Why it's not hookup culture, it's not dating apps, but it's you.

[anylolone]

The Ugly Truth of People Decisions in Speed Dating

What studies like this and others demonstrate is that one must either most women (and most men to a lesser but still significant degree) either have insane levels of self-delusion or aren't honest with their claims about their own preferences and goals in dating.

Observed experimental data on discourse vs action in dating preferences

But such data conforms perfectly to what's observed in who gets famous for sex appeal.

Men value sincerity way less than they claim, and intelligence not as much as they would like others to admit. For both men and women, fun and similar interests are way more important than they claim. But for women, the attraction and interest axis is where things get curious...

[EternallyCorrect]

Different parts of the brain deal with different forms of thought. Mainly conscious, sub-conscious and instinctive.

Conscious is rational thinking, problem solving. Sub-conscious is learned behaviours, old unconscious memories of experiences and upbringing which shapes behaviour. Instinct is hard-wired.

When we explain what we want in a partner that’s coming from the conscious part of the brain. We’re consciously thinking about it logically. But in reality attraction comes much more from the instinctive part and partly subconscious. We don’t choose to be attracted to someone based on logic.

You might meet someone who on paper os perfect for you, ticks every box. But you’re not feeling it. You might fall for someone who doesn’t.

[anylolone]

But when your "unconscious" consistently mismatch with the "conscious", one expect the individual to update one's views over what they actually feel.

[EternallyCorrect]

Most people don’t have enough self-awareness.

[anylolone]

I dare to disagree. The most common lie is "I'm fine", specially by men.
People lie more than we think. In this case, the lack of self-awareness is believing they get to eat their cake and keep it too.

I discovered this while talking about DV with women who said they have a right to a violent man who's not violent with them and it just clicked. Knowing those common double standards is a goldmine socially.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I can claim I want a woman who's sincere and intelligent. But I'll often settle for one who is forthcoming.

I can't stand a sphinx who gives me a riddle in some foreign language that she won't even identify (so Google is all but useless), then stands there lifeless and expects me to solve it with no context and no clues. Even a childish loudmouth is more tolerable.

However, therein lies the problem: she's childish. No matter their chronological age, I seem to fall for women who are grossly immature.

[anylolone]

If you seen to fall for immature women, you aren't as truthful to your tastes as you claim.

Get in that lizard brain of yours and figure out what attracts you, what you actually want, and if you figure out that you shouldn't want it then train yourself to find other things appetizing.

I refused to date until I was 18 because I didn't trusted my tastes.
Which was dumb because figuring out who you attract is just as important, but at least helped me to figure out my own tastes.

[ObscuredBeyond]

A lot of it comes down to the doomed girl that I couldn't save. Like that movie, The Butterfly Effect. I want to repeat the experiment, and figure out what went wrong, and rewrite everything. Just like in that one Nickelback song. "Let's rewrite an ending that fits, instead of Hollywood horror."

[anylolone]

Makes sense. A lot of sense.

[ObscuredBeyond]

By immature, I mean she's got the charms of a tomboy fantasy, but girly hair, but then tends to be very irresponsible. She is adventurous, which I find appealing. But sometimes insolent, which is a turn off. She's energetic, which I like, but reckless, which I don't. She's appreciative when I bail her out of a tight situation, which I like, but blind to her own faults and can't take criticism from anyone, which is a red flag.

She'll give me the time of day rather than be a rude cunt at first glance. But don't expect her to remember dates or be good at keeping commitments.

Also, she can find the best deals in the store effortlessly. But can't fix apartment blinds that should be easy to fix.

I take her to an event, and she forgets I'm even there, because some buddy from high school days showed up, and I'm instantly chopped liver.

She vanishes one day, reappears out of the blue with a new boyfriend who looks like a frog had sex with a mouse and blue hair, starts posting embrassingly ignorant posts about how the stock market works, blocks anyone who tries to correct her understanding of what a shareholder is and how they operate, and seems to have already forgotten I existed. Even though she a mere month before had me feeling like we were Jack and Rose.

[Irnwhdbsj]

I'm sorry dude but "men value sincerity way less then they claim and intelligence" offf I wouldn't want you. It is hookup culture that's the problem. Have fun with your insecure sluts bby.

[anylolone]

Sorry, but it's even worst for you.

You not only not value sincerity, you also don't even value ambition.
It's just looks, charisma and shared interests you care for, I bet your history shows that very clearly.

[Guy13]

It is always the person or they would not be settling for crap sex or on a dating app. They would have met another in person and chatted with them and moved forward. Dating app and Sex first complicates rather than simplifies things.

[FakeName123]

I've said around here that intelligence is overall overrated in a partner as long as that partner is smart enough to be able to actually engage with most of your topics of interest to some extent.

Got downvoted like hell for that, tho.

[anylolone]

But everybody who downvoted you simp for a simpleton chad/stacy.

Despite being above average in IQ, never had a chick bang me for it, my V on the other hand... (V is the shape of the abdominal muscles)

[Anonymous]

Attraction is the number one priority but if she is a piece of shit then it is a deal breaker

[anylolone]

Problem is, what this show is that insincerity not a deal breaker for most people who say it's a deal breaker.

[Opinion Owner]

i love rejecting ugly women who don't think that they are ugly. i know i am a bad person but i love it

[SeanshterMonster]

So... love is a lie. Nobody cares, and everyone only cares about themselves. What's even the point anymore.

[Smegskull]

Or men don't have the social development to judge sincerity correctly.
Desire v choice works for things that can't be decieved easily like our eyes. With things that can be bluffed though it isn't clear if you are measuring choice or guilability.

[anylolone]

Nope, what this shows here is women not being able to gauge their own interests.
And men as well, to a lesser extent.

There's whole theories on women's dissociation between what they actually want and say they believe they want. I just don't believe there's much dissociation and there's just dishonesty because I was raised with mostly women, I know how they can be honest when they think you are "one of the girls" and on their side.

And then they discover you as a sexually interesting being and suddenly believe you'll forget all the things they told you, lol!

[Smegskull]

"Nope"? What I said doesn't disagree with that, you haven't contradicted me at all... The womens desire v choice difference is in almost undeceivable things (attraction and interests) so are valid comparisons in measuring choice.

[anylolone]

"Or men don't have the social development to judge sincerity correctly."

It's not men here, it's a questionnaire in speed dating.
They are lying to a piece of paper, which is one of the problems with questionnaires/polls/etc.

[Smegskull]

It's stated interest vs decision. Just because a person is interested in sincerity doesn't mean they can discern it so his decision to pick or not pick a sincere person does not necessarily indicate any deviation from that interest.

As an analogy I have an interest in shares that increase in value, buying shares that fall in value doesn't mean my interest was false just that I cannot predict the future value of shares.

[anylolone]

One, we aren't talking about women talking with men, but with a poll during speed dating, in this case, data collected mainly by women. (because women run the speed dating market and have all the interest of making it work, or at least should have. Though the feminist companies have only an interest of projecting an image of women, which is why they always fail as a business.)

And you keep switching your logic here, like you are desperate.

[Smegskull]

How do you poll an actual decision without having the men and women talk and chose/not chose each other?

[anylolone]

Well, you poll them before they talk. You poll men and women individually.

They sign in for speed dating, with a whole file explaining them how it works, they answer a questionnaire.
After each encounter you poll them for impression they have of each other.

Guess what, they all lie to some degree, usually motivated for ego and identitarian reasons.

[Smegskull]

Right... so you are polling them after they talk. So when you ask a pollee "did you like PersonX" (personx being sincere) and the pollee says no, that doesn't mean they no longer like sincerity just that personx failed to communicate their sincerity.

[anylolone]

Nope, seriously, your cope is funny.

They just consistently chose insincere people consistently, as long as hot, funny with similar interests, all on accident.

[Smegskull]

No not on accident on naivety. Remember these are people gullible enough to think speed dating will work so the dataset has no control group.
Data analysis is my job this isn't cope this is just highlighting that correlation does not imply causation.

[anylolone]

It's weird, because you find similar patterns in tinder, ok cupid and dating life in general.

Just asking people what are their major problems in dating will reveal this same problem.

The whole 80/20 thing is very enlightening.

[Smegskull]

Yes. Judging sincerity through an app isn't going to go well.
Yes the pareto principal is an interesting phenomenon in statistical distribution... doesn't have anything to do with the validity of measuring sincerity though.

[anylolone]

Sincerity wasn't judged by an app, again, as I said, it was data from speed dating companies.
Sincerity was judged by psychological tests, if I'm not mistaken.

And let me tell you, it's not like they chose at random, they chose people less sincere than the average.

[Smegskull]

Yes but the chart is made by polling speed daters not psychologists so the people that data represents don't know how sincere the partners they chose actually were. Unlike attractiveness where they did know how attractive the person was.
So when attractive desire and choice don't match it indicates the claimed desire is false. When sincerity desire and choice don't match it doesn't necessarily indicate that as the difference can be explained by other things like judge of character.

[anylolone]

Which is why test as conducted, the tests are evaluated by psychologists.

All that aside, something is clearly being measured as it anti-correlates.

Note that for both men and women, shared interests correlates very well and it's measured in the same way.

Fun and attractiveness are rated by the participants. But sincerity, interests, intelligence and ambition are rated through tests.

[Smegskull]

I agree something is being measured I just contest what for that axis.
Yes but there is no morality attached to shared interest so there is no pressure to deceive people.
In fact sincerity is so different to the others in societal value and perceivability I am suspicious as to why it is included... black it out and it paints a very different picture (one where men know what they want and women are lying to/about themselves)

[anylolone]

Actually, we figured out very sneaky way to measure deceptiveness.

And people attempt to fake their interests all the time, gamer girl is one phenomena of that.
Or feminist men.

[Anonymous]

Intelligence/sincerity/ambition are traits of the beta male archetype. It's not that they aren't attractive, they just aren't arousing. And if you make being intelligent/ambitious/sincere your personality you will be stereotyped as a dork.

[anylolone]

Well, they clearly aren't attractive here for women.

Actually ambition and intelligence were both more attractive to males, interestingly enough.

"Men are responsible for lying goldigging whores" becomes very clear here, guys seem to favor ambition way more than they favor honesty.

[strateguy632]

fun and similar interests are way more important than they claim.

[captain_voidwalker]

I notice your charts lack the most important category women choose by, which is money.