If things don't work out, would you rather get ghosted or friendzoned?

[Anonymous]

The "dead lights" (if you are familiar with IT) or the "friend zone" is in my opinion the worst insult a man can take from a woman. It's emasculating, damages your self-esteem and hurts your reputation. It makes you question yourself and your confidence. It makes you more bitter and less likely to take chances with other women.

Ghosting is second place, although it's horrible at least your are not being tortured. Just my thoughts.

Over the years I've gotten a lot better at avoiding the friend zone. If I like a girl I make my intentions clear early. She either responds or she doesn't. However if I feel she is friend zoning me I learned to just outright ignore her. I don't get friend zoned anymore, but instead I get ghosted when things don't work out. It still sucks but it's a lesser of two evils in my opinion.

Friendzoned

Ghosted

Updates

+1 y

by the way when I say "friend zone" I talk about a situation where on person still has feelings and then other does not. And the person who does NOT have feelings KNOWS the other person DOES have feelings but still keeps them as "friends". The friendship is NOT officially agreed upon. That is a formal definition of a "friend zone".

[SuperEunuch]

If you're in the friendzone, you still get to be her friend. You can't be romantic with her or have sex with her (unless you're friends with benefits, or friendzoned with benefits) but you can still do everything else with her. If I really like her, then just being her friend is good enough. As long as I don't completely lose her

[Asker]

Yeah but if you are attracted to her you will constantly be tortured.

[SuperEunuch]

It's better than losing her in my opinion

[Asker]

I've been in long term "friend zones" three times in my life with women I really liked. I'll never be that chump again. I've had other women I like ask to "just be friends" and my automatic response is no and goodbye.

There is no getting out of the friend zone. A woman will not "wake up". It's draining and humiliating. But I had your same opinion when I was younger.

[SuperEunuch]

I don't understand how it's humiliating or insulting

[Asker]

Because the other person knows you have feelings and yet you allow yourself to be strung along hoping that someday you will get out of the friend zone. That other person might play dumb but in reality they are selfishly keeping you around for their own ends (attention, free counseling, free meals, making other guys jealous). You are getting used.

[SuperEunuch]

Why would I pay for her meals? That sounds like a particularly heinous and unpleasant scenario. I'm sure girls who would do that are in the vast minority. If we both like each other as friends, even if I like her as more than a friend, then the obvious thing to do would be to stay friends. We can still be good to each other

[Asker]

Do what you want. But we she starts complaining about relationship problems (I had a girl I liked do this to me once... fucking horrible) and you feel the helpless frustration that YOU should be the one with her you will then you will realize if the "friendship" is worth it or not.

It sounds to me there is a girl you like that has you in this position right now. Just accept the fact you will never be more than friends with her. Talking to her is actually making it worse.

[SuperEunuch]

No, I'm not in this position with any girl. I wish I was, then I would at least have a girl to talk to. And maybe she could introduce me to other girls or something

[Asker]

Hmmm. Well there is nothing wrong with seeking out a gal pal that you are not attracted to. However be careful about having to many girls as "friends". But that's a bad sign too. I have only one real gal pal. It stayed that way for 12 years because I was never physically attracted to her.

[SuperEunuch]

Thanks

[Asker]

No worries

[Slytherinheredarlin]

If you a woman wants to be friends with you instead and you take it as a personal attack then you probably shouldn't bug her anymore. If it is that much of a issue let her know and leave her alone

[Asker]

What is a 13 year old doing on GAG?

[Slytherinheredarlin]

Why do you care? I do not see how that is relevant, or any of your business, if it matters to you just ignore me and my opinions, I'm sorry if i was too blunt or offended you, though. I tend not to think about my words too thoroughly.

[Anonymous]

I would tell it

[Asker]

It's totally fine to tell somebody you want to be friends only. But many people will friend zone somebody without making that clear. That's selfish.