Guy asked me to pay for the third date?

Question

Okay, so it was the third date. First date just had drinks (cheap) and he paid. Second date went for coffee and snack, and I offered but he insisted to pay ( was just a beach side cafe). 

Third date he asked me out to this fancy restaurant, had a proper Sunday brunch. When bill arrives he says "hey do you mind getting this one? its your turn" 

I was a bit shocked as the amount was way more than both the previous dates, I didn't mind splitting it but he just asked me to pay the whole amount for both our meals! 

May be he planned to spend for the next meal but we are still dating and he was the one who asked me out for this meal. Should I be mad?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Red flag here, not because he asked you to pay. But because he took you to a fancy smancy restaurant that was probably knowingly pricey (more than the 2 previous dates) and expected you to pay.

I personally would have just asked to split it (that seems fair). Or maybe agree to go to a less expensive place. But from what it sounds like He was the one who insisted on this place which to me is problematic.

If you had insisted on this place, then him asking you to pay would have been fine. But I don't know about anyone else, but fancy restaurants are usually for special occasions as most people don't have the money to do that type of extravagant spending.

From my experience, if you are with a guy who goes the cheap route when he is paying but then pushes you to spend lavishly on him, RUN AWAY! He is only trying to get something out of you.

It's possible he was planning on buying the next meal. But what was wrong with going to a cheaper place? That us what gets me. Like there are plenty of nice less expensive places, like bar and grills. They typically have lots of choices at different price levels.

Maybe going forward, if you are not comfortable paying, then ask to split it. Or agree ahead of time how you are going to split the bill (ie. someone buys apps and drinks, while the other buys the main). Or maybe alternate. It just seems like a dik move to go expensive then insist you pay. Like why not go somewhere less expensive or ask to split? Nothing wrong with treating a guy to a meal. But it seems unfair you had to pay the expensive time, and he only took you out on coffee dates.

I personally never expect dates I wouldn't be comfortable paying for myself.

AriadneSky · Accepted Answer

this is why splitting just makes more sense. i dot think you paying is weird esp since he paid twice but since he paid you had no idea hed ask you so you might've chosen a cheaper place. i dont even do restaurants as dates. its just spendsig a bunxh of mioney on food hat i can just buy something from a supermarket and i don't like eating while getting to know someone. crazy in my opinion to go to an expensive place when you're not even celebrating. you're still getting to know each other so ANYTHING should be exciting. no need for frills to get thrills.

anyhow just suggest splitting next time and the next etc. thats what id do.

how much was it by the way. did it equal more than the two dates he paid for?

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

Okay I'm all for being square but that is some low key bullshit.

If he's only paid for drinks and coffee he shouldn't invite you to a restaurant - a fancy restaurant - and then spring it on you when the meal is done that he wants you to pay. That's hardly square and it seems like he just wanted a free meal.

You two should have split if the meal costed more than the first previous two dates, and then if you got drinks or coffee again, or even went to a movie, then yes you should pay for the entirety of it - but not a fancy meal when you two have been to relatively cheap dates before hand.

LindsayRB91rds · Accepted Answer

That's odd and certainly rude. You hadn't agreed to take turns paying (although that's a reasonable arrangement if it suits you both). If he doesn't offer immediately to pick up the tab at the next date or he picks coffee only to be cheap - I'd say that's a red flag for sure.

OTOH, if you see him again and the date (he offers to pay) costs about the same as the dinner you paid for then you can lower that flag at least a little.

Kkaos · Accepted Answer

Haha, that's hilarious.. He had it all worked out. Nah, I'm sorry.. That was really poor on his part. If anything I'd do the opposite of what he did, first date is casual.. Cheap drinks, we'll split it.. Second date might split it again, depending how I feel.. By the third when things get a little more serious, especially if it's more expensive, I'll pay. You do have a right to be mad, I think anyone who asks you out and then expects you to pay is kidding themselves. A shame really, things like that can ruin a good date.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

You get no surprises like this when you date a guy who follows the traditional rules. I have been dating my girlfriend for 15 months. This weekend, she took me out to dinner and paid for it as a thank you for my help with a project she had. It was the first time that she ever paid for anything on a date.

ElissaDido · Answer

Lol I wouldn't even go on the 3rd date. I don't even want him to pay BUT if he asks me to pay then it's red flag. I want him to at least offer and insist to pay as an act of courtesy.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Funny how he pays for twice but those items were just cheap drinks and snacks but as soon as you go to fancy restaurant that cost a bit more he wants you to pay the WHOLE bill. Guy sounds kinda cheap, you are not worth spending that much on to him. I would said okay.. next date you go on you pick a fancy restaurant cause it will be his turn to pay.. if even asks you to help split the bill then right there you will know. I'm a strong believer in who ever ask who out first should pay.. that's just me.

bvictor · Answer

That's a dick move. For one isn't it more appropriate for the person initiating the date to pay. That's pretty pathetic that he initiates a date at an expensive restaurant and leaves you with the bill. I wouldn't bother with a 4th if I were you.

Blue-bell · Answer

I know it's considered polite for men to pay for dates but seriously, I think this is outdated nowadays. If he's paid for two dates I see no reason why you couldn't pay for one - I don't think you should be mad. I am a strong believer in keeping it equal and not expecting a man to pay for everything.

anonman32 · Answer

Splitting the bill from the first date seems a lot easier for both parties.

Saoirse_Nua · Answer

I think splitting is the best option avoids situations like this if dates have different price ranges.

Anonymous · Answer

Its no one's fault we don't know his intentions. We don't know if he'd pay the next or not. I'd say it's not like he made it a statement. He asked and you obliged meaning you let him get his way. Regardless of why you should of said no otherwise it's not his fault unless he continues to tell you to oay

Anonymous · Answer

This has to have be some kind of intentional douche move. I fully believe in splitting and have paid for dates fully, but inviting someone somewhere expensive and then sticking them with the bill is very rude. Probably his idiotic way of "getting back" at womankind. Consider it paying to see a red flag.

iamwoot · Answer

Don't be mad. But do move on. Any guy worth his salt wouldn't dump the whole bill on you. Or even ask.

SarahsSummer · Answer

He asked you on s date then sprung the bill on you? Totally inappropriate. Doesn't sound like this guy wants a 4th date.

Likes2drive · Answer

Yeah I see why you're mad, splitting it would have made sense on such a big bill, but I'm old-school and I always paid for the dates

TripleAce · Answer

No I think you should just cover it and move on, seems like you're holding on to negative energy  Even if its more, like who's counting... obviously you

xxNDMxx · Answer

I'd get mad for sure. You could've split for it, or better yet, leave him at the table with the bill.

worldscolide · Answer

Welcome to the world of equality. Be mad if you want, but he had every right to ask you to pay. If i were in his shoes, id have asked to split the bill though, not straight up asked you to pay.

desidoll · Answer

Yes you have a reason to be mad. If you invited him then I don't see problem asking you to pay but he sounds so cheap. Leave this broke guy alone.

TheEnd2 · Answer

Don't know about being mad but you should say something to him about it. Doesn't show good character on his part so might want to move on. I always split the bill, never would go out with a girl that wasn't willing to pay for herself.

helloimcrazy · Answer

Why is it that only men are expected to pay? by the way if it was a really large amount then yeah you should've split

Kuraj · Answer

I always split the bill, but that apparently means I have a shitty character and that this is the right and convenient thing to do. Well look at that.

meatballs21 · Answer

He asked you out on two dates and paid so he could trick you into paying for the third one. Riiiiiight...

mikemx55 · Answer

Was he testing you? Seems a bit weird lol I laughed way more than I should have xD

Guy asked me to pay for the third date?

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