"just do things you enjoy and you'll meet people" = Most out of touch dating advice

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

As stated in the title that advice is garbage. If your goal is to meet people naturally away from work then its always better to place yourself where they want to hang out, rather than where you want to hang out. For instance, a girl going to a Barre class or automechanic basics courses, will usually only find other women. Similarly, a guy going to a Canyoneering event, or the gym will usually only find other men.

Your greatest odds of catching a fish is to use the biggest net possible; as a guy, go to lady dominated spaces and vise versa since most of dating usually boils down to proximity and timing. Alternatively, go to areas visited by both men and women: church, coffee huts, and short/light hike meetups.

Some examples of spaces occupied by the ladies: group exercise classes (must be grouped), art events, wine tours, dance classes, library book clubs, gemstone/astrology readings, true crime movie showings. Plenty of girls are out there; they just do weird things.

Guys on the other hand, hang out out at the gym, martial art dojos, bars, or long/intense hike meetups.

TL/DR - if you want a man, take a BJJ course and you'll be surrounded by 30. If you want a lady take a yoga class and you'll be the only man in attendance.

[Rei13]

I think you completely missed the point of that advice. You should focus on meeting people through activities that you enjoy versus ones that you do not. Most people have more than one interest and you can put more energy in the ones that include members of the opposite sex that are also single. If you put your energy to meeting people at a bar, for example, and you hate alcohol/going to bars sure you will meet more women but you’re also more likely to meet someone that enjoys doing that which can be a recipe for disaster. Same with the group activities that are fitness, if you don’t enjoy doing that why would you go out of your way to meet someone that does leading to incompatibilities. If you enjoy reading then do the book clubs etc. Doing the things you enjoy and meeting people is great advice, just got to be smart about it too

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

You do bring up a great point that a person's hobbies are a reflection of their lifestyle. So, yeah fully agree if you are attracted to fit girls, you probably shouldn't be going to a doughnut shop for numbers.

I'll be honest with you though, I dont believe in the concept of a soul-mate. So, for me, I chose to take the good with the bad rather than endlessly searching for miss perfect

[Rei13]

Exactly, they really are and you should put energy into the ones that align with your lifestyle and the one you want your partner to have.

I don’t believe in a soul mate either. Most people are compatible with more than one person, it is just picking the person that you want to grow with. Nobody is perfect and if that is what someone is looking for they’re gonna have a hard time lol

[Anonymous]

I met my boyfriend at work

Who is 100% oppostive of what i am

If i tried to find someone who likes what i do

I dont think id ever meet anynore sincr im super inyrovert and geet and anti social

While my boyfriend is party animal who knows every person in our town

[ManOnFire]

I get the point you're trying to make. Although there is still some truth to "just do things you enjoy and you'll meet people." I think it might also be saying in a sense that when you're comfortable with yourself and what you like when you do it, you tend to attract people. Which is true, and I can speak from my own experience.

But I get what you're saying about moving out of your comfort zone and into circles with more dating opportunities, that really is true. Women going to yoga classes or all-female events are almost never going to find a man, and men going to just the gym or the bar are almost never going to find a girl, not for dating anyway, only for a hook up.

[MrOracle]

I suspect that either you mi's-heard or misunderstood the advice or, more likely, the person who gave it to you did so. The correct "version" of the advice is to find activities that you already enjoy THAT SINGLES OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ARE ALSO LIKELY TO BE INVOLVED WITH and get involved with them. Activities that are likely only to appeal to your own sex should be eliminated from consideration right off the top.

I give this advice all the time because it works, but it should be obvious to everyone that you need to only consider coed activities.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

I think we are mostly on the same page here, I just happen to see a different perspective on the value of that advice.

For me, the purpose behind casting a wide net is to make introductions rather than take on a lifetime hobby - I'm not saying go there for the event, but rather be there for the people. Hey, who knows though, maybe leaving your comfort zone might net you that special fish as well as a newfound hobby.

[MrOracle]

The point is that it can take some time to establish new circles of friends, through which hopefully you'll meet a girl (who may or may not be a participant of THAT activity - often you'll click with a group of people and hang out with them and meet another of their friends and THAT's your girl), so it's better to do an activity that you actually enjoy, so that you aren't completely wasting your time as you work the process to find and meet new people. Plus, often it's going to give you at least one thing in common.

Some people would do an activity just because a lot of women will be there, but they hate the activity itself, and that makes no sense. Don't take a knitting class if you think you'll hate knitting - but maybe a dance class or a cooking class or a bowling league is something you are actually interested in - do THAT instead.

Anyway, yes, we're mostly on the same page, I'm just "fine-tuning" the concept for those reading.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm with @MrOracle. Go to events you actually enjoy. Meet people there. PEOPLE. Not just single women. I have men and non-single women refer their single lady friends to me all the time because we share common interests (wine events, ruck marching, art exhibits, charity races). Why do all the work yourself when you can outsource it to others?

[MrOracle]

Exactly right. While you can't rely solely on others, your friends can often be a big help, if nothing else then by vouching for you, but sometimes introductions as well.

[ObscuredBeyond]

So I'm writing an encyclopedia about Marvel crossover events from last decade, a little bit on the history of the game Marvel: Avengers Alliance. Specifically, some of the shenanigans that occurred within the fanfic community.

I'm also writing two different book about two different respective tours I went on in 2019 as part of research for some superhero novels that I'm planning to write, one of which I already have outlined, but its production is pending certain other projects being done first.

Earlier this year, I released a two-part compendium tie-in set of mini-books that are connected to the book that I have outlined, but not fully written yet. Which is getting its own Sims 4 Story Pack and has already been referenced in a few YouTube videos.

I'm also planning to start up a shop online next year to sell prints related to my books in the works, so anyone who wants to buy a poster for a book can order one online.

I've got seven free-for-view Sims machinomics in the works, and have a GTA-based machinomic already available online that has been translated into nine other languages.

Where should I look if I want to find a woman who isn't a former Subway worker, who isn't a single mom of three, who doesn't have drug problem history, and isn't a strong candidate for being Baker Acted? One that would be interested in anything I'm into?

Am I simply too niche?

[Whitewulf]

Nope! That sh** doesn’t work either. And the worse advice above your statement is” love will come when you least expect it “ or don’t worry you will find your true love “ there is someone for everyone “ all a bunch of horse sh**. I have actively search for years and years been singl way more years than the few relationships put together. I’m tall good looking I’m told in shape my shit together and maybe she just doesn’t exist. I went without even a date for almost 6 years. Or maybe I’m just unlovable I don't know.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Whitewulf
Why do you think your experience differs so greatly? Geography? Are you in a small town? Granted I am too, but one with a lot of single professionals and I go to the city on weekends.

[Whitewulf]

@BoopBoopBeep damn if I had the answer to that I’d change my circumstances to see if it worked. But the way people make it out to sound as if they will trip over love one day. It’s hard enough to find it when you’re actively looking. I don’t go to bars I don’t really go anywhere to find it. I was divorced in 08 and moved to California to be in my little girls life. 15 years later I don’t even know how or remember how to approach women. And the ones I meet online give me a few days of their attention then gone. That makes me unlovable in my mind.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah I don't do bars or online. Don't have the time even if I wanted to. So hard just to keep the in person obligations to a minimum so I have time for my rescue kittens. Hope it turns around for ya though.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"its always better to place yourself where they want to hang out, rather than where you want to hang out."

If thats not the same places for doing the same activities, I don't want her.
People should only date/marry a likeminded person, otherwise breakup will 100% follow.

Any woman I want is either in an arcade, a comicon, a collectable shop, video game store, or in her home playing video games, building gunplas, watching anime, or drawing, which are the same places I'd be.

Your advice is terrible, any woman who believes in crystal magic/astrology or drinks alcohol or likes to go dancing, I don't even want to know. 🤢

[Anonymous]

Yep--great advice. I used to go to yoga classes and there were a LOT of girls. Not only that but even if you don't meet any, the eye candy alone makes it TOTALLY worthwile! The key is to position your mat in the right spot to give you the best possible view during downward dog! :D

I also found speed dating events to be good because then you not only put yourself in an environment with lots of girls, but they're already pre-selected as single AND looking. On average less attractive than the yoga crowd but 100% available.

[antelope51]

Marching bands, pipe bands, LARPing groups, ren-faires, roller-derby (there are an odd number of guys hanging around roller derby tracks)... I've never found a disproportionate number of men/women in these kinds of venues, and there's a lot of dating that happens.

[exitseven]

This is not such bad advice. I major3d in Electrical engineering in college and it was all guys and the few girls there may as well had been guys. One semester I had an elective and I took political science. It turns out, that was where all the girls were

[Anonymous]

The correct advice: "Go out and meet them in a Third Place you enjoy".

The Gym and the Subway train have provided me with far more "Likes" than my total usage of Dating apps. If you're not on someone visual radar, you're invisible.

[Paul09]

Ith my luck. None of that works. But seems logical a good idea to do so. I've joined a Salsa class hoping to learn to dance and meet women. Nope ! It was mostly men or couples. So we had 1 or 2 women to share. The key, is having charisma. I did goto one event , it was about stones, and meditating. I was the only man there. But it was with married women or older women. It has to be my luck. I guess I'll keep trying.. it does better the chances going tu these places.

[captain_voidwalker]

Crappy dating advice for men, women just want a nice man. Let me translate the female definition of "nice". 6ft tall, 10 inch penis, makes 250k or more per year. Owns a 10,000 square foot house. Has 6 pack abs, drives a Lamborghini/ Ferrari/ mazzarati.
Crappy dating advice for women, real men want a strong independent woman with a great career. Lemme tell ya ladies men don't give a fuuuuuck about your career. We just want to get into your panties

[nastyb]

i can say the same for men... they only go for women in their 20s or women at least 15 years younger... if she isn't 15 years younger or in her 20s, she is completely undatable.

[spartan55]

@nastyb
That is 100% false.

[nastyb]

@spartan55

you know this is 100% true.

[spartan55]

@nastyb
There are some guys who will only much younger women. They are a vocal minority. I dated a 21 year old when I was 30 and it was definitely not what I envisioned. Nowadays she'd have to be 40+ for me to be interested.

[spartan55]

@nastyb
Nope not even close.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm virtually none of those things, and nobody knows where I live or how much I make. I'm 5'9", admittedly I am well-endowed but nobody knows that upon meeting me, nobody but my accountant and the government knows how much I make and I don't bring people home. My 6pack hasn't been here since the heart attack, but rarely do I have a shirt off for people to see the 4 I still have, so that seems moot. I drive a 10 year old hatchback. I get a lot of attention from women and have a very active social calendar that's filled out until March.

Maybe you live in a hostile part of the country? Maybe you aren't hanging out at the right spots? Maybe you aren't picking up on their signals? Why do you think our experiences differ?

[BoopBoopBeep]

crap that was @captain_voidwalker

[nastyb]

@spartan55

yea... continue lying. Statistics show that men divorce their first wife just to marry someone significantly younger than her. The older the man is, the more likely he is to marry someone with a huge age gap.

[spartan55]

@nastyb
"statistics show"... what statistics? The one's made up in your head? Here's a statistic that's not made up: 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman... hmmmm
So older men are divorcing their first wives for the purpose of marrying women much younger than their first wife? That is completely false, sorry.

[nastyb]

@spartan55

Tying the knot again? Chances are, there’s a bigger age gap than the first time around

www.pewresearch.org/.../

[spartan55]

Well I know I won't be one of them, and I don't know any guys that have ever done that. And I've known many. In fact if any of my friends did that they would be ridiculed and excluded from the group (just like cheaters and abusers)

[nastyb]

@spartan55

the numbers don't lie

[spartan55]

@nastyb
Yours do... but whatever.

[Ironic_Method]

Meeting people is easy. Meeting people you are actually compatible is the hard part, which is why you should do things that you enjoy with other potential partners.

[andreasderjuengere]

Men who loiter around at shoe shops, or beauty salons are kind of suspicious to me :D

But I agree that ''Dating Advice'' is a ridiculous thing in itself.

One either has the talents, or one has not.

[RedInnocent68]

Except when it isn’t. You’ll be a lot happier, and meet someone who already shares an interest.

[worldscolide]

Dude the advice is sound. I met my wife at a concert. which is something we both enjoy...

[admles]

I met my now-wife at BJJ, so that advice DID work for me!

[boobliker]

that's been my way of doing things and it worked for me too

[Anonymous]

Very true. You can argue its just saying you don't give a shit and whatever problems arise later on for you are not my fault

[LiamJHayden]

What @MrOracle said is perfect

[Gezbelle]

You are right