Dudes: Would you date a medical student / doctor?

[Anonymous]

So there are some pros and cons to this.

Pros:
1. she's probably not a total dumbass
2. has great earning potential

Cons:
1. not too much free time, especially during training years
2. might earn more than you... potentially threatening?

I'm beginning to think that perhaps my line of work is a deterrent for guys. Lol. Which is just great. :p

Yes. Free band-aids.

No. Keep your band-aids.

[jp612612]

From the questions on here, I think that women are way into this idea of being "threatening" or "intimidating". No guy who has a decent career is going to be threatened by a successful woman because guys who make a lot of money have a lot of goals and dreams and having a partner who can actually contribute in a meaningful manner is helpful. And I'm not talking about cooking meals and cleaning the house. I can do that myself or I can hire a maid to come in once a week to do that. I'm talking about really helping career-wise so that our timeline towards financial independence is accelerated.

The way I see it, the woman having a great education puts more pressure on her to actually perform. My ex-wife has a Ph. D. in Biomolecular Engineering from UCLA and she works as a senior scientist doing blah blah blah. I thought it was great and all, but the truth is, she's been laid off from her job twice in the last four years. The second time was in the midst of our ugly divorce and she had the nerve to call me to tell me how she was canned and wanted to know if I'd be willing to cancel the divorce and get back together. What? I told her she needs to get out there and get a job as soon as possible because we were on course for $200k+ in legal fees.

And that's the thing -- even though she was basically my ex-wife at that point, I was still irked that she was potentially putting us in a position where we'd have to liquidate even more assets. So, I think you need to think about the other side when you ask this question. When a guy marries a doctor, he also has some expectations and I know for me, the expectation was not that she would spend like a drunken sailor and end up pulling unemployment checks every couple years. I expected our savings, investment, and retirement accounts to grow at a certain rate and in all honesty, when I really break it down, you could argue that the reason why I filed for divorce was because she couldn't live up to those expectations.

[Browneye57]

Threatening? Hmmm... here we go again. Honey, guys are not threatened or intimidated by anything a woman does. Unless you're actually going to kicks his ass. Then he might feel threatened or intimidated. Irritated, annoyed, disgusted, disrespected, or even patient, tolerant, respectful? Sure. Just not threatened.

See here's the thing, guys are not impressed with all that smarts and effort and all that as much as YOU are. I'm not saying they're not impressed or don't think you should, or are even happy for you that you're successful. It's what I tell young people to do - go for it, make it big.

But both genders are really about what you bring to a relationship for them. What of high value do you bring to a guy? Is he the most important thing to you? Probably not - your career is more important. It has to be more than just a vagina. Especially if that gets weaponized. Will you cook for him? Entertain him somehow? Go on trips with him? Challenge him mentally? That ought'a be a good one. What do you bring that is high value?

A girl can do it, but she needs to use her smarts on how to do it. There's a recent book out I thought was apropos in these types of situation, recommendation and comment here about how simple men really are, and how you can make a man-woman relationship work even if you're a alpha, go-getter woman:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a34931-men-are-simple-not-stupid-an-alpha-woman-is-always-gonna-butt

[Nostradamus]

Don't know about that book, but I agree that all this "men are intimidated by degrees and money" stuff is ridiculous. I guess feminists like thinking that they're striking such a powerful impression, but it's just not true. At least not true for me, or anyone that I know of; maybe other guys do feel intimidated by that. Vanity does put me off, though; it is extremely annoying.

[Browneye57]

@Nostradamus - yeah, unfortunately a womans career pursuits don't really determine what kind of romantic partner they might be, other than if they spend too much time pursuing it they don't have time for anyone or anything else.

I have to laugh at all these special snowflakes that think somehow guys are 'intimidated' - the word they use - by their looks, their personality, their job, all manner of things. Geez, where do they get this crap? Guys are just not intimidated by women or what they do. You're right, annoyed maybe, put off, just not threatened. They may see their time with her threatened, or a relationship could be threatened by her other pursuits, but that's not feeling threatened by a woman.

[Asker]

I don't think you can speak for all men when you make comments like that. Some men do feel uncomfortable approaching women who have been more ambitious when it comes to education/career. I've been told this to my face.

[Asker]

Your perspective is likely to be vastly different than a guy in his 20s too...

[Browneye57]

Likely yes, a different perspective. You you interested in dating boys or men?

And based on your reply you missed the entire point of my replies. Oh well, eh?

[Asker]

I think you got caught up in my use of the word "threatening." Not all threats are physical ones. I didn't know what other word to use. You made the assumption that a career would be more important to me than a guy. Then you made some strange comment about weaponizing a vagina. It was hard to take your response seriously. I think my question has angered you and there's not much I can say to someone who thinks I'm caught up in being a "special snowflake."

[Browneye57]

Ah, you take yourself too seriously. Angered? Uh, no.
Special snowflake is a term for little princesses that think the world revolves around them. Like, "Nobody will like me cuz I wanna be a doctor". LOL.

[Asker]

What's up with these belitting terms? This is an actual concern for me. The time commitment, the piling debt, the long training hours- all of that DOES deter people from people dating medical students. I'm not sure why that is so hard for you to believe.

[Browneye57]

What you are failing to understand it that your attitude is far and away more a factor than your career choice. The belittling is an effort to shock you into some introspection. The problem is that people like your yourself, especially women, are not prone to any kind introspection. Blame for everything is always placed elsewhere than yourself.
I posted some valuable information for you to glean some pointers on how to navigate a relationship as an 'alpha woman', making the assumption that you were indeed an really smart go-getter type. Not once did I deride you for that, in fact said many guys will be all for that, including myself. But you chose to ignore all that and want to pick fights on one tiny sliver of what was said - also typical of a woman.

There is not much left here to do so I bid you good luck and farewell. May the success you deserve be yours. Perhaps when you get through your second or third divorce you'll think back and go, "gee, now I get it." Or not. :)

[Asker]

Are you capable of giving advice to a person without shitting on them or the gender they belong to? Do you regularly use belittling as a technique to push someone to introspect? Why do you assume that I don't reflect on these things at all? Where am I blaming anyone? I never blamed men at all for my situation. Also, why are you assuming I'm an alpha woman? I don't identify as an alpha woman AT ALL. You just keep throwing useless labels at me.

Getting into this field was my decision, I accept that. I also understand that there are many aspects of my life which will not appeal to guys. I don't doubt my ability to be affectionate, caring, interesting, entertaining. If I was worried about that side of things, then it would be a different story entirely. My problem is that the guys I tend to be attracted to want a woman who is more flexible with her time, her availability, her ability to travel NOW.

[Asker]

Thanks for the warning about the second and third divorce. I'm sure that would become my reality if I ended up with a man as pugnacious as you are. I will glean what I can from this exchange hopefully avoid such a fate.

[coachTanthony]

Probably not... I have never found a doctor that was personally interesting. Smart maybe but lacking a personality for the most part. Sorry.. I am sure not all docs are like this but the ones I have met are.

[MrMysteryMan]

Earning more than me is not a plus? Fuck, then I wouldn't have to work as hard or as many hours. Our finances would have no worries with both incomes. Our kids would be WELL OFF. You being a doctor, our kids would be WELL taken care of. You may have demands, but you probably appreciate coming home to someone you have an escape with, more so than most I would imagine. I could be the best stress relief for you. Also, most doctors and medical women (I've experienced this first hand being a porter at a hospital for a while) are very sexual and not reserved to delve into the naughty realms of inhibitions. I like that. No way, there's nothing but PLUS PLUS PLUS being lucky enough to date a high professional.

[BluesBoy]

Add to the list of pros :

3. she can prescribe you some exams quickly whenever you fuck yourself up in training
4. potential access to pharma grade test whenever you decide to go to the dark side :p

Concerning the cons, if the doc goes out with someone of the same level studies then they disappear since 1° he will not have much free time too 2° the earnings will be on par (I'm a lawyer, believe me on those two)

That being said, I never understood why someone earning more than you is threatening as long as you earn enough to be independant.

[TripleAce]

Every medical student likes to boast about being a medical student by saying random things like they are too busy to date or that their line of work will scare off guys

1. If you really are studying to be a medical doctor you'd know that is simply not true. In Fact many doctors have happy marriages and great relationships
2. The cons make no sense: busy during their training years? A total of 2-3 years or maybe 5 if they specialize, yea and that ratio of how many happy years of marriage is a tiny fraction
3. A women earning too much is never a issue if she knows how to share like a good girlfriend

[GraveTruth]

No women in the medical field is even going to fart in the direction of anyone except some lawyer or doctor.

I wouldn't even bother trying. Actually, I have a huge thing for this Hygienist. I earn about 10X what they do but it's far too much of a professional career for me to mess with.
Man she's beautiful...

[Levin]

Well, all doctors are different right?

But given my interest in 'alternative therapies' and my distaste for conventional medicine in many scenarios, I'm fairly sure we'd grate on each other :)

Also, to most peoples' eyes, I'm a bum. So, I don't think she'd date me.

And yeah, I guess it is important to have enough 'energy' for each other. Do you think that would not be possible? I suppose you could retire at 50 or something :P

In short, highly unlikely.

[Purpleronnie]

I think a lot of guys might be put off by the cons you gave but I think that's a positive. I'm put off by nothing if I like a girl and want to get to know her. But then I'm an intelligent guy in a demanding role that I love which commands a great salary. Maybe the answers to this question are just as important as would you date a guy who is less intelligent with loads of free time and in an un-skilled role with limited earning potential? ;)

[Mynameisnottolong]

It makes for great doctor role play ;) but yea I think it would be nice and I don't care if my wife/gf made more than me so long as we had money, food, and a house, cause you know struggling ain't fun. Another bonus is when you aren't feeling well maybe you can diagnose your future bf/husband. Not being a dumbass doesn't suck, not being around her enough can suck. Just be patient... LMAO!!!

[ArrowheadSW]

I would date a doctor. I work in medical so I'd understand her "shop talk". (Although I am not a physician.) I did date a woman medical student when I was in my last year of college. Not for very long. She had sex with one of my fellow students. But that's a different story, and she was a bit crazy... LOL... Other than that I'd consider it absolutely.

[TheBootyChest]

Thoughts on your pros:
1) Doesn't matter if she is smarter than me. I hope she realizes I might not be on the same intellectual level.
2) I will support her decision to go as high as she can go in this field.

Cons:
1) If you can give me a fair portion of your free time I would be okay with it.
2) I don't care who makes the money as long as we are happy and have our heads up the financial waves.