In our modern age, texting is very much a double edged sword.
On the one hand it allows you to get in touch quickly and efficiently and also allows you to be forward if you choose to, yet on the other, texting can put you at a standstill, and at times can unfortunately make you seem too insecure or unconfident to actually interact.
The quick story is I have a friend who always brags on that he is writing to about twenty or thirty girls on instagram and text, and in all truth he did! And yet he didn't ever go anywhere with any of them and never managed to do anything concrete by talking to them. They would either stop texting or refuse to meet him afterwards. Now how is that possible!?
Knowing him well and the way he communicates with these girls I have tried to analyze why this is the case and help you not to make the same mistakes.
Like many other guys I made my fair share of terrible texting mistakes, but I hope this post can be of help to some of you who are stuck in the situation I was stuck in many times.
"I got her number....Now what? What should I say, what shouldn't I say!?"
Well let's take a look at a few advice I feel would help:
1. Text with Purpose!
This one is number one for a very good reason. I personally think it's the most important thing when it comes to texting, and the most important and related question is: "What do I want to achieve by texting this girl?"...The fact is if you're like most guys and just got her number, you probably like her and want to work your way to getting her in person to a date or other gathering and this is the most important thing to keep in mind.
Why is it important you might ask? Because a major mistake I perceive is guys texting too extensively and for way too long without actually keeping an eye on what their real objective is. You don't want to get to know her and discuss your entire life goals and story BY TEXT! Unless you are looking for a cyber relationship what you want is to get her out as quickly as you can.
A lot of the rest which I will be discussing will relate to this point in particular, but starting to text....and text.....and text.....day and night will totally ruin any chances you have because
A) Girls are maybe not totally keen on replying to you 24/7, having conversations by text for very long, and they might get totally bored which will kill the original attraction you created. You're wasting time and this girl is probably going to get with someone in the meantime and you lost your window!
B) Even if said girl is into you, she doesn't want to know you and be attracted to you from behind a phone screen and she's actually waiting for you to put something on the table to actually do something concrete instead of texting forever.
In either case texting without purpose is bad news for you, and in my own opinion anyway, the very 'early' days of texting with this girl should not even be a conversation but a simple and quick leeway into a meeting in person. Later into this post I will exemplify this!
2. Treat it like a professional transaction (Kind of...)
Alright stick with me here for a moment because at first sight this may sound weird. First off I am not saying you should be a heartless businessman texting, texting shouldn't be boring, texting should be fun!
But the most important thing is that for girls to take you seriously you have to be serious with them.
What I mean by that is you have to make them understand that your time is important and is not to be waisted. Girls WILL respect and appreciate this coming from you. Although you're not outright saying it, you shouldn't be insecure about setting some 'ethical conduct' to follow in order not to have your time wasted, and make these girls understand implicitly that you have things going on and you do not want to be toyed with!
Now that sounds harsh right...? Well like I said i'm not saying that you should outline this, but you have to be straightforward and as I explained above make girls understand that you're not at their disposition and that your time and energy is not to be waisted. Ask things concretely, don't ask for permission, establish precise moments, times and dates and hold them up to the commitments that they make. This will do a couple things for you. Girls will see you as more dependable and professional, they will see you as more in control which is attractive coming from a man and will perceive you as 'hard to get' which is equally attractive. It will allow you to see if you can depend on that person and weather or not she is serious and dependable or just playing around, It will get you to come across as conscise and straightforward, and although it appears as a harsh thing to do and a strange way to behave in my experience a girl will definitely respect you a lot more when they feel you doing this.
You don't want to be played and you don't want any bullshit! You don't have to say it, but you can convey it!
3. Open with something original.
Alright let's face it you probably have heard this before, but it is still relevant! Guys what would it cost you to be original and engaging? Girls receive texts all the time, likely 98% of those opening texts start by "Hi", "Hey" , "Hello how are you doing?" , "How is it going?" Very generic and uninteresting opening texts set you up for conversations and interactions which will have the exact same characteristics.
It's nice to be polite but you should look for more! And i'm not talking about some pickup lines or something very cringey or cheesy. But just set yourself appart from the bunch, I bet you are looking for some examples so I will put a few out there that I feel are engaging
Open by:
"Can you keep a secret?"
"You'll never guess what i'm doing right now?"
"I saw something which made me think about you"
"What are you doing RIGHT NOW!?"
"Hey (her name). I need to tell you something right now!"
Some of these may resonate with you more than others and it depends on the situation but I feel each of them engages the girl's curiosity and interest, everybody wants to know a secret, or wants to know what is so urgent you need to tell them immediately, wants to share the specific thing they are doing, it's very alluring for her to respond. It gives you an opportunity to follow up, manages to set you apart from the others, and also allows you to be playful and heartfelt.
4. Think about using the 5th text rule
It's a little something which relates to our first advice. Know what you want and go for it very concisely and quickly!
Basically this is how it goes:
1. Open up with a text.
2. Let her respond
3. Follow up by commenting on that response
4. Allow for a 2nd response
5. Ask her to meet in person straight away on the 5th text
This may seem quick, but there's nothing negative to that. Here's the thing friends. Girls are not stupid, they know what you want in most instances...So why not cut the crap and just be bold? "Luck smiles upon the one who dares" said Alexander the Great. So like we mentioned before DO NOT waste time...Ask yourself: When is the best time to do anything? The answer that you've probably guessed is 'RIGHT FREAKING NOW'
It could be a very formal demand but it doesn't have to be. You ought to probably be casual about it and at the same time by being concise she will understand that you're going straight for the kill and you're not interested in playing the texting game forever. I don't want to throw out what exactly you should text her to ask her out because every girl is different and those are probably not THE BEST ever, i'm not saying they are!...I think the best advice I can give you is avoid asking "Do you want to?"
"We should hangout sometime, do you prefer tea or coffee, I'm buying!"
"Let me take you out to dinner this (Day of the week) at (Restaurant), they have great (Food) , you need to taste it because you're missing out."
"I want to go out with you (Her name), what is your schedule like this week?"
Again this is not necessarily 'WHAT YOU SHOULD TEXT HER' but it gives you an idea of being straight to the point...You're not asking! You're putting the offer out there very concisely. So in each case you will be fixed, this is personal but the very simple question that I want to convey when I talk to a girl is "Do you want, or do you not want?" In my opinion a clear NO is better than a 'maybe', 'I don't know', I'm not sure' I want to know for sure and move on to something else without wasting any time if there is no possibility of doing anything.
Anyways here are my advices, hope that they help you and keep in mind the greatest advice is to be direct and make a girl understand what you're about. Let me know if this has helped you, and girls let me know if you agree because I feel this will be very constructive.
Most Helpful Opinions