Online Dating is missing something very important!

[coachTanthony]

So you are out and about with your friends on a Friday night and start to flirt with all kinds of people. This may take anywhere from 10-30 minutes before possibly exchanging a phone number. During the interaction you were lucky enough to maybe catch their humor, their wit, their sassiness. Hell, they may have smelled like blueberry pie on a warm spring day. This, my friends, is what is missing with online dating.

This entire interaction just doesn’t happen online. You really don’t have much of a barometer besides photos and words in a profile. Sometimes you can sense the humor...many times not. Do they have a sense of humor? Are they sassy? Do they smell good? Yes, seriously...don’t be creepy. We don’t know any of this until we actually meet up. So I instruct all my clients to do a chemistry meet up. This is a small coffee date that allows this type of interaction to happen. A small date usually will let you know whether or not there is some type of chemistry.

I do not recommend a first online date. Just a small meet-up for coffee is a lot less intimidating and if you don’t like them you can get the hell out of there in a reasonable amount of time. Don’t get stuck in a three-hour date to nowhere. I always recommend a time constraint and schedule for Saturday morning or afternoon. Let them know you have something to attend to at a certain time. This allows you to leave if necessary. You can always have lunch or dinner that night if you are interested and things seem to be going well. Try and make sure there is a good lunch spot nearby in case you do end up hitting it off.

There are several types of dating agencies that use this type of method. I really like the concept of JUST FOR LUNCH or JUST FOR COFFEE or JUST FOR ICE CREAM. Okay, I made the last one up but you get my drift. I highly recommend anything that makes you take action. So many don’t take action because they are afraid of having a horrible night out with someone they don’t know. Do your homework on the person and that includes a short hang out for coffee. Do not skip this short date. No phone calls or amount of charm or comfort you feel should make you decide that this is not necessary. Seriously...don’t do it.

So many clients have asked me if Netflix and Chill is okay for a chemistry meet up. If you are only looking for sex (AKA Netflix and Chill) then okay...go for it. But if you are looking for a serious relationship then Netflix and Chill is code for ‘Run, Forrest run!’. Over-stimulation of online dating has created Netflix and Chill. This has been documented as the one message that most are sending that do not want a relationship. Now, if a beautiful woman asked me over for my first date to get together for Netflix and Chill...I have to be honest...I would say ‘yes’ if we were going to watch the last season of Stranger Things. I am simply not caught up and I do like killing two birds with one stone. Okay, so that was my attempt at being funny but seriously...don’t do it.

If you enjoyed these tips please give me a thumbs up! Leave any comments down below. What do you think of the Chemistry Meetup? Or Online Dating in general in 2020 and beyond.

[KenReidCoach]

Generally speaking, I agree with what you're saying here, Anthony. I feel that online dating does have one thing missing which is meeting people for the first time in an organic environment and people readily use online dating to race to the finish line.

Here's what I say to my clients: Don't judge based on chemistry. Rushing to have sex, particularly on the first date isn't necessarily a sign that your partner is problematic, it's that you might become attached far too quickly too your partner if you don't pace yourself and make sure that your partner is actually eager and putting in effort to see you.

The coffee date idea is perfect and is something I teach my clients as well. Keeping it casual also avoids the challenges that alcohol brings and often means you see people for who they are rather than trying to show off.

[coachTanthony]

Hey thanks Ken! Welcome to GAG! Agree! Very good points!

[Shiningtempest]

@KenReidCoach Meeting people for the first time in an organic environment is why dating is a joke.

[Gemlouhil84]

Uiggh

[Gemlouhil84]

Vvvvgg

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Great take.. The one thing I would say tho is that people aren't just online dating, they're having online relationships with people they've never met or convincing themselves they're in love with someone they've never even met in person other than telephone calls or video... It's not the long distance which that in itself can be a big issue, it's the long distance with someone you've never had a real "physical" personal connection with that I don't understand or think really works out in the long run...
But I think the coffee meet is a great idea, keep it short and also takes the whole who pays off the table...

[coachTanthony]

OMG don't even get me started on falling in love online... UGH Many dating apps are pushing that notion and say they're users believe falling in love through video chat is a real thing... LOL Talk about hard up to keep their business a float.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you! The same people that get mad at me for thinking they're not real are probably the same ones saying he ghosted me, I found out he had a girlfriend, we dated a year but he's cheating... Yah think 🤔 what guy really gonna turn down real sex for video sex, which hello is still really just masturbation right 🤔

[coachTanthony]

Exactomundo my friend!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for mh 🙂

[OlderAndWiser]

I spend a couple of hours on the phone with a potential date and that doesn't tell me everything that I get from a first meet up, but it usually tells me enough to invest in an initial dinner date. I can afford it, I usually don't have anything else on my calendar, and my two cats are very understanding about my absences. I get much more from an initial dinner date than I would from a 30 minute coffee meet.

But. . . if I needed to watch my cash flow, or if I was a shy guy, a coffee meet up would be easier for me to handle.

[coachTanthony]

More power to you! Let me ask you this... if you said Hey let me take you to dinner and she said uh lets do a coffee first... how would you feel about that?

[OlderAndWiser]

I would think she was perhaps being overly cautious but I would assume that there was some history explaining that. I would go with the flow.

[Guy13]

Online dating apps and online LDR are the most counter-productive ways to form relationships. It takes effort to make relationship locally and people are lazy and seemingly rather complain and swipe or invest in misinformation and/or bald face LDR lies.

[brennanhuff]

Nothing wrong with netflix and chill, but I wonder, how likely does that actually happen with online dating? You are just messaging each other and even if it goes to text, you've never met. So even if I wanted sex, I wouldn't ask a woman to come over to netflix and chill and would be surprised she would no matter how flirty and well our convo was. That seems like quite a dangerous situation for a woman to go to a dudes house whom she's never met and simply text. Even for like a woman a guy cold approach and literally talked to a few minutes and got her number. And then texts her the next day, that seems odd netflix chill would happen which she's only talked to a guy for a few minutes in person and would go to his place after. Like with a bar or party hook up. A dude is talking to a girl for at least and hour or so through the night.

Netflix and chill makes sense if a dudes has already hooked up with a girl at a party before, he knows her from work or class and asked her out. But if she's basically a complete stranger whether online dating or a quick few minute cold approach, then that probably be rare for a woman, even promiscuous women to do because of the danger that could be for hardly knowing the guy and then going to his place. I know I'm a good dude, but even if I just wanted nothing but sex, I would never ask a woman I was talking to online to come over and watch a movie. I wouldn't want a woman to feel nervous about anywhere she'd meet me at. It would be like you said, some quick coffee in the day in a city and such.

[Shiningtempest]

@brennanhuff Why bother having a quick coffee when Netflix & chill is even better?

[brennanhuff]

@Shiningtempest so a woman is going to go to a man's house who she's never seen in person before? That sounds kind of stupid. Yes you are saying "well I'm a good dude and safe" and I'm a good guy too. But you have to look at it from her perspective. That's not a smart idea. Would you want your sister or female friends to just go to a dudes house after only having text them or message them on the app but never spent any time in person? I wouldn't. Seriously, that's how you hear of those every too common rape or murders of a girl going to a guy's place she's never even met in person prior. A lot of women may want to hook up, but safety is still a thing on women's mind. You can get a vibe of someone better in person seeing them and some time talking out in public like coffee, etc. If the dudes a creep, she can just go off on her day. If she goes to a dude's house and he's a creep, well she might not be leaving that place...

[Shiningtempest]

@brennanhuff I still don't see the benefits of having a quick coffee when Netflix & chill passed cost-benefit analysis test.

[brennanhuff]

@Shiningtempest it’s good but most aren’t gonna do that if they hardly know the guy. You have a better chance of turning her off and it’s over vs a cheap coffee meet up. That’s not much money at all man. Get to know her and then next time text for a Netflix and chill. Most women aren’t going to a guys house they’ve never seen in person. Netflix abc chill without a meet hang out or date works if you already met the girl before in person

[Shiningtempest]

@brennanhuff Why bother getting to know her when I could just conduct analysis based on her dating profile?

[brennanhuff]

@Shiningtempest You can think you know her all you want from a dating profile, but most, a far majority of women are going to want to get to know you as in meet you in person. To know that you are a sane, non creepy person, before they even think of stepping foot in your house

[Shiningtempest]

@brennanhuff If she wants to get to know me, she should conduct analysis on my profile. Otherwise, she's wasting time.

[brennanhuff]

@Shiningtempest you looking for a girl to meet or a hooker? A hooker might be your best bet, but she'll cost a hell of a lot more than a coffee meet up with a girl on bumble. So the former is the better choice

[Shiningtempest]

@brennanhuff I prefer hook up in the long run because I don't want to deal with volatilities that comes with coffee date.

[brennanhuff]

@Shiningtempest it’s not a date it’s just a meet up. I want a hook up too but gonna be very slim chances of that happening with a girl that’s never met the guy in person. Odds are much greater of hooking up after a meet up

[19magic]

I always find I get too nervous I can chat tonnes online, but the second I get anywhere to meeting someone I just freeze up and tend to make excuses, same with video or phone calls. I just don't think online is for me, the last time I found some chemistry with a guy was a banker I was thinking of asking his number but convinced myself there was no chance he would (despite the fact that by not asking there is 0% chance), but I normally just screw things up for myself all the time so dunno how I'll ever make headway with someone lol

[coachTanthony]

It's our monkey brains that prevent us from taking action. You see our brains are there to protect us from Lions and Tigers. Problem is the "monkey brain" from thousands of years ago hasn't caught up to the times and doesn't realize there are no more Lions and Tigers... just a guy who is a banker disguised as one.

The fear comes from the brain trying to protect you again from Lions and Tigers... It just simply doesn't realize "trying to get to know someone" isn't the same as running into wild animals trying to eat you. LOL

Next time go for it... you got nothing to lose.

[19magic]

I know what you mean there's been so many times I've said to myself there's no way a guy like him would be interested in a girl like me, and thats the excuse I give myself, next time I seriously will just do it, otherwise I'm not going to ver have a relationship

[coachTanthony]

There ya go!

[VanillaSalt]

Don’t wait so what they say no... you wait you fail to act if you ask you might succeed but even if you fail you can learn from it... you can’t learn from failing to act.

[M3ssir]

I'm not sure if anyone will like my opinion. Naturally, someone will not like my opinion. We are all adults (I hope) here. Why I don't really like online dating. I'm a busy adult man. I have my own small business. Business is not the biggest, but I have enough for life and travel. On women too. Due to the fact that I often travel both for work and for personal reasons, I don't have enough time for a long relationship with obligations. Things like online dating take a lot of time. Too much time. This is a registration on the site. Placement of photos, texts on your account. Et cetera. I can’t take a lie by posting a false Photoshop processed photo. I'm not that kind of person. Tex, too, must be composed competently - to write the truth and at the same time - to attract the opposite sex. And there are many problems at once. Which ones? Girl's photos edited in Photoshop. In reality, they are much scarier than in the photo. WTF? Next. Not everyone writes the truth. This is natural for humankind. Everyone wants to be better than they really are. With the skills of basic profiling and psychology, I immediately begin to see where they lie to me. Well, how can you trust a person if he is already lying BEFORE you meet him or her? Therefore, not being a prude, I use services for adult boys. For example, escort services. For example, in Eastern Europe there is a good service emerans. com You can judge me morally. But morality in the modern world is often just a lie. And no more. In my lifestyle, I adhere to one old Buddhist parable. This is a parable about an old and wise pig and its relationship to the morality of society and culture. And you know what? So at least it's fair. I'm currently dating a girl from there. I am currently dating a girl from there.

[Unit1]

You got a point there.
However I face an even bigger problem with online dating. You see most women just ignore me whatsoever. Online dating really should start rewarding active users and show them much more frequently. All that while the inactive users and ghosters are not being shown nearly as often (they match but they do not write whatsoever). That kinda system is desperately needed in online dating and would give men at least better hopes and success rates. That will weed out those, who got no business in online dating.

Right now they just monetize showing paying users more frequently.

[coachTanthony]

The algorithm doesn't reward active users it rewards awesome profiles with great photos and bios. I have done testing on this for 10 years. Not to mention these apps are a business first and foremost so I always get my clients to upgrade and use it correctly. Have to pay to play man.

[Unit1]

It rewards whoever pays the money.

In the meantime this is what girls these days are

[coachTanthony]

Yes it does. What else is money for but to get ahead. Grease the bouncer at the club In Vegas to not wait in line... pay the concierge at a great restaurant for a table by the fireplace... and yes pay the incredibly small fee every month for online dating so that you can wake up to matches already waiting for you. I don't hoard money I use it to get what I want... many though price themselves out of happiness simply because they have a weird relationship with money and how it should be used.

[Unit1]

I tried hotOrNot and it's cheap enough for me to spend 5 bucks on for a month or 2. Still even with the premium features I get ghosted.

I wanna hoard money however and invest it into the stocks and make use of dividends. I wanna get rich the right way!

[coachTanthony]

Everyone has their own priorities. I always say get your finances in order first... dating while broke never works out.

[Unit1]

Yep. I don't rely on relationships working out while being broke.
And I was shamed for it, called gay, bla bla bla.
But I am not going to lie - I really want a girlfriend regardless whether I'm broke or rich since like 5 years or so.

[coachTanthony]

Slim that budget down and start spending some money on yourself man.

[Unit1]

I spent a lot on myself already.

What do you think I sometimes post and recommend other men to hire prostitutes? Because I've done that several times already.

[coachTanthony]

Well you can spend the money on meaningless sex (more power to you) or spend some on trying to find a meaningful relationship. Either way it's a choice!

[Unit1]

I did both.

[curiousme33]

I'm just starting to get into online dating, but I want to do as much research as possible to avoid wasting my time. One of the reasons I was hesitant was because it felt like meeting a complete stranger, I don't know how they truly look outside a still photo, I can't tell if they have good hygiene, a sense of humour, are kind to others, the sound of their voice etc. This was super helpful, thank you!

[coachTanthony]

Much appreciated. I would go with Bumble... do some video chats... then meet up for coffee or drinks. Keep it simple.

[curiousme33]

It's a bit more difficult meeting with strangers in public spaces with COVID quarantine happening, hopefully, this summer I can try meeting up and going on dates. Bumble is definitely my first choice so far.

[legalboxers]

I tried online dating. I was on OKCupid forever, until I got banned. They claimed I violated a TOS, so I emailed them, they sent me a form letter. So I told them I seen someone from the site and I confronted them, they reported me because they thought I looked like a terrorist. (their words) I told them this, hopefully they reinstate my profile. I haven't been there in months. so.

[coachTanthony]

Wow that is bizarre!

[legalboxers]

@coachtanthony I dont think they will help me...

[coachTanthony]

I use several apps with my clients and OKCupid isn't one of them. I would move on and use Bumble. Its my goto app for clients.

[legalboxers]

@coachtanthony I got little luck with that..

[chriss]

Its when you meet the person you truly know if you are a match. Online dating is good if you have no time to meet someone but you need to schedule a date within the 1st month or else its just a waste of time.

[coachTanthony]

I would say much sooner than that! Like a week in half!

[Levin]

I agree. I find women give me all kind of hints they want me to ask them out. If I don't ask them out at that point it usually ends up going south. Ultimately, wanting to do something in real life is a measure of interest and a measure of 'cojones'. Women like to see both.

[ct1243]

This is exactly why I don’t care for online dating. It doesn’t allow for you too meet anyone in personal. Everything had become digital including the emojis. Do you want coffee ☕️ via text. I personally prefer physical interactions and gestures. Technology has truly changed how people view things and do things.

[VanillaSalt]

Ya and it’s all about looks as well... you have to judge based off looks alone in most cases so a lot is left out.

[ct1243]

Yes @VanillaSalt it’s a mess out here love has no color pure energy

[ct1243]

I’ve made myself unavailable

[VanillaSalt]

I can’t do that. I’m mgtow in myself first... but the one thing I’ve known I’ve wanted for years is a good family. A quality woman and a child or 6 lol... if I go full mgtow I lose that compass but if I don’t somewhat embrace it I wouldn’t have the time to improve myself and ide just get walked on and I won’t do that.

[ct1243]

I wanted marriage and a normal love life @VanillaSalt never happened. I guess I’m dealing with the cards of life?

[ct1243]

It use to bother me @VanillaSalt not anymore, I work and focus on my education

[VanillaSalt]

Lol when you do it your strong when men do it their spiteful. Ignore this I’m just enjoying the hypocrisy of today’s society.

[ct1243]

Ikr @VanillaSalt I’m working on a second degree and I’ve been single so long since my ex husband. I don’t have experiences with men beyond him

[ct1243]

I’m hidden @VanillaSalt it’s safer this way

[VanillaSalt]

Women have it so much easier though... if your giving up then what’s that mean for men?

[ct1243]

I have no problem @VanillaSalt and it doesn’t mean I’m running to women. I’m just hidden

[VanillaSalt]

Lol I just mean if a woman who should have an easier time gives up what’s that say to men who have to FIGHT for their right to date you?

I’m sorry but I feel datings extremely one sided and women arnt the catch they used to be. The quality of men and women’s gone down but I mean the requirements to get and keep women is just too much these days while the quality remains the same or even slightly less.

So when you give up it makes men feel hopeless.

I’m not putting down dating struggles for women either their unique... but men fight just to show their goods women put on a tube top and show theirs off. They get say in the relationships and are able to show their personality off to many men while men don’t get that opportunity.

[ct1243]

I don’t want men fighting for me @VanillaSalt I’ve become unavailable because of the dating world. I do things for me and that’s it - this expectation of men doing anything nope ! I feel like dating is a waste of time especially if there’s no plans for marriage or the future

[ct1243]

@VanillaSalt I haven’t had sex with a man in over a year and my last relationship was 5 years ago

[ct1243]

I also don’t date American men either

[VanillaSalt]

Your taking what I said too literal... I mean if a man has to fight to date a woman...

[ct1243]

VanillaSalt a woman will show interest in that with him if that’s what she wants ! I guess I don’t care about dating lol 😆! It doesn’t bother me anymore !

[brennanhuff]

@VanillaSalt it's not all about looks otherwise I'd have dates. I've had a hard time getting a date online, but have had pretty women check me out, flirt, which is why I do it in person. I had a cute girl not charge me at dunking donuts for a large cappucinno because she thought I was cute. But yet no luck with online dating. If this were the case, this wouldn't be happening to me irl and just from being seen

[M3ssir]

I think you're right about it

[Yads_Is_Back]

I am against online dating anyway, but you made some good points. What pulled me in and caught my interest was when you first mentioned that that chemistry and connection is impossible online. Because that is, 100%, for a fact, TRUE!

[CoolKatie]

Great take. They make learning disability dating apps that not all same and put sexual orientation on the profile of users. I tried online dating hasn't work

[coachTanthony]

What are the name of these apps?

[CoolKatie]

Updating, autism date and disabled dating

[coachTanthony]

I understand there are many apps out there for these things... i wanted to know if you know the name of the apps... can't find anything called "Updating"

[CoolKatie]

it was a dating sites.

[coachTanthony]

I can't help others if I don't have the names.. but thanks for sharing.

[Avicenna]

It has its place, but I like to show her a good time and give her more of a chance to get to know me and feel comfortable, something that can take some time. I do think it’s more suitable to introverts.

[Luna1998]

I always have doubts with Online dating, they can say and be anything through their texts, but you never know the truth behind

[coachTanthony]

Yes you are correct that is why you face time them or talk to them on the phone then meet up for a small coffee date. If they aren't willing then yeah... it's a catfish.

[Luna1998]

Still, even if you face time or call, how would you know he/she isn't hiding anyone behind your back

[coachTanthony]

Hiding anyone? like a boyfriend or girlfriend?

[Luna1998]

Yes, i dont think that can be prove if its an online relationship

[coachTanthony]

I am not following you.. online dating isn't trying to find someone to have an "online" relationship with... its just a way to meet people but you have to meet in person. The goal is to meet the person in the real world and fairly quickly after talking to them. Are you speaking about something else?

[Luna1998]

Ah i see, ok so i wouldn't date any guys online if he lives close enough for me and him to see each other, i prefer actual meet up face to face more, we can see and know the person better, face to face. But i was talking about a "long distance" one lol

[coachTanthony]

I don't believe there is such a thing as having an "online relationship" that is what I would call a pen pal at best... so yeah... you can use bumble or tinder or match and find someone close to you that you can actually meet.

[Luna1998]

nahhh im good as im now, i believe that when its the right time, the right person will come around

[coachTanthony]

Awesome. Good luck to you!

[Luna1998]

Thank you! good luck to you too!

[Daniel3035]

I know it's missing an audience of girls who actually use it for dating and not for mind games or a self validation / self esteem boost.

[coachTanthony]

Unfortunately it has been invaded by prostitutes, cam girls, escorts, etc

[Daniel3035]

Oh yes and something so easily solvable by something like having your phone number as a requirement for setup so when reported they're banned and can't use it again mind you tinder is doing this and even has started using a verified tick.

[coachTanthony]

Unfortunately Tinder is not requiring the verified tick... but it does help!

[BlueStarPenguin]

I do love a good sexting buddy though

[Daniel3035]

@BlueStarPenguin Why sext when you can have the real thing?

[BlueStarPenguin]

Cause I have a the real thing already.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you so much for this! This is so true and this generation needs to hear this!

[coachTanthony]

Hey thanks man!

[brennanhuff]

coach anthony. what's your opinion on cold approaches? You said talking to people when you're out on a Friday night. I assumed bars or parties but you were general about it. Did you mean just going through places in general? I've always been unsure about that, because it seems that's something women would not like. Bars and parties are places where people are expected to socialize. But inline at food vendor, cafe, book store?,,,

[Jjpayne]

Thanks again! And you are of course welcome. It is my pleasure

[coachTanthony]

@brennanhuff Yes when you are out with your friends at a bar or club or whatever and you are pursuing women for social interaction. Most times you don't hang out all night with them... you talk , grab their number and then maybe get a hug. That in itself tells you much more than an online dating interaction will ever tell you.

[brennanhuff]

What do you think about chatting a woman up at a cafe or bookstore or places outside of a bar or club?

[coachTanthony]

@brennanhuff Yes that works too! I used to love hitting up Whole Foods! Grab a glass of wine and go shopping... so many interactions !!! Just be creative !

[Anonymous]

Yeah, online is missing something important, guys like me who actually try, work hard, want to commit acts of chivalry and not be looking for a one-night stand still have will still fail because girls and women will choose the guys that sexually turns her on and breaks her heart, then she becomes bitter and hateful and using online dating as a way to boost her self esteem and not actually do that missing thing... ummm, giving a guy a chance and just meeting once. If girls assume their looks will last forever and they will remain in their 20s forever then please pass me that Kool-aid, I didn't know that was possible. If women waste their time and by the time they know it they wasted their life rejecting so many guys in life and on dating apps and they are now in their 40s or 50s... Well cry me a river... Actually nah I won't care.

[perfectchaos]

I always try to do a simple first coffee date but that almost never works. Like they won't agree to it. I have gotten a yes to a fair date off the back, and two first movie dates. Every time it was coffee it has never gone through.

[coachTanthony]

Why doesn’t it work?

[perfectchaos]

They always cancel and then after they cancel they'll talk to me about their problems but they'll never reschedule. As soon as I get tired of being their complaint department for weeks on end they'll just ghost me.

[coachTanthony]

Need to cut them off immediately when they do that... the respect will then ooze from their soul because you are a man who knows what he wants and don’t want! Been there... it works!

[perfectchaos]

I basically quit the online dating scene. I wasn't getting anywhere not even friend ship. What messed up is I'm told by a lot of women that I'm just a pleasure and fun to be around once I warm up to them. Too shy for real life. Too much drama and games online.

[coachTanthony]

Sounds like good feedback... many never find out how women feel about them! I’m short... women have told me that I’m too short... obviously I can’t change that... you on the other hand can evolve !!

[VanillaSalt]

Oh fuck me im tired of being called short I’m fucking 5’7”... I can already juggle to stilts to reach the top shelf shouldn’t be an issue...

[coachTanthony]

@VanillaSalt Ha I am 5'6 on a good day. I feel ya!

[VanillaSalt]

I’ve looked the same since high school. Always 5’6” gained an inch always between 180-190 lbs... but round lmao but now I eat healthier. Just cutting it fast food I’ve lost 7 lbs in 3 weeks... I realized 7 more lbs and I got a 6 pack

[bulletbob555]

Online just doesn't work compared to in person. Humor and personality doesn't carry over. You really question their honesty on what they do tell about themselves. Just don't think online is the way to go. I do like this app for finding peoples thoughts and opinion on many subjects