My boyfriend went to a Halloween party last week but didn't tell me?

[Justcuriousxx]

My boyfriend went to a Halloween party last weekend and didn't really share that information with me. He mentioned earlier in the week that he didn't know what to be so I suggested a homeless person because he had his beard coming in... He ended up being that I believe.

I found out through one of his friends Facebook's. She tagged him in two things, one was nothing big and the second (which he hid) was about doing costumes together and the party...

Anyways, I just found out he went. He just said he had obligations... I don't expect him not to have friends but I figured he'd at least tell me... no? I was out of town.

He didn't have to tell you.

He should of told you.

Updates

+1 y

I think I am just going to let it go... no reason to argue over something in the past. Do you agree?

Updates

+1 y

I could of easily asked what he was planning a costume for but I didn't I just didn't think to ask.

[backspace]

I agree. Let it go and don't argue maybe some time in the future talk about it in a normal calm way.
I remember a couple of years back I was in a long term relationship and there always seemed to be a problem when I was going out so I stopped telling her that I was going out. I was never doing anything bad and even if I was she would have never know if I didn't want her to. But I wasn't and I just didn't feel like arguing all the time about it and since she never wanted to hang out with my friends (I was always willing to go with her and did whenever she asked me to) and I really didn't feel like staying at home out of sympathy because she didn't feel like going out. I'm not saying it's the same situation with you two but sometimes things aren't that big of a deal. :)

[Justcuriousxx]

See I just don't want him to think about his last relationship and look at me as though I will act the same way and have the same expectations, you know? It is really still early in our relationship and I don't want him to get into this pattern where he thinks he needs to keep things from me or cannot tell me things. I am far from a confrontational person and far from a dependent person. I am happy for him to do his own thing but just wish I wasn't left out in the left field with no idea what is going on. I want to share a life with him, not have a life with him... I feel like there is a difference. No? He is twenty-seven and I, twenty-three.

[backspace]

Yeah I understand completely and I agree with you. And that's how relationships should be like for the most part sharing not possessing. Of course things are never black and white but come in shades of gray. Like me I am a sort of jealous and clingy person sometimes but if me and my girlfriend have good communication I can always work trough everything. I remember with the long term girl I was with we almost always told each other stuff and it wasn't a problem. One time I was spending a lot of time with this girl friend of mine she actually kept joking that we're going out more than I was with her. With the last one it was horrible never told me anything and I couldn't trust her in the end. The thing is people tend to have more problems with this. I don't know why he didn't tell you but whenever you talk to him about it try to do it in a non confrontational way so that he'll get the feeling he can tell you everything.

[Justcuriousxx]

So how can about transitioning our relationship into one that is open and honest. Just have that conversation with him about what I would like to see in our relationship? Or is that too aggressive and can potentially make him run?

[backspace]

I'd say take it slow and for the beginning don't talk about it. You know the saying treat other people the way you want to be treated well you be the way you'd like him to be towards you and see how that goes for the beginning. Then later on you can try to have some light conversations with him about it. Chances are if he's not used to things being this way he might get scared if you come on to string with it at one time people do change but slowly.
I remember the last girl I was with the past year she was weird she cheated on her boyfriend with me and then in staid of trying to build trust she was weird and didn't talk about stuff and her feelings. This used to drive me crazy but every time it happened and I wanted to confront the problem I let it go for a couple of days and then talked a little and it worked out great. In the end it didn't because we both complicated at the wrong moments witch is a shame since it was I think the best relationship ever. Too bad. :)

[Justcuriousxx]

Okay. I will take that advice. I am just going to take it slow and treat him how I would like to be treated. The other day I was laying beside him on the couch while he was playing video games and he kept using cheat codes... it was about that time he put it in again and I had been teasing him so I said, "we have to remember this code" just as he was unlocking his phone and he looked at me and said "hey!" in like a playful but somewhat serious voice. So I had to tell him I meant the cheat code so he didn't have to keep looking it up. He assumed I meant his phone code. lol. I respect privacy, I do... I just don't want to be screwed over. I have had my share of men who aren't faithful.

[Justcuriousxx]

Thank you for your input !

[itscoolguy]

He didn't have to tell you, but I don't think he should have been hiding the Facebook things

[Justcuriousxx]

Yea. That is what gets me the most. I feel like he expects me to react a certain way to things like a girl tagging him. I am kind of curious what he will do when I tag him in something. I don't want to tag him without any real reason but down the road when we get further into our relationship, I am curious.

[Paris13]

Yes, let sleeping dogs lie, Justcurious... however, it seems he got his hand caught in the cookie jar anyways by Fb posting his sneaky activities that he apparently was afraid to tell you about. I do agree he should have at least let you in on the party plans.
Maybe you should interact with a little something for everyone to seee so he gets the point and so does these peers, dear: OMG.. Look what I missed out on when I was out of town and didn't realize just how much fun he was having.. wish I could have been there.
Maybe with this he will get this helpful hint that next Time----He might very well end up in the dog house.
Good luck. xx

[Justcuriousxx]

I don't think I am going to publicly call him out like that. I do think that when I see him i will ask how his costume came out and ask about the party, see what he says.

[Paris13]

Okay, but with it on FB, it makes it look like you have egg on your face and to clear it up for everyone, you should make a small diplomatic comment on your behalf... Yes, approach him a hair but let him know that you are a couple and he doesn't have to hide anything, then let sleeping dogs lie, case closed. xx

[melaniemel]

Don't let it go. I married a guy like him. Second life, pseudo single life. I Always let it go. Was so much easier but it never stopped. He HID this from you. He wanted to go out and flirt and you know it.

[Justcuriousxx]

i don't KNOW it... I am just assuming. We are only three months into our relationship and we weren't official the whole three months. So this, I feel it is okay to let go... if something comes up down the road, I will talk to him about it. I just don't wish for something to come up. lol.

[Justcuriousxx]

I do think that when I see him i will ask how his costume came out and ask about the party, see what he says.

[Hidden_P]

Why didn't he tell you? It would have been nice for you to know where he was, and the fact he is hiding posts, what is it you don't want him to see?

I smell bullshit in his answer.

[Justcuriousxx]

Yeah I am not too sure what is going on. :/

[Hidden_P]

He doesn't have to tell you where he is ever second of the day but it's polite to know. I mean, if you had known you probably would have said "have a good time!" and left him to enjoy the party. But because you didn't know, you may have been bugging him all night.
When it comes to Facebook hiding, I don't know why but I always link it with cheating, or addiction. So maybe the party had drugs and you are against them and he didn't want you knowing, or maybe there was a certain girl there that he didn't want you to see.
I don't want to put doubts in your head, and I'm sorry if I have, but that is where my head would jump to first. It's important that you know what he is hiding because it's not fair on you. If it's happened this one, it will happen again and again until he is caught. If it's something small it's best nipped in the bud.

[Anonymous]

He didn't had to tell you, he's grown and if you trust him you shouldn't worried.

[Justcuriousxx]

He just seems to close me out of different parts of his life. Idk. I just don't see why it would hurt to share when I asked him how his night was or whatever.

[melaniemel]

I was compartmentalize too. And it sucks. It won't stop im sorry to say.