    • Thank you for your response. It's interesting that you view these websites negatively despite experiencing success, but it's great you found someone

      I don't mind flaws, but they have to be specific ones. It might sound odd, but there are specific flaws I look for in people that I share, that way we have a common ground and understanding

    • That makes sense to me- we can often identify better with people with whom we have a shared understanding, whatever that might be.

      My view is negative because of the general low quality of the people on these dating sites (by this I mean they have serious issues) and the massive numbers, so people usually don't focus on an individual person like they might in real life- you're just a number.

  • Three dates is nothing. I did a lot of online dating, mostly on match. com. It's a paid service so I knew that the women who were recently active were at least seriously looking. Still one summer I had seventeen first dates and no second dates. The next January I met a wonderful women who looked better than her profile picture. We've been together over ten years.

    Online dating effectively is a skill that can be learned. I quickly learned to pass over women with bland profiles, e. g. I enjoy travel, walks on the beach, etc. Who doesn't? I wrote about three paragraphs myself, worded to turn off women who wouldn't be a match. I still got messages from women who either didn't read it or didn't understand it.

    Other lessons: 1) do not waste time texting or E-mailing back and forth with prospects. 2) the first date should not be dinner. Dinner takes too long and after food is ordered you are trapped. Meet for coffee only, or a drink, so you can escape when it's bad. If you meet a guy and he's not what you expected, just say "Sorry, this isn't going to work" and leave without explanation. If he lied about his age or appearance he will know why. 3) Learn to read profiles. Boring people write boring profiles. Funny people write funny profiles. Make sure yours is interesting, and respond only to people who read it and got it.

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    • I'm glad to hear it worked out well even after so many bad dates

      I get what you're saying, but I hate coffee and don't want to drink the first time I meet someone. I think I prefer personal interaction better

    • I like diner <3 :( lol

    • @Afrochick I had a lot of first dinner dates, some with women who blatantly lied about their appearance. One woman selected "A few extra pounds." She was about 5-3 and 250, which put her about 100 pounds more than a few. She also lied about her smoking habit. No one smokes on line, they are all "Trying to quit". Still we had a pleasant meal.

  • One thing I must say here.

    1. Your standards were WAY too high. If anything the second guy might have had a chance, but the third guy you dismissed offhand. People lie on the internet, so that's something you have to consider. Those that don't lie, are the ones you should pay attention to.

    2. (A side note) The guys you encountered, at least most of them, were either unmotivated or just nervous. Most likely the latter.

    I personally don't think I'd date you even if you begged me to.

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    • My standards are exceptionally high, but not too high for someone like me. I refuse to settle and do not believe in divorce. I will only date or marry someone I see lifelong potential with

      The third guy deserves to be dismissed. I wrote in my profile that lying is my biggest turnoff. He claimed he worked out and then showed up overweight, so he is a dishonest liar and deserved to be dismissed

      Well then you're lucky that I'm not the begging type

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    • I'm not asking you to be my type and you are far from it. Whether you would date me or not is none of my concern

      I find many real men, but they need to be the right men for me to be interested. I'm not interested in muscles, so your point is moot

      I am the furthest thing from average you will meet. Everybody says I'm unique, different, special, and creative. People tell me I'm beautiful all the time. No matter what you say, you are wrong about me and you will not change my views. You are an insignificant troll

      Just because you're lonely doesn't make me so. I know I will find the right man for me because I am a genuine person and can take care of him like nobody else and love him with the utmost respect and admiration

      Mentally adopted? That's not a real thing. I feel bad for the poor girl

    • The girl isn't the one I adopted. I was an only child and still am. He was as close as a brother, and both our families accepted it. He had other brothers but I was closer to him than even them. The comments on whether or not I'd date you were completely disclaimers. They are there to ensure my neutral standpoint.

  • I met a psycho online once, she was chubbier than her pic, more wrinkles, but since I am not fussy like some people I know I took her home and had some fun. Don't be so damn fussy. You are not going to live forever.

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    • Lol I'm much happier being fussy than sleeping around. I may indeed live forever as women in my family live into their 90s, and that's aboutg as forever as a no human being can get. I am perfectly happy being single until I find the right man

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    • Obviously you are a man. If a young, sexy, beautiful woman wants to meet up with a guy just to have sex she can work for an agency and charge a lot of money for it. You were lucky you got a freebie off the chubby wrinkly one. Maybe if she had not been chubby and wrinkly she would have charged you. The lady who wrote this is looking for a serious relationship, not a bunk up or a low life she has nothing in common with.

    • @bethshepherd I don't care, period. I get plenty without trying anytime. Who the hell needs a date site anyways? Good luck with all your morals, LTRs fantasies, judgements and fem bllsht. Just don't care.

  • I love the depiction of your final date in the final image haha, I don't understand how you can get married and break up in 3 months. Like why even get married in the first place?

    Good read though, maybe online dating isn't as dreadful as initially I thought.

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    • Haha I didn't actually go out with that last guy because he gave me a really bad vibe... kind of like the Kardashians when one of them was married for like a day lol

      Thank you. It overall wasn't a bad experience and I did enjoy talking to guys on there. I feel like it was a good stepping stone for me to start talking to guys again after my ex, but I prefer personal interaction better than online

  • LOL I love the image that says "81% of people lie about their height, weight, or age," and then it goes on to cite a variance of 0.5" for height, 2lbs for weight, and 6 months for age of profile photos. I would have thought the lies would have gone a lot further than that.

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    • I would've expected that too considering the one guy was obviously way older and fatter than he looked, but the other guy was up-to-date and I used very recent pictures, so I think it's more of an average. I remember my mother always used old pictures that made her look skinnier lol. So I'm wondering how accurate those statistics are

    • I suspect they are cherry-picked. I don't think most girls would care (or even notice) if it was really only.5", 2 lbs, or up to 6 months off. I could only see it being an issue if the variance was much greater.

  • It's no better on the other side of the fence. You either get cringy girls, fake profiles created to bait you into paying, or ignored entirely. Online dating gives you the same experience you have with everything else online. Loads and loads of horse shit and a diamond in the rough here and there. Well, if you really want that diamond then pick up a shit shovel and get to it. If you're too weak of heart then stay away. The internet is a dirty, grungy place. Der be monsters here.

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    • I don't have a hard time believing that. I can only imagine there's an equally terrible woman for every terrible man on there

      I think I prefer gauging someone face-to-face because I don't have to waste a month texting someone who isn't worth it in the end. It's easier to filter through people I can see obviously won't work out

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    • I get it. That's why I tried to respond to most guys who wrote something decent (and with proper punctuation and grammar) even if I wasn't interested in them. There were a few guys I would message "You seem very interesting and I think we would have a lot in common, but you're a bit outside my age range" or something like that. I don't want to feel like I'm dating my dad lol

    • Lol. The thing is, since guys have to message 100+ women to get a single response, we simply don't have the time or energy to make every message personalized and exciting. Even doing that doesn't really yield any better results than simply cutting and pasting the same message over and over again, so it's just a vicious cycle. Women bitch men don't put any effort into their messages, but men don't get any response to their messages even when they do put in effort so they have zero motivation.

  • You're typical of your age group; please don't take that as an insult, I just mean you have your preference. As you get older, your views will change. Yes, it sucks you had the experiences you did, but you learned from them. Not all guys are like that, your age or not.

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    • I don't take it as an insult. I acknowledge that I am a picky person, but I have plenty of time to be so. I'll know it when the right man comes along and I'll compromise then, but I refuse to settle for the wrong man. I plan on my views changing, but my values will not

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    • I have been here a lot time now, and am only following two people here, you and one other. The rest are childish, boring, clueless or whatever. And there are so many tossers on here, quite pathetic. Life is too short.

    • @bethshepherd
      Oh thank you

      I only really kept up with one other guy on here, but he deleted his account because of all the trolls. Even I had to take a break from them for a while lol

  • Going for a big meal in an expensive restaurant as a first date is a bad idea. Much better meeting for a snack or drink or something, where you can minimize your time and $ commitment. After all, the chances of hitting on the first try are just not that great.

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    • Actually drinking on the first date has been shown to cause people to regret their relationships twice as much as those who didn't. I would still be hungry with a snack and prefer to take my time eating. I don't regret the food

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    • Haha... I'm a super lightweight... I tend to black out at 3 drinks, so it doesn't take a lot for me to drink "heavily"

    • OK, you may want to stick to tea...

  • Wow, what about the guys who were laid of, company went out of business, can't find anything better or whatever, money isn't everything you know. I was on POF, after a while just porno profiles... weird. I can't believe you even got a message on that site. After many years I only got like 2 or 3 messages. One from a lady I wasn't interested in what so ever and another that hated my profile enough to message me about it, lol. I can't help it I believe in God and that Jesus is his son.

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    • Oh I do know that money isn't everything, but I also know that this world runs on money. You have to make a certain amount of money to cover your living expenses or you'll be homeless, and I don't want to be homeless or raise a child in homelessness. Complaining about money isn't going to fix your financial problems

      Again, men should not expect women to message them first. If you want people to come to your business, you have to advertise and market--dating is similar--nobody will be interested if they don't know you're there

    • If a guy is laid off and cannot get a job and money is not everything then he will be happy to go to the free dating sites and date women who are also unemployed. Why would he expect to be able to update with a woman who has more than him and then find fault with her if she says no? It is unfair and gold digging. Anyway I know plenty of people who are doing well and none of them has ever had problems with being laid off or not being able to get an equally good job. Most of them are self employed and hire a lot of staff> As for being a religous not, no thanks. My best friend is a minister's wife, she is very much into religion and does a lot for her church and goes there a lot, but she never rams it down peoples' throats or expects them to be the same, hence she is popular. Other people I know go on and on about religion and the bible and christianity all of the time and have no friends, because they are dictating to others and b o r i n g and bossy about it. POF is for losers.

  • Well that's dating in general whether you meet online or IRL. Most people go on countless dates and stuff like you said from people they meet in person or from a friends setting them up, etc.

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    • Maybe I just don't date enough then. My ex is the only guy I've really dated. I don't really count the ones here because it was a first meet up and not really romantic

  • Well written! I’ve met some really great women on Tinder & Bumble that I’m still friends with.
    Not a big fan of POF.
    A friend of mine got scammed. He was talking with a girl who’s profile said 18. She sent him explicit pics, then said she is only 17 and if he doesn’t pay her, he is going to jail.
    Scared the sh*t out of him, but in the end it was just a bluff.

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    • That's great you found some decent friends, but it's kind of awkward for me to backtrack if I give any hint of romantic intentions

      As for your friend, that sounds downright terrible and is something I'm glad didn't happen to me. There are some real psychos out there

  • Online dating seems to be something socially awkward people do. Since you have a pleasant persona, and generally speaking sound confident about what you like, you should just look for social groups, sporting clubs. Meet girls and guys and expand your network of friends till you find a guy that you genuinely like.

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  • Your experience is quite good compared to mine. Maybe I was on the wrong site but to me it seemed more like walking into a brothel and choosing one of the girls , because the only thing I saw was sex for sale. Dont get me wrong I had a great time on there but trying to find a girl I wanted to date it was never mentioned...

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    • One of the guys I was talking to mentioned something similar (actually I think it was the first guy). He said a bunch of the girls had that trashy dog Snapchat filter on. I can agree that is highly unattractive for someone looking for a serious relationship

  • I guess it’s my age group but I haven’t had any luck with it either since there is way more men than women on there as with most sites, I only met one and had a good time that day, we spent hours together and after that I never heard back from her and messaged her one more time but nothing so I’m still confused

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    • Maybe she had a similar experience as I did with the second guy. I really liked his personality online and did enjoy his company. We (I) spent about an hour and a half eating, so I wasn't in a rush to get away from him. There wasn't anything to send me running away from him, I just forgot about him because he wasn't terribly interesting or rememberable. Maybe she did genuinely like you, but couldn't see a future with you

    • Yeah I guess , seems like something I’m not noticing

  • I was OK Cupid for a while and my experience was most people have no real intention of meeting anyone in person. They are there to flirt or to see how many 'likes' they can get. Either that or they are way too picky. Nobody seems to want to make the first move so it ends up being an expensive waste of time.

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    • I would agree most people weren't looking for something serious, especially in my age group. The most compatible guys who messaged me were generally in their thirties, but that's too old

    • I don't know many guys under 26 who are looking for a LTR...

    • @zagor yup... that's my problem... I'm not even interested in guys my age. My ex was 30, but that didn't work out either. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo waiting for a guy my age to be mature enough to want to settle down. The only guy I know my age who is ready for that is happily married and we're not compatible anyway. I do like older guys, but no more than 10 years because I look half my age and don't need "those" comments

  • I tried Plenty of Fish and at least you got much further than I did lol
    Most times it was some awkward messaging back and forth.

    On that note though, you didn't try guy number 4:

    Me B)

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    • I agree most of it was awkward and there's no way to use body language to hint, so you have to either be direct or just ignore them. I much prefer interpersonal flirting

      Haha no chance!

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    • @samhayne Literally put this face B) to show it was a joke. If you can't accept that, then oh well to this lol

    • "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men"

  • Well, yeah, what'd you expect? Plenty of Fish is kind of notorious for being more of a hookup and prostitution site. If you wanna use a legit dating site, you gotta use one of the paid ones, like Match.

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    • Lol I did kind of expect a similar outcome. There was a tiny hint of hope, but I mostly expected it to turn outf like this

      Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least I can say I tried it

    • True, can't fault ya there.

  • I think the key with online dating is more volume and less caring.

    That 3rd date where you wanted to leave in the first 30 min? That right there is why the first date should always be coffee! (Or tea if you dont like coffee.)

    A coffee date can take 30 min, it can morph into a 4 hour date if its going well too!

    In my book: All online first dates should be at a coffee shop.
    Also in my book: Don't think as hard about your choices. In the time you spent worrying about these 3 dates, you could've gone on 10. All coffee, all a short amount of time.

    The low odds of success simply demand trying more often and with less time invested, you know?

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    • I understand you point, but I hate coffee lol

      I don't think the online thing is for me. I prefer personal reactions and not risking being lied to

  • I've never had a bad date, not because i am awesome but each was a learning experience for me and it's fun to get the "best" of someone in a sense.

    Whether it be a friend of a friend or online dating... dating has it's ups and downs however mostly enjoyable.
    - a lot of this i think is being a guy... women aren't creepy and they are usually fairly self aware and versed in conversation.

    Sure online dating is.. online dating! It can be savage but.. entertaining.

    I had an app that swiped "right" on all the different dating apps and then i'd review them later that night while pooping.

    #Plenty of fish

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    • I like your mentality with it. I don't regret meeting these guys even though it could've gone better. I feel like it was a good way for me to start talking to guys again after my ex

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    • In many ways I agree with you, but some are not healthy or fit enough to go to sports stuff, and there are lots of groups in my area where nearly everyone there is female and aged 80 plus so that would not work for me, not would meeting the same people over and over again, if there is no spark the first time why meet them many times? or take time off of work unpaid to be there?

    • @bethshepherd

      Spark is BS to me.. some relationships take time to build as each person will interact differently.. some friendships / relationships took time to form while other form quickly (spark) and dissolve just as fast.

      Activity: sure.. if i am hoping to meet someone at my RC Racing Track where 98% of the people there are male... i may want to potentially explore other avenues however... the 98% of the males there... might have friends! I can network and hangout in a social setting that is more female friendly.

      So.. there's a will... and there's a way.

      My friend dated this girl and the first 2 years he was happy to just be in a relationship, didn't really like her that much... she knew he was the one.
      Now they've been married for 3years.

      Not the cookie cutter spark, the one... so... it can happen.

  • As an IT guy, when I was ready to date after my divorce I thought it was going to be perfect. We put in our info and bam, perfect match. Within a week or two I have the woman of my dreams and we go off to live happily ever after. Jesus was I wrong.
    I will say that online dating for women is COMPLETELY different then it is for men. Women get a flood of messages daily from a vast array of men pigs and a few from us good guys. When I realized I never really gave myself time to just have fun and enjoy life, I decided to take at least a year off of dating. However, I left my profile out there on POF and OkCupid and decided if I received a message from a woman that I was interetested in, I would pursue it. In 18 months I received exactly 4 messages. 2 were women that I have received multiple messages from and I think send them to every guy on the site. The other two I was not interested in. The fact is that women just don't send messages first. Since I am having issues trusting any woman after being lied to by my ex-wife for so long, I really want the woman to make that first move so I can at least trust that she is interested and not just out for a free meal or night out. Unfortunately, more then one of the women I have dated online have actually said "if I had to make the first move, I just wouldn't date". That is so sad to me. It shouldn't be up to the guy to always make the first move. It seems younger women don't have this hangup as much, but that doesn't help me. I have no desire to date a 21 yr old.
    So I continue to leave my profile out there. I even have my own name as the profile name Jeff_Giuliani. Still I have received less then 10 messages since March of 2016. If I get online and send out messages, I can usually have a date within a few days. Unfortunately, women lie as much as men do. And just because you match up on paper, doesn't mean you will match up in real life. But up until recently I worked at home, I don't go to church, I don't have many friends. So online is the only way I can meet anyone. I don't go to bars and who would ever want a relationship with someone they met in a bar. And women seem to think it is "creepy" for a guy to just walk up to them on the street and ask for their number, but they are ok if it is in a small area with alcohol involved, I never understand that. Plus I am horrible at estimating women ages. I once thought a woman was in her early 40's just to find out she was 19. So the saga continues...

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    • Have you tried meetup groups or similar that are oriented towards a particular interest or activity rather than activities specifically for dating? You often meet a better quality of single person that way, plus you will have at least one thing in common.

    • @zagor That's a decent idea. Or join a book club or some sort of club with people your age. I don't normally suggest bars for anything other than building your confidence up talking to people you're attracted to. I hate getting groped by random creeps

      Honestly I have no sympathy for guys who refuse to ask women out. You're self-selecting your genes out of the gene pool with that. I've been hurt in a relationship too--my ex cheated on me--but that doesn't mean I'm never going to trust another guy because of him. I know lots of happy, faithful couples and know I can find a faithful man too. You can claim women have it easy, but we don't. Having to deal with guys following you home from the gas station at 2 AM after you get off work is not easier

  • Choice of site matters immensely.

    If you are serious, you need to be on a site that requires you or the other person to pay in order to have contact.

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    • I could see that, but I'm saving up money to put a downpayment on a house right now, so I'm pinching every penny I can. Maybe I'll try one once I get settled

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    • I pay more in rent than I would if I bought a house, so yes it would be an investment for me. I know I can afford it, and I want to have a house paid off in my 50s so I can retire in my 60s

      I'm going to set myself up for success whether I find a husband or not. If I do find a husband and we decide a larger house is better for our needs, we will rent out the house I am going to buy next year

      I don't live my life by doing what other people think is wise--I do what I need to survive, prosper, and bring happiness

    • You'll see.

  • Yeah, I met my girlfriend on there but there are a lot of weirdos on there too.

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  • I skimmed through this take to understand more about online dating and I have found two empirical laws:

    1. Whenever online dating doesn't work out it is always the problem with the other person.

    2. The average 5' tall woman gets 5-20 messages per day on POF.

    Good take and thanks for the info. (maybe you to the first guy is like the second guy - who is of course less good looking - to you)

    img.4plebs.org/.../1520887881214.jpg

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    • 1. Lol that's true for everything. You can always blame something on somebody else. But I don't think it was really anybody's fault with the second guy because neither of us texted the other until a month later

      2. You may be assuming that I'm average while I have been informed otherwise. And I'm going and would assume older women may get less... but that's probably true for most somewhat attractive women on the site

      And I'm not entirely sure what the first guy's problem is. His initial message to me was about how he wants to find a redhead to worship and he told me I was perfect, then apparently he can't get over his friend who isn't interested in him at all. Lol his loss

      Thank you for the feedback and funny picture

    • I wouldn't trust someone who wants to worship women on dating sites. Good boys only worship true Gods.

    • Haha maybe that was the problem all along. I thought he was joking and being flirty, but maybe he was awkwardly serious...

  • Plenty of Fish is THE WORST. I used it 3-4 years ago. It's terrible. The kind of women you meet on that site... they are trash. All the women I met were super trashy, tasteless, had lot of kids, weren't college educated (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I prefer my women to have a a college education), didn't have a car and were vile.

    I talked to a lot of women on the site and they all sucked. When I finally went on a date with a girl that seemed alright on the site, I found out she racist against Hispanic people and she spoke negatively about Mexicans on our date and would point them out and talk trash about them. It was disgusting.

    I know some people have qualms about online dating, but if you are going to do an online dating site, try Tinder. Again... I know people have mixed experiences on Tinder, but that's where I met my current girlfriend. We have been dating for nearly 2 years now.

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  • What are "losers who don't believe in government"? In what way don't they believe in government and how does it make them losers?

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    • Losers because they're losing out on me for not believing in the government when it comes to marriage. People say they want to act married, but don't want a "piece of paper from the government". Marriage should be about proving to the government you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together, not feeling oppressed by the government who in no way forces people to marry each other

      "Losers" is a subjective term. In this case, they are losers in my point of view. You don't have to view them that way for them to still be losers in my book

      Basically I want to end up married, so I don't want to date someone who doesn't want to officially get married according to the government because one of us would end up unhappy and it would be a waste of our time

  • Yeah it's tough. It's tough for girls and guys-- but it's tougher for guys. Trust me.

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    • I believe guys probably have similar issues, but I wouldn't know exactly since I'm not interested in girls

    • Our issues are different but harder in other ways. As in, it's basically impossible to get any attention from girls at all. With a girl, even if you're not very attractive and you're kinda overweight, somehow you'll still get plenty of messages from guys. The other way around doesn't exist-- if you're a somewhat homely guy, no girl, attractive or unattractive, pays the slightest attention to you. I'm a pretty attractive guy and even I would only get like three or four messages a week from girls who made the first move.

  • If your looking for free no strings sex...
    There are two websites
    http://bdsmdate.co.uk
    http://spanknet.co.uk

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  • Show more from Guys
    25

What Girls Said 27

  • I gave up on online dating as most of the guys were creeps and it took up too much time going through profiles. I deceided it would be better to meet guys the old fashioned way. I met a guy recently at my church and it looks like it could go all the way.

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    • Sounds like we had similar experiences lol

      That's great you met someone you share core values with. I hope it works out

  • just use Tinder. it works as long as you're careful with it. got both my hookups and actual dates on it lol

    Also... I'm going out with my crush for 2 years from my previous school this week so I guess it's not the ultimate option either hahaha i do know some friends who met their loves on Tinder tho!

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    • I'm not interested in hookups at all and don't really want to go out with people who are

      But that's great it worked for yoi

  • Very nice mytake! One of my friends went in that site and kept meeting inappropriate matches as well! She kept finding well to do lonely men with one thing in common: micro penis. I'm not even exaggerating. That's why I won't go on there lol. I call that site "Murky Fish tank "

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    • Thank you

      Hahaha that does sound like something that has a high probability of happening since insecure people are more likely to use online dating and guys are really insecure about their size. I'm not personally worried about size, but the insecurity is a huge turnoff for me

  • Nice take! If I were single, I would never choose online dating for myself. Too much risky, there are tons of creeps, stalkers, catfishes and on and on.

    Also, you can not find "chemistry" in an online dating, how would you know if the other person was just pretending to be lovable and hiding too much turn-off flaws? Only when you meet him or her, and the chance of feeling disappointed is huge. The analogy the title said it all.

    Thank you!

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    • but how would you know that about anyone? they say you don't REALLY get to know a person until after the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over, and I agree with that. when you are dating someone, for the first few months most people are putting their best foot forward generally all the time.

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    • thats true, and I will totally agree with that, why? because its like a double edged sword. While you definitely have more options available and nearly a "limitless" pool to date from, you also have more options available and nearly a "limitless pool to date from lol. People like to say women are just too picky and don't ever respond but I feel like BOTH men and women just have so many options that they are holding out for the one that checks ALL the boxes... which will be almost darn near impossible to find. Not saying to lower yourself or standards but maybe be okay with having a few of those boxes not checked off, ya know? :P (err not you, just speaking in general).

    • I agree with the whole chemistry thing. I felt it with the first guy, but he turned out to be a dud. I felt a different kind with the second guy after we met than before, and I never felt it at all with the third. I know I had chemistry with my ex the first time we looked into each other's eyes. I'm going to wait until I medtg another guy with that kind of chemistry in person

  • Good take - you seem like a smart, mature woman and different from a lot of younger people these days who are looking for temporary pleasure.

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    • Oh thank you so much! I am definitely looking for as opposite of "temporary" as I can get

    • Not many people have a mindset like you so really hope you find the right person. I'm the same :-)

  • Online dating never really appealed to me. I met my husband on playstation 3. He's from Holland Im from USA. I was 18 he was 27. Nobody believed in us. However here we are living together and in sooo much love. He did tell me he only went into that playstation game like once a year, plus he thought I was a guy or a troll. The chances of us meeting were in a million. Thats why I believe in true love

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    • Haha that's awesome!

      Sounds like how my aunt and uncle met, but they're much older. She had a question about guns and he answered her in a chat room. He asked her to marry him the first time they met face-to-face and that was 6ish years ago

  • Wow. How is anybody supposed to take you seriously? I mean, I understand the misrepresentation part on the weight, but come on. You nit-pick on someone because they DIDN'T eat? Just wow. And I could almost guarantee that the first guy who confessed he was in love with his best friend was just trying to get a reaction. But still. You only went through 4 guys with how many messages a day? How can you possibly say online dating is a fail with so much selectiveness on your part. I've tried online dating and guess what, I met a bunch of very nice, attractive, successful guys right off the bat. One that I would even get back together with eight years later. I've never learned so much or got to meet so many fun and interesting guys as when I online dated. You must be putting out the completely wrong vibe or look in the wrong community.

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    • Also, filling out your profile like you did. Major turn-off. Most guys couldn't care less how you eat your eggs for breakfast, whether you wear socks to bed or where you did your internship. You really need to let go off that fastidious vibe you are giving off. Be fun and open and not too quick to give away information, especially if you're making lists of do's and don'ts. It's all about the vibe and not the credentials.

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    • You're too insignificant or me to take offense. I was correcting you, not bragging. I wrote this as an informational resource for people interested in online dating, not to "bitch about people"

      Please learn to read before posting a response

    • Lmao... the proof is in the pudding.

  • Great My Take.
    I have Had many Dates and Mates, Online and Offline, Each One, hun, With a Different experience. I even Have Had the Pleasure at One point of Going to Egypt to marry a Muslim Man.
    We all have out Glory and or Gory.
    "What will be Will be."xx

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  • Interesting take. While reading, I couldn't help but wonder whether Guy 1 was even real (in the sense that those pics were his) if you've never skyped or real, but like Guy 3, the pics don't match current looks.

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  • 1. Into someone else is a problem
    2. Trying to lose weight isn't a big problem but, nothing in common or no social skills is a problem
    3. Overweight and lying about it is a problem, and physical attraction is necessary
    4. Laziness, lack of ambition, and anger are problems

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  • Plenty of Fish is generally seen as a cesspool. Try OkCupid or something if you want a higher quality of men for free.

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    • Thanks for the recommendation. I may try them as well and write another Take if my experience is any different

    • I hope it works out for you <3 I met my boyfriend of a year on OkCupid and found a lot of other guys to talk to who genuinely wanted a relationship and wanted to meet up/didn't flake.

  • I love the way you describe the online dating. Yes i did the exact thing... one guy said he was tone and fit and when I met him 30 pounds heavier, and other fitures that didn't match at all on his profile! But he was nice... we had a chat, and nothing else. He text me I told him that it wasn't going to work out and that we had zero common so I needed. I hate it that some guys put false pictures when they dont look anything like on their profile.
    I take my time, and let guys come to me. But I love being single and who that fish would be... don't know I'll let that happen naturally. Thanks for sharing your story. 😊

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    • Thank you. It's nice to know someone else has had similar experiences. I've heard about people looking different than their pictures or heavier, but I didn't expect a guy to claim he worked out and have that drastic of a difference. He should've just been honest all the times I told him I was going to the gym with my friend that let himself go

    • I know... thesame happen to me... much bigger than I expected! He was nice. But not my cup of tea... ☺

  • Queenofcups got me to get on POF.

    A buttload of questions to answer before you can sign up.

    Most the guys Matching me are losers or thugs.

    i turned my profile off for a while...

    BUT it is a free site...

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  • You have to be ruthless in online dating. When I'm looking I get about 300 messages a week and respond to maybe 5 of them. Too many weirdos and losers out there.

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    • Yes they think you must reply or you are rude. They forget you are snowed under with mails and life is too short. The ones who only say hi or something similar do not deserve a reply anyway.

    • @bethshepherd Seriously. I can't tell you how many messages I get that are just "Hey" or "How's it going?" like there's no substantial attempt to communicate at all.

  • i love the attached picture for this XD...
    and it sounds like not all online dating is bad.. just 1/3 are... XD

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  • Online dating is depressing and never seems to amount to anything for me. I’ve given up with it.

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    • I'm telling you, you've given up too soon..

    • Do not blame you , can imagine you being snowed under by creeps, bores, losers and liars who are not worth meeting, some of them robbing you of time and others trying to persuade you to meet them because it suits them.

  • Very good and I met my boyfriend on facebook since. Dating apps was out.

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  • That first picture tho.. lol

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  • Lmao great take

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  • Haha

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  • I had a terrible experience with POF as well. I met three guys and texted several others. The first guy I met turned out to be a drug dealer with stalker tendencies. The second one was kind of normal, but he only wanted to have a ONS and we didn't quite click. The last one was completely bonkers; we met at the cinema and the minute he got there he pulled his dick out and asked me for a bj. Also, I'm pretty sure he was married.
    Nearly all the guys to whom I gave my phone number were enthusiastic nude senders that I had to block. There were only two guys who were sane, I even became friends with one of them.

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  • Online dating is a waste of time, pretty much

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  • Very true, this is very true.

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  • Interesting take

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  • But not eatable

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  • You had way better luck than 99% of online daters, so I'd say it's not so bad for you. I'd consider going on dates to be progress, there has to be a process of elimination.
    By the way my luck sucks mainly because I don't wish to date anyone in my area, and the guys who respond would lose interest after realizing I was in another country.

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    • Well if that's good luck, I'm truly glad I didn't encounter anybody truly horrible

      One of my friends has a similar problem as you

  • Kewl

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