bhahaha, I would kick you out myself !
Let me begin, couples and romance is just lust, 2 people pulling for their own desires, its a give me what i want and need from both people constantly. You not wanting her to have a child is the first example of your selfishness, which does not make you a bad person, just normal.
A child is an amazing gift and a true love, he/she will never divorce me, tell me im not good enough, im always his mother. To watch him grow, re living my own childhood along the way is breathtaking and puts my mind free.
I have more than enough money to support myself and my son, and while im taking some time away from dating I know I won’t have trouble when I do, I've turned down men with no children, I would actually rather date a guy with a child because we can relate on the understandings of parenthood, it’s a new chapter and maybe you will understand one day.
I do not care if a guy would not want to date me for that, because my child comes first always and sure I get horny and want some adult fun but that’s all a man will ever be to me. Its hard living with another adult, ill take my child and his needs first and always with pride. There are too many people in this world, I hope you don’t think your so special anyone really cares what you will/wont do and im sure as hell no mother will throw her kid out for you. With all respect.
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NO, it's not selfish. You have every right to take something so seriously as potential step-parenting and know that it's not for you. The person affected the most will be the child. I too am not interested in being a parent - not biologically or by marriage as a step mom, and I have been raked over the coals as being immature or insensitive to reject men with children, or break up with them because the children became too much for me to bear. People need to understand that those who are childless or childfree are this way for a reason, and we would be making a very serious choice to get involved because we are up for a lot of time and money being put in to a little person we didn't expect to have in our lives. We either embrace it and are happy to have found a new family to be part of, or we reject it giving the other person an opportunity to find someone who will embrace it. The selfish part is getting involved just to have sex and ignore the kid because we feel we're not responsible and that they already have a parent to go to.
She felt bad, you felt bad, everyone feels bad - that's what happens in rejections. But you did the right thing for yourself and everyone involved for now. Your thinking might change in a few years or it might not, but at least you're being honest. No fault in that.
No, I think that it's perfectly reasonable not to want to date someone who already has children.
I also agree with @ImSoSozzled , it's pretty shitty to not tell someone you're dating that you have a kid, and allow them to find out through a surprise meeting. It's also irresponsible, in my opinion, to introduce your children to people that you've only just started dating.
It is nothing to scoff at... entering a situation such as that and raising another man's child. In this day and age there are so many problems with what used to be a more manageable situation. Think about it! For as long as you are with her there will always be the father and there is not a damn thing you can do to create a distance from her past, and possibly recent, relationship. Perhaps it was just an accidental child, or maybe it was a marriage that ended in divorce. Regardless, the idea of a former flame haunting the relationship until the day you die or part ways is pretty intimidating to most men.
A friend of mine just married a woman that had THREE children. He is the same age as me and my goodness, one I might contemplate depending on the woman herself... but three?
Anyway, don't feel bad... It was a decision that she made once upon a time and I am sure she will find someone to love. As the child ages, so will more men be comfortable stepping into the picture. Most of us would rather experience fatherhood firsthand and from the very beginning with our own flesh and blood and that is a fairly natural desire!
I think it's kind of messed up on her part to not tell you she had a kid, and also to be introducing her kid to a guy that she just met.
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Should've at least banged her. But you did what I would've done. Kids are a big responsibility and if you don't see kids in your immediate future then it's best to bail. She might say that her son isn't your responsibility, but the further you go with her and the more you become part of her life, and by extension his, you'll find that you'll eventually take on responsibilities for a kid who's not even yours. Depending on the temperament of the kid, this can set up for some acrimonious dynamics, which would put you in a difficult position. You'd be expected to take on a father-type position but you wouldn't have the authority of one, so you'd really be at a loss. Best to nip it in the bud as you did.
If that's something you can't handle then no. Any girl wants to have a chance to date whoever just like anyone else but the kid comes first. If she is upset over guys that won't except her and her child then that's her problem. Every person has the right to choose who they surround themselves with. If you don't think dating a girl with a kid is something you want to take on then that's awesome and stick to it. If anything because the kid doesn't deserve to be in a situation where he/she isn't a priority. I have plenty of friends that would never date a girl with kids and I don't think of them any less. It's all personal preference. Not selfish.
I don't date them and here's why
1. U have to win her and her child's heart or it may not work out
2. I don't want the father of her children around and remind u of them having sex and her past
3. Her kids come first, ur needs have to wait or often is jeperdized
4. Divorce rate for couples is 51 percent. Divorce rate for single parents is 75 roughly.
5. Her body has changed for good after giving birth, if that's important to u.
6. Her child is a constant reminder of her past with another man
7. You have to be selfish with romantic love because they csn make or break u. Get the best u can get don't settle!No not all, it doesn't make a guy any more selfish than a girl not wanting to date a guy because he's a single dad.
While it's ones choice to keep and raise their kid, it does get in the way of things especially with dating. The kid comes first and the parents owe it to them and not the other way around.
I Tried dating single moms around my age and it just didn't work out. Half the time, we couldn't even get a date because they were so busy with their kid. Nothing against them or their kid personally but I still don't wanna deal with it.
That being said, one thing that really turns me off is when women have more than one unplanned pregnancies. It's like ok you had one and it could have been a mistake but for your 2nd one or more it's like use damn protection. This applies to single dads too by the way.No. I see it as being afraid of commitment to something/someone who is never going to have you as her first priority and whose child you might have to help raise.
If you don't feel up to it or if you don't think that's fair the only right thing to do is to do what you did.
I support people who know what they want and are brave enough to express this even though it might hurt the other person.It doesn't matter if its selfish or not. Being selfish is not always a bad thing like people act like. Like most things in life it is all about finding the right balance. Too much or too little of anything can be bad. We need to be a little selfish sometimes or else we would never be happy as others would just use us and take us for granted.
Its your life and you have a right to decide who you want to share your life with. You don't owe a woman a relationship any more than a woman owes you sex. You were upfront and honest with her. She should have been more upfront and honest with you about having a kid.I don't think it's selfish but once you get to a certain age its hard to find someone without children. She should have told you she had a son and you should not have been allowed to be around him at that point. I felt the same way until I met someone with kids. My perspective is different now and I was only 19 when I was dating the guy with kids. I see things this way. I want to be a mother one and I love kids so I have no problem dating a parent. If you don't like kids and don't see yourself being a father one day then its normal to not want to date a mom.
No I don't think it is selfish. If you aren't in a place in your life where you are ready for kids then it is important for you to know that and be true to that.
What would be selfish is to date her anyways knowing you weren't going to stick around. Also meeting the kid should be a big thing she shouldn't be dragging men in and out of the kid's life.
You is hard for people with kids to think of a life without them but the lives are very different.No you are not being selfish.
Relationships are hard as it is, when it is between two people. Dating a single mom, you are not in just a relationship with her. You are also in the relationship, with her kid or kids.
You should also not feel bad, she should have told you from the start that she had a kid.No it isn't selfish. It just means you don't want to be/are not ready to have children. If you WERE to pursue her before you were ready for such a commitment, it would end DISASTROUS.
And WHY was she letting you meet her kid? First date she should have met you outside or something, you do not EVER invite a man you just met into your home with children. Even if you went out before she invited you in, she still should not have felt comfortable enough with you to trust you that much to let you around her kids. I feel bad for those kids, she's willing to let them be at higher risk for sexual abuse/ physical/ mental abuse by doing such a thing.
be glad you got out of there, she is obviously the selfish one. As well as NUTS.no, i mean if your not going to be happy with her then there's no point. and i mean if this was to go anywhere and you dont want a take care of a kid, then thats just hurtful to her and the kid. and i wouldn't worry about her she will find someone there are plenty of guys that dont mind.
Selfish, to a point, is a GOOD thing when it comes to potential partners. Every person should have absolutes that they do not compromise on.
If a woman with a kid doesn't make you comfortable for some reason, then saying adios that early is a good thing, because you're not wasting each other's time.No.
The feminist was going to trap you anyways. You would have been left with paying for a kid that isn't yours.no its not. i mean you're a young guy who doesn't feel too enthused about taking care of someone else's kid. With the laws the way they are today, simply cohabiting with her could make you legally responsible for that child monetarily. So you made the right decision for the both of you
Yea, you kinda were. And you approached this situation completely wrong. You should have gotten to know her first and be more open minded cuz single women with kids are real women who need love too. I admit I prefer not to date guys who already have kids but if i really liked the guy id try to be open minded about it and give it a change. What i dont get is why you shut it down so quickly when you found out? :(
No that kid is a responsibility that you have to take if you date her even if she says you don't you will. If you're not prepared or don't want that responsibility then no you're not selfish
No, i would've done the same thing. If i don't want kids of my own, i sure as hell don't wanna be with someone who already has someone elses kid.
No it's not selfish its your opinions and view on what you want. It takes a special kind of man to accept a single mom
No. Not at all. They have a preference and there's nothing that can be done about it.
Everyone should be selfish when it comes to dating. You look for someone that would add value to your life, not someone you can be a slave for.
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