My ex tricked me into thinking his best friend liked me then sent him over, we had sex and now my ex is mad, why?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I was all set to marry my ex and was just waiting for him to get back from basic training, but towards the end of basic training he broke up with me. Now he's back home and we've been hanging out a lot, we even slept together. I told him I wanted to get back with him and I missed him and everything but he never said anything about feeling the same so I figured he didn't. Now last night my current boyfriend who I had been with for less then a month broke up with me and I was pretty upset about it. I was talking to my ex about how depressed I was about my current boyfriend breaking up with me, when suddenly I get a message over myspace from my ex-fiance's best friend. It said this "hey I'm sry if I acted strange since you and mike broke up..its just I had a crush on you since I met you..i was just wonderin if you would ever date me...or would you ever f*** me lol...". This shocked me! I kept asking my ex-fiance if he was messing with me or if this was fake and he said no and that he wouldn't do that kinda thing to me. So I called this guy up and started to talk to him and he eventually decided to come over and we'd watch a movie. As soon as my ex-fiance found out that his best friend was coming over he was p*ssed ( but he wouldn't tell me y at that point). Well his friend came over, we put the movie in and sat down. Immediately this guy starts kissing my neck and rubbing on me and he was saying super sweet things to me about how he's had a crush on me for so long and everything. Ok so at some point this guy and I have sex and as soon as we're done he gets up and walks to the door and says " Mike ( my ex-fiance) wanted me to see if you were a slut or not and you are. Ok? your a slut". I was so f***ing shocked. I ran into my room and my ex-fiance was sending me O<'s saying that now I know why he's mad at me ( I guess because he knew I was gonna sleep with this guy). Later on he called me and was like " I wanted to get back with you but I needed to see if I could trust you first. Because if you really wanted to get back with me so bad you wouldn't sleep with other people". What?! I'm single so why does it matter who I sleep with? Can anyone 1. explain to me how this makes any sense? lol 2. tell me how I was wrong by getting with a guy who I thought really liked me 3. why he would have done something like that to me 4. why he would stay on the phone with me after this whole thing for like 2 hours and flirting with me?

[BaronScrewtape]

Your ex set you up. He probably had second thoughts about marriage while he was in basic, and after he got back he decided he wanted to make you the bad guy. So he set you up with his friend, who he probably talked sh*t about you to so he would not sympathize with you, so he would come off as the wronged party. Here is the thing: You were not together. He was not a fiance, a husband, or even a steady boyfriend. He has no claim over you, and his friend is an asshat for trying to make you feel bad after having sex with you.

Personally, I think men who treat their lovers, no matter how promiscuous, insultingly deserve to never get laid again. If she was married to you, or a fiance, ok maybe in the anger of the moment it can be excused. But it is not right to treat a woman who lets you into her body like she is sh*t. You are less than a man to me.

Back to your issue: He is scum. He has always been scum, but he had you fooled. He got what he wanted and then dumped you in as hurtful a way as he could to save his rep with his friends. Cut him entirely from your life. Do not talk to him. Do not allow anyone to bring him up. Get him out of sight, mind, and memory. Just take time to think about how you were manipulated into this and try to protect yourself more emotionally. Not every boy who says he likes you, and kisses you, and complements you, means anything by it. Most in your age group just want to get their dick wet, and do not care who they hurt to get what they want. Before you sleep with a guy, or date him seriously, ask the people who know him (but not his close friends as they will protect him) how he treats his girlfriends. And on the date see how he treats the waiters. If he treats the waiter like crap, he will treat you like crap. And if he tries to get in your pants the first date, and tries to guilt trip you into it, then he does not care about you. And will probably treat you like crap.

Anyway, I am sorry you have been hurt. Learn from it, and try to better protect yourself in the future. The world is full of predators, male and female, and they will exploit you if they can.

Take care. Be safe. Don't get into anything without a plan, and stick to it when things get crazy.

[regular-guy]

If you can't see the folly in your own behavior then I doubt any answer to your questions will suffice. Slutty behavior implies behavior that demonstrates low moral standards when it comes to sexual activity. Engaging in sexual activity with a person with whom you have no relationship or you only have a very shallow recent relationship qualifies as slutty behavior for most people. You showed your ex-fiance that your standards for engaging in sexual activity with a person are very low--YOU HAD SEX WITH A GUY WHO TEXTED YOU THAT HE HAD A CRUSH ON YOU AND THEN CAME OVER THAT SAME NIGHT TO WATCH A MOVIE. You had no relationship there. I agree with your ex-fiance that if you were serious about getting back with him you would not have even accepted the invitation to have his friend come over and you would have let him know that his advances were inappropriate...who tells somebody in a text, "Would you ever f--- me?"

1. This makes sense because he wanted to see if you were the kind of girl who would sleep with a guy just because he flirted with you even though you were not in a relationship with him--he was right, you would and you did. He was obviously suspicious of you. Probably because of your rapid entry into a relationship with your "current boyfriend who just broke up with you" so soon after you broke up with him (your ex-fiance). I think he suspected you were the kind of girl who would start a new relationship or be unfaithful while he was away.

2. You were wrong not because you entertained the flirtations of a guy you thought liked you, but because you screwed him on essentially your first date. You were also wrong because supposedly you were trying to restart your relationship with your ex-fiance at the same time--also at the same time you were still in a relationship with your "current/now recently ex-boyfriend". You jump in and out of relationships too quickly.

When you enter into and exit sexual relationships quickly, it demonstrates a tendency towards unfaithfulness and a lack of commitment. It shows that you are not nearly as committed or in love with whatever guy you are with, or were with recently as you claim.

[Anonymous]

First off all its not every guy that you hand out with that kisses you like that you sleep with. If you truly felt like that about your ex you need some time and should not have a new boyfriend and then sleep with him. Your ex-fiancée does not loves you. He should trust you and not play game like that. You need to move on and kick him out of your life permanently. He was on the phone with you to rub in your face that he played you. Just hope that your having safe sex. Hope I helped you out.

[regular-guy]

I agree that his playing games like that is a bad sign, but her sleeping with that guy so easily is also a bad sign. If you ask me, neither one of these two is good relationship material.