She's keeping me hanging..

Hey guys, hope you can give me a little advice on this..

It started with us liking each other at about the same time. We started going out and got intimate with each other quite soon. Then we both went over to London for college. I thought things were going well until a few days later, she told me that there was this guy in her course who was very nice to her, whom she thought she might be developing feelings for. She said she was sorry, but she felt that with this guy, she didn't feel a pressure to be with him, while she felt pressured to be my gf.

That was when I might have become a bit too obsessive. I bought her gifts, went over to her place and cooked lunch for her, and composed a tune and dedicated it to her. She seemed very grateful, and we still shared the same physical intimacy. But in between meetings, she'd almost never contact me.

We had a long talk about it and she said she got her feelings for that guy sorted out and treats him as just a friend. Told me she still sort of likes me (she has feelings for me whenever I do something sweet), but also would like to be just friends with me first for the time being. And she's not sure if she's doing the right thing, cos she fears that if she eventually misses the chance of being with me it would be her loss and she would only have herself to blame. She is willing to stay single and not date if it makes me happy. She would feel really sad if I went off with another girl. She still wants to look good for me when we go out and cook for me etc.

So basically she doesn't want to be with me romantically for now but she's leaving possibilities open. Which kills me cos I don't know how long I should wait.

Thanks for reading! Opinions please (:


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm... This is a tough one.

    One one hand, I can understand why she might have felt a little overwhelmed by the rush into a serious relationship. Girls often take a while to warm up to a guy, so that's why it is often a good idea to take things slowly, even if she seems keen. If you guys have just started university, then she probably wants to spend time meeting new friends and enjoying the city. Feeling like she has to get home by a certain time to meet a boyfriend or that she can't go out with people because he might be jealous is going to make her feel trapped. It sounds like you already understand this, so you must be a pretty considerate, well-balanced guy.

    On the other hand, now that she just wants to be friends, it isn't fair for you to be left waiting and not meeting other people while she is out there making up her mind.

    You said that she is willing to stay single and not date... To me, this sounds like another way of saying that she wants to take things slowly (preserve some freedom) and be sure that she is making the right decision by being with you. So why not explore this option? There are different ways of doing this. In my opinion, it would probably not be a good idea for either of you to be having sex with other people while you are sorting this out. Because you already are intimate and this would create jealousy and hurt the other person. But maybe you could both date/hang out with other people (and not have sex with them)? She probably wants time alone to meet new people and feel like is is not accountable to anyone. So you could have a date a couple of times a week, and not bug her about things she wants to do the rest of the time?

    If this won't work for her, then if I were you, I would give it a couple of weeks, and if she hasn't made up her mind, move on. You are young and there are a lot of great girls out there.

    My final piece of advice is, do not make her feel like you are waiting for her or that you are pining away for her. This will make her lose respect for you and feel like she can keep you hanging around forever. Be confident. Tell her simply, briefly, and clearly that you enjoy being with her, but that you want to be with someone who enjoys being with you. You hope she decides the same about you. You'll see her when she wants to hang out. Don't be calling her and chasing her.

    Good luck!

    • Thanks for taking the time to write a lengthy answer (: I just saw Facebook pics of her hanging out with 2 other guys who like her..looks like I should start doing the same!

    • You're welcome. The Facebook photos thing makes me feel like you might want to move on. I hate seeing people as young as you get stuck waiting for someone or in a bad relationship. At your age, there are so many great girls looking for a boyfriend. I would get out there, date some of them (don't get tied down yet), and enjoy London!

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • You shouldn't hang around until she's ready for you that just isn't fair to you. She developed feelings for somebody else before, what's to say she's not going to do the same again and you'll come off worst. Find somebody else and let her realise she's either with you or not! She's the only winner in this situation, she'll not be the bad guy if she meets somebody because you two weren't a item! Move forward my friend and find somebody who wants you now not when they're ready!

  • We teach people how to treat us.

    Since you're the "nice guy" who's buying her gifts and desperately trying to "get her to like you" she's never going to ultimately respect your time and space. She'll love the attention, because who wouldn't, but you're not going to get what you really want - a girlfriend who's as into you as you are into her.

    Do this: Stop calling her.

    If she calls you then be the same nice guy. If she comes over and wants sex, then have sex and enjoy yourself.

    But STOP calling her.

    She'll either go away, or she'll start chasing you.

    In the meanwhile you need to start meeting other girls. NOW.

    This will either make her jealous and ultimately want to settle down with you, or she'll stop teasing you with "maybe's" and you'll end up as good friends.

    Either way you win.

    You can't chase her and think it'll all work out.

    You need to be a man who's more selective about who he gives himself to - a man who makes his girl earn his attention.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog: link

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