Can a guy get a bad reputation from asking out too many girls?

I never asked out girls during high school and my first two years of college because I was fat. I worked hard to lose weight and get into shape, and now I ask out girls all the time. I've gotten a few dates but don't have a gf yet.

The thing is, I'm hearing things from my female friends that I'm asking out too many girls. I didn't know it could be a bad thing. So can a guy get a bad rap for asking out too many girls? It seems kinda confusing to me, like I was a loser for not asking girls out, and now I'm a loser for asking too many girls out.

Okay, I think I got it. Girls believe that any guy who asks out more than one girl a year or one girl in a group is a player, while guys see nothing wrong with it. I don't think there's going to be any agreement across the gender divide on this issue anytime soon.
I'm starting to understand just how little girls understand about what it means to be a guy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • i dont see why he should. Most girls will turn you down anyways. If you want to remain single for the rest of your life.. just ask out 2 - 3 women (pray one says yes), or ask out a good number of women who peak your interest and actually get a relationship going. Don't let girls tell you how many of them you should approach. You're the one doing the work, so the decision is yours

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    • Fair enough. I wouldn't accept your invitation, but there are probably many girls who wouldn't mind going out with someone who looks like a player.

    • @BarbaraP You just don't want to understand guys' perspective, do you? How do you conflate me trying to get a date with me being an unscrupulous player in your mind? Guys have to try; we don't have girls' luxury of sitting around and waiting for things to happen.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • Yeah. For example, this one guy asked me out several years ago. I rejected him. Then he proceeded to ask out like 4 of my other friends. All of us kind of raised our eyebrows at that because it's just kind of weird, you know? Like you're desperately asking out a lot of girls just to see if ANYONE says yes. Doesn't seem very genuine either.

    • It's a total double standard. If a guy doesn't ask out, he's a loser and a p*ssy, but when he does ask out but asks *too many*, he's right back to desperate loser. We can't win with you guys.

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    • Or too easy.

    • Maybe by religious fanatics, but normal guys would be thrilled to have a girl ask them out.

  • It will sound like you don't even like the girls you're asking out but you just want to have a date. So, girls will start rejecting you just because of that.

    • But I'm not a hot girl. I don't have the luxury of sitting back and picking and choosing. Girls don't come to me, I have to chase them.

      I know about 15 girls at school. I would date maybe 7 or 8 of them. I'm not asking them out just to be cute, I legitimately like them. A girl, on the other hand, might date 1 or 2 guys out of 15 friends. Y'all are pickier than us. Guys crave contact with girls in a way that girls never understand. We need y'all in our lives, which is why we chase y'all around the block even when y'all are being standoffish shrews.

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    • I think you're trying to rush things too much. I haven't had a boyfriend till I was 18, but I didn't start asking everyone out. It's honestly sad to see that people have come to this just to get some dates or some sex.
      But you're right, it's not fair for someone else to tell you how you should socially behave. What I'm saying is that it's normal for girls who want a serious relationship to accept invitations from guys that seem trustworthy and boyfriend material and I don't think that's the idea they would get from you *if they didn't know you*. Your "friends" probably don't understand you at all.
      It might be unfair but society judges everything and we are all part of it. Even you must have judged someone in the past, it's pretty normal and inevitable sooner or later.
      Now it's your choice, will you continue creating this "reputation" of yourself (considering also the other girls' answers) or will you listen to women's opinion? That's up to you. We gave you our advice.

    • I'm grateful for your input, but that doesn't mean that I have to agree with it or follow it to the letter. Think about things from my perspective: I'm 22, I've never had sex, and I've never had a girl ask me out. If I follow the advice of girls and only ask out one girl a year who I know really well, I'll likely be alone the rest of my life and die a virgin. If I follow my path, I may incur the wrath of certain girls, but I'll get a lot more sex and eventually find a girl who really wants to be with me. That's not a difficult choice.

      Girls aren't entitled to have everything their way. Guys have needs too. Maybe some girls will reject me thinking that I'm a player, but they're hurting themselves as well in the process. Do you really think the guy you marry will show up at your door as a pure Vestal Virgin? People come with baggage, girls included. Most girls have had plenty of sex. Are they unclean because of this? No, no more so than I'm a jerk for trying to find a girlfriend.

  • I am sorry to say thing but... Yes.

    When someone asks you out, you want to be the ONLY girl he asks out! Girls want to feel like she is the only girl to you! ( Especially if the other girls you ask out are their friendss..

    • So you're saying that if I know a group of 7 girls who are all friends, I can only ask out one of them during my entire life? That makes no sense. People like who they like. Besides, girls flirt and text with multiple guys all the time. One of my female friends showed me her phone the other day and she had 4 different guys texting her all day. Guys like to feel special too, but girls don't worry about that when they're dating around, so why should we?

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    • You don't want to know a woman's opinion, you want the security of people who agree with you.
      If that is the case, I will say no more because as I can read from the comments, you are not looking for advise but for conformation that is alright and then there is no reasoning with you.
      I am saying what I am saying from a woman point of view and I am only saying this because not only shouldn't you take feelings light hearted, you should also ask yourself if it is the right thing to ask many girls out at once. I understand it bootes your self esteem is more than one says yes, but it also lowers the value of that invite to much lower if you were to ask out just one.
      Sure if you can get over a person as quick as you say, go ahead and ask them girls out. But you shouldn't show interest in someone you don't have a emotional connection with unless you say you just 'want to get to know them better'. Girls won't have any high expectation and won't value you as much if you ask several girls out.

    • It seems like if you had things your way, I would take my rejections and sulk off to brood in my loserdom for at least 6 months. How would you feel if I told you that girls shouldn't be allowed to talk to more than one guy every 6 months?

      Developing feelings for girls by waiting around to get to know them is the best way to get thrown in the friend zone. Guys have to move quickly or lose out. Trust me, I've been there too many times. And asking out girls is not an exercise to boost my self-esteem. I get mostly "nos" from girls, so my self-esteem takes a hit, if anything. But girls don't understand that because they don't have to do the asking. As much as you claim I don't understand the female perspective, I would say that you fail to understand the male perspective. In fact, it seems that girls mostly just want things to go right for themselves and their egos, something the mho elucidated very well.

  • yes, i won't take him seriously

  • I think so

  • Yes. If you ask out many girls and go on dates with different girls often, it doesn't look good.

    I mean if you ask girls out from same space or area and they will find out.

    • Why doesn't it look good? I thought guys were supposed to be the aggressors. How am I supposed to get a gf if I don't ask girls out?

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    • I don't hate girls, I just see their flaws more now than I used to. Girls are no more pure or deserving of sympathy than guys, even though society acts like they are. That said, I want more than anything to have a real relationship. Most girls my age don't seem to want that, though.

    • You gotta keep looking or try dating a woman slightly older than you are.

      Girls like that exist. I have only ever wanted a real relationship but most guys around me only want sex and it is frustrating. But I focus on thers things

What Guys Said 7

  • I wouldn't worry about it, as long as you're not leading anyone on or just like running up numbers. If anyone says 'you ask a lot of girls out' just say yeah, there are lots of girls who seem nice and i want to get to know to see if there's potential for more, i'm looking for a good relationship and want someone who wants the same and where we're a good match'.

    Nothing to apologize for. They may suspect you're just trying to screw as many girls as possible, if you say you're looking for something serious and want the right one, that's a plus, not a minus.

  • Girls get their panties in a bunch if they get a bad reputation for sleeping with too many guys but it's perfectly fine for guys to get a bad reputation just for asking out too many girls. (ー_ー)

  • You don't just ask out any girl, who comes in front of you. Keep some standards.

    You don't ask out the same girl twice, in case of rejection.

    Go for quality, not quantity.

    Keep asking out girls, but from different places, where they cannot communicate with each other about your asking out and rejections.

  • I would avoid asking out multiple girls of the same friends group.

    Otherwise, keep on casting a wide net. :)

    • Problem is, I go to a small college where there aren't that many girls. Why should it matter if one girl I ask out knows another? Girls file this under "creepy," a label that's totally arbitrary.

      What gets me is that it seems like the top 10% of guys are dating the top 20% of girls, and the rest of everyone else is perpetually single. Average girls seem to think they're above dating average dudes.

  • its pretty hard to even gain a reputation in college, granted its big enough and people are usually just focusing on their own shit in college.

    • Well, my situation is different because I go to a college with slightly less than 3000 students. Word travels fast here, which is why guys who have sex with lots of girls eventually have to start dating outside the school.

    • less than 3000 total? wow. doesn't seem like very much at all.

    • No, it's not, which sucks in the sense that it limits the dating pool.

  • Dem hoes be jelly doe lel

  • Are you just randomly asking out any girl? That probably won't work, especially if you're just doing it to keep others from thinking you're a loser. It's not genuine and it's kind of pathetic. You need to build some kind of attraction between you and a girl first before you ask her out...

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