After a great first date and kiss, he asked me to be his FWB?

This is the kind of guy who only has girls as friends in real life, Instagram and on Facebook. He's known as a flirt/man-whore in high school, but I dated him because I figure he would change.

First date: he took me to the movies and we had or first kiss. We then ate together and kept his arms around me. (Third date: we made out!)

At the end of our first date, he said that he isn't that kind of guy anymore and that he is looking for a long-term relationship now. However, we can't get married because his parents only want someone from his religion.

Later on, he texted me to be his friends with benefits and I told him off right away (because I was insulted that he saw me that way).

However, I still have feelings for him. Anytime he walks in a room, I can tell its him. It's like we're attached on a psychological level. The way he looks at me tells me that he loves me but...

Why doesn't he want a relationship? Is he afraid of commitment? He told me that he got hurt once but didn't mention much after...

How do I get him to commit to me? How do I make a player fall in love? (P. s. I'm the cute/nerd type and he's the sporty/hot type)

I see him every week at school and he keeps looking at me. He always passes by my locker and gives me these deep stares. It's obvious that he still likes me and that I like him too.

After 2 months of not talking, we went on a study date because he said he was failing a class. He kept trying to make me laugh, but I was serious/mad because he hurt me (saw me as only a friends with benefits that he could use and dump).

We have another study date soon... what should I say/do to get him to see me as more than just a friends with benefits type?

P. s. what I like about him: He is very career oriented. I like where he is from (culture). He is very family oriented. He's great with kids. He's very cute/romantic and shy (like me). He seems like great father material, etc.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Dating someone with the hopes of changing them is doomed to failure. You cannot change a player, you cannot make someone fall in love with you, they have to do that on their own. The fact that he just wants you as a friends with benefits screams player, and it screams that he doesn't love you. Of course, he couldn't 'love' you anyways, it takes years to develop true feelings of love. The 'early love' feelings are caused by NRE - new relationship energy, and are chemically driven, not emotionally driven. If he is suggesting friends with benefits , he doesn't even feel the NRE hit that you are clearly feeling. (and it is clearly NRE you are feeling, true love does not make a person want to change the object of their affection, it makes them want the best for the object of their affection regardless of how they fit into that equation)

    If he is a 'good' player, he will be able to tell you the things that you want to hear in order for him to get physical with you. He is telling you flat out that he wants to fuck you, and that he doesn't want to date you. Any attempts that you make to try and 'trick' him into a relationship will backfire. You will think he is agreeing to what you want, lower your guard, and then he wins. He gets what he wants and can just leave at any time.

    You cannot change a player. They can only grow bored of the game. And some will never be wired for monogamy. If someone is not a full-blown player, but just has some tendencies, you can only see if they are actually interested in you as a person via a long, slowly building relationship. Moving too fast means they win, and they walk.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Well there's a very slim chance that he will go for you
    but if you are willing to try then ull have to be his friends with benefits and make him crave you, thats the only way you will get into his head
    and from what he said about marriage i m certain he is certain that he will get himself a girl that his family likes and he feels she will not be good enough for him so he is trying to have as much fun as he can while he is single

  • You explained it all in the first paragraph. You figured he would change. Guys don't change!


What Girls Said 1

  • I was in the same situation as your's. I spent two years in hopes; doing everything possible from being very good and loyal to playing crazy mind games only to make this person want me and only me.
    And guess what, he somewhat did. He genuinely started to want me but he never crossed the line to be in love with me.
    All the effort of two years only brought me a so called 'player' as a honest man saying he couldn't do this to me anymore. And that even if he settled with me and married me, he's afraid of crossing the game line again. He said he didn't want to be unfair to me because he'd be guilty as hell. And then we just had to part ways.
    Bottom line: you will not want to hear this but players don't change. Once they're in the game it's hard for them to quit because they know they're winning at it.
    Save yourself from all the heartache and effort.
    I wanted this person so much that I selflessly worked towards getting him to commit to me for straight 2 years and I swear they were the most painful ones with not the most satisfying results.

    He's not going to change - ever! Unless he has had enough which isn't going to happen anytime soon.