Are you afraid of falling madly in love?

[coolbreeze]

[serious]

Afraid? falling in love? No, I am not afraid, I can never fall in love, I am too logical, rational, too realistic to be in love, I am totally incapable of falling in love. I lack that capacity to do so. I know I will never fall in love. Hence I am not afraid or anything.

However it's possible and I am afraid that one day a woman might love me and I would mean the world to her, which is exactly what I don't want. I never want this to happen.

Please don't ask why, because that's hard to explain.

[redeyemindtricks]

Hey, do me a favor?

Print this out.
Put it somewhere.
Wait 20 years.
Open it.
Read it.

In the meantime, read up on ya'boy Bertrand Russell. If you read through his works, you might be able to press fast-forward through some of this.

Make sure you read the parts about how he almost killed himself, when he thought the world was nothing more than logic and mathematics.

Then make sure you read the parts about his many, passionate, loves. Every bit as passionate as his supposed lack of passion was.

Don't miss his descriptions of how his loves-- not his mathemalogistics -- finally, after all those years, made him feel ALIVE.

xx

...

...

...

(Maybe your first reaction is "Shove it redeye, never means never so nyah nyah."
... but that would be such an *emotional* reaction! Aha! Not rational!)

That's all for now.

[ObscuredBeyond]

A logic that leaves no room for love is incomplete.

[FallOutBoy2001]

@redeyemindtricks did it ever occurred to you he could possibly aromantic asexual? He would have no romantic or sexual attraction to anyone

[redeyemindtricks]

@FallOutBoy2001 ^^ That's why I'm giving him 20 more years to figure it out. xx

[FallOutBoy2001]

@redeyemindtricks It doesn't usually take that long. I have friends, 15-16 years old, who already know that. I mean, by 27, if you've never been attracted to anyone, never wanted to have sex, it's a safe bet you're aromantic asexual.

[redeyemindtricks]

@FallOutBoy2001 Nah, this sort of self-discovery is a lifelong thing. Thirty-year-olds don't have it figured out.
People pin a special significance on the ages from late 20's to mid 30's, because that's the point in life when, for most people, it becomes less and less practical to keep putting off life decisions until "tomorrow" or "later".
So those are the ages when people DO stuff, with whatever they've figured out about themselves. However incomplete that might be. But definitely not the ages when people have it all figured out.

I mean, look at Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner. Who didn't decide to become a woman until almost 70 years old. Seventy!

Last not least, the commenter's words (about how he isn't going to fall in love) are very, very passionate! Oh they are. They're full of feeling.

Did I say he was wrong? No.
But he reminds me of someone I know, and another someone I knew.

And of course your friends know everything about themselves, after all they're teenagers. xx

[FallOutBoy2001]

@redeyemindtricks I won't say we know everything, bcause I know we don't, but it's pretty easy to tell sexuality (up to a certain point)

For example, most people who are gay know they're gay from a very early age, sometimes 5 or 6. Most straight people know they're straight from a very early age. Many (but not all) bisexual people know they're bi from early on, maybe a little later in some cases, maybe a lot later in others. Asexual people are no different.

Caitlyn Jenner, and transsexual people in general, are a bad example of realizing sexuality and gender identity. They may realize it, but they're under social pressure not to transition, because damn it, it can be terrifying to explain "I was born in the wrong body" to people.

And yes, some people take a while to determine sexuality. I know, I'm one of them. I'm uncertain if I'm bi, or just straight. But just because I can't make up my mind doesn't mean it's not possible.

[redeyemindtricks]

@FallOutBoy2001 Right, but it's just as terrifying to confront the internal things that can prevent people from forming more conventional attachments.

Asexuality isn't really the issue. In lots of ways, asexuality is a plus. (Ppl I know with low sex drives make VERY well-reasoned relationship decisions... think about why.)

The issue here is that the commenter didn't just write "I'm incapable of love". I wrote "I'm TOO LOGICAL TO BE in love". As though traits like "logical" percolated through one's entire life homogeneously.
That is what he'll 100% certainly find to be untrue. No person approaches absolutely every single thing in life in exactly the same way.

I'm sure there are things he cares very strongly for, and things he cares very strongly about.

If he isn't capable of the same right now with regard to people, there are reasons. Which, yes, wil probably be terrifying to confront.

He sounds like someone I'd enjoy knowing, actually, since I rather enjoy difficult people. (:

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

Well, I must you are partly right with what you have said about me, yes only partly right. I'll clarify certain things. Now, I said in my opinion that "I am incapable of falling in love" yes that's right but at the same time it's true that "I am just too logical, too realistic to be in love". That also is true. However another point is both are related, meaning I am incapable of falling in love because I am just too logical, too realistic to be in love. I am a person who is ruled by "head", ruled by logic.

I know love is an abstract concept and so I also have my own definition of love, I also know that love is an emotion, it's a feeling and relationships, any type of relationships are all based on feelings. In my view there is little to almost no logic involved in relationships, like love, marriage and so on.

Hence that is the reason I just can't be in love, I can never feel the feeling of love.

Cont...

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

Cont...

Hence for me love is a decision, a choice. Being a very logical and a realistic person, I don't go by the saying that " LOVE IS BLIND", love just happens and so on, I don't believe in these sentences, to me they just seem totally illogical. My definition of love is not like that. My thinking is not like that.

In all these years since my teenage years ( now I am in my late 20's see my profile) I have understood many things, I have undergone my self-realization. I would say I know myself very well, whether someone believes me or not. This is how I am and this is how I'll be now.

One more point, of course just because I am a very logical person doesn't mean that I don't have emotions, feelings, of course I have emotions, feelings but the thing is I am not a person who is based on emotions, feelings and as I said I am totally ruled by logic and I am a very realistic person so I don't make my decisions based on emotions, feelings.

Cont...

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

For me everything in life is a decision, it's a choice and so for me love, being in love is a choice, a decision. It's hard to explain, but that's the truth.

That's why I said it's possible that one day a woman might love me, so much so that I would mean the world to her, but it will never happen on my end, means I can never love a woman, I won't.

By the way a small information emotions, feelings can also be controlled, if the person is very strong on the inside, if the person is very logical then it's not difficult to do so.

Cont...

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks.

You said something about "Asexuality". You might be guessing, that I am asexual, yes you're right I am asexual and I am proud of it, no matter what people may think about me I don't care, I am proud of who I am. I believe that I am a true man in my own ways, which again is hard to explain.

Cont...

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

You're right when you said "No person approaches absolutely every single thing in life in exactly the same way."

Yes, I agree with your sentence.

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks.

Once again you're right I do have things I care about.

Yes, regarding people whatever I have said is true, once again I say I am totally incapable of falling in love, "I rather won't fall in love" also I am too logical as I told you. Yes I have my own concerns, my fears and I admit that, I have my reasons for this.

It's very hard to explain and you can see you must have understood that.

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

Hence I would say you're only partly right about me. If you have more questions you can ask me, if you are curious to know more regarding this, feel free to message me and I'll try to explain.

Only if you are curious of course.

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

Lastly. thanks for your opinion and for your comments.

[redeyemindtricks]

My comment down below is aimed at you, opinion owner. Typed it in the wrong field.

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

Yes, I know that and that's okay if it's aimed, I don't care about that. Thanks.

[redeyemindtricks]

Meaning, meant for you. Didn't want you to miss. Etc.

Happy new year!

[serious]

@redeyemindtricks

Happy new year to you too!

[Balcazaurus]

A little bit, yes. But that's 'cause I'm afraid to get hurt if things don't work out. Normal, I know, but it's, it's just complicated.

But I can't wait to fall madly in love and things work out.

[coolbreeze]

That is good that you are in love Things will work out. Just be positive.

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, I'm not afraid of falling in love. Loving someone is an amazing feeling. I'm only slightly afraid of being hurt because of that, if I happen to fall for the wrong person. So, I just hope the next person I love is the right guy.

[coolbreeze]

Yeah that is true and you make a very good point

[menina]

Yes, I am. I already know that I will get hurt, so obviously I don't want that for me.
I can see the sad ending.

[coolbreeze]

Think positive and not negative. You will not get hurt all the time with love. It depends on who you are with.

[menina]

I hope you're right. I was just saying that, because I don't have luck with love.

[coolbreeze]

Ok. Maybe time will tell what happens. Love can happen when we at least suspect it.

[menina]

That's true. I guess I will have to wait to see what happens.

[coolbreeze]

Yes it might happen one day. Can't give up hope.

[menina]

Thanks, I will keep that in mind.

[coolbreeze]

Your very welcome.

[menina]

Thanks for the MHO!

[coolbreeze]

No problem. Your very welcome.

[ElissaDido]

Yes I am. I'm scared of the forbidden love that will make us suffer.

[redeyemindtricks]

Look dude, I think you and I are a lot alike (you stubborn, stubborn SOB you).
So... by default, I kinda like you.

"By the way a small information emotions, feelings can also be controlled, if the person is very strong on the inside, if the person is very logical then it's not difficult to do so."

What you're saying here just boils down to the fact that self-restraint covers emotions as well as behavior. Which is true, but (to me at least) falls well short of "epiphany" level.

Although yes, many people could stand to take this to heart.
For instance, "venting" one's emotions is usually a VERY bad idea, because that usually just amplifies the emotions and makes them simmer for longer.

--

But, aha! we have gotten somewhere here.

We started at "incapable of love". Somewhere along the way, when you weren't looking, someone slid over a couple of pawns and a bishop. Now the board looks like this:

"feelings can also be controlled; if the person is very strong on the inside, if the person is very logical then it's not difficult to do so."

Yeah, you presented this as "information", but I know how people like you (and me) think. If you thought this was irrelevant to your own situation, you wouldn't have said it.

So ON SOME LEVEL you are thinking in terms of DEFENDING yourself against certain emotions.

Which is pretty much the most normal thing in the whole world, by the way. I don't see anything weird here at all, except for the bluntness of your writing. But I've never had a problem with blunt.

In any case.

Look dude, I pretty much approached "love" EXACTLY the same way as you did. (Sexually we're polar opposites, but that is not relevant here.)
I pretty much spat on the whole idea of it. Me? Nope. Not gonna.

Anyways.

Don't feel like writing a long literal story, so here's a parable. (A fuckin' parable!)

My heart had a big wooden door that was already locked. Men came and picked at the locks. They didn't succeed. Even so, I pulled my hardest on the door, just in case. Just in case they got through all the locks. They'd still have to out-pull me.

Then one day a man came along who smashed through all the locks. I was scared. I pulled on the door as hard as I could. I'm a strong girl. I pulled that door toward me really, really hard.

He turned the handle and the door flew open...

... inward. Sending me flying into my own walls. With my own damn strength.

Think about it for a while.

xx

[redeyemindtricks]

This comment is aimed at "serious" above. Apparently I am too old to use the internets properly.

[Rei02]

Not afraid of falling in love, but afraid of getting hurt, broken hearted.

When you give your heart to someone and that someone hurts you (similar to deceive, cheat, lie, dissapointing, break promises, getting angry, tells you hurtful things, etc, etc), you can feel terrible and you can do something you can regret: from a break up till turning a relationship into an ill one.

It is difficult to assimilate, but these is part of life, about living, and if someone can overcome these, one can become stronger, not loving less or more cold in life, but one could appreciate more to live and gain experience in knowing others.

[coolbreeze]

You are very right. And make very good points.

[Anonymous]

I see this is an older post but I'll answer anyways. I'm terrified of falling in love again and it has happened. I fell in love years ago with a boy from school and got rejected and was heartbroken and depressed for years and said I'd never love anyone again and that I'd always love him. Now I've been with a guy for 2 years and I do love him with all my heart but I'm terrified of telling him how I feel that the same thing will happen again so I don't say a word. I'm in love with him and he doesn't even know, I say I love you as we are leaving and pulling away from each other but he doesn't hear it. I've wanted so badly to tell him how I feel and how much I love and care for him but because the last guy I loved hurt me so badly I'm unable to tell him.

[coolbreeze]

I am very happy and glad that you found love again. I agre telling someone sometimes makes us vulnerable if they are not ready or ar not expecting it. I hope he feels the same for you and I hope one day he tells you on his own he loves you. I'm pretty sure he does since you guy's been together for a while.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Yes and no. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm sensitive and I'm naïve with the right intentions. I am terrified to get my heart broken again, and I don't want to feel the pain I felt once before. I don't think anyone should feel that kind of heartbreak.

But also, no I love love. I'm a hopeless romantic and loving and caring. So I will love with my entire whole being, fully and completely. I want to love and I want to be loved. If I get hurt, then it is just one more story, one more experience to help build my character. Life is gonna happen, love is a part of life so fuck it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I am I'm not gonna lie, my first experience with my ex was crazy. We linked perfectly I did nothing wrong she even said so she said I was perfect but she still left me and I just questioned myself about everything. All girls would say they would love me as a boyfriend and I can do better but idc I just wanted her back but she just didn't want me but she says she loves me and would be with me again one day. if its meant to be it will she said so that pissed me off. so now I want others girls and i would date them and some would date me, I just always think whats stopping her from doing the same to me.

[coolbreeze]

Yeah man that sucks. Sometimes that happens where everything is perfect but the other person wants more etc. Tbh I think she figured she is young so she wants to see what else is out that and your ex wants to make sure your the one for her. But who knows about time she figures out she made a big mistake you might end up with another girl. If that happens then it's her fought for doubting what you guys had. Which sounded like to me that is was real and pure.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah but now I see that she's selfish , she left me & got engaged I guess though I don't know about now anymore. I would be very afraid to get with her again even though we bond very well. I feel like everything can be perfect again and then out of nowhere she flights off somewhere.

[coolbreeze]

Yeah I agree man she is being very selfish. I can't believe she got engaged. That is true if you ended up with her again I can't blame you for being afraid because she does seem very flighty.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not that she got engaged tbh it's because I know that person and she told me that person meant nothing. So when I saw the pictures it hurt but I'd still be hurt if it was someone else but it wouldn't sting as much. Either way I'm focusing on myself, trying to find someone I could trust and open up to them.

[playdatesx]

I'm in love right now. Yes, I'm young. Yup, I still don't know what love is or how to handle it or how to deal with it. I've learned how scary being in love is, how vulnerable you feel, how painful it is, and that love is fucking difficult. It's overwhelming and I still don't know what it is. But I've felt it. I do feel it. And it's scary, yeah.

[coolbreeze]

Im glad to hear that your in love.

[DaniaMQ]

I'm not afraid of falling in love or love by itself coz I already am, BUT I am, afraid of things not working out for any reason, I think its a feeling that you can't control, coz when you love someone you will just be afraid of loosing them at some point

[coolbreeze]

That is true love is a very strong and powerful emotion. That is true it's the fear of losing the person we love the most that hurts the most.

[DaniaMQ]

Exactly!

[MissNowhere]

I guess a bit cause LOVE = chances of getting HURT. But whatever, you only live once, I suppose it's worth it.

[Littlett25]

... Yolo

[coolbreeze]

Yeah that is true. Some things are worth the risk.

[Tomsta]

Not in a way, i'm afraid that i won't be able to fall in love the way i did with my first love; we never dated and i know i need to move on but i'm really concerned that i'll not be able to love another girl like i did her

[coolbreeze]

You can move on. It will take time. I believe you can find somebody close like her with time.

[HookingSwan]

I believe the same

Just be open to the possibility :)

[Tomsta]

@HookingSwan I am open, but it's something nagging away at me, i'm feeling more like Ted from HIMYM (specifically the not being able to get over robin part) with each passing month

[HookingSwan]

It's understandable. You need time...

[Tomsta]

@HookingSwan It's been 4 years so far... :(

[HookingSwan]

wow

You must have really loved her. 1st love?

Also, I think maybe the problem is that you haven't yet met a person that is right for u, in the sense that in the moment u met them, they would make u forget about any ghosts of relationship past.

[HookingSwan]

4 years is a long time. but maybe the right moment hasn't come yet

[Tomsta]

@HookingSwan Yeah she was my first love, i properly fell for her with all my heart and soul, i still have feelings for her now, not as strong mind you, but they are still there

[HookingSwan]

Forgetting your 1st love can be difficult, but I also know it not to be impossible

Granted that in my case, I am loving for the 1st time. But there is this guy I know that opened up his heart for the 1st time to this girl and thought would never love someone again. Life ends up proving you wrong. So don't lose hope.

Just maybe go with the flow. You don't need to be in love right now. It will happen when it needs to happen :)

[HookingSwan]

and probably will be better than the 1st time, because it will last ;)

[Tomsta]

@HookingSwan I've always hated that "It'll happen when it happens" phrase because although i know for well that this is the case, i've had to deal with so much heartache of the years than i'm sorta getting sick of seeing people in relationships

There was one girl who i felt a real connection too who i don't might be the one who would make me forget this girl, but it didn't end so well...

[HookingSwan]

I'm sorry to hear that

And sorry for the expression I used. I just firmly believe it

[Tomsta]

@HookingSwan I'm not grilling you, i'm just expressing my distaste of the phrase is all, despite the fact i use it myself countless times... weird huh. My problem is i'm not the most socially confident guy out there so for me meeting girls isn't something that comes easily

[HookingSwan]

I get it

[matheus_mb]

No, what I fear is falling madly in love for the wrong person.

[Jager66]

Exactly!

[coolbreeze]

True you never know if the person is the right person or not.

[lafemme]

i dont think im afraid.. but overall being in love with someone is a very vulnerable feeling im sure.

[coolbreeze]

Yes love does make us very vulnerable.

[karahiri]

course. i don't wanna lose my mind or my judgement.

[coolbreeze]

That is true it can mess with both.

[FallOutBoy2001]

i'm in love now, but it's kind of terrifying. Who knew you could worry about someone so much?

[coolbreeze]

Im very glad you are in love.

[Anonymous]

Yes because im obsessed when i love someone i put them first think about them, but all the lead me to bad experinces, now i tnink im starting to love a woman but i runaway from her because i find her too good to give me bad experince sound crazy

[coolbreeze]

Yeah love can be complicated.

[Toby_Moosh]

yes because if that person breaks ur heart then u have to suffer from that

[coolbreeze]

Yeah that is true.

[BreatheMe19]

No. I can't wait to. Hopefully he'll be worth it though.

[coolbreeze]

Yeah that is true If the person is worth it. It makes it way better.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Kind of yeah. I'm afraid of falling in love with the wrong person. Or falling in love with someone who doesn't love me back.

[coolbreeze]

Yes I think being in love with the wrong person sucks. I think it happens a lot.

[Anonymous]

to be perfectly honest: yes because the last time i was madly in love i got super hurt and it took me actually years to get over it

[coolbreeze]

That sucks. 😢 I hope you find somebody better.

[Girly1710]

Yes, I am afriad. But there's more want than fear so I would still do it. I'd just be cautious at first.

[giveherthis]

Nah im just afraid of falling in love with someone who dosent love me back.

[coolbreeze]

That is the risk we take.

[RedThread]

Nah because I would only love someone who's worthy of that love. It would be cool if it happened someday but if it doesn't that's cool too. I don't need a relationship or kids to feel fulfilled in life. It's a luxury not a necessity 👊🏽

[Betwyn]

Nope.

What passes as love in today's society.. isn't love.

So.. I'm not too worried about falling madly in love.

[paulina_g]

Yes, I think I am. Loving someone means letting them in and that makes you vulnerable. It scares me... That's why I prefer casual relationships

[nativepride73]

No, more like not falling in love actually. But I'm not "afraid" of either, I'll just take it as it comes.

[The_Cookie_Monster]

Nope wish it was easy to fall in love. But aucks when the heart break stuff comes into play.

[existing_not_living]

Yeah, because that makes me madly susceptible to heartbreak. I don't like to be that vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

Yes I'm in love at the moment;crazy, madly, deeply whatever you say. I'm scared of telling him cuz I don't know if he's the right person.

[coolbreeze]

That is good that your in love. Yeah I think you should wait to tell him. I hope he is on the same page as you are.

[Luci1602]

No. I prefer to go with all than to stay on the shore.

[Dylanguest1989]

Yes

Scared I'll hurt her or she'll hurt me and I'll have to pick up the pieces left behind her with the love we shared of times we thought we cared for one another.

[queenmariereigns]

I'm afraid of falling in love with a person who does not deserve My love and who is an asshole

[Girlfriend18]

I'm afraid of falling in love, but not being loved back.

[kingoficeolation]

No. I am afraid of NOT being in love, and instead feeling nothing at all.

[ZellRocx666]

With just one person? Yes, a little love for a lot, no..

[HookingSwan]

No, i am not

I already have

[coolbreeze]

Congrats on being in love.

[HookingSwan]

Thank you @Asker

Wbu?

[coolbreeze]

Your very welcome. With me maybe it might happen one day. Im not afraid if it happens. lol

[HookingSwan]

Great

That's the best atitude

And I hope it does happen for u :)

[coolbreeze]

Lol

Thank you ☺

Yeah I hope so to that it happens one day.

[WhatTheHellAmy]

Nothing scares me more than that.

[coolbreeze]

It will be good if it's with the right person.

[KitKat93]

I'm afraid of being hurt badly, so yes.

[summerfreeze]

I am afraid of everything.

[coolbreeze]

Try not to be afraid. In life we have to take risks.

[Mikaychay95]

yes I never thought i would be but i am

[lolaluva09]

no its bliss to me, being so vunerable and weak

[Thames]

Sometimes I am afraid.

[apple24]

No I been waiting for soo long!!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, because last time I did I really got hurt :/

[coolbreeze]

That sucks. 😢 I hope you find somebody better.

[manup2421188]

Christian girls are the most prettiest girls of all...

[jacquesvol]

It happened already twice, I know how it is.

[dudeman]

I can't be in love if im not capable of it

[chocolateismylover]

Yeah especially at this point in my life.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Nope, I've grown into that thought.

[Zanecyber]

I've had a little taste of it, so yes

[Littlett25]

Yessssssss

[Abigail1509]

No, it is my dream

[Anonymous]

Yepp