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Why it's not hookup culture, it's not dating apps, but it's you.

anylolone

The Ugly Truth of People Decisions in Speed Dating

What studies like this and others demonstrate is that one must either most women (and most men to a lesser but still significant degree) either have insane levels of self-delusion or aren't honest with their claims about their own preferences and goals in dating.

Observed experimental data on discourse vs action in dating preferences
Observed experimental data on discourse vs action in dating preferences

But such data conforms perfectly to what's observed in who gets famous for sex appeal.

Men value sincerity way less than they claim, and intelligence not as much as they would like others to admit. For both men and women, fun and similar interests are way more important than they claim. But for women, the attraction and interest axis is where things get curious...


Why it's not hookup culture, it's not dating apps, but it's you.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • EternallyCorrect
    Different parts of the brain deal with different forms of thought. Mainly conscious, sub-conscious and instinctive.

    Conscious is rational thinking, problem solving. Sub-conscious is learned behaviours, old unconscious memories of experiences and upbringing which shapes behaviour. Instinct is hard-wired.

    When we explain what we want in a partner that’s coming from the conscious part of the brain. We’re consciously thinking about it logically. But in reality attraction comes much more from the instinctive part and partly subconscious. We don’t choose to be attracted to someone based on logic.

    You might meet someone who on paper os perfect for you, ticks every box. But you’re not feeling it. You might fall for someone who doesn’t.
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • anylolone

      But when your "unconscious" consistently mismatch with the "conscious", one expect the individual to update one's views over what they actually feel.

    • Most people don’t have enough self-awareness.

    • anylolone

      I dare to disagree. The most common lie is "I'm fine", specially by men.
      People lie more than we think. In this case, the lack of self-awareness is believing they get to eat their cake and keep it too.

      I discovered this while talking about DV with women who said they have a right to a violent man who's not violent with them and it just clicked. Knowing those common double standards is a goldmine socially.

  • ObscuredBeyond
    I can claim I want a woman who's sincere and intelligent. But I'll often settle for one who is forthcoming.

    I can't stand a sphinx who gives me a riddle in some foreign language that she won't even identify (so Google is all but useless), then stands there lifeless and expects me to solve it with no context and no clues. Even a childish loudmouth is more tolerable.

    However, therein lies the problem: she's childish. No matter their chronological age, I seem to fall for women who are grossly immature.
    Is this still revelant?
    • anylolone

      If you seen to fall for immature women, you aren't as truthful to your tastes as you claim.

      Get in that lizard brain of yours and figure out what attracts you, what you actually want, and if you figure out that you shouldn't want it then train yourself to find other things appetizing.

      I refused to date until I was 18 because I didn't trusted my tastes.
      Which was dumb because figuring out who you attract is just as important, but at least helped me to figure out my own tastes.

    • A lot of it comes down to the doomed girl that I couldn't save. Like that movie, The Butterfly Effect. I want to repeat the experiment, and figure out what went wrong, and rewrite everything. Just like in that one Nickelback song. "Let's rewrite an ending that fits, instead of Hollywood horror."

    • anylolone

      Makes sense. A lot of sense.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Irnwhdbsj
    I'm sorry dude but "men value sincerity way less then they claim and intelligence" offf I wouldn't want you. It is hookup culture that's the problem. Have fun with your insecure sluts bby.
    Disagree 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • anylolone

      Sorry, but it's even worst for you.

      You not only not value sincerity, you also don't even value ambition.
      It's just looks, charisma and shared interests you care for, I bet your history shows that very clearly.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • FakeName123
    I've said around here that intelligence is overall overrated in a partner as long as that partner is smart enough to be able to actually engage with most of your topics of interest to some extent.

    Got downvoted like hell for that, tho.
    Like 1 Person
    • anylolone

      But everybody who downvoted you simp for a simpleton chad/stacy.

      Despite being above average in IQ, never had a chick bang me for it, my V on the other hand... (V is the shape of the abdominal muscles)

  • Smegskull
    Or men don't have the social development to judge sincerity correctly.
    Desire v choice works for things that can't be decieved easily like our eyes. With things that can be bluffed though it isn't clear if you are measuring choice or guilability.
    Like 1 Person
    • anylolone

      Nope, what this shows here is women not being able to gauge their own interests.
      And men as well, to a lesser extent.

      There's whole theories on women's dissociation between what they actually want and say they believe they want. I just don't believe there's much dissociation and there's just dishonesty because I was raised with mostly women, I know how they can be honest when they think you are "one of the girls" and on their side.

      And then they discover you as a sexually interesting being and suddenly believe you'll forget all the things they told you, lol!

    • Smegskull

      "Nope"? What I said doesn't disagree with that, you haven't contradicted me at all... The womens desire v choice difference is in almost undeceivable things (attraction and interests) so are valid comparisons in measuring choice.

    • anylolone

      "Or men don't have the social development to judge sincerity correctly."

      It's not men here, it's a questionnaire in speed dating.
      They are lying to a piece of paper, which is one of the problems with questionnaires/polls/etc.

    • Show All
  • SeanshterMonster
    So... love is a lie. Nobody cares, and everyone only cares about themselves. What's even the point anymore.
    Like 1 Person
  • captain_voidwalker
    I notice your charts lack the most important category women choose by, which is money.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
  • Anonymous
    Attraction is the number one priority but if she is a piece of shit then it is a deal breaker
    Like 1 Person
    • anylolone

      Problem is, what this show is that insincerity not a deal breaker for most people who say it's a deal breaker.

    • Anonymous

      i love rejecting ugly women who don't think that they are ugly. i know i am a bad person but i love it

  • Anonymous
    Intelligence/sincerity/ambition are traits of the beta male archetype. It's not that they aren't attractive, they just aren't arousing. And if you make being intelligent/ambitious/sincere your personality you will be stereotyped as a dork.
    Disagree 1 Person
    • anylolone

      Well, they clearly aren't attractive here for women.

      Actually ambition and intelligence were both more attractive to males, interestingly enough.

      "Men are responsible for lying goldigging whores" becomes very clear here, guys seem to favor ambition way more than they favor honesty.

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