Why do women expect relationships out of fuckbuddies/casuals?

[RJGraveyTrain]

I always see these types of questions from girls, and have had friends and acquaintances who have fell into this "issue."

Girl friend: So RJ, I like this guy. But, he says he wants nothing serious. Just sex and stuff.
Me: K. And what do you want?
Girl friend: I want a relationship! What do I do?
Me: Move on to a guy who wants a relationship.
Girl friend: BUT I LIKE HIIM! If I have sex with him, do you think it'll make him fall in love with me?
Me: No...
Girl friend: WHY?
Me: Because he literally just told you he wanted to fuck and nothing else. Clearly he doesn't see sex as an emotional and loving process.
Girl friend: BUT WHAT IF I GIVE HIM THE BEST SEX EVER? AND LIKE SHOW HIM THE WAY?
Me: ... You're an idiot.

Seriously, I don't understand how men can bluntly say that they want absolutely nothing serious, no titles, no strings, just casual hangouts and sex, and women act surprised and hurt when they don't want to enter a loving, exclusive relationship. You knew this going in, so why did you bother? Is it because you weren't intending to fall in love but you just did? Or did you hope you could actually change his mind? What is the thought process here?

I mean, to me it's common sense: if a guy wants something casual and you don't, you don't get together. That's what I've always done anyways.

Everyone is free to chime in with their theories.

[Apope16]

You as an author are on a role with your posts! Awesome!

I have a fuck buddy. We had sex today. She just left about 6 hours ago. After we had sex in the bed and then the shower. She gave me a sweatshirt that she had bought in california. I rejected the gift. She asked why. I told her that not only had I told her to stop buying me gifts but I wanted to set clear boundaries that we weren't dating. "okay okay okay. whatever. sorry." she said.

Women have magical pussy syndrome. To them, sex is this spiritual connection. To a man, sex is just intense pleasure. It isn't spiritual. We can separate spiritual feelings toward a person and sex. Maybe its because the penis is disconnected from the body, compared to a woman having sex. When a woman has sex, a man actually enters deep inside her-maybe to have someone inside you makes an orgasm more spiritual.

Women are by their nature sly and manipulative. They will beat around the bush a million times before being clear about their intentions or what they want. So to them, being a fuck buddy before a relationship is just an extension to the ways they lead men on every day. I keep telling my fuck buddy I dont love her. She claims she doesn't love me. But gives me gifts, food, asks me to keep singing her the songs I write.

With all of this said. I was a fuck buddy with my ex girlfriend of 2 years. I dated her when she had the guts to ask after 2 months of fucking. Sex had nothing to do with my choice to date her. I genuinely like her as a person. I wasn't in love at all. That came a year later. The current girl I would never date. I have little admiration or respect for her. I've bluntly told her that she annoys the fuck out of me. She is so annoying it pisses me off. Unlike my ex girlfriend, I could never date the current chic I am having sex with.

Tell your friend, if she really wants to win the guy over she must connect with him on a level that is more than just sex. And for any ladies reading this, you dont need to stop having sex to connect with a guy on a deeper spiritual level. We as men separate the two automatically.

[Cosytoasty]

That caring nature you girls have, is also your downfall when used against you. They want to be the one who changes him, the one who helps him through tough things - fix the broken guy etc. The odd time it does come good, it's sadly not down to the woman... it's because the man decided to love her.

Trust me ladies, if a man wants a relationship with you he'll show you.

[RJGraveyTrain]

That's what I'm sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Typically I'm like 'ya I am fine with just fucking' and then I get all in my head like, wait why wouldn't he want to date me? I'm spectacular. And then even if the guy isn't someone I'm into it becomes a challenge and having to prove yourself and as soon as you feel like you have to fight for something you're more invested. I have to fight between thoughts of 'he should be so lucky' and 'why doesn't he realize he's lucky' Even if I'm 10x hotter than him I start to feel inferior and then I feel like I'm the one who is lucky to get his attention and then I am afraid of losing it because if a guy I'm 10x hotter than doesn't even want me... then who would? You start questioning your value. You start thinking all you're good for is sex and you start doubting that anyone would be interested in you for anything else.
You wanted honesty. There's my vulnerable truth ;)

[xxochloxxo]

I'm a girl myself and as a girl I've been in this situation. My ex broke up with me and I was heartbroken, I would do anything to keep him which is what I tried to do. I done this by giving my virginity to him in hopes that if I gave him sex that he would eventually come back to me and stay in my life. She might think having sex with him will keep him which is what I done and learnt that it didn't work at all. Even I geniuenlyl thought that giving my ex sex and hanging out with him would eventually make him fall for me again. It sounds SOO immature and stupid but it's what a 16 year old me done.

[grapefruit11]

I think women sometimes try to settle for casual sex because they really want to keep that person's attention, but they realize later that they can't handle it. I don't see a lot of women who purposefully and openly try to change the guy's mind by "rocking his world" with great sex. It's usually that they've lied to themselves about what they really want, deep down hoping he would develop feelings for them. But, after they see he's not getting attached, they feel that undeniable disappointment and it hurts.

[coachTanthony]

OMG so spot on! Women should feel lucky if she meets a guy who states they are only looking for sex or nothing serious. They can then make the decision to move on and not date them. It's the fuckboys who are cloaked in "Yes I want a relationship" that you need to look out for. Women who become attracted to somebody no matter what the dudes intent thinks they can flip them around and get them to see things their way. Just doesn't work that way. I get the same questions all the time.. how can I make my guy want to be in a LTR? If I had the answer to that I would be a millionaire.

[PrettyKitty31]

I told you earlier. Mind control! You're splitting that money with me. Lol

[coachTanthony]

@PrettyKitty31 Bahahahahahaha 70/30?

[PrettyKitty31]

I get 70 you get 30? Sounds great, let's do it! 👍🏻😉

[coachTanthony]

@PrettyKitty31 As soon as I hit submit.. I said to myself she is going to respond back with I get 70 you get 30? Sounds great, let's do it! Boy I suck at this mind control stuff LOL

[LittleMissy93]

There are a lot of guys who will say anything to keep a girl around. "I just want to be fuck buddies" when he wants more, "I'm cool with being friends" when he is really in love "I want a relationship" when all he wants is sex. How do you expect us to believe any of you!! :p

[freakyzeaky]

@LittleMissy93 Yup, lots of fuckboys taint the water with their unassuming manipulative ways. Makes it difficult for both guys who just want casual sex and also men who just want relationships. Oooooor, maybe the fuckboys just didn't communicate anything and went with the flow and because she didn't communicate, it just happened. That is why I feel women are best served by watching out for their own interests. If you want a long-term relationship? Make the guy wait a bit and actually have that conversation. Of course, the guy should still fuck you over, but at least you tried right? ^_^

[freakyzeaky]

*should = could

[Tony_1693]

Well, the truth of it that a lot of women who sleep around, tend to do so out of insecurity. No, that doesn't mean I have anything against sluts, but it's just something I've noticed. They feel as if that's all they have to offer a man, so they put out in hopes that they value them. Also, a lot of women can't handle a simple and basic agreement of sex without strings attached. Sex makes a lot of people feel attached in an emotional way. Some people don't feel that emotional attachment from just sex alone and I'm one of those people. I'm in the minority here though. So in other words, they go in thinking it will just be fun and then BOOM the feels train hits them and they're thinking.. fuck. what do I do now?

[freakyzeaky]

Exactly. I have a buddy like you. He can separate the emotion from sex without a thought. Sex parties, group sex, orgies, he has done it all. Most women can separate the emotion from sex, heck, many men can't do it either. I find it to be intimate myself, so I prefer some sort of connection, even if it is just a friendship.

It can also hit someone when they least expect it too. I went to this party once and this couple was bragging on how they are married and have a swinging relationship, and that it is built on trust, and yadda yadda yadda. Later that night, I saw the wife crying outside jealous when her man was kissing all over another woman at the party. So much for that trust right?

[freakyzeaky]

*most women CAN'T

[Christpaquin]

She think she can change your mind.

And she has no clue that its easy to find a guy that want a relationship.

I'll be pretty honest, it's fucking easy to date if you search someone average mentally and emotionally.

Especially if you ask nothing specific that decrease a lot your chance.

Like
1. Only short guys and guys
2. Rich people
3. Super hot, you're average and you've nothing to compensate

4. Only with a specific job or with high ambition

People are just dumb, they don't work on themselves, they keep their issues, they even win some over years, they don't improve their skills and they hope that everything is going to be okay 😂.

If you suck in one or several aspects of your life, if you don't works on it it's going to be worse over time.

[freakyzeaky]

It is because she thinks she can change his mind. Pretty obvious really. They fall for the guy who is assertive, who is ultra dominant, who doesn't give a fuck about anything else but his own needs, and she wonders why she can't get him to wisen up. Maybe he isn't mature? Maybe you should learn and mature and find a guy who values you for more than just a roll in the hay? But of course, you aren't attracted to the mature gentleman who wants to treat you with respect like a mature woman should be. Why? Maybe he isn't edgy enough, maybe he doesn't sweep you off your feet. Just means you have some growing to do, because I can tell you right now, most men are human, have insecurities, vulnerabilities, want to get to know you as a person and expect loyalty and integrity out of his partner.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Funny, because I'm in a very loving relationship with a guy similar to the "asshole" you just described, and yet he treats me better than anyone else ever has before.

Odd.

[freakyzeaky]

I'm not describing the guy you are with. Apparently, he cares about you want and respects you, even though he is assertive. There is always a balance to these things.

My point is, women, tend to be attracted to guys who excite them with their edginess but then get surprised when those edgy guys don't really care about her feelings at all. It is a "tough shit" situation rather than honesty with compassion.

For example, I had a fling with a woman who ended up wanting to make it something more. I had the compassion to sit with her and have a talk with her. I didn't ghost her, I didn't play with her emotions. I told her straight up that I didn't see her in that way and that I thought she just wanted to have some fun. She had a good cry and we still ended up being friends with benefits, and she ended up moving on and finding a husband later.

[freakyzeaky]

From what I have seen, many edgy guys actually live life like they attitude they possess. What that means is that they actually live on the edge. They aren't about being tied down, they want to fuck around because they know they can. They become heartbreakers just as some attractive women become heartbreakers. And the only reason that happens is immature people get attracted to their charm, disillusion themselves and pretend that this guy would actually settle down, and then get upset when he doesn't think she isn't special enough to spend the rest of his life with.

/shrug/ Sounds like you have the traditional manly alpha boyfriend, and that is fine, I wasn't describing him. A man can be bold and a leader and not lead someone long and play them.

If a woman wants a relationship, then go for relationship-minded men. I just feel that many relationship-minded men aren't as edgy as the players and tend to be more like gentlemen, which mature women grow to respect.

[freakyzeaky]

I think it really just comes down to some women not knowing what they want. If she wants to fuck, then fuck! But don't expect the guy to see you as any more than a fuck. If she wants a LTR, then stop giving it up so easily, even if the guy is that super confident alpha guy you would normally drop panties for, unless you don't mind doing that, then whatever.

I am just saying that most super confident alpha guys will fuck and figure things out later. Many gentlemen will court you first and find out if you are worth committing to before screwing your brains out (or making love, depends on the mood).

[PrettyKitty31]

You know this! Women believe they can either change a man or they will be the exception, not the rule.
No guy falls in love with a woman for sex. They can get it elsewhere. The women that really think they can win a man over with their vagina just make me shake my head and want to shake them and say "are you f*cking stupid?"

[InfoBot]

It would help if more women realised that sex and emotions are separate entities for most men. Having sex with someone does not require us to have any feelings for that person, present or future, and often there doesn't even have to be that much attraction. If a guy will fuck you there is zero guarantee that you will get anything more.

[Izumiblu]

I think a lot of times women aren't really honest with themselves. THey go into it thinking fuck buddy hoping for something else and then get burned when it doesn't happen.

Then I think there are some women that just really think they can deal with a fuck buddy relationship. Then they start it and get emotionally involved and then things go down the crapper.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

Yup, you pretty much have it down RJ. I believe these women have it in their heads that maybe they can change the man’s mind or things will change somehow, otherwise the logical thing would be to move on to another person. I do want to say that sometimes the guy does change, but I think most of the time that isn’t the case.

[disgustingweebtrash]

It's annoying as fuck seeing women bitch and complain about it, guys too if it ever happens to them. If someone says "Yeah, we're just having sex" before they do anything with you don't expect anything more.

[RJGraveyTrain]

That's how I feel. I mean, I get that it can suck if you fell for someone and they dropped that on you, as it's happened to me, but the second I know we want different things I know we're not compatible. So I move on.

[disgustingweebtrash]

It's much better than the guy just having sex with her without telling her it's just sex, that way it's better. It's as if they'd rather the person have sex with them then ghost them

[COCOCHANEL]

it sometimes happens and people hope for the best. the opposite also happens, where one person tricks the other into thinking it's a relationship when it's only for sex and they don't intend to stay or give up on other options.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Fair point Coco.

[COCOCHANEL]

i mean at least the guy is honest and that's better than nothing

[RJGraveyTrain]

Truth.

[Anonymous]

Because it's hard to imagine other people's emotions really work differently from ours.

It's the same reason inexperienced guys wonder if their female friends like them back, and think maybe if they're extra nice it will work.

I think probably we could tell kids this growing up more bluntly, but society is this weird mess of 'woo hooking up' in the media combined with dating advice that is basically 'how to pick your spouse.

It can be summarized as:
-if he wants to date you, he will be ready to commit, want to commit, want a title. he will be interested in you and want to hang out both sexually and non sexually.
- if she wants to date you, not only will she tell you about her feelings all day, she will also enthusiastically touch your dick.

[OlderGuy965]

I'm "that guy". I am honest and state my intention. But you're right. The woman will almost invariably get feelings. Then they wonder why the guy broke her heart. Really, she broke her own heart. If I meet a woman who states she wants a relationship, I go no further than a "friend" with her, if anything.

[RuthAnn1781]

Because sex tends to be an emotional thing for a lotta girls so they have a hard time separating sex and their feelings. So over time, after having sex with the same person, over and over again, they develop feelings for the guy

[ThisDudeHere]

I guess it has something to do with the biological difference in mentality? I mean, women are wired to receive a dose of hormones that help them bond with their partner. Men do not have that - or at least have a miniscule amount of it.

[MrSaini]

The instant humans initiate in an intimate relationship, it is hard to say the sort of emotions it will reveal and this goes for both sex. but since we are humans and have paid the price for being vulnerable in the past therefore in the starting of a relationship we prefer to keep talks to minimum , in the bid to experience something sensual and mystical.

[Olodumare]

Women only have sex to offer so that what men USE YOU FOR!

The formula is simple... I don’t care about what her favorite movie is, her favorite food, her zodicac sign, her birthday, I don’t wanna meet her family, pet dog or cat... I don’t care...

Just bend over and pull those panties to the side. That’s it. No we can’t be friends. That’s not what we do. We just bang each other because at the end of the day I know that’s all a woman is going to bring to the table.

[savalisk]

ikr, common sense. The guy said he only wanted to fuck around, he said it from the start. On some occasions, these guys will tell the girl straight to her face that he never liked her and doesn't want anything to do with her except for sex and they still act surprised.

I don't know, I stopped trying to understand women. Women understand women and they near hate each other. lol

[eziegler81]

I think most women are too hopeful that a guy will change it make them change. They may also hope that they will grown onto the guy. I also think your friend thinks too highly of her sex skills.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

"I mean, to me it's common sense: if a guy wants something casual and you don't, you don't get together. That's what I've always done anyways"

Your brain is working unlike many women that engage in friends with benefits.

[dolemite68]

I think a lot of women just have an ego that they're so great that they can win a guy over and he should want to change for them

[Christpaquin]

The majority of the time they think they can they dont