I am questionable in reference to the way I presently look and perceived myself in the past. I grew up in a private school that began at kindergarten and ended in eighth grade. That blew my chance of expanding my social circle, hence, I was with the same individuals for an extensive portion of my life.
I was a heavy set child. While all of the female classmates had attention from the boys in my grade and maybe even older, I was never considered. I’ve always been very reserved. And my physical appearance at the time did not help my situation. Most women I know had little flings and young suitors at this preteen portion of their life.
I was bullied and school overall sucked. Let’s fast forward to high school, in another state and this time it is a public school. I maintained around the same weight, however, I grew taller and hit puberty, resulting in a few lady parts accentuating my physique.
I didn’t have many friends. They seemed to be boy crazy too and almost all had boyfriends or suitors. Yet again, I was invisible. I didn’t get attention from guys until I was a Senior. Only because the guys were affiliated with a friend and happened to attend other schools. I didn’t really give them a chance and never took the compliments of others seriously. I was somewhat chunky and that was my primary fixation. I was tired of feeling inferior and lost weight. For my self esteem. And sadly enough, in hopes of receiving more attention.
Let us fast forward a few years as a college student. I am what they’d still call thick. I have decent sized breasts, moderately protruding bottom that is in proportion with my meaty thighs and relatively slim waist. While the BMI chart still deems me as overweight, I’m a women’s size 10-12. That isn’t very “plus size” if you ask me. I am in my early twenties and still single. Most of the attention I’ve gotten has been from online and from guys in person that did not peak my interest. Essentially, back to square one as a high school student.
I am in the best shape I’ve been from exercising a decent amount of time and watching my diet. I feel comfortable in clothes that I did not feel secure in prior to being heavier. Yet, I can’t find a guy I’d like to date. I thought being slimmer would have its perks. How skinny do I have to be to get a man’s attention? Better yet, a decent man? I’m starting to believe that I’m not liked by the opposite sex. To get even more philosophical, maybe looks are not everything because the amount of attention I’ve received has not changed whether I was chunky or am currently curvy.
I’ll settle with dogs.