The most tedious chore to go through in your early twenties is dating. Getting a degree? Done and done. Finding a job? Piece of cake.
But dating... well there's where things get tricky.
And this doesn't apply only to those who are exactly 21, I myself am near 23. But men and women that actually want to find their partner in this age group seem to be going through the same struggles. I'm no love guru or dating coach, but here's what I have noticed:
1. Dating is Gradually Being Replaced by Hookups.
Lets be honest, a large fraction of people out there used to date back in the day simply to have access to hooking up. Now, with all these new hookup apps disguised as dating apps, it is very easy to find someone suitable for one night. Why go through the troubles and ups and downs of a relationship when the one-night fun is at the swipe of your thumb? The more people that have this mindset, which is a valid choice for them, the fewer people are suitable for those of us that want an actual relationship.
2. We aren't Sure of What We Want.
Since I am a straight female, I can only say from experience with guys that, well we are wishy-washy. If he is all over me one day, showering me with compliments, attention, and deep conversations - he could very well forget about me the next day. Literally.
BUT I don't blame anyone for this, I don't think its a "guy thing", because I myself behave in the same way and it took me a while to recognize it. And it stems from a deep-rooted fear of committing to the wrong person. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but what you may not realize is that actually there are plenty of people that are your EXACT cup of tea. You may find someone now that is your type, and suitable for you, but what happens if you meet someone who is, even more, your type in a few years? This type of thinking keeps us from fully committing to someone in any given time, and although it is realistic thinking, it may very likely keep us from finding a good partner at all.
3. We Expect Too Much and Give Too Little.
The number of petty arguments I have heard between my peers and their partners drives me insane, and mostly its because everyone is thinking for his or herself. Dating and relationships are all about compromise, communication, and a solid relationship involves being thoughtful of the other person and his/her feelings. When we are single, we have the luxury of asking ourselves "what do I want?" and "what do I need?" Once you are in a relationship, the question becomes primarily "what do we want?" or even, "what does he/she need?" At younger ages, we are less capable of doing the latter, as for the most part of our lives we controlled everything for our own sake. This means that you may often not realize what your partner hopes to get from you, and similarly, you may hope to get something from your partner and your partner may never realize it. As people age and become experienced in relationships, learn compromise and thoughtfulness, this becomes less of a problem.
4. We Settle for Less.
Let's face it, no matter how confident you are, you are likely to fall insecure to something, at least for a little while. Whether its appearance or enough failed relationship attempts, somedays we probably question whether we are worthy of love. We lower our own standards to compensate for our insecurities, and we settle for people we don't truly love. Whether the partner is kind to you or not, settling for them means you will likely never actually fall for them, and this only causes pain for one or both sides in the end.
That's all I have for today as I have a pretty short attention span. As always feel free to share your stories, thoughts, comments below!
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