He said to let him know when I was free?

[Anonymous]

The first time we tried to go out, I told him, but he didn't make solid plans because he had to do something the only night I was free. I made other plans, as I do not wait on guys to make time for me. He didn't even mention it, but opted to text me instead. This really turned me off. I went on vacation after this, so everything just kinda got delayed. The other night, we were talking, and I jokingly (but not really) told him that I wasn't making any more moves. He said he had asked me out, to which I retorted that he said maybe and didn't mention it the night. He said he wanted to take me out when we were both free and had something to do that night, and asked me to let him know when I was free. He never texted back after my reply telling him I would let him know. I haven't heard from him in 5 days... is he just waiting to see if I'll let him know? Because at this point, it kinda feels like I'm risking a lot to text him because I've been the one acting the most interested. He used to keep in contact all the time... now I'm good to hear from him twice in a week... and the placing the ball in my court is so lame.

[BertMacklinFBI]

well he put it in your court so he is waiting. if I tell a girl "lemme know if your schedule opens up" then im just gonna continue doing my own thing until she gets back to me. if she doesn't contact me after a week the most then I have my answer and its on to the next girl.

[Asker]

Or, maybe she's just tired of having made all the moves and thinks you're ridiculous because you're so beta that you can't even muster enough balls to not put the ball in her court after she just told you she wasn't making any more moves. 😑😂 This is probably why his ex just used him... no sane woman wants to feel like it's a damn battle to have him take control.

[BertMacklinFBI]

people are different, a girl can't expect all guys to act somewhat similar in the world of dating, the experiences he went through probably got him to this point and you either take it or leave it. maybe he doesn't want to be the "alpha" right now, he's just going with the flow because he simply feels like it.

[Asker]

Touché. I am just into a guy taking control more than me having to do everything. It makes you second guess and pull back when you're doing all the work. I guess I'll try to text him later.

[BertMacklinFBI]

that's totally fine, we all want the traits we desire in a person to have them, worse comes to worse you two just didn't click and you both move on.

[Asker]

I agree and like your advice on here.

After 5 days of silence... how would you start the convo? I'm thinking of texting him after I get off work around 6/7 tonight.

[Asker]

I guess I kinda feel weird about it because he bailed on the party my friends threw me this weekend and said he was sick when his friend called him. He didn't text me at all.

[BertMacklinFBI]

5 days of silence.. lets see, I would probably have lost a lot of hope at that point so.. something great to hear would be a slightly more than casual text saying something like "Hey! I was super busy and things just kept coming up one after another but now my life is free for the moment! How are you?" make sure you're not apologetic in that text since you did nothing wrong, and when he gets back to you, you should bring up wanting to do something and tell him which day (s) work for you. basically just be casual and sincere/polite. you know what you want so slightly aim in that direction.

[BertMacklinFBI]

he was actually sick though right?

[Asker]

Damn, sir, you are good. Lol. It's a little too perky, but I can make it work! 😋 Honestly, I feel like he was avoiding me. My friend's husband (his bud) called him to make sure he was coming (I had no idea he did) and said that he sounded really sick to his stomach and said he wasn't going to make it. But... I just find it odd that I invited him and he was just going to flake because he was sick and not text me, but will answer the phone to his guy friend. Maybe since it was 3 days he thought I was no gonna answer. I honestly was waiting to tell him when I was free at the party... Do you think my first text should be like..."Hey! I've been so busy lately and finally have a free moment. Mike mentioned that you were sick Saturday, are you feeling better? Was just thinking of you."

[Asker]

Or end it with "Just had ya on my mind." I don't know. That would give me an open and show him I cared enough to check on him.

[Asker]

Would you wait until 6/7 or text him around lunch? He doesn't get off until 5 and home until 6... that's why I was gonna wait. Plus, I'll be home by then.

[BertMacklinFBI]

oh yeah definitely modify it if you will, that's just like a template to go off of. well im not surprised that he picked up for his bud, there are some people that I will always pick up the phone for, regardless if I am sick or whatever, this guy may be that person to him. the way you worded it is real good, that works. im just hoping he acts on it instead of trying to play it cool. just be sure to mention spending some time together soon or slightly later because that is the news he will most likely be delighted to see.

[BertMacklinFBI]

if you're familiar with his schedule then you can plan accordingly to that, but honestly you can just text whenever. he should be happy to see you in his inbox.

and yeah that would show that you care for him, you can end it with that.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I'll let you know how it goes tonight!

[Asker]

It didn't go so well. He answered, but wasn't engaged in conversation and wouldn't get into my jokes and such. He was just very distant, so I became very honest and said I knew he was going through stuff and I was there for him. He was very dry with his reply and I said:

"Ugh, I hate bringing up tough subjects and confrontation, but I gotta wo-man up and do it. Lol...

Honestly, this is kinda why I haven't said anything about when I'm free for a date. I just don't feel you're ready to date or just aren't into it anymore, or that's the vibe I get at least. I don't want to assume, but that's how your distance comes off, so I've just tried to give you some space. I just didn't want you to think that I'm being distant for some reason because after 3 years, I am ready.

I don't know, this is awkward over text, but I'm just an honest/open person."

Not a damn word from him. He's ignoring me and proving that he's incapable of communication. What I said wasn't even that bad. Im almost over it.

[Asker]

I'm not even really that perturbed by his lack of communication. I'm actually really relieved that I finally decided to speak my mind and stop torturing myself by trying to guess where he was at. The fact that he's ignoring me speaks volumes. If he can't respond to a sincere text, how could I ever expect him to be if real problems arose? I appreciate your advice. I'm leaning to the fact that this one is probably a lost cause, even though I really digged the guy.

[BertMacklinFBI]

okay first of all, props to you for being straight, not a lot of people can do that so I commend you for it. secondly, you did give him a lot to think about, and for most guys its easier to just ignore FOR NOW to think about what to reply back with, but obviously this is not in a good way cause otherwise he would have probably replied back with a positive response, the odds are slightly against you it seems. but right now its just going to be the waiting game for 3 days the most, don't give him more than 3 days to get back to you, if he is still silent then you have your answer.

[Asker]

Thank you! Yeah, the more time goes on and the longer he ignores me, the madder and more over it I get. It wasn't even that bad, what I said. It was just honest. The fact that he can't man up and say "Though I said I was ready, I agree and think that I'm really not. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." I mean, something. It just hurts to go from going so well, to him backing off, to him acting like he cared because he got butthurt I didn't let him in on a detail about my life (which he would have known had he acted interested to talk to me), and then barely says anything to me, to ignoring me. I'm so over the situation and I think it's shitty that he thinks so little of me he can't even reply.

[Asker]

I don't know what happened. Honestly. I should have read the signs in the beginning when he said he was afraid of wasting his time and getting with a crazy girl again. He mentioned his "demons" and would always put himself down when I complimented him, trying to warn me that it takes him a long time to warm up to people and he was afraid that when the sweet stage wore off I would leave after I saw how he was. Well, it looks like I'm there. It's like he wants things on his terms - taking it SUPER slow - and won't put in effort, yet he feels like he deserves to be told about things in my life. It all points to emotionally unavailable and I could kick myself for not listening to my gut and instead listened to our friends, who pushed me because they thought he could use a good woman like me in his life. Look where it's got me... invested and really liking someone who has ignored me. I want so bad to say something else, but there's no point. He just really shocked me that he's ignoring me...

[Asker]

He used to be the guy that would be like..."I didn't want you to think I wasn't thinking of you..." Then after that party, where he didn't make a move on the loveseat and he brought up me not mentioning it was my party too and acting butthurt... it's like something changed. He ignored me for a day. He avoided me at the party. And, when I ask where we stand... he's ignoring me now. I don't know. I just want an answer and to move on.

[Asker]

He just replied:

Hey I've been thinking about what you said yesterday I hadn't really looked at it like that I think you're right I like you and like talking and getting to know you but I'm not at that point right now and you are you've been single 3 years I get it I just don't want you thinking I'm trying to waste your time you know?

[BertMacklinFBI]

I guess that last reply said it all. did that give you the answer you needed?

[Asker]

I guess so. He went on to say he really wanted to continue talking and that he didn't know how much time he would need, but that he thought we could have something, liked what we had so far, and didn't want to rush it.

[Dragonstarterplus]

? He said he wanted to take you out and told you to tell him when you were free. You didn't. He thinks you're not interested

[Asker]

I told him I'd let him know when I got my schedule. For all he knows I haven't got it yet. I think my silence has something to do with him going a-wall on my birthday party this weekend. He didn't even text me to let me know he was sick and wasn't going to make it. I think he was just avoiding me.

[Asker]

I'mma text him, I just don't know how to start tha convo because everything feels weird.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Now see those are useful details right there especially about not texting you about missing the birthday party. But still it sounds like he didn't respond to your last text because there was nothing to reply. He said he wanted to take you and wanted you to tell him when you were free, and you said you'd let him know when you got your question. Aside from replying ''ok'' or just starting a new topic, that conversation was over. 5 days without a new conversation is pretty long though. Sounds like he's not completely sold on you yet and seems you're more interested in playing hard to get

[Asker]

I'm not. He is kinda shy and told my friend he was intimidated by me and felt too stupid for me. It made me feel like I wanted to show him that wasn't true. I text first. I called first. I'm the only one that calls. He didn't make a move when we slept next to each other on he loveseat. As a woman, you back off because you feel like he doesn't like you. Trust me, I'm not trying to play hard to get. If anything, he is.

[Asker]

I'm the emotionally available one that feels like she's pulling the weight. That's why I've been so frustrated that he put the ball back in my court once again by asking when I was free ONLY after I said I was done making moves and he said he had made a move. Lol.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Yeah he's either very shy and inexperienced with women or he's just not interested

[Asker]

His friends keep telling me to make the moves and just go for it because they keep saying he's shy and inexperienced. My friend also said she thought he hasn't dated much. I guess I'm used to guys just playing me so I'm assuming it's the latter, that he's just not interested. However, he did say he would tell me if he didn't want to talk to me anymore and i told him I would do the same.

[Roostah]

Welcome to dating experience for guys.

[Asker]

If guys would have more balls, then girls wouldn't get so damn frustrated. If he would have went I'm free Saturday at 7 Sunday at 6, blah, blah, what time works for you? We would be going on a date and none of his bullshit would be going on.

[Roostah]

Welcome to what guys go through more consistently/OFTEN with girls because a lot of them flake.

[Asker]

I've never flaked, so I guess that's why I get frustrated.

[I_am_repulsive]

It's your turn to make the move

[Asker]

It pisses me off since I just told him I was tired of making all the moves and wasn't going to make another. It's so balls-less and beta. Why should I want to go out with a guy who can't even make a date happen without putting the ball in my court?

[Dragonstarterplus]

What the hell? He just asked when you were free. Give him two days that work for you and he should take over

[Asker]

Guess I'mma have to wo-man up. How would you start the convo? Just a simple "Hey, just thinking of you 😊" something like that?

[Dragonstarterplus]

That could work to gauge his interest, hopefully at some point he'll ask if you got your schedule and know when you're free

[Anonymous]

He just wants you to make the next move.

[Asker]

Right after I told him I wasn't going to make any more? Men... Lol.

[Dragonstarterplus]

I don't see how you responding to his question ''when are you free'' is you making a move. Women... lol

[Asker]

It is... it's putting ourselves out there, especially when you don't reply to our text and don't contact us for 5 days...

[Dragonstarterplus]

Lol if you think telling a guy when you're free after he asks when you're free is putting yourself out there, imagine walking up a girl you don't know, starting up a conversation , and then asking her when she's free cause you want to take her out

[Asker]

I've kinda done that with a guy. It's terrifying. lol.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Extremely terrifying

[Asker]

But the thing is... we've been talking a while and have hung out several times. Maybe that's why he wouldn't make a move on the loveseat we slept next to each other on...