What is the main reason for women to engage in hookups and friends with benefits kind of relationships? Is it due to a lack of self respect?

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, it's mostly due to a lack of self respect that they're ready to give away their bodies to guys who won't even prefer to date them , forget about having a future. I didn't ask this question to say that everything is wrong about women, and not the men involved. Ofcourse that's a completely different discussion. In this thread, I want to focus on the minds of women who are involved in such relationships. I know that many girls wouldn't like what I have said. But apart from an obvious lack of self respect and an extremely low self esteem or a sense of worthlessness, I don't really see why people would do that.

[scooogy]

All I can say is that I saw things differently since I overheard a woman say that she felt depressed after quitting with her boyfriend. She added though that she was open for everything now.

I've complimented her on her body and always searched for ways to talk to her and sometimes ask her how are you. I'm glad that at some point she grew comfortable with touches here and there, like passing by really closely, our hands touching when not even having to ask anymore when she wanfs me to pass her glass to the bar and back when refilled. Lately when I told her goodbye and get home well, she even told me "I'm alright, luckily not tired yet". Like, she knows of my issues with my circulatory system since she has the same body shape and size like me, and we kinda take care of each other with that.

The main point here though is that despite a dude who seems like a puppy running after her with every chance given, I do give her space to come to me if she feels like that, which she already did here and there. Another friend of mine believes that the puppy guy was her by, but he missed out on when she said she believed him never really getting a girl when studying computer science and playing league of legends everyday.

Now why I don't ask her out is on the one hand she's happy, and that's, in a metaphor, like getting drunk. She's in a happy state already. Yes, she does talk to guys here and there like friends, and whenever I talk to her and she gives me that smile... this is my happy state, being like drunk for hours. Now imagine her having to break up with someone as in letting go of someone or something she liked. Please believe me when I say that, again in this metaphor, seeing a woman unhappy would be my hangover, or in other words how she felt after her breakup.

Now whatever I do, I don't even dare asking her too personal things, not being around her too much, and most important was for quite some time not to get jealous whenever she talked to other guys. Yes, I had nightmares about it, nothing nice. And if on the other hand things could go on platonic only, because women are humans to me and no sex objects, that's fine with me.

[Finchie40]

FWB’s is a good thing , if you are both on the same page with things , it’s a way a guy and girl to slowly Get to know each other before making the big decision to be in a committed relationship with them , you are both giving each other time to really consider if you both want to be tied down to each other or not. Most people that jump into committed relationships right away , are more than likely setting themselves up for disaster , because they are just infatuated with each other but they truly don’t know each other. FWB’s eliminates the strings that a committed relationship involves. FWB’s only works if both people are on the same page with things , if they aren’t on the same page with each other it will not work. If I get into a FWB’s relationship with a girl , before we do anything , we both set some boundaries with each other and both agree with each other before we jump into bed. We promise each other we will only have sex with each other but it’s ok if we want to date others’ , if we end up in bed with someone else? we promise each other to end the benefits part between us and just remain friends , instead of ending up hating each other. It’s a way for a guy and girl to really get to know each other , without many strings attached to each other , it gives us both breathing room to decide what you both really want before officially committing to each other. Most girls’ that I meet don’t want to jump into a commitment right away mainly because they just got out of a commitment and can’t see themselves settling down again so fast , so FWB’s eliminates that pressure

[DishLady]

I've never been a fan of the friends with benefits or "hookup" type of thing, so I'll keep my opinion limited to the points I know from friends.


Yes, sometimes it is due to lack of self-respect. No one is perfect, everyone has their low-point and unfortunately during those low points there are always poor suggestions made to "get out there" or "go for it" but the stories I've heard from friends show me that it's never been worth it in the end and no matter how "strong" the girl it takes an emotional toll that adds up with her already low self esteem and snowballs… perhaps into a patch of hookups or an friends with benefits with a fellow who doesn't respect her. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Others engage in friends with benefits (and also perhaps hookups) to sheer ignorance — many curious young people now tend to get embroiled in the whole friends with benefits situation, sometimes because of anxiety about relationships or a similar issue and setting something up as short-term or temporary from the start makes sense to them at the time. (Personally I've never seen the sense of it, but this is what has been shared with me over time.)


Last are the more predatory-based hookups, where the girl possibly doesn't realize that this is the end game for the guy…. Sad. :(

[LazerBean]

People who do that typically come from broken homes. Their parents were probably promiscuous before them, so they already have the genetic inclination to be promiscuous. And since they had a trouble home life, they have a skewed view of what male and female relationships are supposed to be. I would say broken homes are the root cause of the majority of men and women's problems today.

[Asker]

Yeah I see that's a very great input. I never really though about it. I guess the people who come from broken homes go through feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, difficulty forming trusting relationships etc.

[V_Injector]

I hope your Anon ass isn't Emmy... but... I agree with you. You're missing an aspect that drives these women into it that doesn't involve lust nor money. Attention. I know. I know. It sounds retarded doesn't it? The idea that they'll do a bunch of retarded shit just for the attention.

25-29 age so I imagine you remember a time when the attention economy wasn't so deep. Social media is to blame and it's created an abundance mindset. The internet was big way before but if you pinpoint when cellphones became the thing... that's where you'll find the change. These are not computer nerds like me. But let me get back to the point.

It starts with attention and that's your answer. Yeah sure, some women want money and some do it for the carnal lust. But I'm talking about attention and then when there is an endless stream of it... abundance mindset sets in and that's the beginning of the same story repeating.

Some new studies on women just came out. Women tend to turn retarded when they have all the options in the world. Look those studies up and the world of women will start to make way more sense than it ever has. Time for a meme that has not as much to do with this.

[V_Injector]

Of course, everything I said has what you said as a basis of what is going on. It is a lack of self-respect or at least a lack of self-validation. Becoming an attention whore is the branched course of the based part which is what you laid out.

[ohsheeT]

Well you could be right

And at the same time guys are the same way.

As we get older we know the deeper things that we do like in life and sometimes we just don't have time for them.

So if you meet somebody that your compatible with.

. You meet somebody that you like and get along well with and you enjoy their company sometimes you just take it a little bit deeper and a little bit further it has nothing to do with self-respect as a matter of fact maybe it does they do respect the person they're with and they do respect themselves because they chose the person that they're having this thing with and they're good for each other it feels right there's nothing wrong with that.

And you don't really have to believe in that or it'd be your way of doing things I understand and I respect that but until you get in that moment of time if it happens you'll see what I mean.

And sometimes in a relationship like that there's also a deeper Bond than in most girlfriend boyfriend relationships and wife and husband relationships because it's not all about the sex there's a lot more to it that is a beautiful thing in so many cases it's better than a relationship because of respect the trust and just who you both are

[Avicenna]

When I was 47, I met a 55-year-old woman who wanted me to be her friends with benefits. She wanted not just sex, but some companionship, including attending professional events with her. Although it would have benefited me professionally to do that (and I could still see other women), it wasn't what I wanted so I told her no. I think in many cases, they want the fun part of relationships while eliminating the responsibilities of one.

[sage2021]

Sometimes the relationship starts with going out to dinner, going out on his boat, he takes you around his friends and takes you to party's in the first few months

Then he cuts it down to going out for a drink and always sex.

So, the girl thought they were going to have a relationship. Then he goes sideways and turns it into friends with benefits.

By then, she wants what they had before - but he's changed. So she continues to see him hoping to be in his life like before, but he scaled it back to a drink and sex.

I don't believe that type of scenario is because she lacks self-esteem. She's just wondering WTF happened!

Well, he turned into an narcissistic asshole.
It's time for him to go. You deserve dinner, friends with him, etc.
He's just a frickin cheapskate 👎

[AJR78]

Everyone has the capacity to be susceptible to lust. Orgasms feel great. Obviously one doesn't need a partner to have an orgasm, but it's a lot more fum with some help and company. Lol The natural inclination of most humans is to succumb to lust and feed the desire. Fidelity is an act of discipline and commitment. Something that requires a deep desire for in the first place. Those who do not desire to be in a committed relationship will seek instant gratification over long term happiness. There are a plethora of reasons why, but the most pervasive is simply unwilling to invest. Why? Because with any investment comes risk. Even people who are naturally risk takers shy away from risking their hearts. It is what it is.

[bobalife]

Um nah it’s only lack of respect if she’s letting herself being taken advantage of, used, or needing to feel validated by men in sexual ways. This goes for anybody generally speaking.


But most times I’m sure women wants to do what they want (obviously we have needs/wants too, it’s nothing serious, not ready for commitment, void of break ups, etc just like men) and it’s their body, their choice. Same with men. It’s no different. Some people are just too wrap up with toxic insecurities and judgements on telling a woman what to do and what not to do. We are humans, not puppets.

[hellothere90]

I think it makes them feel attractive and desired. If so many men are willing to hookup with them, it means they're attractive right? at least in their minds. A man is never going to see a woman who gives away sex freely as girlfriend material.

[Asker]

I guess what they feel is just in their minds, like men can say they're attractive so that he can get free sex, doesn't mean he means it.

[hellothere90]

exactly lol

[EmyyWolf]

I wouldn’t touch anyone after meeting them in the last 24 hours.

But definitely if he is seductive enough and appealing enough and appetizing enough. It would take me over 6 months to become his bootycall and his friends with benefits. Not girlfriend.

But I wouldn’t mind being used by him. Why?
Because I want the gratification and the enjoyment as much as he does.

[Anonymous]

This point of view assumes that all women look at casual sexual encounters as something bad or shameful. Personally, because of my relationship with GOD, I believe that sex should remain between a husband and a wife and that a casual sexual encounter is, in fact shameful and hurtful to both parties in the long run.. but I also know that not every women sees it that way. Some women may look at it as simply scratching a physical itch and believe there are no damaging consequences to be had. They don’t do it because they feel damaged or have low self esteem, some are just living out the list of their flesh in a society that tells women we are supposed to be able to live just the way a man does and not to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

I met some women like this in my younger years. The ones I was able to connect with usually wanted a friends with benefits relationship because life wasn’t receptive to them having a relationship but they still wished to spend a nice “date night” with a man and if they resulted in a physical aspect then all the better. They were a single Mom working through college who didn’t want to bring a man in her young children’s lives; a flight attendant who was living her best life traveling weekly; and a military woman with a tempo of life that would’ve strained any normal relationship.

[Anonymous]

listen, just because someone is lustful and needs sex to be fulfilled as a person, it does not mean they lack self respect. Lacking self respect are women who are desperate for relationship / marriage or women who will date absolutely any guy just so that she can have someone in her life.

[marish01]

She lets a man inside who doesn't give a damn about who she is as a person. Her personality, mindset and character mean nothing to him. She is just a body, nothing else. How does she have self-respect when she is fine with being treated this way?

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

sometimes, a woman's lust overrides things such as "caring about who she lets in".
Sometimes, sexual desire overrides emotional connection for some folks.

People are different, some people have such strong sexual desire, they don't care about anything else other than to fulfill it. they won't feel complete unless it is fulfilled.

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

it has nothing to do with self respect. Understand that it is just desperation to be fulfilled which is what makes these people this way.

lack of self respect is more like
a girl who hates sluts but prefers to only date sexually experienced men.

[marish01]

"sometimes, a woman's lust overrides things such as "caring about who she lets in".
Lust overrides when she lacks self-worth, dignity, self-respect and maturity.

"it has nothing to do with self respect. Understand that it is just desperation to be fulfilled which is what makes these people this way"
Desperation to be fulfilled as you worded comes from her low self respect. She doesn't care about the fact that she is nothing but a body for those men. No one. Just a willing woman who is driven by her desperation to be fulfilled. Her desperation to be fulfilled overrides her self respect.

"lack of self respect is more like
a girl who hates sluts but prefers to only date sexually experienced men."
Explain how it shows lack of self respect

"some people have such strong sexual desire, they don't care about anything else other than to fulfill it"
Again, so you think it is impossible for a woman with a very high libido to not sleep around? Think before answering instead of desperately defend your lifestyle.

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

[Desperation to be fulfilled as you worded comes from her low self respect. She doesn't care about the fact that she is nothing but a body for those men. No one. Just a willing woman who is driven by her desperation to be fulfilled. Her desperation to be fulfilled overrides her self respect.]

doing what you enjoy or makes you feel 100% happy has nothing to do with lack of self respect. because reality is... these people go home 100% happy. Neither are they sad nor do they feel disrespected or wronged or bad in any way shape or form. Rather they go home happy and fulfilled. Humans are designed to want sex. If humans didn't want sex, the human population will dwindle and cease to exist.

[a girl who hates sluts but prefers to only date sexually experienced men."
Explain how it shows lack of self respect]

because you are not respecting yourself and your values. you're not respecting what you stand for. If high body count is what you hate, you don't date guys with higher body count than yourself. If you hate women with high body count but claim to only date sexually experienced men. you are basically disrespecting yourself and what you stand for.

[Again, so you think it is impossible for a woman with a very high libido to not sleep around? Think before answering instead of desperately defend your lifestyle.]

do you think women with high libidos will be happy never having sex? use your brain. because obviously you have none.

I dont sleep around. But I don't shame on people who do.

[marish01]

Look I was talking about promiscuity not just having sex.
If you had brains you would understand that difference.
I never said having sex is immoral. I simply critisized casual sex. Loveless sex
Did I say a woman should never have sex? Not even with love? Not even with her husband?
You can have sex while never having casual sex. I can't believe I even have to explain this.

It is only disrespecting yourself if you willfully allow the men who don't care about who you are to have sex with you. And the fact that it makes you happy is the proof of your lack of self respect.

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

[I never said having sex is immoral. I simply critisized casual sex. Loveless sex
Did I say a woman should never have sex? Not even with love? Not even with her husband?]

sex can be fulfilling even without a husband. this is the fact you need to acknowledge.

[
It is only disrespecting yourself if you willfully allow the men who don't care about who you are to have sex with you. And the fact that it makes you happy is the proof of your lack of self respect. ]

you can't prove that people are unhappy or unfulfilled having casual sex.

you wouldn't believe how happy some people are having casual sex.

[marish01]

Again happiness?
It is only disrespecting yourself if you willfully allow the men who don't care about who you are to have sex with you. And the fact that it makes you happy is the proof of your lack of self respect.

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

disrespecting yourself is when you're doing something that makes you feel bad about yourself.

when someone is doing something that makes them 100% happy, that is not a self disrespecting activity.

[marish01]

Lol your logic.
You disrespect yourself when you let men who view you as holes inside you.
Do you care who you are for them? No as long as you are happy. Because your self respect is low enough to allow you to enjoy it.

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

[Do you care who you are for them?]

caring about who they are has no impact on how fulfilled they are.

its YOU who are too ignorant to acknowledge this fact.

you think people are unhappy doing it.

[Opinion Owner]

@marish01

whats wrong with doing something that makes you happy?

[marish01]

"you think people are unhappy doing it."
Is this really your assumption. Look how many comments I shared.
Of all the things I listed that express my issues with promiscuity, there was no mention of happiness as being one of them.

I never once said "promiscuity is wrong because people are unhappy doing it"

In which one of my sentences I said that?

[marish01]

"caring about who they are has no impact on how fulfilled they are"

That is why they have no self respect. What matters to such women is to get filled. Whether those men whom she lets inside care about who she is as a human being is absolutely unimportant because she knows she is no one as a human being. She is just a body that cares about getting pleasure.

[Asker]

"Lacking self respect are women who are desperate for relationship / marriage or women who will date absolutely any guy just so that she can have someone in her life."- Not really, a woman who wants marriage or a relationship would never prefer to be with a guy who just see her as a piece of meat. And a woman who has marriage as the ultimate goal will not date "anybody". I think the one who can date anybody us the girl who just wants to get laid. She doesn't care about her self respect or worth.

[Asker]

@marish01 you're absolutely right. With something as demeaning as friends with benefits , their self worth and respect must be so low. I cannot even imagine. I guess it's the illusion that makes them think they're happy when they're not. And I believe women who are way below average engages in it as it may make them feel validated and appreciated by a man, when for him, it's just a way to get free sex.

[marish01]

That is why it's important to not let a man inside you if all he wants is sex. I doubt such men marry for the sake of sex.

[marish01]

"Not really, a woman who wants marriage or a relationship would never prefer to be with a guy who just see her as a piece of meat."
True because no one marries someone they view as a sex object as marriage is not just sex. In order to view someone as a peace of meat you will want them as nothing but for meaningless loveless sex. Meaningful loving sex is not sex objectification.

[Asker]

@marish01 Yeah, such men would never ever choose such a woman when it comes to a relationship, forget about marriage. You're absolutely right. If a man is with a woman and there's no thought of a future wirh her in his mind, in my opinion, the woman should pack up and leave with her dignity.

[marish01]

Sure a woman with self respect wouldn't let such a man have his way with her

[Anonymous]

Yes. And odds are it was inherited. She has a single mom. She has no strong male role models in her life etc. To these women this is NORMAL behaviour.

You cannot demand respect from a man if you cannot demand it of yourself. This goes for men to. You will not likely find a healthy relationship with a woman if you do not respect yourself and believe you're deserving of it.

Respect starts with SELF RESPECT!

[DrPepper12]

Contrary it's a HEALTHY respect and HIGH self esteem that would cause a woman to hook up with a person known to her and in safety. These women know what they want and listen to their mind and bodies. SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE! I don't know why this is such a difficult concept for some men and women.

[marish01]

Female promiscuity indicates lack of self-worth, dignity, self-respect, self boredom, impulsiveness, immaturity, lack of values on love and intimacy.

[Confucious900]

I've been wondering the same thing. And literally asked the same thing if guys and girls dont feel ashamed for letting people use them like that and using others like that. Its something I can't really understand.

[Asker]

Same, I have no idea if I don't have the brains to comprehend it, I just don't get it either.

[Nerdvana]

Don't you think you are being a little harsh? Women are human beings. Sure some women do sexual things for the wrong reasons. But some women feel a little horny at times and want sex. It's also the need to feel needed, wanted, desired. I have had a few one night stands. I don't see myself as having self-esteem issues or having lack of self-respect. There are other ways we do things as a result of lack of self-respect. Sex is just one of them.

[Jackblue]

I have heard sometimes women getting over a breakup do that for the same reason men get wasted as a quick recovery. They might also want revenge on their ex-boyfriends. One thing I learned in evolutionary class (you don't have to believe this of course) is that women are drawn to temporary relationships with big strong men when they are at the peak of their cycle and most likely to get pregnant, but don't trust such men to be stable and faithful at other times.

[Bubbles934]

For me it was needing company but not wanting a relationship. If I put the friends with benefits label on it, it was better for me. The relationship is on my terms.
After multiple crappy exes it was nice just to be intimate without dealing with BS

[northerngal]

Just because a woman for whatever reason at that time desires some pleasure without any strings does not mean she lacks self respect for her self. This kind of view I thought disappeared decades ago. Welcome to the 21st century.

[BellaBaxter]

Lol ı would not personaly date with the man that ı see for fuck. Like fuck buddy means for me u both not ready for relatıonshıp or couldnt find the one yet but u need sex so u see a friends with benefits.
Being in fuck buddy relationship with a man foesnt mean u can't have relationship with that man ın the feauture.

[BellaBaxter]

I mean only for fuck.
If there is sometings we have common we can think about it later

[Confucious900]

Interesting that you mention that. I literally saw that with a friend of mine. Was her best friend for years, and she always used him for rebound sex and eventually friends with benefits and out of the blue started dating after her last relationship and wasn't even together for one month and she broke it off.

[Confucious900]

Her own words was she realized she is not physically attracted to him.