PSA for guys: Stop complimenting, validating, and objectifying women?

The reason for this is twofold:

1) Many women think artificially highly of themselves if they get complimented very often, making themselves stuck up.

2) Ending random harassment of women is a step in sexual equality. Men don't put up with this, so women shouldn't either.

What this means is that you should try to refrain from paying physical compliments to girls who've given no indicators of being interested in you.

So no saying "wow you're so pretty" or "I love you" or any of that shit.

And don't put your hopes on online dating, all it does is serve to artificially boost women's self esteem, making it harder to gain their attention IRL.

So you may be asking how you're supposed to meet women. You treat them like men. Get engaged in activities where you can meet females, and after you've gotten to know them, ask if they want to join you for a platonic activity. Do this a couple of times: If they actually like you, they'll reciprocate and start to ask you to spend time with them as well. If they don't, you move on.

This has consistently worked out far better for me than going on dating sites or hookup sites or complimenting women in the hopes that they'd sleep with me.

Following these guidelines should do three things:

1) Promote sexual equality and close the "personal attention" gap between men and women

2) Improve your individual life

3) Improve the attitudes of women as a whole

This is just my opinion, based on a combination of my own experiences and observations. You can follow it, or you can choose not to.


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What Girls Said 7

  • I agree with this. Guys compliment women all the damn time. I think it's nice. But if they stopped objectifying (saying things like "damn, nice ass baby"), and even stop complimenting ("have a good day gorgeous"), I think it'd be easier for women to take men more seriously. I know this sounds terrible, but it's hard to "filter" out who's actually complimenting or calling you beautiful for genuine reasons, or who's using a new tactic to get in your pants
    And I know the rebuttal SOME men are gonna give "oh, not every guy just wants sex, stupid feminist", yes I am aware that some men are being genuine and nice. But unfortunately, sometimes there's players who are charming as well. So if we don't do our best to filter the men with the bad motives, again, some men will say "stupid women, that's what she gets for being stupid and not being able to see that he was really a douche all along." Yes, we know there are different tactics now, the most recent the "nice guy", let me be nice to get into her pants. If she doesn't date me, I can just scream friendzone and she'll be branded as a bitch.

    If women were the more aggressive ones, asking out, constantly complimenting, the roles would be reversed and guys would have an easier time getting dates, and women would see the work that guys do to get someone.

    And yea, even "ugly" girls often tend to think higher. Why? Hetero men put pussy on a pedestal! Even an "ugly" girl has many options, cuz some guys don't even care and would still date her (though maybe for the wrong reasons, like a "slumpbuster"). I'm not even talking about the nice ugly girls, but the rude ugly girls still have many options - if she's typically a slumpbuster, some men don't care if she's ugly or mean, they just wanna bone.
    Slumpbuster is usually a term for women. Why? Women don't typically hookup or date ugly for sex. As I said, even ugly girls have options.

    Men, I love nice compliments. But you guys need to stop putting pussy on a pedestal!

  • I wish you hadn't posted this anonymously as I'd really like to follow you.

  • Wow, its freaking dating and real life... Not "how to train the women of the world." While The first part is a little over the top, the last guideline are pretty good except that you cannot improve the attitudes of women as a whole. Women are women , we do what we want to do when we want to do it and I truly think it'd be a waste of time trying to improve our attitudes although some do need a bit of improving, if we are being honest here.

    • Regardless of the collective consequences, it's individually advantageous.

      And it's most likely collectively advantageous as well. There's a reason women are so blaise about discussing sex nowadays while it would've been unthought of 5 decades ago. Societies change.

      Analogy: If you don't litter in your individual life, your house will be clean. If everyone doesn't litter, the world will be clean.

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    • Ehh, not to them. Maybe to you, but not to them.
      I personally, get a little annoyed when someone keeps coming back after I've given obvious hints that I'm not interested

    • But they keep going with The compliments , so maybe it doesn't make the woman less sexually attractive.

  • What kind of yob says "I love you" to a complete stranger? LOL

  • At first I was like
    "what the hell is this stupid troll about to say?"

    but then I was like
    "Good job guy! You get it women just want to be treated as people"

    This is actually a very good PSA guys should read it and take note. If you want to get close to a girl talk to her like she's a normal human being. Show her WHY she should be with you. Plenty of guys think I'm pretty what sets you apart from them?

    A guy telling me I'm pretty DOES NOT make me want to be with him. You know what makes me want to let a guy get into my pants? A guy being funny, smart, having things in common with me, having a hobby, being an interesting person overall.

    I wish more guys could understand that telling a girl she's pretty is NOT going to get them a girlfriend, but judging by these comments... well you know the rest.

    I really did get scared reading this though I thought it was going to be an angry rant along the lines of "women don't want to be objectified so stop talking to them there problem solved! die forever alone!" but it wasn't. I'm not gonna lie reading this was like

    • Like seriously guys sit down for a second and think about how it would play out if you tried to make friends like you try to get girls though.. imagine if every time you wanted to make friends with someone the first thing you said to them was typically:

      "You look cool. So umm.. are you looking for new friends or?" yeah THAT is exactly how you sound when you say "You're really pretty. Do you have a boyfriend?".

      It sounds stupid ok? The line would NOT make people want to be friends with you the same way it does NOT make women want to date you. Get to know her instead, tell her something interesting about yourself, don't just say "you're beautiful" that's generic as hell

    • Yeah, there's a lot of butthurt in the comments for whatever reason.

      It's one of those rare instances where feminists and "politically incorrect" men can agree on something.

    • I'm a feminist, but I still agree with what you said. I mean I have a couple of discrepancies about how you phrased things like "treat women as men" (don't treat us as men treat us as people), but your overall point is good.

  • Guys who just meet a girl or see her picture once online and then tell her she's "beautiful" and "gorgeous" and fawn over her just come off as desperate creeps.
    Paying a compliment or two regularly isn't doing any harm.
    I tell girls that they are pretty all the time... like I find one person to compliment everyday. I don't do this to guys because I don't want any confusion about whether or not I am interested in them. Because guys are more likely to take "you look nice today" as this:
    whereas girls will just take it at face value.

    Sexual harassment is a totally different topic. Walking up to a girl and touching her without permission and/or making sexual comments is extremely offensive and creepy as fuck and you're right, neither sex should ever do it to anyone.

    Most girls do not think they are hot shit. The outstanding majority of women think they are too fat, too skinny, oddly shaped, too short, too tall, have ugly hair, bad teeth, a weird nose, etc etc, the list goes on. Girls are much more insecure in general and studies usually say something like 80-90% of women do not like the way that they look. Women who are overly-confident in their appearance are rare, but tend to be loud and annoying, so maybe it seems like there are more of them then there is? idk.

    I know far more guys who are considered unattractive by most standards who will straight up say they're hot shit. So.

  • I'm not a guy, but I couldn't restrain myself from answering.. I get your point although I don't agree with you.. There's many ladies and guys out there and you would only have a chance to find compatibility with one and pherphas build a relationship.. So it would be hard to predict who is going to be unless you give your best effort and try to be cortesous with ladies. Most ladies don't get self worth on compliments it has to do more how they were brought up and treated at home.. It's nice to be complimented but if someone focus too much on that is more prone to lisent to negative comments as well.. The only thing I agree with u is if someone doesn't show interest move on..


What Guys Said 12

  • Meh, guys are generally idiots... giving good advice is almost pointless when they don't have the mental capacity to work out such basics by themselves.

    • Judging from some of the comments in this thread, there definitely are idiots out there. But I think most guys would agree with the general gist of what I posted.

  • So I should stop telling my GF, mum or sister that they look "Beautiful today?".

    I think you're trying to prevent us men from being just that, Men.

    Sure calling out a girl saying "Damn nice ass" is disgusting... but preventing us from saying "Have a nice day" is stupid.

    How did I pick up my GF in the first place? ... I treated her like a woman, like a human being, but instead of treating her like a man (like a friend), I treated her with my sexuality (my NATURAL sexuality) ... I was extremely attracted to her sexually and emotionally, so I decided I would chat her up by telling her "cute" and "adorable" she was - and still is as a matter of fact.

    You're an idiot white knight bellend. You probably don't get any girls in your life because you're so bothered protecting them from male "danger" rather than worrying about your own life.

    • >So I should stop telling my GF, mum or sister that they look "Beautiful today?".

      Reading comprehension is a must. Is English not your first language?

      >You're an idiot white knight bellend. You probably don't get any girls in your life because you're so bothered protecting them from male "danger" rather than worrying about your own life.

      LOL. Okay. Your reading comprehension really does suck.

      In case you're still interested in what I was actually saying, instead of being an ignorant twat, I was referring to girls who've shown no indication of being interested in you. An indication of interest doesn't have to be "I want to fuck", it just has to be something like acting pleasant in your vicinity. If a girl doesn't want to spend time with you doing platonic activities in the first place, no amount of praising her and sweet talking her is going to do anything.

      I'm probably the furthest thing there is from a white knight.

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    • Thanks.

    • You're very welcome.

  • You are a little off my brother. your mind is in the right place... but nature has a funny way of humor... match people that annoy each other... and make them need each other for the race to survive. Message me, there's stuff behind what you said that i need clarification on and there are things we just have to talk about. like you said... i have experiences and observations.. lets match. there is learning to be learned.

  • Or, as an adult man, I will choose to do what I want without your input, because who the fuck are you to tell me otherwise? Your little list is childish bullshit.

    1) Many women think artificially highly of themselves if they get complim... Oh shut the fuck up. I will compliment any woman I want because I genuinely have something complimentary I want to say to her. I have no fear of her having a high self-worth, and I don't care how "hard" I make it on the next guy to talk to her because she thinks well of herself.

    2) Giving compliments and asking for a date isn't harassment.

    You aren't giving a PSA announcement--what you are doing is bitching, and you're trying to shame men who are more successful than you to stop their successful behavior because you can't stand up to the competition.

    "And don't put your hopes on online dating, all it does is serve to **artificially boost women's self esteem** making it harder to gain their attention IRL."
    So that's the secret to success with women, make sure they have low-self esteem? That one quote says volumes about you.

    Go fuck off you self-serving little shit. When you develop a genuine love for women rather than the selfish attitude you have now, then try giving advice.

    • >Or, as an adult man, I will choose to do what I want without your input

      Sure bro. Do whatever you want.

      >Many women think artificially highly of themselves if they get complim... Oh shut the fuck up.

      Nah, I won't. And it's a pretty obvious phenomenon, though I don't know if there are any actual studies on it. Women like being physically validated by others. Revealing pics on Facebook that get tons of likes and comments from thirsty desperate men, women flat out saying that they give their online dating profiles a check everytime they feel bad, etc. If you don't wanna believe it, whatevs

      >2) Giving compliments and asking for a date isn't harassment.

      It's not, but for guys who are legitimately concerned about feminism and shit, this is just another reason.

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    • while womens' are found to be fluid. Women have been found to like men based on his social acceptability to other women, while this preference doesn't exist in men. I've heard accounts from FtM transexuals (both IRL and online) telling me some version of "once I started transitioning into a man, I felt like my own person". I don't think this is all coincidence.

    • >"What I do is look as harmless and asexual to a woman as possible until she trusts me enough to let me in her pants--if I'm her friend first, someday she'll give me some"

      Lolno. More like:

      "What I do is refrain from complimenting random women in the street, and women whom I barely know. If I want to try to enter a relationship with a woman, instead of telling her how beautiful she is, or that I really really like her, I simply ask her to do something platonic with me. If she seems to like my company, I escalate."

      >This exact behavior is why there are so many angry "nice guys" in the "friendzone." The advice you give is sabotage.

      This is the opposite of the truth. The reason there are so many angry guys in the friendzone is because they're too nice, complimenting, validating, available and put the pussy on a pedestal.

  • 1) Compliments are good when they are sincere. They can be very charming even when you're not interested in someone. Women dislike the insincere compliments they are accustomed to getting, but almost any woman will be charmed by an honest compliment, or at least not be upset.
    2) You have to make it clear quickly that you want a relationship. No "friendship till you're more than friends." That's possible in some situations, not most situations.
    3) Women want to be treated as equals, not as men.

    • >3) Women want to be treated as equals, not as men.

      Women treat men as men. If we want sexual equality, men have to treat women the same way women treat men.

      OR, women have to start treating men the same way men treat women. Obviously this is impossible and against the interest of women, so the first one is the one that men should focus on.

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    • I don't understand in what sense you are using the term 'sexual equality' that makes it different from 'equality.' If you are going to stick to such a generalization as "Women like commitment and validation. Men like sex." then I think you need to examine your own view of the sexes. Both sexes like commitment, validation, and sex.

      The only compliments that hurt are those that are done insincerely and with the expectation that they will buy the woman into liking you. A sincere compliment is an inherently good thing. This "PSA" doesn't seem to be about compliments. It seems more like it is about all the guys who are randomly messaging girls here, which is totally different. In online dating as well as real life, as long as your intention is not to exploit the woman in question, compliments are fine.

    • The whole thing is rambling, so I don't understand what your central point is. This is the essential guide for what women find genuinely attractive/unattractive:

      To the extent that your post agrees with this, I agree with you. However, I can't tell exactly what you're saying.

  • Well I agree with a lot of what you said. Don't kiss women's asses and put the pussy on a pedestal BUT best thing to do is not go after these kinds of women in the first place. There's still good ones out there.

    • They're also really easy to spot when you don't go around kissing women's asses

  • Nah I think I'll keep being a gentleman, treating them with respect, complementing them and being bludntly honest among other things. Being a old fashioned gentleman works plus I don't date the kinds of women you described anyway.

  • This is actually a good, logical post for both genders if you actually bother to read the whole thing.

    Most people won't though so, inb4 you get more "White Knight" responses from people.

    • My worldview is the exact opposite of a "white knight's", lol. I don't understand why guys in this thread are saying that.

  • "So you may be asking how you're supposed to meet women. You treat them like men." This is how you get friendzoned. You have to make your intentions clear with a girl. Just because feminists tell you they hate how you pay them compliments, doesn't mean you shouldn't compliment women. If what you do works, then keep doing it, but it won't work for ugly guys. Ugly guys have to be very forward, or they won't get any girl, because no girl will show mutual interest. I know this from experience.

    • >"So you may be asking how you're supposed to meet women. You treat them like men." This is how you get friendzoned.

      No it isn't. Coming off as thirsty and desperate and sniveling is how you get friendzoned.

      You could explicitly make your intentions clear with a girl, but from my experience that has a lower success rate. You need to tease, converse, and, most importantly, occasionally leave, in order to make her feel your absence.

  • Every guy in the world could hear this, and it would just go one ear out the other. Some people are just too damn thirsty. Simp's are gonna simp.

  • This will never happen. Too many white knight manginas out there.

  • Is this what you look like?

    • Aww, thanks, but no I'm not a unicorn

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    • If you knew anything you would know that's not a story

    • ok then