Right now I'm in a complicated relationship. If you were to ask either one of us if we are boyfriend and girlfriend we would say "no, but..." or "it's a long story". It's a very complicated situation. We both like each other, but there are a lot of other factors keeping us from being together at the moment. Something that in my mind complicates things further is one of her friends. She assures me nothing is going on with him, but because of what happened the last time a girl I liked had a guy friend like this, I keep over analyzing everything I know about their relationship.
Last time I fell in love with a girl I wasn't in a relationship with was sophomore year of high school. She liked me and I really liked her. However, there was another guy. I knew they were friends and that he liked her, but she assured me that she didn't like him back. She said that she didn't want to be in a relationship and that instead we were just really good friends. As time went on, we got closer and closer, (at least as it appeared to me) and we started doing things that people in relationships would normally do, i.e holding hands in the hallway, walking each other to class, good morning and good night texts and long phone calls about everything and nothing at the same time. I was not worried about this other guy who was her friend because she had said that she didn't like him like that.
About a week or two later, we were at lunch and she told me that she was going to the bathroom. She did this every lunch period around the same time so I really didn't have anything to worry about. As per usual a crowd formed around that area with everybody getting ready to leave for class. For some reason on this day the crowd wasn't as big as it normally was, so I could see to the other side. What I saw was the thing that broke my heart for the first time. I saw her and the guy she told me was nobody, kissing each other outside the bathroom. I got up and left. We stopped talking.
As for the girl I like now, I know she wouldn't do that to me. She's one of the most straightforward, coolest people I know. If something was going on she'd tell me. But because of this, I find it hard to be cool when she and one of her guy friends are together or even talking to each other on the phone. I get very jealous and very suspicious of it. I wish I could stop feeling that way but I can't. The closer I get to actually being in love, the harder it gets to trust that nothing is going on because the last time I felt this way I got my heart broken. It's this reason that I'm always in my own head about our relationship.
It's this reason why I find it hard to believe what I'm being told since I've been in a similar situation before. It's this reason why I keep doing stupid things and asking the same questions and over analyzing the same little things over and over again which any other girl would not put up with.
I keep doing things that I know frustrate and annoy her but for this reason I can't help it. Only when I talk to her about it do I realize how stupid I'm being but I just can't help racking my brain over and over again not even a week after we have the same conversation for the hundredth time.