He pursued me for a year and then rejected me. What happened?

[Anonymous]

This guy went after me and we were like a couple for almost a year, we had the best time together and got along perfectly. Everything went great and then he kissed me, we got confused and confronted it. I admitted to wanting more, he said he could also become serious about me but that he can't do this because a relationship would suddenly mean so much more (it would remain the same). So he backed off and rejected me. As time went by, he got more and more firm about this. He said its never going to happen. Recently he told me, I'm just not the one for him. Whereas at the time, he said he felt closer to me and stuff and couldn't go through his day without talking to me. What happened? How could he so easily close every option of even reconciling.. after growing so attached to me? He said he can't imagine not being friends with me, but I of course decided to move on. He felt hurt. After a month, he knew i was going to the same party and he was hoping to see me and be friends again. I avoided him, but after 2 months of being depressed.. I reached out to be friends.. we spoke for 2 months and I realised he was just wasting my time and I can't be friends with him since I don't want to be "that girl". I don't get what I did wrong, I never pushed him and he relied on me for so much too. Any thoughts?

P. S he was the one who would message "i love you" before going to bed. He sent me flowers on my birthday and was always there for me.

[Anonymous]

"How could he so easily close every option of even reconciling."

Girls hate to hear this, but it's true. Guys can change their whole opinion on a relationship in seconds, with the right circumstances.

It seems to me like it all changed when you kissed. Maybe he suddenly realised that you had no chemistry together. It could have been that bad a kiss.

[Asker]

He said the kiss made him feel closer...

[Opinion Owner]

That could have been a lie. Actions speak louder than words.

[Asker]

Well I know what you mean, but he really wanted to go further the next time. Of course, after that discussion... he knew I wasn't going to do anything anymore. He just said he cared too much to hurt me but that he can't imagine having a relationship. Either way, how could it take a whole year to have that? Like a month I get.. but a whole year...

[Opinion Owner]

You're still hung up on how could he walk away from you after trying for a year.
He could. We all could. It's in our nature.

[Asker]

Why was he so hurt when I decided I didn't want to be friends? I mean he pulled that on me and somehow felt more hurt than I did when I walked away... ego?

[Opinion Owner]

Possibly. Though you're the one who seems more put out by it.

[Asker]

Well its natural right, the dumpee gets more hurt. I understand the not wanting a relationship, I don't understand the finite decision that itcould never become anything again.

[Opinion Owner]

" I don't understand the finite decision that itcould never become anything again. "

That would stem from the reason he decided it was going nowhere. But we can only guess as to what that was.

[Asker]

Oh and since I love how blatant your replies are:P, I had a layover on my way back home. My layover was in the country he lives (I am out of the country temporarily) and he did everything he could to see me even for an hour.. for a damn coffee... way after the break up and messy crap... odd

[BertMacklinFBI]

seems like it took him 1 year to find out he didn't really want to be with you.

[Asker]

Isn't that weird? TO be so into someone and switch off? Usually it fizzles out with me, but not a sudden reaction

[BertMacklinFBI]

people are different. I've had my moments when i wanted to be with a girl and then when the moment finally came i was like "dafuq am i doing?" i feel, the reason guys go through such great lengths for all of the "in between time" before getting to the official stage is because they're not even there yet so they're so damn hopeful and will try hard to get their foot in the door. but once its there they see it for what it really is, that or they built up their damn expectations too high and got disappointed to shit once they reached the finish line.

[Crazyced]

Seems like you genuinely got friendzoned by a guy.

[Asker]

After he was into me for a year? Do guys actually bother doing that? I would just walk away from someone if I no longer wanted anything. Also, after being invested more than a girl for a year and then deciding it wasn't going to happen once she wanted to know where it was going.. sounds like a dumb guy

[Crazyced]

Was he that into you though? Some guys are just way more close and personal then others.

But the part where he kissed you confuses me. Did he just back off immediately after and said it was a bad idea?

[Asker]

Well her pursued me, when I didn't respond.. he would message me to see why I didn't reply. He said he loved me every night before going to sleep, he sent me flowers on my birthday, he took me anywhere and everywhere to do whatever I wanted to do, he listened to me about my every worry and happiness, he took care of me, he held my hand, hugged me, sat close, flirted, complimented me, teased me. He initiated all of this!
The kiss, well he went for the kiss and I was laughing and nodding like no no no maybe we shouldn't but I wanted it so I didn't resist. We kissed and then made out for a while and I said "is this right? Should we be doing this?" he looked just as confused and said "Don't know" and we went on and eventually stopped. After that we went out for lunch and didn't really bring it up (he said he could see I didn't want to talk about it).

[Crazyced]

Hahaha Why do women have this ridiculous tendency to say the exact opposite of what they think or want?

Can't say it's the main reason but your resistance and later questioning certainly didn't help. Other guys have the fortitude to just walk through those, but apparently he didn't so he backed off.

[Asker]

haha I admit! That was so crazy, I got scared... like what would happen. I guess scared of the exact outcome that came about. But we spoke about it afterwards and I said well I like you but he said, he doesn't want to take it further and wants to be friends and that I'm his bestfriend. After a few rocky weeks, I ended our friendship. He tried to fix it but it was over... he just didn't want it and I didn't want to be the girl who has to be friends and see him one day love someone else so I left. I mean, he kind of wouldn't have wanted it anyway... but I find it all very strange.. right?