Guys, Does my slutty past make me undateable?

Question

I'm 20 years old and have slept with close to 30 guys. Some of them were older men that paid me. I did this because of deep rooted insecurity issues I had growing up. I realized this behavior was extremely unhealthy, and I went to therapy, gained a ton of self confidence, and no longer feel the need to sleep around, or even have sex unless I'm in a committed relationship. However, my number is still there, I can never change my past. And I'm worried that for the rest of my life, guys won't want to date me because of it. Am I undateable forever?

gray_sailor · Accepted Answer

I hope you are still reading this as I took a while to think about and construct my answer.

There are two ways that a person (man or woman) can become promiscuous:
- A person can become promiscuous in accordance with their nature.
- A person can become promiscuous in conflict with their nature.

Accordance or conflict arises as a consequence of a person's sociosexual orientation.

Some background information:

When Alfred Kinsey was conducting his landmark survey of human sexuality, he noted the existence of a regularity. There were behaviors that were normally present in clusters. The presence of any one behavior gave a strong prediction of the presence of the others. He named this cluster of behaviors "SOCIOSEXUAL ORIENTATION".

This orientation was an element of each person's sexual identity. It expresses how a given person relates to others sexually.

A given person's sociosexual orientation falls on a spectrum between two extremes:
1) Sociosexually Restricted
2) Sociosexually Unrestricted

Sociosexually Unrestricted people (men & women):
- separate love and sex
- begin having sex at a younger ages
- engage in sexual activity earlier in a relationship
- participate in casual sex
- have higher numbers of sexual partners
- have no concern for their partner's numbers

Sociosexually Restricted people (men & women):
- do not separate love and sex
- begin having sex at relatively older ages
- delay sexual activity in a relationship
- confine sexual activity to committed relationships
- have lower numbers of sexual partners
- require their sexual partners to have the same views on love and sex

__

Based on your self description in your question, you appear to be a sociosexually restricted person who has behaved in the manner of a sociosexually unrestricted person. This internal conflict points to the need for therapy. Fortunately for you, you have gone through therapy and come out the other side with behaviors that align with your self conception. You are no longer acting in self destructive ways. This is unquestionably good.

Here then is the nature of your problem:
- Your natural mates are restricted men
- Your past behavior indicates that
EITHER
you are fundementally incompatible with your natural mates (this is not the case)
OR
you are compatible with your natural mates, but have been acting out in self destructive ways.

[continued]

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly being a prostitute would make you undateable. Even if you hadn't been paid that would still be way too high for me to take you seriously. If you really have gotten over your issues, then I suggest you lie, and don't ever admit the truth to anyone, or else it will get back to your man, and it will damage any relationship you get into. Most people with high numbers like that are not good for long term relationships.

The guys that will date you are typically going to be players that aren't good relationship material, or really desperate guys that are willing to look past anything to find a woman. Are you undateable forever? Only if you are stupid enough to be honest about your sexual past.

Albinoninja66 · Answer

You're one of the few people who have slept around and actually have a brain. A lot of women pull the usual bullshit line saying "if guys can sleep around and not get judged, why can't girls?" First of all, man whores get judged as well, second is if you don't want to be treated like a hoe, don't act like one. This problem really started do to feminism extremists. The fact that you aknowledge your past behavior and admit that it was wrong and cannot be erased has earned you an immense amount of respect from me. Because while other people are cowards and try to pretend that they didn't partake in slutty behavior, or justify what they did you owned up to it, which shows that you have courage, and are actually willing to change, and not just bitch for attention like a lot of other people do. I can't speak for the rest, but it sure as hell wouldn't make you undatable to me. Kudos to you for doing what few do!

Baggz · Answer

Nope. That depends on the guy. There are guys out there that really dgaf about your past. Past is past. They like the way you are now and whatever future you two may have. You woke up one day and decided enough was enough. You have kicked your habit. Now to find a guy that loves the improved version of you. No matter how many negative shit you hear from men, don't revert back to your old self. Those men ain't worth paying attention to.

You can always bury your past (trust me, men couldn't tell the difference), but this might sting you in the future if you fall in love and the guilt of not letting the man you love know your true history or you could simply wait to find that man who understands where you coming from and accepts you for you. This one's a keeper.

Frost_Byt3 · Answer

I personally wouldn't date you. Not out of fear of catching an STD. Not because you're a bad person (in fact you actually sound like a really nice girl), but simply because i couldn't get the fact that you've been fucked and degraded by soooo many guys in such a short period of time, out of my head. It'd make me feel inadequate, and it'd torture my own insecurities--which is why i could never be with a girl like you.

Its nothing against you, and I'm not trying to shame you or anything. But whether you've changed your ways or not, you still conciously made those decisions in the past, and those decisions still have consequences. I have no problem with you as a person, but never date you in a million years.

But that is just the personal opinion of one guy, and I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who don't give a rat's ass.

AleDeEurope · Answer

Hmm I'm sure some guys won't mind, but I do. I personally wouldn't date you, not just for the high number, what I dislike the most is charging for it. So basically you were a prostitute :/
I'm not into that kind of women, sorry.

MrAtticusLebowski · Answer

Yes and no, I mean you're undateable to insecure guys at least. Look you're still REALLY young, at 20 you're still kinda a kid. Your Update makes me think you got some other issues going on still. Unfortunately, if you're trying to date guys you're age it's gonna' be hard either way. Most guys don't really mature till their mid-30's.

Low_Pride_85 · Answer

I wouldn't be very upfront about it at first but in my opinion I would rather have a girl wit experience who knows how to handle different situations than an inexperienced one.
And for the record! You are not sure exactly how many guys you've slept with but you think it's close to 20... yup

Nuqood · Answer

30x3 = 90.

I personally wouldn't be with you, but that's because I think relationships are for retards, and is semi-irrelevant to your past. I mean, hearing you were with a bunch of dudes at your age would make me queasy since I'd immediately think you're infested with an STD.

slatyb · Answer

Of course not. Sure, some guys are hung up on a woman's sexual past, but a lot of guys aren't. There's no reason to discuss this until there's a real connection with someone, and by then you should know whether they are open-minded enough to accept your past.

Congratulations on your successful therapy.

tyber1 · Answer

You're gonna have a hard time finding someone but it is important to be honest, especially with a past like that. It's not the kind of thing that someone should accidentally find out when you've been dating for 5 years. Given that you're reformed you should eventually find someone if you're a good judge of character.

Avenuewriter · Answer

Many people stigmatize a woman who "gets around." As if having a lot of sex is wrong. Me? I look at it from the perspective of an employer. The more experience the better.

So no, not permanently undateable.

FakeName123 · Answer

While it is great that you have improved upon that, I am sure many guys - including me - will have a major problem with it and potentially consider not dating you because of that.

Humping_Tornadoes · Answer

At the bottom of the barrel. I don't date, and hell to the fucking no, marry girls who are able to have sex to get some sort of profit. Look beyond your number, you have the ability to fuck without feeling anything at all.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

Well know that you're at least not a bad person. So there's that. But yea I guess you just have to find someone who doesn't care about the number. I think there may be a few men like that.

Anonymous · Answer

As long as you are clean, i am not overly bothered by you having had sex with 30 guys before me. Honestly, i would not like it, but i would not count it against you.

It would not prevent me from wanting a 30-guy girl. I think i would prefer it be kept between you and the fictional me.

At least i know that you would have had a worlds worth of experience when it comes to sex.

Jack_the_stripper · Answer

You need to accept yourself first. And yes guys won't feel comfortable with you if they know you were a slut. Sorry. You have to burry it deep and completely wipe it out of your life.

JSmuve · Answer

To some yes, to others no. I think if you're honest about your past and how you got into your situation then the right guy would be understanding.

Zombie-Killa · Answer

You realized you had a problem, And got help for it. So you are good.

ConsultantIsBack · Answer

Just don't tell them until you have to, later on in a relationship stage. I don't think that's unethical.

ArtDent · Answer

Promiscuous woman can be fun, but I wouldn't want to build a life with one. But I guess there are plenty of men who would. Sorry.

Jmikey118 · Answer

No, i use to be the same way people change and there will be people that can accept that

Anonymous · Answer

This is the part where I say you're probably a lovely girl, but I wouldn't date you, but I'm sure others most likely will. Sorry.

StickStickity13 · Answer

For me you're not dateable, but some guys won't care.

brewersfan01 · Answer

as far as im concerned, if you like watching hockey, you're datable.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

I'd date you. I actually find it sexy if a woman has had a lot of sex.

TheOldMan59 · Answer

Not at all, and you don't need to advertise yourself as a slut to every guy you meet. Let him figure out after he gets to like you.

Anonymous · Answer

Not going to lie--that will be a turn off for a lot of quality guys who have dating options.

Anonymous · Answer

It would for me, to be honest. It would be hard to trust you to remain faithful.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't really think there's anything wrong with that so what you like sex big deal

dudeman · Answer

I wouldn't seriously date you.

FirmSteam · Answer

Hey, I used to date someone like you. message me

Guys, Does my slutty past make me undateable?

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