Millennial Dating: A Young Woman That Fears She is Conceited and Aiming for Men That Are Too Good For Her

[Anonymous]

When I say this, I may be overreacting to a situation not entirely relevant to what I’m about to discuss on a topic that I am sensitive towards. I don’t think I’m attractive enough to date the kind of man I’d like to be with from a physical perspective. The only attention from guys I’ve received were not my type from an emotional and physical standpoint. I say this as a woman who has had acquaintances that seem to have men flock to them. Most people classified them as average in the face and moderately thin. Yet, they didn’t have to try to seek attention.

I work with children at Psychology based achievement center and an eleven year old boy pointed out that it “looked as if I don’t work out often because of my lack of muscle” (aka, I’m fat). I’ve only been in one short term relationship as a woman in her early twenties. I was a chubby child and moderately chunky teenager.

I slimmed down in my Freshman year of college. I gained the weight back as a Junior and lost the weight as a Senior. I am currently in my last semester of college at a weight between 176-180 lbs depending on what I eat the day prior. The only relationship I’ve been in was at my smallest weight, which is where I’m presently at.

While that sounds overweight (hence it is), I am 5’7 and a women’s dress size of 10-12 depending on the cut. I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough. All the men I’ve witnessed from afar of good looks never showed interest in me and seemed to prefer slimmer women.

I have thick thighs and a smaller upper body (pear shaped). They say men prefer curvy women but that hasn’t been the case for me. My ex was not my type but I still gave him a chance because of his personality and similar shared interests.

I’m told I’m pretty, this does not solely include family members and female friends. The online community. Coworkers. Strangers. Friends of friends. Friends that have shared opinions from other guys, yet those other guys never told me directly. I’ve chosen to stay single not only due to my lack of options based on my below average physical appearance, I also prefer solitude to an extent.

I have come to terms with the realization that my kind of guy doesn’t want anything to do with me. If a young boy can be honest about how he perceives me, this is how a majority of men must see me too. Tell me GAG community, do you think I’m right? Am I possibly below average in physical appearance hence the lack of attention I receive? Are my standards too high?

[PlacentaSalad]

"Am I possibly below average in physical appearance hence the lack of attention I receive? Are my standards too high?"

Yes. For some reason, many people who are simply average or even slightly below average are expecting/hoping to attract and date people who are much more attractive than they physically are. While it's good to have that confidence, I've always subscribed to the idea that it's better to remain realistic, as thinking that somebody who is conventionally attractive will actually notice you (positively) is really just a fantasy for a lot of people that is unlikely to ever become reality. You could have the sweetest personality and make for the greatest companion but men aren't going to notice that within your appearance nor are they going to assume that about you to give YOU the chance, as you say you did with your ex-boyfriend. Who, I'm guessing, was probably closer to your own value.

I would not say you lack options, even though perhaps to you it may seem that way. You just aren't noticing the men who may actually notice you. You're choosing to look afar and admire the men of "good looks" instead, so when you decide that you don't want solitude anymore, I'm sure you could find a boyfriend if you really wanted one. You certainly have to lower your standards to do that.

[myTake Owner]

I see where you’re going with this. But I’m telling you, the friends that are average in appearance (at least that’s how others perceive them from when I asked them) get A LOT more attention than I do. And even though I’m told I’m attractive, I get little to no attention.

[Buckzor]

I think the "curvy" obsession is from guys who are average, who can't necessarily be picky or "want" the fit/slim/skinny women who you see with the attractive/successful guys.

I mean kids are just brutal without any real knowledge of the world - I coach kids & they can say some stuff without batting an eye-lid that shocks me at times.

The biggest thing i've been told recently & been trying to do myself is how you come across to others - do you look like someone who WANTS guys to approach you, do you welcome them or just shut them down etc?

Smile more, laugh more, converse more, take the initiative in things, express yourself (controlled - but still show who you are).

I personally have had little to no attention from women throughout my life - yet over the recent years 4-5, i'd have women & men online telling me I must be swimming in pussy, that if they were in my shoes they'd get whoever they want blah blah - which simply means it comes down to confidence & how you present yourself to others (which clearly i'm awful at - always have been, i've just put on muscle & became somewhat "attractive" to the general eye on an app like this.

[Anonymous]

I do not know why you work in such a field with your sever low self esteem and lack of desire to self improve. Such a defeated attitude is a bad example for kids and this explains why growing up I was abused by counselors instead of helped, they probably had their own issues and agendas.

As for wanting men out of your league to want you, I sense you're manipulative and dangerous, hotter women are out here dating ugly men, and you think you deserve some hot guy to male him as miserable as you are. Your sense of entitlement is astounding.

[lavarule]

A few things.

Guys are into the physical, more than women are, so it could be your appearance.

That said, dress better, get a better haircut, get better with makeup, etc... There are a billion ways for a woman to make herself look better, go after it.

Also, many women I know that lament their appearance, but that's not their biggest problem. One friend I have thinks her weight is why she doesn't get dates, but she's really boring and lazy and complains a lot. Another friend things she's ugly, when she's really, really pretty. That stuff just gets in your head. Start believing you are beautiful and you will be.

Finally, change your target market. Look for older guys. They probably have more money, are more interesting and will think you are cute.

[Anon-ymous1]

"They say men prefer curvy women" well that's the problem... we don't. On top of "curvy" being a really poor descriptor for body type, as it is usually synonymous with "fat."

Anyway, we don't know you, obviously, and don't know what you look like, and don't know the type of guys you're attracted to, but if you're overweight, and based on what you've written here, it does seem as though you're probably aiming too high, yes. Sorry. I know weight loss isn't easy but either accept that you'll never get what you want or knuckle down and make some serious dietary and exercise changes, or else nothing will ever change for you. Legitimately attractive, tall, muscular, handsome guys are not attracted to girls who are overweight. Just how it is. Good luck.

[skateranon123]

I feel the same as you. I'm a very skinny man and trust me gaining muscle mass takes a looong time I've been hitting them gym since I was 26 annd I'm not 30 and I gained from 113 at 5'9" to 130 so yeah still have a loooong way to go. So both our issues are weight mostly which sucks

And trust me being a skinny man is the same as being a fat girl You will get ignored thats just life we can't change it We can only work extremly hard to get something others get easy

Girls say"no it doesn't matter" but the more weight I gain the more my female friends notice to the point some have started to flirt with me fitness is literally the number 1 thing for both sexes so never neglet it

[WalterRadio]

You have to understand your competition. If you want the best guy, you have to out compete the best girls.

Your being overweight certainly has a lot to do with it. You will be morbidly obese in 20 years.

Lower your expectations to the kind of guy that likes the kind of girl you are.

[ronaldo75]

Millennial woman have a huge problem with thinking they can land men who are levels above them and honestly are too good for them. This is why so many of them are perpetually single. Men are told to "date in your league" from the second we come out of the womb. Not sure why women don't think this doesn't apply to them.

[zagor]

90% of each gender want the same 10% of the other gender (Disclaimer: Talking straight people only). You need to come to terms with what your possibilities are, or you will be here writing the same thing when you're 50.

[HOAAH]

read a book called "shrill" and you will find that the author has the same issues as you...

[Jack_L_andTurn]

"Too good for" is a joke. Unless you suck as a person, the other might not be compatible, but no one is "too good for" you.

[Kiran04]

"A Young Woman That Fears She is Conceited and Aiming for Men That Are Too Good For Her"

So basically a young women fearing she is like all young, or even not young, women in today's age.

[WildGoat]

I am very scared towards modern dating. I have severe depression and have considered suicide when I look at the modern world and where it's headed. You're not alone in your thinking.

[Dchrls78104]

@WildGoat I can relate

[Anonymous]

Men are visual, if you are not popular with them now, hit the gym and don't play games with guys you like

[abundantlyrich]

I don't think it's the end of the world yet

[abundantlyrich]

No there's always room for improvement

[NhuanVan]

Well most guy are shallow.

[BillieJean1070]

Millennial here.

[StickStickity13]

What is your "type"

[laughinglad999]

l am nice looking

[Anonymous]

It's right