Guy online being too pushy?

[Anonymous]

I am using Match. com. As with online dating, you get a variety of messages. I have only started communicating with this one guy this week. He said he liked my profile and wanted to get to know me more. I sent him a message back saying "Hello" and "Thank You"'. I just asked him how he was doing. He told me that he had been single for a year and he was new to the site.

I didn't respond for a day or two, then I get a message saying, "It's okay if you don't want to talk!" I sent a message back saying I didn't get a chance to log on.

He sent me a message last night saying that he thinks communication on the site is too slow and he would like to have my full attention. He states that he wants to have my phone number so we can text and talk on the phone.

I'm was annoyed by some the messages as I felt he was getting too pushy. I figure I don't owe him an explanation. I'm picking up controlling vibes. If you don't respond within a certain amount of time, it's seems like insecuritu sets in. I have a job and have other responsibilities so I am not online all of the time.

What are your thoughts on how to handle this?

[underconstuxion206]

So here's his point of view, or at least how I understand it. He's on that site to meet someone, when he finally gets a message back, he's excited, and once you start that dialogue or thread, he expects it to keep going (if it keep going, he feels that you're not interested or that he said something wrong.) if you were in person you would not start a conversation with someone and then go doing something else, (you're right, texting isn't the same as conversing in person), but some people still considers it the same. If you can't sit down and complete a whole conversation, then don't start one, or let the other person know that you are busy and would like to converse later. You don't owe him anything, it's just being considerate, it's like when that person walks into the store before you, and holds that door open for you, they don't owe you anything, but it's being considerate.

[underconstuxion206]

Now about him being kind of pushy, you're right, he may come off as pushy and controlling, he could've came at you differently and phrased it as less of a demand and more of an idea.

[Asker]

I understand what you are saying. It's not me trying to be rude. The fact is that I can't instantly respond to messages all if the time. eI will tell him that I'm not online all of the time. But I will tell him "hey I work a lot and do other times so give me some time to respond".

[underconstuxion206]

Yea, I think he would respect that and appreciate that. And if he doesn't, then too bad for him, on to the next.

[jp612612]

You know, one of the many wonderful aspects of online dating is the ability to vet a prospect from afar. If you don't like the vibe from this guy, just ignore him or even block him although I feel that ignoring him is slightly better than blocking him. Every interaction with a guy on a dating site is a mini-interview and he's failing horribly. If you don't feel comfortable with him now, then you can only imagine what he'll be like in person. Just ignore him and talk to one of the gazillion other guys who are trying to vie for your attention on there.

[Asker]

Thanks for the feedback. What you said about the mini-interview is true. And correct about the blocking and ignoring. I don't want to cause conflict. I ultimately make the choice on who I want to talk to.

[RaeSheBae]

Don't even handle it.
You have more important things to do besides sitting and texting on a dating website.
Most guys there are just trying to have sex. Don't even take it too serious because if he is being too pushy something is wrong.
I would not talk to the guy because it's Stange. It could be a stalker and with phone numbers he can find out where you live, where you work, where you go on your free time. And you don't know him that well to give him any personal information! Be careful!

[Asker]

That's a good point you made about safety. I certainly don't know him at all. You certainly have to be careful. On my friends did get raped by a guy she had been talking to from offline.

And the sex thing is true unfortunately. No one has the right to pressure you about that.

[RaeSheBae]

Yes.
They are only pictures. It's no harm. Your sister must be very beautiful and there is nothing to be shamed.
She really needs to block the guy and move on with her life.
I never sent nudes I don't have nudes and I won't be tricked into sending nudes my opinion about that is: " if you want to see me naked you need to deserve it".
Guys that ask for nudes are perverts. I've texted with guys that asked for nudes because I didn't send them they stopped texting me.
And I'm fine with that.
It's a lesson for your sister and she won't do it again. The guy is trying to make her feel scared and ashamed and in exchange for the pictures he wants some type of sexual activity.

[RaeSheBae]

Oh wrong answer for the wrong person. I apologise.
And yes just stay away from users that are too pushy or are trying to be relevant in your life to the point where you actually have interest in them and then they just want to have fun.
And never give your personal information they won't stop bothering you. I hate such guys that are so thirsty and do the most.

[Asker]

It's okay! Its true lot a guys online like to ask for nudes. It's rude and disrespectful. The conversation may start out okay but then they start sending nudes and asking for them. They need to send themselves a picture. Lol Yes,. thats true about the playing around. Been there.

[RaeSheBae]

It's really true...
we gotta be careful a dating up that could really be used for good things are being used to play games and trick people that actually have good intentions.

[Paris13]

Online any Time, no matter Which One, hun, you Talk To... Take your time. All Kinds out There and Everyone of them is Different in their own Way and have their own Way.
Always be One step Ahead of them. xx

[Asker]

That is good advice. Taking time is important.

[Paris13]

Thank you, hun, especially Online. xx

[Izumiblu]

Ignore him and go on about your business. Just respond and say you are are seeing someone else or straight out that you aren't interested.

[TripleAce]

That's just the problem actually. Once we get 'online' behind a computer all of a sudden everything becomes at our own convenience and we forget what makes a good start

Keep in mind when you meet someone the old fashioned way, the better way, you are face to face and if you don't give your number to him. You might never see him again - exhilarating

[Asker]

I understand what you are saying. It's not about convenience for me at least. Give me time to respond.

[Asker]

Honestly, the comment about not wanting to talk turned me off. It changed the tone.

[JohnDoe3000]

A New York minute is an online dating second. He may not be a pushy/controlling person, just savvy about online dating where not getting a response for a day usually means the woman is already talking to someone else. Just talk to him and tell him you're not gonna ghost him. You can always decide to cut things off (by telling him you don't think there's a future here) later.

[Asker]

Yes, that is true in some cases. Women get a lot of messages and it's a bit of weeding process. I try to respond to all of my messages. Yes, I could cut things off but with less conflict as possible.

[JohnDoe3000]

Exactly. He doesn't know you're an exception.

[Cosytoasty]

Well, since he is being honest and upfront about what he wants... you should be honest and upfront about telling him that you have a job and other responsibilities so you cannot even consider someone who needs constant contact.

Just make it clear you are not interested and move on.

[Asker]

Yes, that true about the constant contact. That is impossible for anyone do. Honesty is the best policy. Thank you for the feedback.

[red324]

This happens a lot to guys. We will talk or a few days then she doesn't get on and your message is buried under 300 others. Some people have more patience than others. I don't think he's desperate, he just wants to get the ball rolling so to speak. I've been online a long time and I'm perfectly fine with picking a semi attractive girl and seeing where things go, whereas it seems like girls can't decide on which guy they should talk to.

[Asker]

I can understand that. Yes, you have to go through mutiple messages sometimes. Sometimes it's overwhelming. I personally don't like talking to too many people at one time. But for me I don't end up wasting time talking to someone.

[CyberToothTiger]

I agree with you , some of them people are on disability income and
they have free time to be on there all day long , while some are laid
back and not so pushy and or controlling. Yes you got be careful on
who you talk to from them sites cause there is lot people on them
sites with lot time on their hands and some have been on disability
income since their early 20's and have been married, divorced it all
varies.

[es20490446e]

https://youtu.be/z8zONhjL1Mo

[likitb4istickit]

Bad vibe = ignore him, simple. Other than that this is why Backpage is so popular. Get laid within the hour and rather than it taking possibly months (if ever) from first contact.

[bjstevenson89]

You are not the one being weird here, this dude needs to learn that less is more.

[Asker]

Yeah, I mean I have only had a few exchanges with him. He already wants to meet up and "take communication with me seriously". I barely know you! He said he wants to share more with me. Slow down! Just come with a simple conversation.

[bjstevenson89]

Online stuff is weird enough as it is without having someone come off as crazy. Have you been staying open to meeting people in your everyday life? I don't know anyone personally who's had a good experience online is why I ask.

[Asker]

I actually haven't had too many good experiences online. I have only had one and that was the guy I was dating eariler this year. I heard from some female co-workers that Match was too much as they were getting strange messages. One of my bosses met her husband on E-Harmony. I am open to meeting people in real life. It's hard to go about it at times. I actually am interested in a guy who is friends with some of my friends. He did chat and flirt a bit at a party in October. Trying to encourage some of this group hangouts. Lol

[bjstevenson89]

You are at an age where you handle a serious relationship, and seem normal enough. You might have to step outside of your comfort zone a bit to find a guy that's worth a damn, but it's kind of a weird balance to find someone who's edgy enough to keep your interest, but nice enough to not be a douche. I would only say to follow your gut feeling when it comes to these things, and keep an open mind when meeting people. You've got this.

[cavmanier]

He may just be being honest. I bet a lot of people on there don't communicate steadily and he sounds like he's telling you what he'd like.

[Mikey2094]

Hollander I mean mad men go to a lot of the sites I find women very needy I've dated one girl for a month and she took me for $1,500 so I'll be very careful on those

[Asker]

Yeah internet safety is important. I'm sorry that girl did that. That's sad people want to take advantage of others.

[Loveherbut]

Leave while u can
I had a control freak girl before and eneded up badly

[HOAAH]

Just ignore if you don't like him

[TheOldMan59]

Just block the douchebag. Problem solved.

[sp33d]

Strike the match :)

[TheFlak38]

What a wimp.