I just found out my boyfriend is filthy rich, while I'm average, is it normal to feel so little now?

[Anonymous]

Weve been dating for 7 months, and finally agree to visit him and discover he's seriously loaded, lives in a huge mansion, his family is overloaded too and I feel so unworthy and small in comparison. What should I do? Im just a self employed artist with a very poor family. I grew up extremely poor, and I don't know, it's just very intimidating, how can I go about it? I'm just worried for some reason. I just wish he was an average wage worker like me. I was a top school student though, his grades tbh, are definitely not intimidating, but i just suddenly feel like we are worlds apatt, Gagers, any advice?

Updates

+1 y

I just feel like people will discriminate against me, against us, just like in the Hollywood movies, it's silly I know

Updates

+1 y

It doesn't change our relationship at all, but I'm still anxious, I think about what the public will think, his parents HATE me, because I'm a realism artist/painter, but I think he'll have a really promising future, I feel now like people will me a gold digger, etc. I'm scared his family will look down on my family, his family are not just rich, they're very judgmental. I know he doesn't look down on me :) but I think everyone WILL

[WalterRadio]

I grew up relatively poor and am now rich. I have to walk between two worlds. My Jaguar never goes to my family's farm, where the people who live around there don't make that much money in two years. I have danced in the same room as the President and First Lady and shared rice in a bowl in a family's shack of scrap wood in a developing country.

You should be yourself. Sweetness and kindness go a long way. Don't look down on their money. Someone had to earn it at some point. Come across as someone who respects it, because it means freedom to be able to do what most people can only dream of.

When you go to a restaurant together, never order the most expensive or the cheapest on the menu. Whenever I take a new girl on a date, I see what she orders. If it is lobster & steak, she is out. (I am happy to fly us to Maine for the weekend for lobster, but this is a character test).

If you get serious and start talking about marriage, then insist on a prenup and get a lawyer to help you with it. This will put away any concerns his family has about money. Their concerns are legitimate, but you can satisfy them.

You overcome economic class distinction through kindness, politeness, grace, and intelligence.

[NearlyNapping]

He chose to be with you didn't he? You didn't know he was rich, but he knew. I'm sure he knew you weren't rich also. He still CHOSE to be with you. Don't forget that.

Is it really the money you are concerned about? Or is it about different social standing and feeling you don't know how to act in a different social strata? Are you afraid of a faux pas? Are you afraid that you might do something "lower class" and embarrass yourself?

Just be yourself. Remember that you were with him for seven months and you didn't know he was rich. Doesn't that mean he didn't fit some stereotype that you had about rich people? Obviously he's not like the stereotype you imagined. Not all rich people are snobby elites who look down their noses on anyone who is not rich.

He CHOSE you and wants to be with you. He might have intentionally hid his wealth to find out if you were after him or his money. If he did that, it seems you passed the test. He wanted to be with you, and you wanted to be with him, not his money. Isn't that enough?

[Anonymous]

I'm wealthy and grew up with very wealthy families. Nobody will judge you unless they are a total asshole and then that has nothing to do with their money. Some people are just jerks. But most people that I know who are super wealthy are very down to earth and we just like honest, smart, kind, fun people. Don't let anyone make you feel small. I'm sure you're a better person than many people with money. Money doesn't determine whether you're a good person or not. If you're awesome you're awesome, it's as simple as that. Believe in yourself a little more! Your boyfriend loves you for who you are. Tell the rest to accept you or fuck off.

[Mustachekitteh]

Fuck everyone else. No matter what you do nothing can please them. So even if you worked yourself to death it wouldn't be good enough to them. So best thing is to not stress about them at all. Other wise your going to drive yourself crazy.

All that matters is that you know the truth and how you feel about him. That's all that matters. You know your not a gold digger so that's all you need to know.

I think you should tell him how you feel too.

[Cmasterson]

IN reality he has no control over his familys income and nor do you, you both are together because you care about each other not because of money. Just know that he's not with you because he feels sorry for you

[Asker]

Umm, he is to become the successor of his father's business actually, that's his future

[Asker]

But thank-you

[Cmasterson]

then thats great, be happy for him because also if you two end up together it will also be great.

[Asker]

You're right, If we love each other, people will support us, thank you, I understand now :) Silly me

[CHARismatic110]

Why does any of that matter? Why not go like you were before you found out?

[Asker]

Because he's going to become the successor of his father's business, it has me worried about the future

[CHARismatic110]

Screw what his family it anyone thinks. It's not about them. It's about you and him.

[Asker]

Thank-you!!

[CHARismatic110]

You're welcome. Don't overthink things!

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for MHO

[Rawrzz]

Are you kidding? I would be jumping up and down in my boots. I grew up poor too. That just means I would be that much more excited if a girl I was dated was loaded.

Fuck what people think. You get the easy life and all it's going to cost you is some ignorant fucks talking shit? Are you kidding me? Someone who grew up poor would jump on that chance. It's not like you're going to be asking for diamond tampons. But that's a solid foundation. You really wanna go out and jump in the ocean again?

Why do you care so much what other people are going to think? Everyone hates their in-laws. That's just natural.

[Asker]

Oh, hahaha:) I'm just a very modest person who wants to be seen as modest. I don't like the busy wealthy lifestyle. I like the "I own my own art gallery" lifestyle. Which I always thought was something to be proud of, until his parents looked down on it. But financial security.. Maybe I should just be more oblivious to what people think :)

[MrMuffinMan]

Shit you own your own art gallery at 20 years old. That's the kind of attitude that is going to get you places. Now you have the money and connections... 20 years from now you might actually be outearning HIS parents haha

you know what it is like to work hard and invest smart largely already. All you need is that X factor of having the backing to really accomplish all your dreams. You are like the girl from the frog.

[Asker]

@MrMuffinMan aww thank-you so much! :) I did choose to pursue art rather quickly, and in fact, my boyfriend and I met at the gallery, because his parents bought a few of my pieces, that were very expensive ( I don't price my own art art, my assistant does). I should've clicked that he was rich right then, lol. but though his parents liked my art, they still think it's low class :( and I should've went to university, but oh well

[Asker]

Oops, not meaning The arts not low class, they think I'm irresponsible... Sigh

[joeb73]

i think thats one reason he fell for you you loved him before you knew he had money. the money doesn't change the person he is and how he feels about you. i bet if he flashed his money around he could get just about anyone he wanted but he didn't do it that way because he wanted someone who wanted him not the money. if you want to change how the parents look at you and not as a gold digger when you are alone ask one of them about a prenuptial agreement and how do the work. if the ask why tell them that you feel that if it ever get to that point with there son to have one to show its him you want and thats it.

[MrMuffinMan]

How do you know he is "super-rich" my moms family "looked" super-rich but she was, in reality so poor that they couldn't even afford to pay the heating bill on their house. I come from a "rich noble heritage" of a bunch of degenerates who drank away millions.

There are a lot of people that LOOK super-rich but in reality they are plunging so deep into the hole that if you could only see their finances you would wonder how they are not dragged out and executed by the mob.

Wealth is mind-set not a material good.

[Asker]

Because his company is internationally popular, and his father who was annoying me, asked me to go over the marketing results so I kinda saw it. His father kept comparing his earnings to my own father's, it was really embarrassing. But yes, his home is so huge, it's like 7 mansions In one. It goes on forever. It's ridiculous

[MrMuffinMan]

His dad sounds like a prick. But get used to it, that is something that the majority of rich people do. They like to pump themselves up and compete against other people. Realistically It would have made no difference if your dad had 10 cents less than a million less. If he can pump himself up and make himself feel better than another human being, a lot of rich people would. It is part of the mentality.

[MrMuffinMan]

If I were you I would look at this objectively and say that you would like to get some mentorship on how to handle your money better. If he is really on the right track and has a wealth mindset who better to look at as a mentor. The majority of times with people that are kinda snobbish, it is best to feed this ego if you want to be accepted. At the same time don't disown your dad, but work his ego first. Then in time tell him all about how great of a guy your dad is. Most dads want their daughters to have a great life at any expense. Your dad is probably thrilled to know that you are dating someone that can provide that for you.

[Asker]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.. I do desperately want his father's approval and acceptance. Your answer was incredible to me. It's just made me realize things better.

[remedioso]

Well then his father sounds like a douche. He shouldn't compare his money to your family's money. That's a low class move. I live in a mansion. I have money, came from money, most of my friends have money. But some of my best friends come from modest homes and they are amazing people. A large house doesn't buy you happiness. All the wealthy people I know LOVE , value and appreciate artists! It sounds like his family is a bunch of judgmental snots and that has nothing to do with how much money they have it has to do with them being ugly on the inside.

[remedioso]

Don't try for their approval! Make yourself and your boyfriend happy and fuck everyone else! You're not dating his family.

[NotTheFBI]

Don't worry about it, Rich or 'well off' Men usually go looking for women who aren't totally loaded. Not because of some self righteous attitude but because they want someone who'll love them for them. I know a few colleges who've 'pretended' or never told their SO they're rich (Tried this too) until the right time to make sure that the person their with loves them for them and not for their wealth. So don't worry about it. If you got this far it means he's willing to let you know everything. ;) And nope, your an artist I think they'll like you for sure lol.

[SarahsSummer]

I think it's a pretty good sign of his character that it took you 7 months to learn if his wealth. I would continue to think about the guy you met and fell for and not letvyourself be blinded/affected by this new knowledge. But what do you mean "finally agreed to visit him"?

[Asker]

Well I just didn't want to go to his house, because I'm a Christian and well... hard to explain.

[Anpu23]

Wealth is only off putting if you let it be. Remember that he knew your social situation before you knew his. Many rich people do not let others know that they are for the very reasons you just mentioned, as well as to avoid gold diggers. If he likes you, then that should be enough. How was his family towards you, where they nice? Did they seem excepting of you? If so, then that's enough.

[the-mad-german]

I think this is normal. Its like a Cow lived all time in a stable... and then you take her to the open land... she will be afraid.

i mean you r no cow or else but... money is power and power is impressive

[matheus_mb]

You should be happy about it. In financial terms it's like winning the lottery. If he's with you, if he loves you, screw what people will think or say, just enjoy him (and the money he may give you xD).

[zorro8888]

How does that define your relationship?
He doesn't see it as a problem nor should you... keep in mind, it's not his money, it's his family's money.

[Asker]

Yeah, I guess I'm just scared of what people will think, our relationship has been on the down low, so yeah, I'll keep what you said in mind

[zorro8888]

People are constantly judging, you can't change that... doesn't mean that what they think should affect your relationship with your boyfriend.

[AdamThomas]

Earnings make little difference to a man in terms of attraction, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[Asker]

Really? I sure hope so.

[AdamThomas]

Really, the only thing that usually matters to a man is that you're good looking and that you aren't a bitch, we usually don't care about your earnings, your career etc. Things that intimidate women like intelligence don't bother us either. A lot of men would prefer to settle down with a woman who will stay home and look after the kids over a career woman.

[Tarvold]

If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have invited you back there.

The only person in all of this with a problem with it is you. It's up to you if you whether you want to let your own insecurities in teh way of something potentially awesome.

[Mesonfielde]

It's your boyfriend's decision to be with you, and they'll have to cope with that even if their initial impressions were negative.

[MyUsernameRules]

Don't feel so low. Us guys aren't that shallow so we don't care what your status is. And he seems to be really into you considering guys like him have a lot of options in girls.

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't feel any shame at all. You actually work hard for what you have, you know the true value of a dollar. You do what you love for a living, regardless of the price. I think those are great qualities in a person.

[chrisbigman]

The fact that he is dating you should tell you that he likes you that much. Let me ask you this - is it he that is actually loaded or is it his parents? You said his family is overloaded, so I'm assuming he's just a heir to his ancestor's fortunes.

[SexyStudent]

When you stop worrying about what other people think you will have reached adulthood

[Decoyyy]

it's not like he gives you shit or treats you different because of the amount of money you have so its nothing to worry about

[VegasNewFallout]

I'd suggest you get some real problems, but with a title like 'artist' I'd say you already have enough problems with debt and joblessness LOL.

[Asker]

That actually hurt my feelings, that's not funny. I do make about $3000-8000 a painting, so I am a respected artist for my age

[Asker]

And I don't have any debt

[VegasNewFallout]

Your rich boyfriend buying your artwork =/= established.

[Asker]

But that's not meaningful towards the art.

[VegasNewFallout]

It means he's buying your pieces to keep your spirits high, since nobody else will. Kind of like the scene from phenomenon where John Travolta buy's his crush's shitty wicker chairs that nobody actually wants.

[Asker]

People already do buy my pieces. I'm a professional artist

[VegasNewFallout]

and that's precisely why you're going for a guy's money.

[abundantlyrich]

So conscious... Money doesn't define one's identity

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

how the fuck did it take you 7 months to figure out he was stackin?

[Asker]

It might have been because he's not so intelligent as what I'd expect from a person who comes from a wealthy background. Usually those types of people have parents who insist on their education, but he did not seem so educated

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

it's actually the other way around... the richer you are, the dumber your kid can be to get into school. that's why you have so many loaded kids in ivies and other private school... dat booster money doe

[Asker]

Yeah. My family literally has geniuses, his doesn't. So that could make sense. K
After most kids who already have it all, are not disciplined, and therefore don't have the drive to work hard to earn or don't have the necessary anxieties of worries in the future concerning how they'll provide for themselves, etc., That's why they usually party, and go "shopping"
I guess "legally blonde" isn't so unrealistic sometimes in comparison to reality.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

those 2 things aren't mutually exclusive. you know that, right?

[Asker]

I got off topic and was thinking about something else entirely, oops

[Asker]

And my family does have geniuses in it. I have an enormous family. (9 sisters, 5 brothers) and my father was a genius who passed away, leaving my mother a widowed single mother. My whole family isn't poor anymore. It's just that the wealthy ones seem non existent now, being overseas

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

cool

[Asker]

Sorry for telling you my family life story, lol.. thanks for advice though

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

no worries