Why do men pull away?

[SunshineT1234]

I knew a guy for 8 years and we causally started to hang out recently and would just make out and I told him I’m not having sex until I’m married. After seeing each other more I started to catch feelings and we had sex. The next day right after sex he got up took a shower and said get ready he has to go. I felt offended and felt like an object and gave him the cold shoulder and he got mad at me for acting that way. I apologized to him in text and he has been distant ever since. What went wrong? Wouldn’t he tell me he is no longer interested?

He lost interest

He didn’t want anything serious

I messed up

[Mark83]

You told him that you didn't want sex before marriage. Not many men are willing to accept that (personally I think it's a really bad idea in many ways) so a relationship was never an option for him. By having sex with him you gave him mixed signals so he took what he wanted and moved on. Yeah it was a dick move, he should have respected your decision not to to have sex before marriage and stay away from you. You have nothing to apologize for. But by sending mixed signals like that you're opening yourself up for being taken advantage of. If you adopt a choice like that you should stick with it for your own sake.

[SunshineT1234]

It’s confusing because we hung out many times and did not have sex, he told me he really likes me and I started to fall for him as we started to get closer than after sex, I felt bad for going against my beliefs and I should have established a relationship if anything before sex. I can’t fully fault him for distancing but we known each other for years. He actually just called me today now I’m even more confused

[Mark83]

Sounds like you need to talk about what kind of relationship you want. He's probably as confused as you are. What did he say?

[SunshineT1234]

I sent him a message telling him I didn’t appreciate him ignoring me, clearly you don’t value me and you will never hear from me again. 15 mins later he called me and was upset and said he didn’t like that I gave him the cold shoulder after sex and that he doesn’t like the emotional roller coaster and he will call me later because he is busy

[Mark83]

This whole thing seems to have been extremely confusing for both of you. So now you're both stonewalling and accusing the other of doing the same. You guys need to talk.

I have some more questions, please pm me if you want to talk about this more.

[SunshineT1234]

I sent you a follow request your page says you don’t allow PM.

It is confusing, but my gut says he doesn’t want a serious relationship and wants things to remain as it was. But after intimacy its hard and I don’t want to feel like an object

[Iron_Man]

He’s not a serious guy he’s doesn’t want to get married

[strawberrylipstick]

Um yeah like no one does nowadays XD they're realising relationships take a lot of time from really livin life

[zerifer]

I had something similar happen to me, though I didn't react in the same way. I ended up speaking with him and we worked it out. Considering that you've known this man for 8 years, I would imagine your relationship would allow for some heart to heart.

Did you ask why he was in such a rush to leave?

Did you tell him you were hurt?

I feel like there isn't enough information here to really say what happened, though I admit, it does sound pretty damning.

[SunshineT1234]

How did you react? I feel like men after they have an orgasm the truth comes out. But because I thought he liked me that he wouldn’t act like that so I instantly felt used. I didn’t tell him I was hurt in the moment because I didn’t want him to see me as weak and emotional. Later I text him saying my feelings and he ignored me then I admitted I was hurt and he didn’t respond fast so I told him he will never hear from me again. He then called me and said he didn’t like that I acted like that and he doesn’t like the emotional roller coaster and that he will call me another time.

[zerifer]

I talked to him. I told him I felt, and why I felt that way and asked if it was something I did. I dislike playing games, especially when it comes to your feelings. Being able to communicate how you feel to someone isn't "weak and emotional", quite the opposite actually. But it does depend on how you come across to the other person.

I don't know how long you waited between messages when you told him how it made you feel when he rushed you out, and telling him he'd never hear from you again, but I'm going to assume it wasn't very long.

I don't like issuing ultimatums because it backs people into corners and doesn't always get you the response you want.

[Alyssa11]

I’m sorry girl but he’s a dick. What’s happened now has happened and you can’t change the past. Use it as a learning experience. We have to learn somehow.

[SunshineT1234]

Thank you, it’s just very hurtful when you trust someone and they shit on you

[Alyssa11]

I know I’ve been there too. But that’s on him not on you. It’s a reflection of his inner issues not yours. Now you know to be a bit more aware going forward x

[Máiiréad]

Nah, what he did was a dick move.

[Anonymous]

Why do women pull away?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have been used.