Just caught my boyfriend using Tinder secretly for 4th time.. what to do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together in a long distance relationship for 2 years, I'm graduating college this semester and moving to his state in 2 months.

About a year ago, when he came to visit me, I found the tinder app on his phone.. he was flirting, giving out his number and asking to meet girls. But he denied meeting them or anything else, he was just on it because was bored. He was very apologetic and promised not to do it again..
About 2 months after that, one of my friends found him on Tinder again, he offered to take her out and stuff... I was heartbroken, I was so disgusted and felt so bad about myself... I broke up with him.
After 8 months, we started talking as "Friends" then we eventually got back together, everything was better, he seemed more mature and more responsible.
I went to visit him during spring break, as I used his phone to make a call, a Tinder notification came up on the screen. I was devastated... I confronted him about it, he was embarrassed but he defended himself by saying that he didn't do anything on the app, he was not flirting like he used to do, he just chats here and there when he is bored..
I didn't believe him this time, but I explained to him that having that app on his phone is very disrespectful to me and that I have lost trust in him because of it. I let it slide to not ruin our vacation.. nonetheless, he apologized again for it, and promised again to never ever do it again. I was not very convinced...
Last night, I was thinking about this and got paranoid so I decided to go on Tinder and check if he indeed deleted his account. My heart stopped when his profile popped up, saying that he was last online 35min ago... I couldn't believe it. He still downloaded the app after I left, despite all our conversations, what he went through because of it, and despite how I feel about it... I felt something break inside me. I didn't confront him yet about it. I don't know what to do...
Thank you in advance for your insights.

Updates

+1 y

Does anyone know if the profile stays up if the person deleted the app?

[Ravenpowers]

This is all bad. The reason he did it over an over again, is because you allowed it. By taking him back every time, and putting mental "band-aids" over the situation you basically told him that it's okay and that he can do whatever the hell he wants. Why? Because you will take him back.

That is someone who knows that they can take advantage of you. That's not a relationship, your his back up. His "sure thing". His emotional rock while he goes out and messes around.

So you can either choose to continue this depressing cycle, cause he's not going to give up this gig any time soon. He's still doing it right now. Or you can walk away from this relationship and find peace in yourself and when it's time find someone better.

Know that you deserve better. Know your worth. Know that your happiness is what matters at the end of the day. Good luck girl. (:

[ninalau]

This is awesome advice. I wanna screenshot it haha

[Ravenpowers]

Please do (: anytime

[SquirttBlossom]

He is cheating on you. So what would you normally do about this? Just bc its social media, dosnt mean its less bad. He is offering to meet up with these girls. and he does. What if he does delete the app? Do you honestly think that the app is his only resource to finding other females? No. I think you should confront him calmly and maturely. Tell him how you feel about his disrespectfulness and lies. Then i would tell him Why you are ending this relationship, and how you can no longer trust him enough to give him anymore chances. Then have a grace period of sad over the (terrible) loss and go have fun with your life. Its not all about guys ya know. Have the stress free life you want for a while. And when you DO want a man in your life again, find one who isn't so wormish. They are out there. And yes, if you delete you account it will not show up.

[Hannah591]

It's just going to continue like this until HE decides he's fed up of being confronted. You need to put your foot down and leave. He cares more about that app than he does about you and he obviously doesn't respect you. He knows it's causing you pain and if he did love and care for you, he would be seriously apologetic and would've removed the app after the first time! Don't put yourself through continuous pain by being with him. You survived 8 months without him so you can survive many more whilst you find someone who treats you with respect and is entirely loyal to you (they do exist). It'd hurt a lot less than it does being with him. Love should never hurt as much as it is for you.

[summiter]

It is an easy decision. Dump him,. He does not want to be faithful to you. Are you two having sex? Do you think he is having sex with others he (could) be dating? Anyway... you deserve better. Let him get use to jerking off again. What are your thoughts?

[MoshingExec]

It's long distance. He's already used to jerking off.

[BertMacklinFBI]

first time was an accident. second time okay my mistake sorry. third time you're just an idiot. fourth time seriously what the fuck is going on.

[Asker]

I know right... the thing is, besides this, everything is PERFECT... I'm very confused

[BertMacklinFBI]

its probably perfect for you but not for him.

[been_waiting]

None of the times are excusable

[Hopefuldreamer8]

Honestly, you should just dump him already. He's already proven to be untrustworthy with that app. If he wanted to chat with people because he was bored, he could find other social networking places or apps. However, on Tinder he will just be using it to talk to women. I think this time you need to dump him and for good. Do not get back together with him. You can do better than that. It's not fair to you to keep going through that. Dump him and let him use Tinder and you can find someone who will treat you decently.

[Punkbuster107]

If he were just using it to chat, he'd be talking to at least as many guys on tinder as girls.

You could do way better. Don't ignore the warning sign. However nice he may seem in other regards, this IS a warning sign about a part of his nature he is not willing to openly seek correction on. It might even just be the tip of the iceberg. I don't think you should have gotten back together with him.

[MoshingExec]

Give me a break. No guy would use tinder to chat with other guys unless he is gay. Tinder is a dating app. No guy is going to want to chat with random guys on tinder unless he is gay.

[Punkbuster107]

That is exactly my point.

[yoyito92]

Dont let a man drag you down on his level, he is trying to keep you for himself and then go behind your back, the reason he has a tinder is because he is looking for someone else. tell him your not to be played with and leave him , if he really loved you he would never do it again

[Dansexuall]

What to Do? You should do what all people should do and that's realise and accept that most humans are not monogamous and it is against human nature. we nnaturaly seek to have long term partners with occasional flings on the side. Just allow him to be honest with you about it, be understanding and allow yourself a little more freedom aswell :)

[thatkaruguy]

here's the two options i think you should take. 1. make him delete it and if he downloads or uses it again break up with him. 2. make a fake tinder profile and match with him. try to flirt with him to see if he is actually cheating on you.

[ninalau]

^^^ I think this is a really smart idea to be honest.

[singlebee]

Please have some respect for yourself and breakup with this guy... i have never seen a girl woth so much low respect for herself that she would allow this to happen 4 times... don't be an idiot and let it happen for the 5th time... i really hope that

[MoshingExec]

That's why long distance rarely works out. Out of sight, out of mind.

He is being a guy. He craves physical human contact. It isn't about emotions. If you can accept that then stay with him. If you can't then move on.

[Theshaft169]

It stays up. You need to delete it then delete the app or you just re load and sign in and your there with any who contacted while your app was even deleted.
Get rid of that piece of shit. He's a snake

[Theshaft169]

What's uour snap chat?

[oldanddecrepid]

I would check it again just in case... but I would be worried.

If it is still up and he is viewing the account... I would just start packing up some day.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words!

[RinXD]

The fact that you kept giving him chances is on you. You should have kicked him to the curb when you caught him the second time.

[Zeeeky]

He is treating you like trash, don't let him walk all over you. You deserve better :) You are a trusting person and he is not worthy of your time and even less your love. Best of luck :)

[SarahsSummer]

Don't even show him the respect of dumping his sorry ass just walk away, block him from your phone and find happiness elsewhere. He's a loser, liar and cheater!

[Hephaestus]

Should have left him after the 1st one.
He ain't perfect.
if he found a girl on there that was closer than you, he would be with her... sorry to say.

Guys a cunt

[tragicallyinlove]

If he's flirting with other girls behind your back, you should leave him. That's who he is. You can't change a person. You deserve someone who has faithful to you. Good luck.

[prettygirl13]

By the third time you should have left his sorry ass. You don't need a boyfriend who's going to disrespect you like that.

[CommieDearest]

You should have dropped him the first time. Don't let him make a fool out of you, leave.

[Aprilinparis]

It's a LD relationship whT do you expect? Pm me I do have some private suggestions...

[CreepyOldMan]

Yep. Another broken home due to Tinder. I've seen it before. Not the first time, and won't be the last. Will probably take years to get over it.

[MoshingExec]

Broken home? This isn't a broken home. No need to exaggerate.

[TheWorldEndsWithYou]

That's all bad news, there is actual proof that he's doing stuff to jeapordize the relationship. Sorry to hear but it's time to let him go.

[Anonymous]

The trust is broken and you can't have a successful relationship without it, if you want to be happy in the long run.. Break up with him, you deserve better!