How do you get a pouty/passive aggressive boyfriend to change how he handles arguments?

[MichelleJustAsking]

Overall, I have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend.

My only real complaint, is how he handles arguments.

He tends to sulk/pout/give me the silent treatement.. and be overall passive aggressive in responding to an argument.

I've told him before that I'd much rather him vent, yell or scream at me, than to not deal with the problems at all.

I can't seem to pull him out of it, and it usually takes a day or two (complete waste of time in my mind) before he's back to normal.

Usually, our arguments aren't anything super important either, which makes it all the more frustrating. I know I need to pick my battles, but when I bring up to him that I feel scared to even bring up anything out of fear he'll pout or give me the silent treatement, his response is usually, "Great! So nice to know my girlfriend is scared to talk to me. Sound like an awesome relationship."

So you can see, my concernes are met with more sarcasm/passive aggression... which futher fuels my not wanting to discuss things with him.

Is there any way to get him to see how damaging this behavior is? Should I pretend everything is normal to show him that his tactics won't get him anywhere? Should I drop it all together since 99% of our relationship is already great

We seem to be able to communicate wonderfully about everything under the sun; just not about things he does that bother's me. He can't seem to accept responsibility for his behavior sometimes and seems more concerned with being "right".

Is this just a guy thing and I shouldn't worry about it... or is it a concern that I should help him work at or learn to work around myself?

[yosimitesam]

That "awesome" relationship is showing signs of real structural failure at the support beams, so it's good you've noticed how destructive his behavior is.

What he's doing is a form of emotional abuse, and any relationship counselor will tell you those are strong signs the relationship is doomed, because he's basically behaving like your feelings aren't important and is internalizing anything you're tying to say because he's demonstrating a victim mentality, which is not good. If he ever or often rolls he eyes at you (that goes for you, too) when you're trying to say something, then that is also a sign he has no respect for your feelings on the matter, and is another poison ingredient in killing a relationship.

You might look up how to talk to your significant other via web searches, as there are lots of great articles and videos on the subject. That can better prepare you in how to approach a discussion (stop calling them arguments, because nobody wins those) and get your point across while letting him know you're willing to hear his point of view.

If he still refuses to say anything and wants to go off and pout, well then, you need to consider just how "awesome' your relationship is, because he's been doing that since day 1 and he's not going to change anytime soon unless he wants to. And he might want to if you tell him you're glad to talk about an issue and hear his opinion, but you're no longer going to tolerate him going off and sulking because he didn't get his way or is so overly sensitive, he doesn't think your feelings matter.

And no, you do not want him to yell and scream at you, because that's just as emotionally abusive. Also, when he says that bullshit about you not saying anything, kindly remind him you're always glad to talk about things, but he's going to have to grow up and talk about the issue rather than walk away like a little child.

If he continues to do that, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship, because what he's doing is bad.

[PeterPan11]

(this is tinkerbell) you need to avoid him when he is acting like that and afterwards. dont chase him. dont try so hard to fix it. dont be very loving when he's acting like that. when you do chase after him when he treats you like that, you are showing him that his immature way of handling arguments works, and he will keep doing it and it will get worse. but if you make him take responsibility for the argument and deal with it in a mature way, you will be able to reach a compromise. you have to make sure you aren't rewarding him for this behavior mainly. you dont need to punish him or anything, just dont play into it.

[Zsazsa07]

He sounds like he has issues and even though he may seem like a great guy, those issues could end up changing you as a person leaving you in an unhappy relationship. If your feelings are not valid to him that shows a selfish side to him and should make you question how much he really cares. It could be down to immaturity or he may have narcissistic tendancies. Just keep an eye out for the red flags. If he is ignoring you he is using it to get attention so I would ignore him back and give him a taste of his own medicine. If he doesn't like it then tell him well that's how I feel when you treat me that way. It may seem small now but once the "great" part of the relationship dies down his issues may ruin things

[AmandaLynn1930]

have you tried telling him how you feel about his passive aggressiveness

if everything else is great, you shouldn't end it... just tell him how you feel about it and maybe then you'll be at 100%
maybe he doesn't realize how he is...

[Anonymous]

Pff my jalf family actes like that. Im the one always talking about communication and nearly forcing facts down their throat so the listen and understand.
Learn how to deal with it, because you won't change him

[chadsten]

Honestly if you've tried talking and it isn't working, then it's hard to see it ever working.

This is the sort of thing to speak with a counselor about, but you should reconsider the relationship because his flaws (silence, passive aggressiveness) can slowly become manipulative in the future.

[Anonymous]

He can go and fuck himself, tell him if he wants to continue being a cold cunt THEN ENJOY BEING SINGLE and lets how the other girl will handle your " silent treatment "