Dating

Dealing With Clingy People

What it means to be clingy

Dealing With Clingy People

The Dictionary defines the word 'clingy' like this:

1. To hold fast or adhere to something, as by grasping, sticking, embracing, or entwining: clung to the rope to keep from falling; fabrics that cling to the body.
2. To remain close; resist separation: We clung together in the storm.
3. To remain emotionally attached; hold on: clinging to outdated customs. (See: The definition)

But on Urban Dictionary you can get the actual association in this case:

A boyfriend/girlfriend or possibly someone who likes you who becomes let's say, obsessed. Signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend is clingy: doesn't stop calling, constantly tells you how much they love/like you, writes you songs, buys you flowers/chocolate so much it gets annoying, and wants to spend time..all the time.

For serious cases they may begin talking about moving in, or marriage after only a month!
Example:

Sally:When I first started dating Bob it was ok...but now..he's always around me, my answering machine is never empty, and he's best friends with my mom!

Sally's friend: Damn that's clingy! (See: Definition 2.)

How it happens and why it happens

Dealing With Clingy People

I have been reading things like this over and over again. In almost every case it goes like this:

(ATTENTION: Genders can variate)

-A girl and a guy is dating and everything goes well.

-The girl falls for the boy.

-The boy likes her back, at least so it seems.

-Then suddenly something changes. The guy starts to take the girl for granted or then just loses feelings.

-The girl gets worried and does not get any concrete answer on her questions or maybe has not courage to ask.

-She starts to get clingy, because she likes him and does not want things to end without any explanation.

"To start with, I am not always clingy but when I am clingy I notice it too. Nobody needs to tell me that.

I start getting mad about little things and overthink every little detail. When I notice something is wrong or the guy I'm seeing is being flaky or behaving otherwise suspiciously I am starting to feel anxious. I start to analyze everything like a private investigator. And I hold on to him tighter, asking him why he leaves me on read or doesn't answer." - Anonymous user

It seems like this girl was just being a little bossy and maybe worried. This behavior is counted as being clingy too. Asking "Why are you not answering?" is actually really annoying if they ask it too soon, when you just have not had the time to answer. Often no answer is already seen as an answer.

What to do about it?

SO is being clingy really a bad thing? Could it be excused and isn't it a little bit weird to say that people are being clingy, when all they do is care?

Dealing With Clingy People

Because that is what people do when they care, they try to hold on to it. Of course you should be able to let go, because if they like you back they will come back. I have had my share of clingy guys and I have also played the clingy part, and I must say it is very exhausting to both parts. I was being clingy when I was a teenager and insecure about myself, but now I am not doing that anymore. I have no time for that.

In almost every case I think the other part being clingy is a result of bad communication. Not in all cases. Rather than blaming them for being clingy, see if you can explain your behavior better. Maybe you were not so smooth either?

Dealing With Clingy People

Sometimes the situation is more extreme. Here is some advice from wikiHow about

How to Get Rid of Clingy People


1. Setting Boundaries with a Clingy Person

2. Acknowledge your feelings.
3. Decide the boundaries that need to be set.
4. Be direct.
5. Expect the other person to be angry.


Creating Space Away from the Person

1. Be less available.

(wikiHow)

Dealing With Clingy People
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