How can I learn to laugh at my boyfriend's jokes instead of be offended by them? HELP PLEASE?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was a really shy type of guy. He seemed to be the type who only had one or two friends. I was the one to ask him out. He used to be really sweet. I really don't know what happened. His jokes are just really hurting my self esteem. I know that having small breasts makes me ugly. But I don't want him saying that.
One time we were at the beach and he saw a girl with big bewbs in a bikini. He was staring for a minute and he said "I wish yours looked that good". I was so hurt and I don't know if I was tearing up but I was trying to hold the tears. Then he told me "I'm kidding! Babe you know you're pretty!" And he hugged me and kissed me. Another time we were at Victoria Secret and I said "why are all the A cup bras always so padded?" And then he said "Because no one likes small bewbs" I looked at him and he said "Babe, calm down. You know I'm joking right?" And he hugged me and kissed my forehead. Another time we were at my best friend small party. She has D cups and she's skinny. She was hugging all of her guests. And he seemed like he didn't want to let go. When he finally did he said to me "Man, I wish your hugs were that good." My best friend looked at him angrily. And I was tearing up. He said "Babe, I am just joking. You know I love you." And I went to bathroom to cry a little. We argued about all his jokes, and he told me I need to learn to take them. He said this is why he doesn't like having a girlfriend because he knows girls take everything so seriously. He used to be really nice but I do notice that he used to mumble a lot of things. Now he says them louder and isn't afraid to be heard. Things seem to change once we started having sex. I love him, how do I learn to laugh instead of being offended by him joking about my A cups?

Updates

+1 y

Do boys usually make these types of jokes? Girls, do your boyfriends make these types of jokes to you?

[Lucylou1990]

Ok well firstly, you don't need to learn to like his jokes. He needs to learn to stop making ones that are hurtful. The fact you've made it clear that they hurt you he really should have got the message by now. Maybe he is a bit slow on the uptake and still doesn't get it. Ask him how he'd feel if you went around saying he had a small d*ck and infront of people too? or some other insecurity he may have about himself. This isn't something you need to learn to live with. He needs to understand how much this is getting to you. If he doesn't get it, I'd give him the cold shoulder. It's not acceptable, don't put up with it. He needs to get that.

[Asker]

How much time should I give him to change? He started doing this after we lost our virginity to each other. I don't know if it's because maybe he regrets having sex with me. Or maybe seeing me naked disappointed him. I don't know what to do because he was always sweet.

[Lucylou1990]

That's difficult to answer. How long is it since you feel he's changed? And how long were you together before it? It would be a strange way to act tbh, it may just be a coincidence. Either way I wouldn't think that he was disappointed with you

[Asker]

We have been together for over a year now. We have been having sex for about 4 months. These jokes started happening a few weeks after we started having sex.

[Lucylou1990]

Ok well if he's always been sweet to you otherwise, I would give him the benefit of the doubt, but only initially. Maybe have a chat with him when you're both calm. That way he won't think you're just having a knee jerk reaction to his jokes. You need to tell him that whether he means it or not, he's hurting you. Hurting you isn't acceptable. If he starts saying anything else and defending the jokes, just repeat it again. He's hurting you so don't do it. Hurting you isn't acceptable. If needs be, tell him its a deal breaker. Hopefully you won't need to go there. Like I said if he's never done anything like this before he may still not realise how much its upsetting you, especially if you're gorgeous in his eyes, he may not understand if you have any insecurities. Best of luck. Fell free to PM me anytime if you need to chat.

[Hannah591]

In the two years of my relationship, my boyfriend has never said anything like that. I don't think he's ever "joked" about me and made me want to cry because of it. Even if I did, he'd be apologetic, not say "it's only a joke". I wouldn't stand for behaviour like that, he's being a dick to you, knocking your self esteem and stacyzee has got it spot on. It's approaching verbally abusive, he's trying to control you subtly. The fact it came on after you started having sex means it wasn't in him to start with (making jokes), something's made him think negatively of you, though don't blame yourself. You should leave.

[ForgetMeNots4]

Screw him! He is a waste of your time. What a complete A hole. Make "jokes" about his small dick. And make "jokes" that he doesn't even know what he doing in bed with his little pecker. You have every reason to be upset. Make some jokes about him so he can feel how you feeling. Then kick his ass to the curb.

[Asker]

I should break up with him? But he was so nice and caring before.

[ForgetMeNots4]

It doesn't matter how he was in past. He changed to someone who is nasty. You don't deserve to be treated that way. A cup boobs don't make you ugly. They are beautiful the same as triple ds. Everyone has their own preference, but it certainly does not make one better then the other.

[Stacyzee]

There's truth behind jokes.

He really means what he is saying.
He is trying to bash your self esteem because he probably isn't secure with himself.
I consider this a verbally abusive relationship.
Get out of it now !
You deserve better.

[Asker]

He doesn't like my small breasts?

[Stacyzee]

Yes.
If someone constantly makes the same "joke" over and over chances are they mean what they are saying.

He is trying to injure your self esteem because he isn't okay with himself.
If he didn't talk about your breasts chances are he would find "something else wrong with you" to pick out. The problem really is him.

He needs to put others down in order to feel in control and powerful

[Asker]

Why would he be with me if he didn't find me pretty?

[Stacyzee]

He just wants to be in control. He is verbally abusive. Abusive men will get with a woman only to bring her down because it's their nature. Chances are he was putting on an act about being a sweet , shy guy. He has a problem.
If he really cared for you , he would have stopped the very first time that you told him this hurts you.

[Red_Arrow]

You should not have to learn to laugh at "jokes" that are hurtful to you. He just keeps doing it over and over. If my gal knew how much I loved her tiny boobs, I might joke like that once to see if she could find it jfunny knowing how I really feel, but if she was hurt, that would be the end of those jokes. How many times must this happen before he stops saying "Babe, calm down. You know I'm joking right?" Your response should be an emphatic, "Why should I calm down" You know I am hurt by those remarks. When are youi going to stop hurting me?"

[Asker]

You would joke about her small breasts as well? So my boyfriend is acting normal?

[Red_Arrow]

Notice i said "I MIGHT joke lie that ONCE to see if she could find it funny", and if "my gal knew how much I loved her tiny boobs". Couples learn to joke about some things because they know that their partner IS only joking and really is happy with what the subject is (tiny boob). So only after she knew how much I loved her tiny boobs and would not have then any other way would I try that joke. If she did not find the humor and was upset by it, I would never do it again. Your boyfriend seems to miss the point that it is NOT funny to you and keeps doing it. That is not acting normal.

[Red_Arrow]

*like

[Red_Arrow]

Small breasts ARE what some guys want. I am one of those that prefer small, so it is saying something opposite that is what the joke is. And when I have done it in the past with small busted women they understood that i was joking because I really adored their small boobs. If I did not adore them I would NEVER joke with her about that.

[Asker]

He has never said he loved my small breasts. Is it that he doesn't like them?

[Asker]

He's never really said anything about them until now where he is saying how much he wishes they were bigger but then he says that he's only joking.

[Red_Arrow]

If he has never told you he loves them, then he probably does not love them. And if he doesn't tell you he loves them when yo are so hurt about the jokes, he definitely does not love them. He is a douche bag and he isn't going to get any better.

[Asker]

He doesn't ever say he loves them. I didn't know boyfriends have to do this. He's my second boyfriend but my first boyfriend only lasted about two months and this boyfriend I have been with him for over a year. I'm not sure if this is what boyfriends do after a long time or if he's just unhappy seeing my body.

[Red_Arrow]

boyfriends compliment their girlfriends. If you get a new hairdo, he should comment on it (a compliment if he is smart). A new swimsuit, he let you know how awesome he finds it. And the first time you let him see and touch your boobs, he should be singing praises about how wonderful they are! And when he missed his cue on that, he should have realized him mistake when he made bad jokes and told you then and there that he finds them the most lovely boobs in the world and that he absolutely loves them!

[Asker]

Is he being a bad boyfriend or am I being a bad girlfriend for not laughing at his jokes? I am the first girlfriend he has ever had.

[Red_Arrow]

You may be oversensitive to his jokes, but the main thing is that they do bother you, so he should not be doing it. He is doing it, so he is being the bad boyfriend. You are NOT a bad girlfriend.

[Asker]

Well how do I stop being over sensitive to his jokes?

[Red_Arrow]

I don't know how yo can change what you are sensitive to, nor do I know how you may control being OVER sensitive. But above all this, since you d not find his jokes about your breasts to be funny, he should NOT be making them! Since he continues to do something that is hurtful to you, you need to reevaluate your relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're the one with the issue, sorry.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[Opinion Owner]

Your bf seems to lack both tact and humour and regard for your feelings. It's not that you need to learn to laugh at him, it's that he needs to learn to be funnier and not to say hurtful shit.

[Asker]

Do you think I should continue to stay or leave him? I have told him how much those comments hurt me. I know boys don't like small breasts but he's my boyfriend and if doesn't like them why would he be with me?

[Opinion Owner]

That's up to you. He honestly could have a real probably with tact and filtering his thoughts rather than saying the first thing that comes into his mouth, and if that's the case then possibly leaving him might be an overreaction if it's something he accept responsibility for and promise to try and work on.

And, PLEASE don't worry about the your body, that obviously isn't an issue. Even men that prefer big breasts really like little ones too, and he's dating you for you not for them.

[dartmaul15]

you got all right to be pissed. He's joking on your behalf, and that's not acceptable in the long run. Especially not when he should know you don't like it.
And no, i would never do something like that, nor do i think any genuine guys would.

Give him an ultimatum to either cut the crap, or go. Because if hurts your self esteem then it'll cause damage in the long run. An SO is supposed to enrich you and your life, not harm it

[Asker]

He was so nice to me before. He was always shy and quiet type. He used to be really sweet and nice to me. I have told him that it bothers me. He has made me cry because of these jokes. He apologized the first time. And I thought that would be the end of it but then he still makes these jokes. Now he doesn't even seem to care if it's in front of others like my friends or family. We had a talk about this and he told me that I just need to learn to laugh and take jokes and that this was the reason he never a girlfriend before me. I told him it's hurtful and I just want his old self back. I noticed he began making these jokes around after we started having sex. Is it possible he's not satisfied with me or was disappointed seeing me naked? We lost our virginity to each other.

[dartmaul15]

well, does his reasons matter? He can't justify hurting you.
So what he was does not matter, what matter is that you need to hammer it in that it is NOT okay, and not acceptable. If he won't listen, well, judge him for what he IS, not what he was

[Asker]

I should leave him?

[dartmaul15]

No, not yet. You should make him sit the fuck down and listen. Then you're going to ask him what he thinks of the jokes. If he think it's ok, you're going to aks if it's ok that you make jokes about his micropenis among his friends, while using his friends as examples of someone who looks well hung.
It's a low blow, but to me it sounds like he needs it.
If he's kind of bummed down (Which he probably will), then you tell him that's how you feel every time he makes a joke about you. And tell him you want to forgive and forget, but that you can't handle itt any longer so that if he want to keep you he needs to change, now.
Give him one week, not anything more.
If he has changed, then accept him and move on. Forgive and forget.
If not, well, you have to do what you have to do

[Asker]

I have done that before. I told him with a serious face but not crying, that I didn't like them. He told me that guys like a good sense of humor in girls, and I need to learn to laugh. He said this is a reason why he doesn't like getting in relationships because he says girls cannot take jokes like men can. I am his first girlfriend. I was the one to ask him out. He used to be more shy and quiet. Now I feel like having sex in a way changed him from a sweet boy to a mean person. I don't want him to feel bad about himself. I don't want to hurt him because I love and care for him.

[dartmaul15]

well, he's right and wrong.
Right in the sense that girls can be uptight about jokes. Wrong in asuming it's ok to joke about this.
Yes, you love and care. But does he, if he's able to harm you like that?
And what's better for YOU? stay, or go?

[Asker]

I'm being too uptight about jokes? How can I stop this and learn to laugh with him?

[dartmaul15]

not you in particular. But girls as a whole seem to be generally uptight.
Bu this, this isn't a joke with you, it's a joke about you. And from him, that's NOT OKAY

[lalalovee]

What. An asshole.
Fight back. Tell him his dick is smaller than yours even if it isn't true. And then maybe if you want, laugh about it jokingly. He'll get a taste of what kind of jokes he is saying to you. Tell him straight up, hun. He needs to quit the crude jokes or you break up with that man. Tell him you are insecure enough and don't need him reminding you of your insecurity.
Boyfriends should boost your self esteem and confidence, not lower it. What an asshole.

[Asker]

I told him how bad his jokes make me feel. He knows that I'm insecure about having small breasts. But he tells me that he's only joking and that I need to learn to get a better sense of humor.

[lalalovee]

No no no. NOPE. He needs to find a new sense of humor. Because no one would laugh at that crummy joke.

[Anonymous]

He's become a controlling bastard. It's in the handbook, to control you girlfriend you need to damage her self esteem, do this make nasty comments about her appearance.

[Asker]

But he was so sweet. I don't understand why he would date me if he didn't find me pretty.

[Opinion Owner]

He does find you pretty, he's insecure about losing you so he intends to control you so you don't go astray. It's a pretty bad flaw in someone's character if you ask me, that kind of thing is unhealthy. I don't think you can change the way possessive think either. It's their insecurity to deal with.

[Asker]

So what can I do? Everyone is telling me to leave him. But I love him. We've been together for more than a year. We started having sex a few months ago. And that's when all his jokes about my small breasts started.

[Opinion Owner]

I'd suggest that was the point he became so attached to you. I'm afraid this type of thing in a person makes them extremely difficult to date. Women get insecure and controlling too but they go about it in a different way; making guys feel guilty. Sometimes it's for good reason because men behave themselves like asses, we don't do ourselves any favors. Like I say the nub of the problem lies is his insecurity, I'm not sure how you go about dealing with that without it getting messy. Guys don't often like opening up you see, so fixing it is very difficult. If someone doesn't want to talk about their problems you can't make them.

[briannabowman]

dump his ass. he isn't going to get better or be nicer. he was nice at first because he wanted to know he had you and now he's showing his true colors. he won't stop because he knows you won't do anything about it. so leave. you can do much better bbyg.

[JSharp]

I swear, that if you actually genuinely start breaking down, it's going to go one of two ways. He's either going to feel really really bad and will stop doing it. Or he's not going to care but will try to calm you down. It's an ultimatum to find out.

[Asker]

I have to hold back the tears because it hurts me so much. I know small breasts are not what men want, but why would he be with me if he didn't find me pretty?

[JSharp]

I'm pretty sure he loves you the way you are and he can be literally be saying that, thinking it is a joke. But clearly you don't find it funny and it hurts you. You must show absolute emotion to him how much those "jokes" are to you. I'm sure no doubt somewhere in his mind that he wishes you had bigger beast.

But he's going to have to learn different kinds of jokes. It might have started out like this: he was shy, he really wanted to experience comforting a girl when she's hurt. But eventually that just became a norm. He's not developing as a person to learn how to make new jokes to make you laugh or figuring out ways to balance out jokes that do make you laugh.

But honestly cry for reals. I know you said it hurts you but it will more likely hurt him more. And don't stop when he does comfort you the one time, make sure you feel his comfort.

[Asker]

I have cried in his face. He knows I don't like to hear these jokes. We had a serious talk one time and he told me that I just needed to learn to get a sense of humor and laugh more. I told him I'm very insecure about them and he knows that. It hasn't changed. He still makes jokes. Now he doesn't even care and says it front of my friends or family. They tell me to leave him. I don't want to because I love him and he was never like this. He just started making these jokes after we lost our virginity to each other a few months ago. Is he not satisfied with me? Was he disappointed to see my naked body?

[JSharp]

What is it that you love about him first of all?
There are different ways he can see this as. He wants you to workout or massage your own breast so blood will circulate there better therefore they'll grow nicely.

Or he unconsciously became extremely cocky, doesn't understand humor. I mean I don't really have good humor either but when I do come up with one, it isn't something that will offend someone. For example this is what I have done to mess with girls I stand up next to her or a group of them, then I make a "short joke" by stretching my arms high and around back down (as if I just got out of bed to stretch) and go "I feel tall"

When it comes to jokes about people girls being shorter from a guy is what the majority would expect, therefore teasing girls about being short would work and be not so offensive.

I'm still trying to understand why you love this guy if he's hurting you. My guess if I need to is that, the jokes triggers your emotion and you feel the need for it.

[MadeInAmerica]

He seems pretty insensitive if he is saying the same tired "joke" over and over again despite knowing your reaction to it. I would dump his immature ass.

[Asker]

Do you think there's a chance that he would be nice and sweet like he was before?

[MakeitOrDieTrying]

He has a TERRRRIBLE sense of humour. What is he, 15 years old? What's worse is the way he tries to shift the blame towards you. Very manipulative and immature if you ask me.

[Asker]

What do you think I should do?

[MakeitOrDieTrying]

You need to move to someone else. No mature guy would say those type of things, there are some things you don't just openly joke about, especially if your girlfriend has said it bothers me. I don't know what his problem is, maybe he's insecure and he's saying those things to make himself feel empowered. Either way, I would say dump him.

[Anonymous]

Break up with him. He doesn't like small breast and clearly can't shut up about it. Why are you with him? Seriously?

[Asker]

Because I love him. We lost our virginity to each other and he used to be so caring and sweet.

[Opinion Owner]

Who gives a fuck? that's no reason to put up with emotional abuse. Grow a pair, tell him his dick small, then dump him.

[DoraLikesSugar]

A more appropriate title for your question: Why am I dating a faggot?

[Asker]

He's not gay. Why would you say that?

[DoraLikesSugar]

I didn't say he was gay. I said he was a f****t .
South Park cleared this up years ago.

[IAmCluelessToo]

Don't just take it, fight back... ask him to go deeper when it's all the way in

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Those aren't jokes. He's an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Dump his ass.

[Asker]

Do you think he will change back to being nice?

[Opinion Owner]

Nope. He's showing his real self.