Caught my boyfriend on Tinder. Am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year anf a few months now.. My friend recently saw his profile on Tinder. He also sent me a screangrab and i saw the tinder notification in the left corner of his screan shot. He says he'll never cheat on me yet he won't put any fotos of us on his fb or even our in a relationship status. Says he doesn't want a "Facebook relationship"... After so long i feel like an idiot :( am i over reacting?

[Sara413]

You are definitely NOT over reacting...

Maybe if it was just the "nothing on Facebook" thing.. but even then I'd be suspicious if he was so hardliners about it he'd not allow me to put pictures of us on there.

But there is NOT reason why he should be on Tinder. Even if he hasn't cheated or doesn't plan to cheat, he's on there because he wants to chat with other women in a less than innocent manner. At the very least, he want he ego boost from their attention. It's like if he goes out to bars and flirts with other women just to see if he's still got it... it's disrespectful.

There is no wholesome reason to be on Tinder as a guy in a relationship. Combining that with his refusal to allow anything about your relationship on social media and I'm fairly sure he's cheated not you, is cheating on you, or is trying to.

[xHoneyxBeex]

I can't think of any 'innocent' reason to have a Tinder account when in a relationship. I don't think you're overreacting. I would be upset too if I were in your situation. Having that account does not mean he has cheated on you, however, I do believe he may have thought about it and being on Tinder would make it easy for some people to cheat. You should definitely confront him about this and figure out what's going on. You also may not be able to trust him after this which will put a lot of strain on the relationship. It's a terrible situation to be in but, you have to decide what's best for you here. If you can't trust the person you're with, then there's really no reason to be in a relationship.

[Asker]

I did. He said he spoke to his friend and they spoke about a mutual friend an he remembers seeing her on tinder waaay back then he want to show his friend. But that just seems like bullshit to me. And the previous night he accidently sent me a message not meant for me saying "it shows at this mal or where whould you like to go?" when i asked him about it he said it was meant for a friend. They are going to fit on suits accordong to him. Eventually he said fine he lied he's sorry. he's actually going to the movies with this guy nd they are going to smoke weed. I dont buy it at all

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, that sounds very sketchy. I'm not sure I would believe it either. :/

[Cmasterson]

How would you friend see him on tinder if your boyfriend is not looking for other males. Sounds like he's trying to eat his cake and have it to, be with you but doesn't let anyone no. Facebook status doesn't matter however I would upload some of you two and see what he says.

[Asker]

I have uploaded photos. He didn't accept a single tag so it doesn't show on his fb

[Cmasterson]

Wow what an ass.

[Anonymous]

people are weird about facebook is girls I'm friends with and have know for a couple years and isn't even a single picture of us even as just friends at bar and we talk all the time. but being your actually dating it seems weird he won't put anything up. its also odd he's on tinder , that doesn't sound like he is up to good things there

[RandomBritishGuy94]

I don't change my Facebook thing. Means nothing.

Being on Tinder... is something else. If it's an active profile it's a big red flag. I would have thought my old account is on there somewhere... did the friend match with him or just come across him?

[Asker]

She didn't swipe him.. But i saw he had a tinder notification which means he had a message or a match. Worst of all is he has been telling me how I've treated him like crap

[ElissaDido]

You're not overreacting. Hun, he needs some explaining to do. Otherwise drop his ass!

[noisette91]

Well, honestly, I always found these facebook statments pretty stupid.. Never, in any if my relationships, did I put in a relationship or change it to single afterwards or post pictures of us.. it's just none of people's business, I'm also against couples exchanging passwords and all that BS. That doesn't mean the person has anything to hide. Some people just like to keep some privacy.
However, since Tinder IS a dating site, this does ring alarm bells. Why is he even using it?

[chriss]

exacly tinder is a dating site so it's like the guy is looking for someone

[Anonymous]

RUN!
This guy is bad news. He's a cheater and a liar who is thinking only of himself and wants the best of both worlds.
He was on tinder for a reason
I've been here before and tried to make excuses for him, don't make the same mistake. Leave him

[DrGtheMD]

You are not overreacting but but you see at face value is true. He's your boyfriend big deal. He's a guy a young guy who would hook up with someone who would find attractive. Did you plan on marrying this guy? That is your naïveté not his

[Sara413]

I don't think that expecting exclusivity in a committed relationship is naivete... that's a pretty fucked up way to look at it..

[DrGtheMD]

@Sara413 I agree with you. But your 29 and understand the meaning of, "committed relationship." For young guy I don't think he's there yet because he's a young guy. His hormones are raising all around. He does not believe he is in a committed relationship who may not even know what it means

[Sara413]

Oh bullshit. He knows he's in a relationship. If he's not ready for that, fine, but then he should be upfront about that and not act like he's in a relationship with her while dicking around behind her back.

[Sara413]

"He's young" isn't an excuse to be an asshole.

[Asker]

I confronted him and he said why would i look at other girls when I've been looking at rings..

[Sara413]

Looking at rings? One year in? I smell bullshit...

[DrGtheMD]

@Sara413 finally you agree with me. And I thank you

[chrisbigman]

I'm not sure you are overreacting. I think I understand what he means by Facebook relationship. However, if you two were in a serious relationship, he would be happy to at least post pictures of you two. I think you have a right to be concerned here, indeed. Be prepared to leave him, because it seems like he is walking the finest line here in your relationship and possibly will cross it.

[melme16]

Yikes. You're most definitely NOT overreacting. Why haven't you left him yet? Did you talk to him? About how you saw his tinder account. For an explanation

[Asker]

Well i stopped messaging him for a day just to get some time to think.. And he sent me a message saying he is moving on with his life since he can't be with someone that handles things like this and doesn't trust him. So i guess it was super easy for him to move on after a year and a half

[melme16]

Oh my, so sorry to hear that.

He sounds like a jerk who is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. Honestly confront him, and if he over reacts and becomes argumentative then "sadly" kick his ass to the curb.

[Asker]

I did. He said he spoke to his friend and they spoke about a mutual friend an he remembers seeing her on tinder waaay back then he want to show his friend. But that just seems like bullshit to me. And the previous night he accidently sent me a message not meant for me saying "it shows at this mal ;) or where whould you like to go?" when i asked him about it he said it was meant for a friend. They are going to fit on suits accordong to him. Eventually he said fine he lied he's sorry. he's actually going to the movies with this guy nd they are going to smoke weed. I dont buy it at all

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah... He is pretty much lying about everything. I'm sorry for your loss, but as i said kick his ass to the curb.

[madhatters4]

no you are not overreacting. he's on a dating site what else for? and you aren't an idiot he's an idiot

[bloodmountain1990]

Nah, that's pretty shady. Unless a couple has made it clear they want an open relationship then no one should have an active dating profile in a committed relationship.

[MrAtticusLebowski]

ugh... sounds suspect and like a red flag. Talk to him about it.

[Ciawat]

Sorry, it kind of sounds like he's playing you :c I think you should move on, try to find someone who appreciates you.

[snow10]

Dump him. Why the hell is he on a dating site when he has a girlfriend. Tinder is a site to hook up. Respect yourself please and leave him.

[BertMacklinFBI]

if you have doubts then address them to him and see what he does to prove it to you

[Pyrofox]

WAY OVER REACTIng

O. O not every guy or girl likes to spam their FB with pics of kissing.

[This_is_my_username]

Yo he's on a dating site... He's looking for some other chick you have the right to be upset. Dump his two timing ass

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Yes you're overreacting.

And your 'friend' is trying to get with you.

[Sara413]

Her boyfriend is active on a hook up app... how is she over reacting?

[evenlift]

You're not over-reacting. This is cheating. Dump him.

[abundantlyrich]

The lies they come up with are lame. Lol dump him now and say its over

[AmethystAngel]

No you are not overreacting, act on your doubts confront him.

[LordBlakeh]

Message him on Tinder and say hey, see what his reaction is.

[Anonymous]

It could be nothing.. Or he could be cheating on someone else with you.

[05Jueey]

Wow he's sketchy. What a jerk

[Ellarabbaa1]

Nah breakup with him asap you don't need a mf

[scooogy]

No, Tinder is the wrong place for him to be at.

[rgb008]

Red flag to me

[angelfromsky]

NOPE

[SleepingSnorlax]

Break up with him

[bcromartie]

No..

[Anonymous]

he's cheating