Confessions of a Ladies Man: First Date Conversation Tips to Build Connection for Men and Women

[Apope16]

Are you afraid of how to connect on a date with that person you really like sitting next to you? Ever think that person is glancing away bored or looking at you like a donkey head? Or have you ever had the experience where you knew the person on the date wanted to fuck you but the conversation iced up? Here are some tips to help you build that connection. Ladies take note as well because there are a lot of really dull guys out there who are super cute and are just really shy or don't talk much.

Be Captain Obvious

It's the first date. Start out by simply joking around what you are both thinking. Laugh and smile and say, "Should we have a cliche conversation about the weather or where we work now?" Then think out loud and jokingly bring up the most random conversation point that comes to mind. I was on a date last night and tried this tactic after joking about how we start first dates with cliche topics. I said, "Let's talk about...cartoons. Did you watch them as a kid?" She laughed. Then after having conversation about something that stupid. I made it into a joke. I said, "I am glad we got that very important conversation bit out of the way..."

Ask How They Feel

A great way to build connection is to be authentic. A great way to do this is to ask, "So how do you feel about first dates? Does being here make you nervous I might be a serial killer or something?" It's funny but it opens them up to expressing feelings...Building connection! Woohoo!

Bring Up Nostalgia

When you talk about feelings with your date be sure to listen and pick up on what they say. Connect it to the nostalgia of growing up in some way. "That reminds me of a toy when I was a kid..." Or Ask how they have changed since middle school. Talk about goofy childhood memories. It builds connection!

Tell Me More

In social work I was trained to engage Clients in difficult conversations simply by saying "Tell me more..." People LOVE to talk about themselves. Encourage them to open up.

[BakedBeanieBabie]

Me in middle school: *struggling with suicidal thoughts, abuse, and not accepting sexuality*

Some socially inept guy: So HoW aRe YuO dIfFeReNt FrOm MiDdLe ScHoOl?

Me now, an adult: Uh... I wanted to die?

Some socially inept gu: WoW tHaT rEmInDs mE oF a ChIlDhOoD tOy!!!

This is why dating tips and advice don't really work. People operate on a singular, generalized view of what does and doesn't work instead of actually using social skills, reading the room and the person in front of you, boiling them down to a token you can win if you only know the right "tricks" or "cheats."

This wouldn't work on me. Not at all. And no, I'm not out to get you, your damn mytakes won't stop appearing in my feed.

[BlackBeauty90]

"Or Ask how they have changed since middle school."

... I hope you know it's a bit demeaning to ask someone who is an adult, hopefully with a job and possibly a career, how they've changed since they were 12 to 15.

"That reminds me of a toy when I was a kid..."

Similarly, hopefully, you've done more since you were a child than play with that same toy and can relate to something said as an adult.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Chriscunning A connection in what? Childhood toys.

[Twinrova]

Actually, I think this tip is brilliant. We build emotional connections to people we know more. How many people do you care about that you don't know very well? The more intimate details people know about our lives, the better we feel they know us. Someone's growth and maturity in part, constitute these aforementioned details. If the girl really thinks you're taking the time to get to know her, it will 100% give her the sense that you have a genuine interest in who she is.

To your point, he isn't talking about how your material conditions and career have evolved; people change in ways that transcend these spheres of life.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Twinrova Again childhood toys? Ask how the flipping day's been. How's their parents. Etc. So many MATURE ADULT themes to cover that if someone asked about my childhood toys I'd think they're a freaking pedophile looking for a cheap thrill.

[Twinrova]

I think sharing personal memories about things that make you emotional, which nostalgic memories like he is speaking of necessarily do, then you are communicating you feel comfortable with your interlocutors and want them to get to know you. Sorry for bad grammar in advance; on my phone :p

[Chriscunning]

@Twinrova I don't think she gets it. Seems like she stuck in her childhood and playing with toys.

[SomeBlondeChick]

@Chriscunning & @twinrova - so which of you two children know what a gluckskafer house is. I mean as not everyone is Amerian so if you wanna talk about childhood toys you better know all of them.

[Chriscunning]

@SomeBlondeChick What is a gluckskafer house?

[SomeBlondeChick]

@Chriscunning Gluckskafer houses are a German, or more specifically Austrian / Black Forest, model house. Here's an example >

[SomeBlondeChick]

@Chriscunning - it comes apart & you put it back together. ... The concept is similar, in a way, to the circle, triangle, etc. "building blocks" & box/mat North American kids had. Where you had to fit the circle to the circle hole, etc.

[coachTanthony]

These are pretty good from the normal job interview style first dates. I always tell my clients when they get stuck always replace the "What" with a "Why." It's not what they do for a living but why they chose that profession. It's not what they do for a hobby but why they are passionate about said hobby. It's not what the future looks like for them but why they want the future to look a certain way.

Always replace one word answer questions with "Why" questions and you will get much further into knowing someone and what they are all about on a first date.

[9Livezzz]

Yup exactly. People like to talk about themselves for the most part. So the why questions is perfect. Plus you'll get brownie points for being a good listener 😉

[Twinrova]

I am very impressed by 3/4 of these. Not tips you can get from just anywhere on the internet, and they are actually very good. I especially like the first one; it seems like it would be a good way to break the ice, while also making the girl more comfortable by showing her you're a funny guy who doesn't have a stick up his butt. Good stuff.

[Apope16]

Unlike a lot of people these are things that have worked for me in real life. As I noted in the note the tips worked for me the other day. I had sex on the first date with a woman 3 days ago as a result.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the countryside. 450 acres. Dairy farm & horses.

"That reminds me of a toy when I was a kid..." > what toys? My childhood consisted of getting up at 4am in the morning.

Ask how they have changed since middle school. > I home schooled.

Talk about goofy childhood memories. > Goofy? Well falling from the hay in the barn ceiling storage and breaking an arm's & leg's a childhood memory

It builds connection! I rather doubt some pampered city slicker can relate when the hardest job he likely did as a child was take the garbage out & pick up after the dog.

[SomeBlondeChick]

... @Apope16 - talking about childhood toys works if you grew up in the same sort of environment. Some kids that grew up in rough households never get toys & it's ignorant to think everyone does.

While not everyone is American. If I said I played with a gluckskafer house you & most Americans would have not a single clue what I'm talking about.

[Kas19]

Why do y'all need a script for how to interact with people on a date. If you don't have social skills, they'll figure it out eventually anyway lmao.

[worldscolide]

Its insane that pink anon chose to write a hit piece on you.. Its sad really. she's what i would call a female incel.

[Nikolai2004]

Are you the balding white guy or the bald black guy in the profile picture?

[Apope16]

Why does it matter?

[Nikolai2004]

None of those looked like ladies men to me even though the post is somewhat decent.

[Apope16]

A ladies man doesn't care what you think. I updated a new picture of me instead because I am tired of being asked if im a white dude.

[Nikolai2004]

Oh even worse. Here you'd be thrown in jail for existing unlike America where woke retards worship you.

[Apope16]

🙂🙂🤟🏾 good one!

[9Livezzz]

You really should take out the whole "ladies man" phrase. If you were a true "ladies man" you wouldn't be claiming to be a ladies man 🤣🤣