Why do men require so much space in a relationship?

Question

Why do men tend to need so much space in relationships? I've noticed that my boyfriend requires periods of time when he doesn't talk to me and needs to be left alone. Whenever I express my concern he pulls away further (We even broke up over this once), but when he's left alone it seems like he comes back better. I've noticed many men do this. What are men thinking when they pull away like this and require so much space?

The1Guy · Accepted Answer

Men need to feel free. It's better for them to belong to others and have commitments , but if they feel trapped by them, they will want to run away. It's in our nature.

And women don't understand this because it is in their nature to always be surrounded by family, by children and in the safety of home.

A man needs periods when he detaches himself from family and commitments. Think of the well known trope, of "gone fishing". They detach and distract themselves from family life inly to reassess and reevaluate their position in relation to others. And good men will most definetly decide, that they want to be a part of a family and come back after, even better and more reliable, than before.

So as a woman you should try to understand and allow your man to have periods of detachment, because if you do allow them lovingly, he will apretiate that and 100% come back to you, loving you more than ever.

JoseJr · Accepted Answer

We (myself included) like to take time and clear our heads and just think. Im not sure if its the same case for all races but Im mexican and my dad and so many other dads always tell us that men that "men dont cry" whenever we cry or show feelings we were told the same thing. For me at least now days, I rarely ever cry. I barely show deep feelings and I dislike take helping from anyone let alone a female. Like I said im not sure if this is true or the case for everyone but for us Mexicans that tends to be the case very often

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

Some do some don’t. Just like women. Some do some don’t. “Why” varies from person to person and relationship to relationship. Same person can feel very differently in different circumstance.

However, anyone no matter their preference, if they choose to be in a relationship they should be able to COMMUNICATE their preference.

We all have different preferences but if you use a preference as an excuse to disrespect the relationship, you don’t deserve it and you won’t keep it.

I see so many questions asking about behavior that their SO can totally explain themselves.

Miss_Savanna_Dry · Accepted Answer

I also need A LOT of space. So luckily I'm not bothered by it if a guy needs space in a relationship. I don't know why men need space but ill say why I do and maybe it'll be similar? I need space because even if I date someone I'm still my own person, I enjoy doing things on my own, watch series and movies on my own, to go places on my own. Even if I'm dating someone we don't need to do everything together or even make every decision together. I'm still my own unique person and need my alone time.

JackSmy · Answer

I can't really say, for sure, for your generation, but for me, when I am having issues at work, or unsure about money, or something, I don't want to concern her, and upset her, because my dad taught me to deal with this, (generation thing) and figure it out, and then come back, when it is good!
Sometimes, when guys just run into things, at work, or with friends, they need some 'cave time' to sort it out, and figure out how they feel!!
Women talk to their friends, about the same things, and they find help, and solutions, among them! Guys are different, and we need to figure it out, alone, and need that space!
If you try to help him, by 'talking' like you do with your friends, it will just make things worse, and confuse him more!!
Let him have the space, a few hours, maybe over night, and everything should be fine!

LesterJester · Answer

Speaking for myself, I need my alone time. Whether it's to play video games, watch a movie or whatever, I appreciate getting away from everybody and have time for Me without having to cater to the whims of others... Be that my wife, my child, work or friends.

Everybody should be entitled to have a day or at least a few hours here and there to just switch off and focus on yourself. For me, the only time I have is late nights on the weekend to play Fallout 4 or something while everybody else sleeps.

Without a bit of Me time, you get mentally exhausted having to deal with everybody else's problems and doing what they want to do. Eventually you start to feel smothered and can grow a bit resentful.

BirdFan360 · Answer

Sometimes we like to switch off our minds and not worry about how other people percieve us. Being alone means we can do whatever and not be judged. I like to dance, for example, but NOBODY MUST EVER know. I dance while doing dishes or while cleaning to my favorite jams.

To put it simply: always being around someone, even someone you love, can be mentally exhausting. Sometimes recharge time is needed. If we are denied recharge time, we will get notably more irritable. Something to do with the testosterone I guess, I dunno.

So don't worry, all guys need recharge time. Its a thing.

Mir95 · Answer

You gotta work on yourself. Sometimes there are situations where it requires a lot of attention and work to do something. And there are times where it is difficult to give attention to a lover. And I think it's a ok.
If you love someone you understand that sometimes they just need that space. Some do so more than others. It needs to work for you as well as your partner. There should be a balance.

Also, it's not just men want space, woman want it too. But as I said, there needs to be a balance.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

We require our space, that's what we are thinking. We do things, we have hobbies and interests that don't involve a partner. We don't want to talk about our feelings and have a woman constantly their like she has been surgically attached to us. That isn't "so much space", that's just having a life, a partner should be a part of your world not your whole world and many women don't understand this (my friend is having this problem with his girlfriend, she has no hobbies, no friends and no life outside of him and its driving him insane because he can't do anything he wants to do because he has to constantly cater to her and try and keep her happy and entertained).

ccp16 · Answer

I'm just like that. I have been pretty much single for a few years now and just enjoy time alone. I date frequently, but also break up frequently over this issue. I work a lot through the week and on weekends and always with people- never by myself at work. When I am working from home often girls want to come over and hang out- but that only distracts me and I end up just saying no to further requests. I need some time to think my thoughts and do things that having a girlfriend around doesn't add to for me. Plus I have friends I like to see, and don't always feel like that needs to be a couple activity.

jgokgotit · Answer

Women are more social than men in most cases. We get overwhelmed when we have to go to work, sometimes school, dealing with our parents if we speak to them, trying to be around friends and being around our lady. Women can handle this much better than men. It is not a bad thing if a man says he needs space. It just usually means he needs time alone or with friends or there might be an issue he wants to solve on his own. The only time you should worry is if he says it immediately after an argument. Also, because we men base our identities off of ourselves and our achievements more than women do, we fear losing ourselves when interacting with others too much.

kali_hacker · Answer

Because that's when his mind can process information currently in the queue or on the stack. It is hard for his mind to fully space out and process if there's constant input. Therefore he can't come to conclusions or even fully relax without that space. It's not just space from you, necessarily, but space from all things heavy input. Notice how men like to do mindless things- like riding a motorcycle or chopping wood. I guess it's just how our minds and brains work. Trust me on this one babe. If he comes back fully present, he probably loves you. If you let him go and give him a good send off, and wait patiently, he'll love you for it. Don't shame him for his needs. Just make sure that overall he does meet your needs as is reasonable to expect or you will be resentful and he will not be living up to his task.

Definitely · Answer

Because we're also our own person. We can't spend our entire life just sitting next to someone and giving up to everything else that doesn't involve that someone. There might be exceptions, but it's not healthy and it's spelling troubles down the road.
I don't know how much you looked at women, but they're also doing that just as much.

mattdzz · Answer

Guys need their space to get things done, keep their independent streak, and think about how they feel on certain things. I have a girlfriend who wants to be around me all the time, but I need days to myself, and if she give me that opportunity I'm refreshed by the time we see each other again.

spartan55 · Answer

@Agape93
Room to cheat... lol... yeah right... keep telling yourself that... more like we need to keep our sanity and our own sense of self. There are times we just don't want to hang out all the time. I would be interested to know if this is something that has been issue with several bf's, or just your current one.

Jersey2 · Answer

He is a guy and he is an introvert. Get him to do a Myers-Briggs test and you too. It will help as they explain how each communicates and how each likes to be communicated to. Just google the tests, they are free. I am guess he is Introverted Thinking and you are Extrovert Feeling.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

I didn't know men generally did this. I really don't know what he's thinking. Usually I do. Not this time.

Is there any chance that it tends to be a certain personality-type that you end up dating. I've never heard of this as being a common 'male' thing to do.

I'm interested to see what answers you get too.

MostPaloney23 · Answer

Assuming it's not indefinite/extended time or after a fight this is normal and healthy to have. Whatever a guy deals with, he often wants his own time to settle. It could be through a night with friends or family or just himself for an hour. Being asked to spill our guts can make us uncomfortable or feel draining.

Take that time to hang out with a friend, family, a hobby that you've got, or whatever that isn't worrying about him. You'll both come back to each other happier.

Giggletr0n · Answer

You know that one friend that insists on being around you all of the time, telling you everything about their day and just generally strangling you with information you don't really want to hear? That's why need space. Men just aren't as bothered about all of that stuff and eventually it drives us crazy.

young_old_soul · Answer

Sounds like you're being too clingy, which can overwhelm most people and is a sign of insecurity. Everyone, both men and women, need a little space to breathe. Understand that he has a life of his own and can't spend every moment with you. Most likely that's the case.

litty · Answer

Because they are saving the relationship from pitfalls of clinginess, stress from not being able to do what they want, and running out of things to say/do. A guy that's the relationship to work will come back when they are ready. All that is asked is trust.

Dtegesd123 · Answer

I honestly dont mind 2 days of no contact. I think its cause I really have nothing to talk about with you or I just want time to miss you. I'm also a single child so I like my private time a lot. I can go weeks without seeing a body, except online haha.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

This tends to vary with who I am dating. I have had girlfriends where are nearly inseparable and I have had girlfriends where when I came home I kind of wish they had somewhere to be without me. For me, I think this has more to do their happiness and intellect level. I like happy evocative women, which seem in short supply in my neck of the woods.

Thatsamazing · Answer

Because deep down, we aren't supposed to be "in a relationship," as in, tied down, in the first place. Because it's antithetical to our biology.
"What are men thinking when they pull away like this and require so much space?" We're thinking, "do I really want this? Is she actually the one? Does the concept of 'the one' even hold water? Maybe it doesn't."

Liam_Hayden · Answer

You might want to flip this around and ask yourself, "Why do I need so much attention?" The simple fact is that people can be wired differently and we either accept it or move on to someone more in tune with what we desire. For example, I get energized by crowds of people but have dated girls who get drained by too many people. To make a relationship work requires compromise.

skeetskeetskeet · Answer

At the end of the day we just want some peace and fucking quiet without someone nagging us wanting talk about feelings and the other shit women care about... he's fine when he leaves because your not there... then he will want some pussy at some point and his dick will convince him you really aren't that annoying

bamesjond0069 · Answer

We only need space if we dont really respect the girl. If im with someone im proud of im all over them. If im not proud of them i need space like the disgust feeling comes over me once in awhile and i gotta forget about them and go focus on something else.

Miristheiss · Answer

Sometimes "distance" is just a need to recharge.  Distance is good.

clampfan101 · Answer

I certainly wouldn’t require that much space. The more contact the merrier. Constant contact can help you find out if they’re the one for you without waiting 10 years or jumping in too soon.

BeMuse · Answer

In general some do and some don’t. If you are really annoying the percentage that need space will go up.

Boppy · Answer

Do women not like occasionally being independent and having total privacy? I assumed everyone wants to be alone sometimes.

Iron_Man · Answer

Because we were free before we met you and we still want to remain free while we're in a relationship with you. We like to go out and do guy things with our buddies and watch sporting events with our friends etc etc

Agape93 · Answer

They don’t like feeling smothered. Or they want room to cheat.

SexyAshh · Answer

I do this too. Nothing wrong with needing alone time!

Jaysonava · Answer

It's actually very exhausting to have someone in your face all the time. They may be worried about money and be looking for a way to fix their financial situation.

Unit1 · Answer

Ugh. I had one terrible female leaving me hanging like that. It wasn't pleasant to the point where i considered us not being together. 😑 Some have really low needs for affections and romance.

DWD94 · Answer

Because women are exhausting to be around, that's why. Its the same reason we prefer hanging with our guy friends than with our friends that are girls. Women are exhausting.

Anonymous · Answer

They’re basically just gay and you annoy them for that reason deep down.

GD360 · Answer

Every one is different some just need their space. Don't smuther. Not all guys are like that.

Truthatanycost · Answer

This is part of why I don't have a girlfriend. A lot of us guys see space as freedom.

GuidoThePizzaMaker · Answer

Some guys have a lot of problems. They need to solve them before being involved in a relationship He has duties he needs to attend to

TheBootyChest · Answer

In my next relationship SHE is the one who will need space. 😟😢😭

LegendarySir · Answer

I like having time by myself, but I do like talking to my girlfriend every day, even those days I wanna be by myself. Why? I don't know, I just like being by myself.

Jimhflmn · Answer

I don't know that they do, especially since "space" is not described. Obviously, we all want SOME time alone, but for the most part I enjoy company more than being alone, and I think most men and women are the same.

Anonymous · Answer

Why can't women last more than 5 seconds alone? Like FFS, how is it the end of the world that he wants time to himself? Get your insecurities under control

buttcrackjoe · Answer

Depends on the dude but smothering is a thing. Everyone likes some wiggle room to do their own thang.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Sounds like you're just really clingy. He's probably not thinking anything other than "Let me take a breathe will ya".

DamnSam · Answer

I question back, why need women space and attention at the same time when they freak out about an argument?

YHL6965 · Answer

Because we need some time for ourselves to do the things we like without being bothered, we want to think about stuff that only solitude make us think about.

Anonymous · Answer

I have always felt the opposite. i always feel like I am the one calling the girl too much. or talking to her too much.

Passinggas · Answer

I am like that and I just need time to roam. I am a loner at heart.

AynonOMouse · Answer

They need time to play single player video games too. Can't always play the multiplayer ones.

lofii · Answer

Probably because you nag or bitch about something a lot

owens97 · Answer

thats my girlfriend she wants so much space and i just want to be with her

sheepdip · Answer

I get sort of overloaded with human contact after a while and find it very stressful. Maybe he has something similar.

anametouse · Answer

It's nice to recharge and take a social break. Socializing 24/7 is so damn stressful

ronaldo75 · Answer

Because it takes a lot of energy to deal with some women. Like A LOT.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Same reason why women require so much space in a relationship

Anonymous · Answer

Because emotionally available men are seen as insecure. Believe it or not, not all men aren't happy 100% of the time at there for you at your convenience. the ones who are are the creeps and "nice guys" remember?

Twalli · Answer

Men deal with problems alone, they don't need a support system to solve their problems.

iFarted · Answer

Every guy is different. Some people are just more independent.

Anonymous · Answer

I got the same issue. I’m happy to hang out with my girlfriend for a day but if it goes longer than that I start to get annoyed

Just_a_human · Answer

How much space does he say he needs?

Anonymous · Answer

Cause I don’t trust and people tell me often with the kind of personality I have to guard my heart

Why do men require so much space in a relationship?

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Why do some men want space after hanging out with them even when it went well?

Why do men require so much space in a relationship?

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Why do some men want space after hanging out with them even when it went well?

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