From Plus-Size to Average: How My Transition Has Not Affected My Love Life

From Plus-Size to Average: How My Transition Has Not Affected My Love Life

I am questionable in reference to the way I presently look and perceived myself in the past. I grew up in a private school that began at kindergarten and ended in eighth grade. That blew my chance of expanding my social circle, hence, I was with the same individuals for an extensive portion of my life.


I was a heavy set child. While all of the female classmates had attention from the boys in my grade and maybe even older, I was never considered. I’ve always been very reserved. And my physical appearance at the time did not help my situation. Most women I know had little flings and young suitors at this preteen portion of their life.


I was bullied and school overall sucked. Let’s fast forward to high school, in another state and this time it is a public school. I maintained around the same weight, however, I grew taller and hit puberty, resulting in a few lady parts accentuating my physique.


I didn’t have many friends. They seemed to be boy crazy too and almost all had boyfriends or suitors. Yet again, I was invisible. I didn’t get attention from guys until I was a Senior. Only because the guys were affiliated with a friend and happened to attend other schools. I didn’t really give them a chance and never took the compliments of others seriously. I was somewhat chunky and that was my primary fixation. I was tired of feeling inferior and lost weight. For my self esteem. And sadly enough, in hopes of receiving more attention.


Let us fast forward a few years as a college student. I am what they’d still call thick. I have decent sized breasts, moderately protruding bottom that is in proportion with my meaty thighs and relatively slim waist. While the BMI chart still deems me as overweight, I’m a women’s size 10-12. That isn’t very “plus size” if you ask me. I am in my early twenties and still single. Most of the attention I’ve gotten has been from online and from guys in person that did not peak my interest. Essentially, back to square one as a high school student.


I am in the best shape I’ve been from exercising a decent amount of time and watching my diet. I feel comfortable in clothes that I did not feel secure in prior to being heavier. Yet, I can’t find a guy I’d like to date. I thought being slimmer would have its perks. How skinny do I have to be to get a man’s attention? Better yet, a decent man? I’m starting to believe that I’m not liked by the opposite sex. To get even more philosophical, maybe looks are not everything because the amount of attention I’ve received has not changed whether I was chunky or am currently curvy.


I’ll settle with dogs.


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Most Helpful Guys

  • Losing weight does have its perks. It prevents heart disease and all other sorts of issues. You did a good job losing the weight which I am proud of you for and you should be too. Now finding a decent man is not all about looks. Your going to need to wait. Your still young as I am and guess what, I had the chance to go with a girl but I denied her advances just because I kinda didn’t find her attractive and she was surrounded by “the popular girls.” All I want is a girl with a good personality good looks and someone who’s willing to go on an adventure with me. Not big boobs ass or tits like most of these moronic men do. I mean people have their preferences so I cannot blame them. Anyway you just have to wait. Get to know all the guys you can selves if they are not attractive to you. Most of the relation ships you see at your age and lower are not built for longevity. It’s just raging hormones asking for sex. And I get where you are coming from because I can relate. I was fat at first then lost weight and started getting attention in senior year and now I’m wondering why I don’t have a girl for the long term. So as I’ve said just wait it out. You’ll meet a person soon. Good Luck ☺️.

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    • Why are guys that like big tits and a nice ass on a girl moronic? Downvote.

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    • @Anon-ymous1 “and if the initial attraction isn’t there, then the personality isn’t gonna make up for it.” First of all you don’t have to be attracted to that person. As you learn more about them you might fall for them depending on the type of person you are. I’ve seen it happen before.

    • Well thank god I don’t look for that. The porn industry is stupid. Most of the time it’s a hot girl. I’ve barely seen ripped muscular guys in it. While there are some guys like it, it’s not as prominent as females with big ass and tits.

  • If I were your age I would be chasing that beautiful red hair of yours all over the place. You want a boyfriend you connect with personally, not a hook up guy. A real relationship. Don’t be afraid to flirt with the geeky or socially introverted guys. Many times they are more stable than the handsome Romeos. It’s better to keep an open mind, have some male friends who are just friends. You never know know where you will meet “your love”. It could be at a grocery store, the gym, classes, you may just bump into him. A friend might introduce you at a party. My oldest has met girls playing online games and dated them. In other states! You can look older too, for a mature man who is less about what size you are and more about WHO you are.

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    • What does "if I were your age" even mean? Only other people who are 38 are your age? What about 37? Technically not; you're not going to try to date them as a result?

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    • Go ahead and date older, I just would hold it to 10 years or less.

    • Whatever you say man. Maybe dude should have kept himself fitter. That's not an age-related thing.

      Anyway, everyone dies. Sooner or later.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well you certainly seem like a box of fun. Maybe it was never your weight. Self esteem and confidence speaks volumes. It introduces itself before you ever open your mouth. You still seem like you're hung up on your size instead of just being yourself. And I would never encourage anyone to settle, but maybe you're overlooking a good guy because you got some idea of what type of guys hit on slimmer girls. Just a thought.

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  • Knowing that you're as healthy as you can be (exercising well, eating well, sleeping well, etc.) can go a very long way in boosting your confidence which then shows when others look at you and will help in attracting the right guy. I used to be really shy and quiet, but once I started become an individual (it took me until I turned 20 to get there), worked hard at being as healthy as I could, and clung to the positive, I gained a lot of confidence and noticed a difference. I even attracted the attention of a guy I thought was out of my league! Just be who you were made to be (be as healthy as you can, pursue the things you enjoy and are good at, work hard and be diligent at your job, be a good friend, etc.) and the right guy will come along. I have two brothers and one of the things that attracted them each to their wife/girlfriend was those girls' confidence and their contentment to not settle for less when it came to making themselves better.
    I hope this helps and encourages you!

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What Guys Said 21

  • Maybe you just need to find more ways to come into contact with the guys you want to date. Don't be afraid to ask guys out.

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  • I think it has less & less to do with you appearance as you get closer to "normal" or "ideal" or "attractive" & more with how you present yourself TO others. Do you look like you want to be approach by some random dude who doesn't think you'll find him attractive?

    Do you put yourself in situations to be social, do you socialise IN/during them situations?

    Do you smile & laugh lots around others, or are you still shy & reserved etc?

    I have a similar experience, I first started woking out close to 5 years ago - first it just started as a hobby, something to do that I could work towards to be good at, but once I started getting quick results I started to do it to hope for female attention - which never really came. Even now, my Tinder is dead, Bumble, Badoo etc is full of unattractive women (no - I don't have stupidly high standards, if anything mine are relatively low).

    I've been told it's because of who I am, who I seem to be when i'm around people I don't know. I'm shy, unconfident, insecure & anxious around new people & socially awkward around women, especially if they're attractive.

    You most likely look appealing to guys, but you aren't appealing them to WANT to approach you as they're likely not sure if you want them to, or if they'd have a chance.

    Smile more, laugh more, interact more.

    Approach those YOU find attractive, don't just leave it up to us - we're also shy, unconfident, lonely & wanting attention, regardless of how we "look" or are perceived to "look".

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  • The image looks beautiful, don't know if it's you but the persons pretty <3
    Heavy set, I assume that means you are not super skinny? and accentuating lady parts, do you mean your chest?

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  • Losing weight and being fit and healthy won't guarantee a partner. I know guys that have worked out hard, lost weight and gain muscle all for the sake of attracting women and it has made no difference at all.

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    • Why do you think they’re still alone?

  • I'm sorry you've had a childhood as someone who has been picked on and that your "attractiveness" esteem is kind of low. That must have sucked to feel that way.

    Congrats on getting into healthier shape!

    I don't know what to tell you. I love curvy girls. Lots of guys do. There are lots of things that can play into it. What vibe you give off, a smiling girl who says hi and seems friendly vs. one who is standoffish and gives off a "don't come near me" look. How much you go out and put yourself around group of the opposite sex vs. stay home or stay in the shadows.

    You may need some practice putting yourself out there, smiling and saying say to people and making eye contact and being more outgoing.

    I hope a great guy goes for you soon.

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  • So, you're too good for the guys who do give you attention. OK.

    Make sure you're good to your dogs.

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  • I suggest a golden retriever. Very smart and obedient. Not to mention cute and pretty as heck. lol :)

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  • I did my measurements and I'm a size 12. You should not be the same dress size as an Black American male. A size 12+ is not normal.

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  • It's like reading my own story , I know what you're going through love. Relationships nowadays are built on looks it's built on who's cool and who's not who got a cool lifestyle who is more fun , it's all built on temporary irrelevant things not on true human value and life sharing most don't acknowledge that and people get into relationships by playing games that's it. For me I acknowledged that I won't get into relationship soon by the mean circumstances so I try to improve myself in every possible way maybe one day I'll encounter a woman that shares my same values. And I'm there if you ever need someone to talk to

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  • maybe that's because you are not confident and it seems that you do not accept yourself, so how do expect from the others to accept you

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  • You seem quite frustrated. I hear that in your writing.

    And you're saying you do get some attention from guys but not the ones you want? Hmm.

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    • Yeah, I am. It’s typically attention from guys I don’t want. And the ones I do, I’ve never dated. Better yet, have a meaningful conversation with one 🤭

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    • I would have no idea obviously; I'm not there to talk to you both. But if none of them have ever approached you... it's hard to say. Do you ever let them know that you're attracted to them and interested in them? Lay your cards on the table so to speak? You may have to. And if they're interested, they'll pursue you. That's how it works. But girl should let guy know that she's into him first. That may be a little nerve wracking, but if you aren't doing that first, that may be hurting your chances.

    • She probabaly wants a tall muscular handsome man. Lol, what a delusional girl.

  • Sounds to me like the issue has never been your weight.

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    • What do you think it’s been?

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    • Are my standards too high?

    • No way to tell, because I don't know what they are. I've seen beautiful women who never have a long term relationship specifically because they have no interest in any men who have interest in them. Indeed, it's almost as if showing interest turns them off.

  • People should not have to settle. It's great that you have not been affected.

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  • Because you're the same weirdo loner. That's why.

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  • That's good that you lost the weight

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  • What's your face like?

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    • "Most of the attention I’ve gotten has been from online and from guys in person that did not peak my interest. " - lol, I missed that part. You are another hypocritical girl who wants a tall fit guy with a good face while she herself is fat and not attractive. Keep being delusional.

  • So true but the world is so superifical today.

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    • @Anon-ymous1 most people care about status, wealth and looks. If someone isn't attractive but has money people flock to them. If someone is your average joe it'll be hard to get someone. If someone is good looking with a crap personality and someone who is considered unattractive with a good personality, they'll choose the good looking guy. I think once people grow old they'll realise some mistakes.

    • Money doesn't mean much to a lot of people. Looks matter to everyone.

  • Any stats?

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  • You get attention, it's just not from guys you are interested in.

    That puts you leagues ahead of the people who actually get no attention. Much like how "I'm broke" means something utterly different for the first world millennial who can't afford to go out tonight, and a starving homeless begged on the streets of India.

    So get some perspective.

    Second , losing weight doesn't get you attention. You KNOW this now. Big girls, small girls , thicc and thin, they can ALL get attention from someone, provided they know how to talk, how to flirt.

    That means, for example, not ignoring people or dismissing compliments when they are given.

    Your problem is your attitude not your size. And the expectations you have.

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  • It's more about self-esteem and confidence. That makes you very attractive!

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  • I'm sorry for you.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You will always find a guy to fuck you no matter what you look like, exercise or not. I'm being honest. If you can't find anyone that is your problem.

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  • I had a friend in high school named Kerry, she was fat and popular. She wasn't even curvy or anything just fat everywhere and kinda jiggly. She held house parties, boys flirted with her and she had a lot of friends. She took me under her wings and I got many friends because of her.

    She had a baby because obviously some one wanted her so I don't know what you're talking about. Fat is still unhealthy so I hope she lost the weight but it's more than your appearance, she also had a pretty face and super kind heart, I followed that girl around like I was a disciple.

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  • Looks has a small part in attracting guys once your personality becomes the main factor of sex appeal

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  • I think guys noticed me when I became more myself. I didn’t let my fat stop be from dress cute or buy that pink lipstick. Once people saw that I was easy going and spoke up. I became quite the pop star. Lol hahaha I think every in town knows me. When I was fat and shy and worried about others I mean no one approach me. Why? Because who wants to hang out with a deeby downer. When I was skinney I actually got more attention and didn’t have to work on my personality. Lol I am fat right now but I really like myself inside. I believe if I get skinney again I am probably be a great catch. Since I have the personality and the confidence to go with it. Add a hobby or a few and join meet ups where people workout. I am sure when I am ready I’ll be doing a lot of approaching. After all if you want something you got go find it. Cheers formerly skinney girl, currently fat girl

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  • SMH u thought it would increase? Man we gotta tart telling each other the truth.

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  • Nice take

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  • Great Take.

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  • Excellent my take.

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  • Nice take 😊

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  • I understand you completely, I gave up on guy it's been a year now and I'm focused on becoming an engineer. I don't want to be one of those who will say to you "be patient it will happen for you" and so on, because I don't. And dating world is so twisted and everyone is shollow these days.
    by the way totally agree with you I love dogs more then guys, they are at least loyal❤

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