So I started dating after taking a break after a long term relationship. One time a friend (guy+girl) said "Well you can't expect to get serious with someone, if you sleep with him on the first date... you at least have to wait 3 dates." But then I am asking myself: if someone just wants sex from you, isn't he also willing to wait 3 dates, then sleep with you and then let you down? I don't get this whole thing. I mean, I understand that if you are a person, who wants to built a relationship first and then have sex a little further down the road, I get that. But I can't believe that a guy that just wants to sleep with you is not willing to wait another date to do so. You know what I mean?
In general, for me sex can happen early, because for me it is an important part of a relationship.
I also believe that there is a difference between "first date", where you maybe wrote with someone for two days, then go on a date, or if you have been in touch with someone for longer and then go on a "first date", no?
I am asking out of the following situation (and obviously bad experiences haha). I started writing with a guy about 5 months ago (we got in touch on social media due to mutual friends). We did not manage to meet in person till mid January because he lives in another city and I was out of the country for about 6 weeks. We met 1 time, got along reaaally great, talked the whole night and also ended up kissing. After meeting we have been in touch more or less every day but have not seen each other again because he is out of the country. Getting back he will pass through the city I am living in and said that he would like to stay for a couple of days, to get to know me better, hang out etc, if I would like that, too (I definitely would). So now I am obviously thinking about sex with him and wondering if it could screw up the chances of getting into something more serious with him if I sleep with him, lets say, on the first night he gets here.
Opinions? experiences? Thanks!
Most Helpful Guy
No, you are wrong. Let me explain what people mean.
People who say you can't have a good relationship if you have sex straight away. The key word is "GOOD". You can still be with the person but it isn't going to work out well.
People who do well in long term relationships have an important interest with another persons psychological aspect of the other and emotional value. A person who wants compromises and wants to fullfill the others happiness uses their good qualities on the other such as morale integraty and sensitivity. there's a ton to talk about but here's one simple example.
A person who wants to build trust and wants to care for the other (make them happy) etc would never consider having sex with them because it's degrading to devalue the other and yourself. A person should have a little self respect for their body.
People who just have sex are not long term relationship types. they can't be because the physical part of the relationship is where there concern is.0
Most Helpful Girl
Honestly, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I don't believe that people have to wait "X" amount of time before having sex in a new relationship. It depends entirely on the individual person. If YOU are comfortable having sex that early, then that's all that matters. Sure, maybe some people would just "use" the other person for sex and then leave but I don't feel like that's always the case. If that person has expressed interest in dating you and you have been in touch for a long time then I think it's safe to assume that they are genuinely interested in you so having sex or not is unlikely to change that.
Now, that doesn't mean things will work out, there's always a chance that the relationship will fail. But you take that risk ANY time you enter into a new relationship, regardless of the sexual aspect. So honestly, if you're cool with having sex on the first date then go for it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.2