Why am I 24 years old and still single?

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy in my early 20s and I’m coming here because I've nowhere else to go. I've seemed to 'miss' the phase in teenage development where boys learn how to attract/date girls. I now understand why I missed that phase (shyness), but that's another story and I'm a different person now. I didn’t date/kiss a girl until I was 18, and I've never been in a successful relationship. I'm now close to graduating college and it frustrates me to have not been successful in an area where all of my peers have.

For those of you who are not familiar, I will provide a little background about college campuses. Co-ed girls, especially pretty ones, are viewed as gold. They have a lot of friends, nobody is rude to them, and they have no problem finding dates. You will never find a slightly-attractive college girl alone for longer than 30 seconds. A single girl has her choice of at least five different guys she would like to go on a date with.

I work for the University at a job that requires extensive interpersonal interactions. On a daily basis I communicate with at least 50 peers on a job that has helped me acquire the social skills I did not learn during my shy years of grade school. Girls are very comfortable approaching me and talking to me, and I’ve rarely had problems communicating with them. In other words, I’m not ‘weird’ or ‘pathetic’ – I have friends, self-esteem, a reputation, and maturity.

The only place I falter is dating and attraction. I’ve never felt unconfident asking a girl on a date, and very seldom do I feel insecure after a rejection. I’ve been on countless first dates with various girls the last four years many whom I’d love to see again, and many that I wouldn’t, but never has a girl I’ve dated appeared uncomfortable during our time together. This is the reason I’ve become so frustrated and that’s why I’m here writing on this forum. I’m an epic failure when it comes to anything after the first date. Out of forty attempts (yes, I’ve counted) I haven’t landed more than one date with the same girl in over four years. It is quite common for these girls to randomly lose contact with me after these dates or make excuses as to why they can’t see me again—even the girls who seem very interested throughout the date. The number of different strategies I’ve tried are countless (I’ve found that just being myself is the most effective—I’ve gotten much nicer results from girls whom I acted natural around). The majority of these girls I’ve dated are now either in a relationship with or are ‘talking’ to other guys, most of whom have many other girls ‘chasing’ after them.

Is my luck really this bad? Have I really met forty bad girls? Also, do you think my lack of any prior relationship will ‘scare away’ a girl if things start to get a bit more serious? Will she find my lack of experience unattractive? I am getting sick of being a third wheel, and I hate being asked "why are you single?" every Christmas. Thank you for your help.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all for the answers. It looks like I'm going to have another rough semester ahead of me, so I doubt I'll have much time to try and date girls, but I'll keep my head up. Thanks again, wish me the best!

[Anonymous]

This one dude really p*ssed me off on Plentyoffish on a forum, seriously I f***in’ hate him with a huge passion for what he said to me.

I asked this one dude as to why us guys have to do all or most of the work in order to get a girl, I asked him if it is because we are the more dominant and stronger sex, and here is what he said: “F*cking grow a pair. Seriously, man up. You need to have a spine, NO ONE respects a door mat, and you’ll NEVER get a relationship without respect. Realize that YOU are in control of your own destiny and women don’t OWE you sh*t, not a relationship, a bj, love, respect, sympathy, NONE of it.

You gotta EARN it. EARN it by realising that you don’t NEED to have a chick to validate your existance, realize that people try to help you all the time, but your LAZY ass ALWAYS blames society instead of taking initiative and making yourself more attractive the opposite sex. ADAPT! Don’t cry about women not wanting you, find out what they want and use that to make yourself more attractive. Oh and be a Man.

I FEEL LIKE KILLING THAT SON OF A BITCH, I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE HIM SQUEAL AS I BREAK HIS F***IN’ NECK!

sorry for my psychotic attitude, it’s just I really hate it and it get’s really annoying when people say those sexist phrases or quotes such as “man up, grow a pair”. Because even if you are a man and you have balls, you are still going to get rejected. Yes that’s life, but for a lot of us guys, it’s not because we are scared of approaching girls or asking them out, IT’S JUST THAT WE DON’T KNOW HOW!

Because in Life, knowing how to do something is half the battle, the other half is getting out there and doing it, but of course it is easier said than done. I f***in’ hate the status quo in our society that us guys have to initiate everything with girls, sure that’s the way it is, I can accept the way things are, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Some people say that, like other guys say it’s a good thing that us guys are the ones to make the first move and ask the girl out, overall, initiate everything, that we get to be in the driver’s seat, be in control. Well I don’t give a f*** about that, as long as I’m happy with someone.

SERIOUSLY, I F***IN’ HATE WHEN PEOPLE AND SOCIETY SAY TO US GUYS “MAN UP, GROW A PAIR, etc.” Sexist phrases like that, seriously I feel like f***in’ punching somebody in the face if they say that to me, I may not be man enough to get a girlfriend and approach them, start talking to them first, but I am man enough to stand up and fight for my respect, like I may not have game or success with the ladies, but I have respect for myself. So I’m not afraid to f***in’ punch or beat up some other dude who is talking crap about me. Also, for anyone who is saying that I am having a bitchy or whiny attitude, why don’t you come near my face and try to close my mouth yourself? Not to you, but to any cocky asshole douchbag. Man I f***in' hate that guy

[shahab00x]

I know you hate that guy, but he sounds like he goes out much more than you do. I don't like how things are but that's how it is. Somebody has to make the first move, and if guys don't do it, girls are way more scared and clueless than guys, they won't initiate. And they can afford to do that, because they have options. I personally don't, and I would die alone if I don't approach girls.

[Opinion Owner]

Damn what a late response lol

[ryanontario]

well its not that unusual to be single at your age , and I agree attractive single college girls are never alone for long . like have you ever seen one alone at lunch in the cafe or in a nearby pizza place by herself ? it just doesn't happen . but anyways if your at least geting dates your on the right track . could it be your dates are really boring or too predictable . maybe go through one of these typical dates and what you would do with the girl when on one cause something must be going wrong .

anyways myself I find I meet a lot of girls on campus or at bars/clubs but never seem to go on any dates with them , there OK talking to me or partying but don't want to date or get physical

[Asker]

Yeah I understand where you're coming from. I've joined some groups and clubs this year to meet some new people, and every girl I've met wants to party and sleep around every weekend. It's beyond unattractive.

Thanks for the help.

[Anonymous]

just be a great friend to a whole bunch of girls and go out with them not for possibility of dating but just for friendship. That's what I did. I was friends with a whole bunch of guys just so I learn how to be around guys and be friends.

Then you hopefully will have a friend introduce you to a girl and become friends with her first...

I'm not sure what to say

I am super shy also and I was 24 when I first had my first boyfriend

I"m also super good looking I guess, and super nice so I had a whole bunch of guys wanting me and I just was picky... I wanted to give myself to the right one... just be picky... know what you want... know what to talk about...

talk about her interests... talk about going on a second date after the first date

go get a self help book on qusetions to ask your date

"what kinds of hobbies do you like? Music? movies? and what do you want in your future?" etc... I don't know.. just be friendly and be super interested in her... and hopefully get her to be super interested in you too. good luck

[Asker]

Thank you for this. I wish there were a book that revealed a magical way to change girls emotions that doesn't involve loads and loads of cash. Thanks again.

[Whiskyy]

Basically the key is to be confident in yourself. confidence is attractive to everyone. Be considerate and a gentleman, but be sure not to come across needy or desperate. Its important to play it cool in the beginning.. keep them guessing almost, it basically gives them a chance to WANT you to text/talk to them.
Most importantly, learn how to be happy on your own. I've found that people come to you when you least expect it. So just stop exhausting yourself with looking, usually its in all the wrong places anyways haha Enjoy your life! don't be consumed with looking for someone.
When you HAPPEN upon someone your interested in, just go for it! Strike up a conversation. What's meant to be will find a way!! That's what I tell myself everyday haha

[hewhodosentcare]

Lol I'm the same way. I'm too picky or protective of my feelings it's hard to get close to someone. My friends on the other hand, go out with a girl 2 weeks later they're in love.

[Lockjawx27]

you shouldn't blame yourself because many guys experience the same thing. The problem isn't you, its the dating game as a whole. The sexual marketplace has vagina at about 10x the value as p*nis.

Women have all the control in the dating game because they have a plethora of options, whether they are in a relationship or not. Guys are lucky to have 1 option, and even that is not guaranteed. Even average girls would have more options than a well above average guy. That's how this works now days. Everything is completely lopsided. Guys have very playing cards in this game. The only way to get these girls is to look and act like Mike The Situation from Jersey Shore, and even HE has to deal with mostly "grenades" if you really pay attention

[ABCshake]

We have options too, well almost as much as girls. Some guys need to learn that being single isn't so bad. The anxiety over finding a date shouldn't take over your life. I doubt you have to turn into a egotistic douche like The Situation to get girls.

[Asker]

Haha, love the Jersey Shore reference. I couldn't agree more with everything here (aside from The Situation at the end). The only guys in college who consistently get dates either have a lot of money, a lot of good looks, a lot of luck, or any combination of the three.

We can only hope things reverse as we get older.

[moviedude714]

Eggs are a lot more expensive than Sperm, that's the point

[campylobacterjejuni]

because tl;dr

maybe you're ugly?

[Anonymous]

because it's easier for women

[Asker]

Ha yeah, it's way too easy for them. Thanks for the answer.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, initially it is, love literally just comes to them