Why do men withdraw when things seem to be going really well?

I met a guy who pursued me, hard. We work and live near each other and hung out almost daily for a little over a week. He introduced me to his friends and we got intimate after the third date. He then told me he didn't know what he wants right now and I didn't push for any sort of explanation or anything. We went out 3 more times and the last time we saw each other he said that though he wasn't sure what he wanted, he wasn't expecting to meet a girl like me. Said he thinks we have what it takes to make each other very happy. He said he liked spending time with me and wanted to continue to see me. Then he asked me to not date or sleep with anybody else as we focus on getting to know each other. I spent the night with him, since he was going to be gone for a week. Everything seemed great, we had great chemistry, phenomenal sex, and we couldn't stop laughing and smiling when we were together.

We text a little bit the first couple of days he was away but I knew he'd be visiting with family so I let him have his space. Monday came around and I sent a simple "hope you're having fun. I'm looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday." Tuesday came around and I hadn't heard from him or what plans were for Wednesday so I reached out to ask. He responded a bit aloof and said he'd call and see where I am -this was confusing as I thought we were supposed to hang out. Wednesday came and I didn't hear all day. I messaged and got no response. Finally at the end of the day I messaged asking if I was seeing him or not. He responded saying he was going to hang out with his friends -he bailed!

That night, he messaged me, "Hey! Sorry, I want to be cool and take this easy. How are you?" I just said I was well and left it at that. Since then, he has text me almost daily but hasn't brought up bailing, Tried making plans or anything. Just a "happy Thanksgiving," and "how's your night going?" Stuff like that. I am not reaching out to him and trying to give him space since I know men need it and I want to respect it. But, i AM left wondering, Did he freak himself out or was he full of it when he said he liked me and asked me to date? After almost 2 weeks of little communication and not seeing him, I wonder if respecting his wishes of not going on dates with others is a disservice to myself. What's going on here? Please help!
After small talk texting me a few days, I didn't hear from him for 2 days. Today, I got a text asking how my week is going and if I want to grab lunch sometime... My guy friend says not to respond right away and wait until tomorrow to respond. Is this the right approach?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds a little fishy and smells fishy too. I would keep me eyes open and explore the options. Normally no one is ready for a relationship but when there's chemistry or things that make each other happy no one really bails. Everybody deserves a chance.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He is either hung up on another or has a fear o f commitment. either way I would back away from him and him chase you.

    • Thank you. Yes, I am not reaching out to him and responding friendly although he is hurting me. I just don't understand this behavior and fear wasting my time. At the same time, I felt an intense chemistry with him and fear risking that by going off and dating others. I know men withdraw to gather their feelings and rebuild testosterone and all that good stuff. My hope was that maybe, just maybe, he felt it also and freaked a bit so this is just the rubberband effect and he would snap back. However, it has been a week and a half since i last saw him and 5 days since he bailed on me. These little messages he's sending me give me nothing... is he stringing me along or is he letting me know he's there? How long am I supposed to sit tight before I write him off?

    • You're welcome. I would write him off now for those two reasons I already gave. that rubberband effect you speak of only happens after you leave him alone completely. he has already gave you a glimpse of his character. Guys who are super interested will never risk losing you by pulling away. make him realize you know your value and is not treating you as such. So I wouldn't waste anymore time on this person.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Please don't generalize from one man to all men.


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