My bf refused to walk me to my car at night... What's a good response to this?

My bf of several months refused to walk me to my car, about a block from his place, at night (around 1:30am) and he lives downtown. He always walks me to the front entrance, but I usually can get a parking spot right out front.
I asked him if he would walk me to my car, but he looked down at his slip-ons as an excuse. This didn't make sense to me, because he had already walked through the halls and was outside! I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so I just kissed him goodbye and crossed my fingers that I wouldn't get mugged as I walked to my car, by myself.
A couple months later, I broke up with him, mostly because his selfish and immature ways added up, and we parted amicably. I am just thinking back on our relationship and perhaps regretting some of my passive behaviour. Is it too dramatic if I told him the next day something like, I thought it was really inconsiderate that you didn't walk me to my car last night and didn't even bother to check up on me later to see if I got home...Or what about telling him in the moment something like that...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi Anonymous

    Reading your post I get two things:

    1) You and he didn't communicate;
    2) The differences in your attitudes and beliefs led you to view him as immature and resulted in you and him parting ways.

    While not communicating to him your feelings and views about certain aspects of his behaviour as it related to your relationship was a contributing factor; my sense is you and he are at different places from a personal development point of view and what you want from a relationship. I don't think this is exclusively a communication issue.

    When I consider someone's actions in any context I always ask myself,"What is reasonable in this situation"? I don't think expecting him to walk you to your car at 1:30 a. m. is unreasonable. In fact it demonstrates that he is concerned about your safety and well being and is very chivalrous, which I'm almost certain you would have found heart warming.

    It is human nature to question decisions and perhaps you are feeling loss and lonely right now are a result of this breakup. A difference in maturity is not something that can be resolved with a conversation: it is a difference in outlook and beliefs which to a large degree are based on attitude, outlook and life experience.

    Good for you for looking back and critically looking at how you handled yourself! IMHO, I believe you made the right decision.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Woman up and walk by yourself. This is Gen Y, not Gen X.

  • Refuse to walk him down the isle.

  • He clearly doesn't care about about you that much.

  • Women are strong and independent and we should take a stand against gender roles. This is what men are being taught. Most of us don't see a reason to walk you to your car, unless we are strong believers in gender roles. He just didn't see yo as actually being in any real danger that you couldn't handle. Nor did he see it as his job as a man to protect you.

    Gender roles were a double edged sword. It had many advantages and disadvantages. Getting rid of gender roles means you lose the protection of men because we are no longer obligated by our gender role to do so.

    If you want a guy that sees it as his job to protect you then chances are he will also see it is a woman's job to do other things. These guys do still exist and they are called traditional. If that appeals to you then you and this guy were simply not compatible. It isn't unreasonable that being disappointed in not being compatible would bother you.

    • Thank you for your input, but I am not sure if it applies here. Honestly, I think he was just being lazy. On our first date, I didn't even ask him to walk me to my car after lunch in a restaurant, and he walked me to it about 1 block away. If he thought I would be fine walking home that night, he could have just said, You'll be fine, or at least walk my half way and see that I got in my car, considering I asked him to walk me to my car. If I didn't ask him, and he didn't volunteer, then perhaps your comment would apply here. The fact that he looked down at his shoes as an excuse, I think was just very pathetic -- I think he just didn't want to dirty them more.

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    • This is 100% about expecting a man to fulfill his gender role as a protector, and not about a way men and women are suppose to show respect to one another. You even talked about his height, and the possibility of being mugged. He is a man, and you expected him to protect you based solely on his biology. That is expecting a man to fulfill his gender role. Stop trying to back peddle and pretend you meant something else. That has nothing to do with respect

      You even claim that you agree with a post that said "You're no more a gentleman than my spit is" A man fulfilling his gender role is what a gentleman is. Don't complain you don't deserve a gentleman if you don't agree that you should have to act like a lady and follow your gender role.

    • I asked this question, last year or at least many months ago. I was still in the mentality that made me miserable in that relationship (with the guy in question)... Having an opinion, and then doubting myself when he would disagree with me, so conforming my opinion to his... I can see clearly now that this is what happened to me here, and hence the backpedaling of my opinion.
      When I said I agree, I was referring to the gist of her post, where she disagrees with your opinion, i. e., "I don't see how you could possibly think this way"?

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