Should I add the waitress on facebook?

[jazza96]

Hi.
I am a 19 year old guy and I went to dinner with my family tonight and the waitress was really nice.
I realised I had a friend that worked at the same place so I looked through her friends and found her. (By friend, I mean she is a facebook friend. If I passed her at the shops, we wouldn't say hi). We only have one mutual friend and that's the same 'friend' I searched.
Should I add her, or do you think it will be creepy and makes me look like a stalker?

Thanks

[pnl86]

I wouldn't add her via Facebook. It's not necessarily creepy, but just the thought of it makes me cringe. It's such a socially weak move that shows you lack confidence.

I mean, you know her "friend." You have interacted with her before. You've already met her in person. You have no excuse to not talk to her "in person."

Also, not sure what you mean by 'nice'. She's in the service industry, it's her "job" to be "nice" to customers.

One thing I've learned about waitresses and bartenders, etc., is that you can't hit on them, you have to let them come on to you. That doesn't mean just standing there. That means offering plenty of large loops for her to snag her hooks into. There's a recent article from the American Bar Association on what qualities excellent conversationalists have; Google it and read it.

If she likes you, she's going to be "picking up on what you're putting down." You have to be very receptive, however, because it's her instinct as an employee and as a woman to not appear as if she's flirting or hitting on you. So, as soon as you feel like she's tried to snag her hooks into one of the large loops you've laid out for her... like a reverse-fisherman, you have to start "being pulled in."

Those large loops can be anything, the key is, don't try hard. If it doesn't seem or feel natural and fluid... if it feels forced... STOP! An easy way to get around that is to walk in and be a naturally curious, fun, funny, talkative and otherwise entertaining person. Mild funny - "in jest." Nobody ever really rolled their eyes on someone being only lightly playful or silly, as opposed to trying really hard to be funny with some extreme joke.

If she's not interested in what you look like, then she's just going to be fake nice/polite, but not really engage with you. You know a waitress is engaged with you when she's hovering around your table and talking to you voluntarily, instead of attending to other tables or hanging out by the register or kitchen. That's your one and only sign, so be on alert for it.

But you have to not be afraid to interact with people in person. Don't give in to the self-destructive crutch of social media and the Internet.

[theccanyon]

"There's a recent article from the American Bar Association on what qualities excellent conversationalists have; Google it and read it."

-could not find; give more clues to search

[theccanyon]

Give more clues [for me] to search [plzkthx]?*

[pnl86]

@theccanyon sorry. It was featured on the ABA's site. www.fastcompany.com/.../six-habits-of-the-best-conversationalists

[theccanyon]

Awesome ! Thanks so much for linking it for med! :D

[Applefan1]

If you add the waitress on facebook it will look creepy. She was not just really nice to you, she is really nice to everyone that walks through the door. It is her job to be really nice to the customers, she was just doing her job. Do not add her.

[theccanyon]

Noooo don't do it! Later, maybe; now? No. Way.

I can't believe no one stressed this - my first thought would be "how the f did he find me? I didn't give him my--" and then "holy shit... He RESEARCHED me." She didn't invite you - you hunted her down like a detective and found her.

Don't forget that she doesn't know YOUR name (were u wearing a nametag too?)- "who even is this guy?"

Here is what you do - you go back to the restaurant and request to sit in her section. You strike up convo and you get to know her and, most importantly, let her get to know you. Then feel it out and go from there.

Please don't add her now and please don't get discouraged, either. Just change your approach and take ur time.

Good luck.

;)

[theccanyon]

This advice comes from waiting tables and being in high visibility front desk positions.

@That-Guy - Any suggestions u wanna give to asker?

[That-Guy]

"Should I add her, or do you think it will be creepy and makes me look like a stalker? "
- if you have to ask yourself this, then don't do it.

Advice: work on talking to waitresses and waiters in general. What's the lingo? What are some insightful convos you can have with them while they're working? Can you joke and play with them? Once you get used to talking to staff in general, then you'll have a shot at not only her but any waitresses in general (remember, for guys it's sheer volume). If you are nice to her staff, they like you... then you'd be a safer person for her to approach but if she's the "cute" one of the restaurant, rest assure her guard to up higher then the berlin wall.

If you go ask to sit in HER section, make it the goal of the night to talk to her all night and then ask her awkward time consuming questions, it's going to end in disappointment.

[ShaunaM95]

I wouldn't add her if I were you because it would look a little creepy but if you want to try asking her out then go ahead and add her.

[maryem]

If you want to add her then do it and stop over thinking it, it's just a friend request dude no big deal.

[orphan]

it'll be unexpected..

it's only creepy if you add w/o saying something significant. a longer than normal genuine message usually subdues the creep-suspicion.

adding her, then msging something like: "Hey... wat's up?" is almost as creepy as not saying anything at all. tell her why u added her, and be genuine.

[Pac-Man]

No man, thats really creepy. I am sure the waitress is nice with everyone.

[jazza96]

Yeah, I was thinking that as well.

[slimstiffy]

Aaahh.. Hard one.. Could go either way.. Depends on her man.. Go with your gut on this one.. Onky you knoe her personality ( kk nt really but a bit.. We dont know at all..)

[Yanoa_Yanza]

I'd eat there again and have a talk with her, then perhaps add or something

[Decentguy]

i think it would make you look creepy

[XNicholeMariex3]

I wouldn't.