Girls: Have you ever changed your mind about a guy you rejected at first? Guys: Have you successfully dated a girl who rejected you initially?

[Anonymous]

I've noticed a lot of people say that once a girl makes up her mind about a guy, it's set in stone. Is this really true or is it that most people don't fix their unattractive traits? If a girl decides that a guy doesn't have what it takes for romantic potential, can she ever change her mind later and see you as an attractive man instead of a friend? In other words, what does it take to escape the friend zone?

I try to be optimistic and would like to believe that more is possible than impossible. I would hope that this is possible, if I fix the problems I have that I know are unattractive.

Updates

+1 y

Assuming people can change their perceptions of each other, what would it take for a woman to see a man as a new, more attractive person?

[Anonymous]

I can't say I've successfully dated a girl who's done that yet, but only because we haven't gone on the date yet, it's been scheduled. I asked her out a while back, during our first semester in college. Basically there were a couple factors that made it a bone-headed decision, them being not asking privately, and asking too soon after a bad breakup. She told me maybe, then told me no. I was disappointed, who wouldn't be, but I made it clear that I'd still like to be friends. Over time, we got closer, and started hanging out a lot. During that time, she would tell me about various guys she liked, and I'd secretly be like "darn" but I still wanted her to be happy, so I supported it. They didn't pan out, usually because they just wanted to get to know what's inside her pants, and this was obviously distressing. She repeatedly said she wanted to see a guy who wanted to date her for who she is. The honest response I wanted to give was "RIGHT HERE, I'M RIGHT HERE" but it made more sense to say "don't worry, he's out there." She rejected me once, I wasn't about to strain a friendship. The school year ended, and we stayed in touch as close friends. Then about a month into this summer, she texted me asking if she could reconsider her answer, and that she wants to give it a shot in this coming fall. I feel like I care about her more than I have anyone else, certainly more than I did when I first asked. I got to see her for the first time in over a month yesterday, (we live in different states) and it was the most enjoyable day I've had this entire summer. I really want to be able to do things right, I am very inexperienced with dating. I mean, I've had crushes before, but not like this.

[Anonymous]

the main thing i believe is to be hygienically decent in other words brush your teeth, take a shower, put on cologne (not too much) wear deodorant, wear clean clothing, shave your beard or clean it up nicely whatever you prefer. thats what i would alter physically. sometimes just by becoming that girls friend might, and i say might take you to the next level. she might end up really liking you. however if she really rejects you time and time again, then there are other woman out there that would love to be with you and love you inside and out... so basically as a woman i would change my mind about some one that i rejected because maybe i didn't really give him a chance and when i did then i might just end up liking him...good luck :)

[Asker]

Well, I think I've got all my bases covered in terms of appearance. I keep clean and exercise regularly, am not too short (5' 11") nor am I fat. I could use a little more muscle, I know Rome wasn't built in a day but I'm working on it. I don't know if I would say I'm the best-looking guy in the world but I would say that I don't think my looks are holding me back.

Problem areas that I KNOW I need to fix include getting a job (I do have my degree, though), having more going on in my life like interests and hobbies, and being less pessimistic. Other than that I'm not sure what else to do.

It's hard with the girl I like though. We don't have any problem having conversations, and I've made her smile and laugh before. She's shown real interest in my life and has told me she wants to see me do well. She's told me she wishes I lived by her and even asked once what I'd do if she tried to turn me on. I don't know what I'm missing in order for her to give me a chance.

[Asker]

PS - she's also said though, that I sometimes sound like I know I won't get what I want. Could it be that I don't come off as masculine/"in charge" enough for her?

[LenaK]

To me it sounds like she was trying to hint that you should make a move... What makes you thing you're friend-zoned?

[Lioness]

If there's something like a deal breaker with the guy, like way too short, etc then I won't change my mind. But if I'm just not physically attracted to the guy (yet), then overtime (few months) the mental/emotional attraction will cause me to have physical/sexual attraction. keep in mind there also needs to be chemistry, otherwise there will be no sexual attraction.

[Asker]

I see. Could you explain more on chemistry though? I've heard that phrase used before, but I'm not quite sure what it means or how to create it?

[Lioness]

That's the thing about Chemistry, either there or not you can't create it. Our noses can pick the best mates for us Studies have found that how a person smells gives us clues to their genetic make-up, and thus, their potential to be a compatible mate. On a subconscious level, decoding a scent gives us a powerful tool to ensure our kids will be healthy, and our orgasms will be plentiful. Chemistry is when you just kinda click with someone, have good rapport...It's generally felt by both if it's there. Hope this helps :)

[ANONYMOUSHIHI]

You don't need to have chemistry to be sexual attracted to someone tho

[Lioness]

Right, but you can't have chemistry if you are not sexually attracted to someone.

[Azara]

not for me. i know when i meet a guy if im attracted to him in a way that i want to touch him and be intimate. that doesn't change. i can like him a lot, but without sexual chemistry, this is a friend.

and if its the other way. he's hot but a dick head. i dont give do overs. people are who they are, essentially

[plantaddict]

I rejected this guy for years always with the excuse "I just see you as a friend" which wasn't completely true. I did like him, I was attracted to him, but he wasn't as good looking as me so I didn't want to seem like I had settled or downgraded. I know this is terribly shallow but I was stupid and young. So I pushed my feelings aside and looked elsewhere.
To answer your question what took him out of the friend zone was when he called me recently out of the blue and we talked for a while before he started telling me about his girlfriend. My voice was constricted and high as I tried to tell him I was happy for him, but I was so jealous and sad I'd missed my chance with him.
I think if it doesn't work out with her now and you find another girl to date she may realize she has had feelings for you all along and you may realize you like this new girl better. Hope that helped.

[Asker]

I've heard that both of those ideas may help - going away for a while, and dating someone else to show that I am indeed desirable.

Also, I wonder, did this guy act any differently when you saw him after a long while? More confident, or more interesting perhaps?

[plantaddict]

I've always found him interesting and confident, but he was more relaxed like he wasn't trying to prove anything I guess cause he was no longer waiting around for my attention.

[Betwyn]

Well, I never actually rejected him.. He never made a move, expressed interest.. but I did friend zone him..

All through high school, he was one of my best friends.

and then.. after school ended... things.. changed..

[Asker]

Again, if you don't mind sharing, how did things change? Did he start acting differently? What made you seem him as a man instead of just a friend?

[Betwyn]

Honestly.. I don't know.. just one day.. it was like.. he was in a different light..

[goodvibes]

No I am honest and I will give you a real assessment. It if I don't think it's going to work then I've made my decision.

[Asker]

If you don't think it's going to work though, he has to be doing something wrong. Would your decision be final even if the guy fixes his problems and starts getting some positive traits instead?

[goodvibes]

No because if he changed for me he didn't really change

[tnixxxon]

I didn't date a guy named trey initially because he was four inches shorter than me, but he kept asking me out and I really did like him I was just being shallow and we ended up dating for like 5 months but ended up breaking up anyways.

[Anonymous]

No, I have never changed my mind. I grow weary of the idea that guys should get to date who they want and that women need to push themselves to want who wants them.

[Asker]

I'm just saying, what if a guy changes though? Why does he have to be trashcanned forever, if he actually becomes an interesting, exciting, good-looking, and fun person?

Sometimes we don't always put our best foot forward, only to realize what we are doing wrong later and sincerely want to do better now that we know better. I'm not trying to scam anyone. I'm just trying to show this particular girl that, you know what, we really could have a good time together.

[Opinion Owner]

It'd probably depend on how long you've know him, you know? I think anyone can change their mind only knowing someone a day or a few weeks. But if it's a long term acquaintance, probably not. It's not just about looks/fun - even our best friends have a sort of chemistry.

[ImNotNormal]

I'm still working on that, it's not easy

[Anonymous]

No I didn't regret it

[Asker]

If you don't mind sharing, could you explain in more detail? What happened that changed your mind about the guy?

[Opinion Owner]

I said I did not regret denying a man. Why are you asking me why I changed my mid

[Opinion Owner]

Mind