Why Dating at 21 Sucks A**

cute ain't it
cute ain't it

The most tedious chore to go through in your early twenties is dating. Getting a degree? Done and done. Finding a job? Piece of cake.

But dating... well there's where things get tricky.

And this doesn't apply only to those who are exactly 21, I myself am near 23. But men and women that actually want to find their partner in this age group seem to be going through the same struggles. I'm no love guru or dating coach, but here's what I have noticed:

1. Dating is Gradually Being Replaced by Hookups.

Lets be honest, a large fraction of people out there used to date back in the day simply to have access to hooking up. Now, with all these new hookup apps disguised as dating apps, it is very easy to find someone suitable for one night. Why go through the troubles and ups and downs of a relationship when the one-night fun is at the swipe of your thumb? The more people that have this mindset, which is a valid choice for them, the fewer people are suitable for those of us that want an actual relationship.

2. We aren't Sure of What We Want.

Since I am a straight female, I can only say from experience with guys that, well we are wishy-washy. If he is all over me one day, showering me with compliments, attention, and deep conversations - he could very well forget about me the next day. Literally.

BUT I don't blame anyone for this, I don't think its a "guy thing", because I myself behave in the same way and it took me a while to recognize it. And it stems from a deep-rooted fear of committing to the wrong person. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but what you may not realize is that actually there are plenty of people that are your EXACT cup of tea. You may find someone now that is your type, and suitable for you, but what happens if you meet someone who is, even more, your type in a few years? This type of thinking keeps us from fully committing to someone in any given time, and although it is realistic thinking, it may very likely keep us from finding a good partner at all.

3. We Expect Too Much and Give Too Little.

The number of petty arguments I have heard between my peers and their partners drives me insane, and mostly its because everyone is thinking for his or herself. Dating and relationships are all about compromise, communication, and a solid relationship involves being thoughtful of the other person and his/her feelings. When we are single, we have the luxury of asking ourselves "what do I want?" and "what do I need?" Once you are in a relationship, the question becomes primarily "what do we want?" or even, "what does he/she need?" At younger ages, we are less capable of doing the latter, as for the most part of our lives we controlled everything for our own sake. This means that you may often not realize what your partner hopes to get from you, and similarly, you may hope to get something from your partner and your partner may never realize it. As people age and become experienced in relationships, learn compromise and thoughtfulness, this becomes less of a problem.

4. We Settle for Less.

Let's face it, no matter how confident you are, you are likely to fall insecure to something, at least for a little while. Whether its appearance or enough failed relationship attempts, somedays we probably question whether we are worthy of love. We lower our own standards to compensate for our insecurities, and we settle for people we don't truly love. Whether the partner is kind to you or not, settling for them means you will likely never actually fall for them, and this only causes pain for one or both sides in the end.

That's all I have for today as I have a pretty short attention span. As always feel free to share your stories, thoughts, comments below!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 22 d ago

    I guess I'm pretty backwards. I'm 21 with an amazing husband of 2 years and a I have a new baby. But college was a struggle for me. I've taken a few classes here and there but not enough to muster up a degree. I do plan to try my hardest to earn a degree sometime before my daughter graduates high School. I love the idea of school, supplies, and studying but my brain doesn't like to cooperate in actually succeeding. I was so lucky to find my husband so young but for him, he had to wait for the right one until he hit his 30's. I think the age difference works for us very well. Yes, we met online however it was NOT through a dating app. It was a website similar to gag. We married 6 months after meeting and one week after meeting in person. We planned the wedding 4 months after knowing each other and we were and ocean apart. It wasn't easy to do but everything worked out well. Those who don't know us think it's crazy but it was really a moment of "when you know, you know". Anyhow, 2 years later we're finally legally living in the same country together where he works and I'm a new stay at home mom. It's been a whirlwind but I wouldn't trade my decisions for anything. I'm assuming I'm not the norm. I can definitely see how for most people my age things are more casual than they've ever been but I'm glad it didn't happen that way for me. I mean I met a few guys before I met my husband and some of them turned out to be casual when I had no idea that was going to happen. I was naive and expecting a relationship. But once I met my husband everything changed. Some people have to wait longer than others for the one they love the most. I just got lucky that it happened earlier for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

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    • 21 d ago

      I have to admit that is pretty differnt and I can see people being in disbelief, but that makes it all the more special. Really happy for you guys :)

    • 21 d ago

      Thank you :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • 20 d ago

    Well take care of business your degree job etc. Don't stress the other. Every ten years of your life gives you a different mindset. During one of those periods you will realize a lot of it didn't matter. There is no rush
    Relax and enjoy your journey.
    Glad to see you see the problems with hook up culture. In some ways its not as pervasive as we are led to believe. But it is an issue none the less. Be young be foolish and be happy

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    • 20 d ago

      Oh yeah im not stressing about dating at all this take wasn't personal. Just thought Id share what I noticed about people my age.

    • 19 d ago

      Yes that's true. 20's a rush to do everything

  • 23 d ago

    Mm I don't know my. dad is 67 right now and lots of. ladies are still trying to get with him so. mm I think its. just looks and personality and the fact that most people in there 20s are well crazy or should I say not really seen as the settling down type but it depends on the person so. who knows

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What Girls & Guys Said

721
  • 23 d ago

    At first glance I am amazed that a woman your age is dissatisfied, but I think you have a great point with the lack of emphasis on relationships.

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  • 21 d ago

    Yeah, that's true, I'm 25 and datin is not great.. People don't look for a person to grow old with, or to grow with period.. They focus is on Instagram moments in relationships, and bein "cute".. Good take..

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  • 23 d ago

    It's all down hill from there. Try it when you're my age. Last girl I went on a date with only had three teeth. And they were all in the back... That's not as bad as it sounds.

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    • 23 d ago

      Oh no dont deny me from hope hahaha. Is it harder to meet people at your age group or is it a quality issue and not a quantity issue?

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    • 21 d ago

      rozequarts is the coolest.

    • 21 d ago

      hahaha thank you I think you are pretty awesome too!

  • 19 d ago

    I think some of these things have been trouble for young daters for a very long time, not just modern times.

    I think it may be wise for most people your age to think of relationships as temporary and short-term though (Less than a year). I think it keeps them in the right perspective - learning steps to help you figure out who you are and what you want.

    Good take.

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  • 23 d ago

    I don't feel that way at all. I never put pressure on myself or on my date. I just have fun. If we click, great. If not, I had fun anyway.

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    • 23 d ago

      I dont do anything that I have mentioned except for sometimes 2, worrying whether or not this will work out, but that is only when it gets serious.

      The other three factors are what I notice all around me, and what have put me off from dating again myself until i find maybe older people. But I am glad you are one of the sane ones XD

  • 24 d ago

    Yup. And feminazis and metoo to that list and it's perfect

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    • 23 d ago

      Bad experiences huh?

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    • 22 d ago

      Yeah. Have you realized that they normally aren't the prettiest either. I wonder if it has something to do with their views

    • 22 d ago

      Hmm I actually haven't picked up on a correlation to looks but I wouldn't be too shocked

  • 21 d ago

    Dating at 21 is bad for men not women by a very long shot.

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    • 21 d ago

      This take is for everyone. Men probably do have it harder.

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    • 16 d ago

      Anything else? I'm not going to keep sitting here chatting with you I have other things i'd like to move on to.

    • 16 d ago

      I'm not acting innocent at all to answer you question you simply lie about not mocking me even though it's a really bad attempt not only that you seem to be into virgin shaming to again further proves that women have it easier so thanks for proving me correct as well.

  • 24 d ago

    Pretty much nailed it. I'm glad dating isn't that bad here in Malta.

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    • 23 d ago

      Hold up while I look at plane tickets lol

    • 21 d ago

      We are a big tourist place, you should able to find tickets. Might be rather spendy from the states thou, we don't get many Americans here.

  • 17 d ago

    Dating at a younger age does suck. Society has warped relationships by a lot.

    Being friendly, nice, getting to know females is out of the picture. Its all about if we are down to f**k after 1 to 3 days of knowing each other.

    If you disagree with wanting to f**k and want to be friends first then she will lay down you with drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, drama, gets as secret hookup boyfriend, drama, drama, says screw you and leave you for their hookup boyfriend.

    I am over this phase now but still meet girls that just have a big stuck up attitude. I just leave them be and they try very hard to get my attention, but I am done with that sh** I don't talk to crazy women anymore and they all over the place.

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    • 16 d ago

      Wow i didn't realize the three day thing was an issue for guys too. I thought a lot of women would rather wait but give in to the GUY after about three days. You are totally right though. Unfortunately :/

  • 22 d ago

    It seems hard these days just going by what I hear. It certainly didn't seem that hard when I was 21. Don't worry, dating becomes easier the older you become.

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  • 22 d ago

    Times have changed I agree dating apps and social media have ruined it there are girls in my highschool that are on dating apps men and women are going in the wrong direction

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  • 21 d ago

    I met my girlfriend when she was 20 lol. She was into older guys in their early to mid 20’s. We met in biology lab class I was 19 lol.

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  • 23 d ago

    You literally have ALL of the power at your age. The only thing getting in your way is you ma'am.

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  • 22 d ago

    I am lucky I founded the right one. If you let your wants be known and don't settle for less then you will be fine!

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  • 18 d ago

    Ur gunna look at back at these days fondly when ur 30 and guys don’t give a shit at all 😂😂😂

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  • 22 d ago

    Sometimes it takes shifting through the bad ones to find the one. I did.

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  • 22 d ago

    Great my take 👍

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  • 21 d ago

    You think it's hard at your age try being my age it don't get easier lol

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  • 23 d ago

    Good take

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  • 21 d ago

    then dont do it? LMAO

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  • 23 d ago

    This is why you wait til marriage for sex.

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    • 23 d ago

      there's a Facebook page called Mama's Uncut and its basically a bunch of teen and 20 something mom's either A. Bitching about how a man is the source of all of their problems or B. Seeking medical advice from other teen and 20 something moms. They post anonymously but after asking a few questions they always out themselves in the comments.

      "Soooo why did she get pregnant at 15? And again at 17? And again at 20? By three different dudes?" RWAR You don't know my life, don't judge me!!! The original question will be something along the lines of "My new boyfriend (all of a month into the relationship) doesn't want to watch my 3 kids... all he wants to do is hang out with his friends! How do I make him step up?"

      Marriage is specifically tailored to give women assloads of power over men these days and yet they can't figure it out...

      Why Dating at 21 Sucks A**

  • 22 d ago

    Guess what; it doesn't get any easier.

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  • 23 d ago

    Just don't date

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  • 21 d ago

    I don't care anymore I'm just too ugly for women.

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  • 14 d ago

    I disagree completely about the hookup thing. I think most of the blame falls on girls. They whore themselves around for the tall, handsome top 20% guys during their youth. This is while most other guys, the 80% which are considered unattractive, remain on the sidelines, having to wait for girls to get used up and bitter before they can have a chance.

    If a girl wanted a serious relationship in her early 20s, she could easily get it by going for an average looking guy who's a little taller than her instead of the 6'2, square jaw, broad shouldered, perfect hairline stud who'll just pump and dump her

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    • 14 d ago

      Even the average guys are not sure of what they want or take too long to make things official. I dont think I've ever considered someone very attractive and above 6 feet as a keeper, not yet at least. Most guys I was interested are around 5'8" but shorter or taller and I wouldn't mind i dont understand the obsession for a giant unless the girl is also like 6 feet.

  • 20 d ago

    One girl told me I am immature cause even I am attractive , rich I don’t sleep around and believe in love relationship in my age. Girls generally go for guys like players , older men at young age , young men who want love by that age get hurt and start playing with young women after acquiring enough wealth , and that circle goes on.

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  • 21 d ago

    I don't think so because at 21 that is where I feel I am adult enough to date and have the financial means to do it, along with getting my driving license. It is the perfect age to date.

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    • 21 d ago

      But it’s not the perfect age to find a keeper.

    • 21 d ago

      Hmm but I got married as soon as after I finished my master studies at 25. I feel it is harder to find a job than to find a marriageable man.

  • 21 d ago

    Women will never have a right to complain when it comes to dating

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    • 21 d ago

      Maybe but we will complain anyway as we are good at it.

    • 21 d ago

      That's the problem with women, they're only tolerable when they're silent

    • 21 d ago

      Wow I was definitely joking but seeing as you are 'one of those guys' the fun is ruined, I wish you luck out there man.

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